Chapter 2 If I had never seen the sun Lu Shuang 05
The newspaper office got off work very late, and I squeezed onto the last bus. Lu Lan had finished school a long time ago, and I left him some dinner money, so he shouldn't be hungry.
I don't worry about Su Xin. I know she can always find a way to make enough food. She can deceive a lot of people with her former ladylike temperament.
But what I didn’t expect was that when I opened the door, the house was dark and I could only hear a sobbing voice: "Mom... don’t look for it anymore, there is really no money at home..."
It was Lu Lan crying.
I quickly turned on the lights in the house.
When the lights came on, I realized that the whole room was in a mess. Su Xin was still rummaging through the TV cabinet, turning out everything in every corner and piling them all over the floor.
"That's impossible. There must be more money. You must have hidden it!"
When Lu Lan saw me coming back, he ran towards me desperately and grabbed my arm: "Sister! Sister... please persuade mom quickly. We really have no money left!"
Su Xin finally realized that I had returned home. A ferocious smile appeared on her face. She rushed towards me and grabbed my shoulders. "A Shuang, can you help mom? Those people said that if mom doesn't pay back the money, they will break mom's legs... You must have a way, right? Where do you work? I'll go borrow some money from your boss. Anyway, you can work for them to pay them back... They will definitely lend it to you!"
I looked at her with cold eyes: "Mom, please wake up. I have no money, and no one will lend me money. You have spent everything you can and cannot spend, even my tuition savings. Otherwise, you can take my life."
Su Xin started to cry, holding my hand and shaking constantly: "A Shuang, you are the same as your father, right? You don't want your mother either, right? You are a piece of flesh that fell from my body, how can you not want me? Without me, there would be no you, you absolutely cannot get rid of me!"
Perhaps few people have experienced this kind of despair. I have thought about walking away and leaving Su Xin alone many times.
But there is no way, she gave birth to me, she is my mother, Lu Lan is young and needs her. They are my last family, without them, I will really be the only one left in this world.
But there was no end in sight, no hope in sight. I felt like I was struggling in a swamp. The harder I worked, the deeper I sank.
I don't know if my silence touched Su Xin, she cried even harder, but her mind seemed to be a little clearer: "A Shuang... I hate it so much! I can't stand it when I think of your father living with that bitch, they even have a child! That woman's food and clothing are all branded, and their children are well dressed... But look at us, we have nothing. I just want to buy two bags, why not ?"
I know why her illness relapsed. It was probably because she ran into Lu Jingcheng and his beautiful wife on the street. If they hadn't met, it might not have had much of an impact on her. But after meeting, she found that their lives were so completely different from each other, and she found it even more unacceptable. The wound that was almost healed was torn open, madly devouring her sanity.
I sympathize with her experience, but I also hate her weakness and incompetence. If it were me, I would never let myself end up in such a tragic situation.
My mind was in a mess. I looked back at Lu Lan and said, "You stay with her first. I'll go out for a walk. Don't worry, everything will be fine."
Lu Lan seemed a little hesitant, but he always listened to me, so he helped Su Xin sit down on the sofa and said comforting words to her.
I turned and walked out of the house, closing the door with a "click". It felt like something was cut off in my heart. I really hope that the world inside the door has nothing to do with me, but the collapsed and embarrassing world inside the door is everything to me.
I went to the supermarket, bought two cans of beer, and went to the river. When I was in a bad mood, I often went there to relax and relieve boredom.
I only dare to buy the cheapest beer, which tastes bad and bitter, so astringent that it almost brings tears to my eyes.
I climbed up the guardrail on the shore and sat on it. The wind was strong by the river and it was very cool on my body. Actually, I can't drink much, and I felt a little dizzy after drinking a can.
I sat on the guardrail, swaying, and even thought that if I just fell down, my troubles would be over.
But my other hand still held the railing tightly to steady my body. I knew I couldn't die, I had to live well, I still had Lu Lan, and I also had to save Su Xin.
Just when I thought I was going to finish two cans of beer by myself, a hand suddenly reached out from the side, took the remaining can of beer from my hand, and opened it easily, completely ignoring my surprise, and drank it by himself: "Do you really want to die?"
It was actually Shen Yuxi's voice. He asked so directly that I didn't know how to respond.
He was wearing a black sports suit, with a sweat towel hanging around his neck. He had a faint smell of sweat, probably from a night run.
It seems we are destined to meet each other, as we always meet each other.
I jumped down from the railing and smiled at him: "What if I say I really want to?"
Shen Yuxi didn't seem to think there was anything strange about my answer. She just said, "I believe that many people have times when they feel like they can't live anymore, but those who commit suicide are always cowards."
"You haven't experienced despair, how do you know you can get through it?" I looked at him with cold eyes. His words were actually too inhumane for someone like me.
Shen Yuxi looked at me and smiled: "I heard from Officer Chen about your family. It seems that you are a frequent visitor there, right? Because of your mother."
I didn't answer.
After Su Xin ran out of money to buy brand-name products, she would sometimes steal things, but she would be caught on the spot every time and then taken to the police station. However, she was never held accountable because a mental evaluation confirmed that she had mental problems.
Because of this, I often had to go to the police station to take her home.
I am a regular visitor to half of the police stations in S City.
"About 10 years ago, my father was wrongfully imprisoned and my mother committed suicide." Shen Yuxi's smile was cold as he lit a cigarette for himself. "The person who framed my father was one of his most trusted brothers, so at that time I felt that no one in this world could be trusted."
I really didn't expect that Shen Yuxi had such a past, and for a moment I didn't know how to respond.
"But my father's other brother took me home and treated me as his own son. He also helped my father clear his name. So I understand that there are always good people and bad people in this world. Although I still can't completely trust a person, I don't hate this world so much anymore. Later, I began to like exploring the truth and human nature. It turned from my wound into my armor." Shen Yuxi said calmly, without much expression on his face, but you can tell from his eyes how deeply the story he told lightly hurt him.
I don't know why, but after listening to what he said, my stubborn heart seemed to loosen up a little. Some thoughts came to my mind, and I blurted out, "Can I learn to be a journalist from you?"
Hearing this, Shen Yuxi turned around and looked at me, as if to examine me, but after a long while, he just smiled faintly and threw away the cigarette butt in his hand: "No, you are not suitable."
I wanted to ask something else, but he put his hands in his pockets, turned and left without even saying goodbye.
I used to think that he should be a kind, gentle and warm-hearted man, but in fact, he is the same type of person as me, with a kind of indifference deep in his bones .
Maybe that’s why I don’t hate him. Even if he treats me coldly, I still don’t hate him.
Not only was it not annoying, it was impressive.
He always catches my attention and I can't take my eyes off him.
I don't know what kind of emotion this is, gratitude or affection?
