The first semester of senior year is over, and senior students no longer have a winter break because they have to make up for their classes.
I don’t know why, but the days of make-up classes are always longer than the days of regular classes. I sat by the window, watching the wintersweets in the flowerbed downstairs bloom in the wind.
During the lonely times, I always think of Zhuang Li frequently.
Every time I see that empty seat, my heart becomes empty as well, and sometimes I even shed tears in class without realizing it.
Those apparently vague memories replayed in my mind like a movie.
During this long time, I always think of Zhuang Li's cold, arrogant, and distant look. Each look is engraved on my bones and can never be erased.
I did terribly on the mock exam for the make-up class and was severely criticized by my head teacher. I held the test paper in my hand and wondered how Zhuang Li would react when he saw it. Would he be expressionless or would he be sarcastic?
The distances under the same sky are so far.
Later, there was a period of time when I particularly liked looking at the sky because it would create an illusion.
When I was looking at the sky, Zhuang Li happened to look up. Perhaps this was our only intersection.
I think I fell in love with Zhuang Li, but I cut off our future with my own hands.
People are always so ridiculous. They only realize the value of what they had after they lose it.
This is my karma. I made the choice myself and I deserve this result. Although it hurts, I still don't regret it, because people should not be too greedy.
The only thing worth being happy about was that Ding Xuan won the gold medal in the international painting competition. For a time, he became famous, and the neighbors all praised Mu Lianru for having a good son. Mu Lianru's face was full of pride.
On the day Ding Xuan took his work to register for the competition, he kept grabbing my arm and nervously asked, "Is my painting not good enough?"
I dare not easily answer whether it is good or bad. After all, I am just an outsider and can only see the surface of the painting, which is colorful, realistic and vivid. As for those abstract paintings, I really don't understand what value those distorted paintings have.
Ding Xuan's entry is called "Secret Love". He drew a hollow boy, and in the hollow part of the boy's chest he drew a girl. The girl has no eyes and no heart, so she can't feel the boy's love. Just looking at the empty chest, I can feel the sadness of secret love. This painting seems to expose the secrets buried in many people's hearts.
Ding Xuan put a lot of effort into this competition, traveled to many places, and tore up countless drawings. There were many excellent works, but this painting with monotonous colors and profound meaning won the championship.
The moment he stood on the podium, he was so dazzling, like the bright moon in the sky, that people could only look up to him. Since when did the little boy in my memory become so outstanding?
After winning the championship, Ding Xuan was in a low mood. He said that his painting skills had reached a bottleneck and he could not improve them. This victory was largely due to luck. He avoided those colorful and delicate painting styles, so the judges thought that this light painting was eye-catching.
If I go to further study, it will cost a lot of money. Mu Lianru also knew this. She touched Ding Xuan's head and comforted him, "Baby, don't worry. Mom will sell everything she has to send you abroad for further study. Baby, you are great. You are not like some people who eat and drink for free all day and do nothing."
When she said the last sentence, Mu Lianru looked at me without any hesitation.
I could only lower my head in silence.
I thought Mu Lianru would find a job peacefully, but she was only interested in dressing up. What I didn't expect was that I met Mu Lianru when Sun Qing and I went to distribute flyers part-time on the weekend.
She was dressed beautifully, holding the hand of a strange man, smiling like a flower.
The man was probably in his forties, his hair was almost completely gone, and he had a beer belly. He wore a gold chain as thick as his pinky finger around his neck, and he looked very wealthy.
They walked towards a Mercedes-Benz, the man got into the driving position, and Mu Lianru sat in the passenger seat. The man also helped Mu Lianru fasten her seat belt and kissed her. Mu Lianru smiled shyly and pushed the man away with her index finger.
I have never seen Mu Lianru look so seductive. For more than ten years, Mu Lianru has always been lukewarm towards Ding Chushan.
Sun Qing pulled me, who was in a daze, and said, "Ah Yin, stop looking."
I came back to my senses, and for some reason my nose felt sore. My first reaction was that Ding Xuan would go crazy if he knew.
The Mercedes-Benz slowly drove past me, and Mu Lianru in the car suddenly turned around and looked outside. My eyes met hers, and there was a moment of fear in her eyes, and then she returned to normal.
Later, when I was distributing flyers, I was always feeling uneasy.
Mu Lianru didn't come back until 1am, Ding Xuan went to bed early, I sat in the living room watching TV without turning on the lights. The light from the TV screen illuminated the living room in all colors, but I didn't really pay attention to what was on TV. All I could think of was the scene of Mu Lianru pushing the man with her index finger. That kind of half-hearted look made me feel unreasonably irritated.
When Mu Lianru came back, her cheeks were flushed, and she seemed to have drunk a lot, but she was still conscious.
Before I could ask her anything, she stretched out her hand and hit me on the head. I stepped back, crossed my arms and looked at her coldly .
"Ding Lanyin, if you want to continue staying in the Ding family, keep everything you saw today to yourself."
"Are you so impatient?" I didn't have to be polite to her.
Mu Lianru frowned, took off her high heels, kicked them randomly, and said impatiently: "Do you think I want to do this? If I don't find a sponsor, what will you eat and wear? Do you have to sell yourself?"
"Have you ever thought about Ding Xuan's feelings?"
Mu Lianru looked at me coldly and said, "If you don't want to ruin him, help me keep it a secret from him."
For a moment, I was speechless and hurried back to the bedroom.
I lay in bed, my mind full of what Mu Lianru had just said. The helplessness on her face was real, it was her sorrow, and also Ding Chushan's sorrow.
Mu Lianru has been a full-time wife for more than ten years. It would be too difficult for her to find a job. Moreover, she would definitely not look for a job given her personality.
The method used by Mu Lianru was too simple and too stupid, like a moth flying into a flame, playing with fire and getting burned, just like me at the beginning.
I have so many secrets in my heart, but I don't know where to start. Every time I see Ding Xuan's smiling face and then Mu Lianru, I feel uncomfortable.
On weekends, I didn’t dare stay at home because the atmosphere was too maddening, so I had to go find Sun Qing.
Sun Qing's home is in the old city, which is a place waiting to be renovated. It is dilapidated and old. Whenever it rains, there is always deep water in front of their house, emitting a foul smell.
Sun Qing was abandoned by her parents when she was young and grew up with her grandmother. Her grandmother was in poor health, and the burden of the whole family fell on her. Compared with her, I am lucky, at least I don't have to worry about life.
Sun Qing studied and mixed with society at an early age. She worked hard to make money and try to let her grandmother live a good life. In my heart, Sun Qing is like a cactus in the desert, which can survive in harsh environment.
When I went to Sun Qing's house, she happened to be out.
When she saw me, she smiled and said, "Ah Yin, you came at the perfect time."
"Where are you going?"
Sun Qing came up to me and said mysteriously, "I'll take you there, and you'll know."
Following Sun Qing through many turns, we unexpectedly came to a car repair shop, which had a strong smell of motor oil. I frowned and followed her to the basement of the car repair shop.
I stared at everything in front of me with wide eyes. There were many modified cars here, which looked very cool. A group of people gathered together, seemingly gambling. The originally lively crowd suddenly quieted down after seeing Sun Qing and me, and everyone's eyes fell on me.
Some of them were wearing racing suits with their helmets aside, but most of them were sloppy and looked ruffian.
I nervously pulled Sun Qing's hand and hid behind her.
Sun Qing pressed the back of my hand and comforted me, "Those people may look bad, but they are not that bad actually."
A bald man showed his yellow teeth and said with a smile: "Sun Xiaoniu, why did you bring such a beautiful girl? Is it for me?"
Sun Qing responded bluntly: "Baldy, you two are not on the same page. I just brought her here to have some fun. Don't lead the girl astray." Sun Qing looked so mature that she forgot that she was actually about the same age as me.
The bald man came over with a smile, put his hands behind his back, circled around me twice, and said, "This girl is really beautiful up close, I like her."
The crowd burst into laughter, and someone laughed loudly, "A toad can't eat swan meat."
The bald man replied impatiently: "I can't eat the swan meat, but I'm not allowed to take a look at it."
There was another burst of laughter from the crowd.
My face turned red and I wanted to hide myself.
Sun Qing whispered, "Don't bother with these rough guys. They are just rude with their words."
The bald man was unhappy and said, "Which eye of yours saw me being a hooligan?"
Sun Qing ignored him and said to me, "Wait for me for a while."
After saying that, Sun Qing went to a side room, changed her clothes, and came out holding a helmet.
I looked at her in amazement, dressed in a handsome racing driver outfit and with a mouth big enough to fit an egg.
"Qingqing, you..." I circled around her twice, finding it unbelievable.
She said without hesitation: "Like those people, I am a professional underground racer who makes money from racing."
Although I have never watched the race myself, I can imagine the danger. And Sun Qing, as a girl, actually became a racing driver. I have to say, it was quite unexpected.
She whistled and said nonchalantly, "Beauty, do you want to go for a ride?"
I burst out laughing. Sitting in the car, I was still a little nervous, but when I saw Sun Qing skillfully change gears, step on the accelerator, turn the steering wheel, and drive the car out of the city, the car suddenly accelerated, and the scenery on both sides quickly receded, I almost screamed.
It's so exciting!
Sun Qing giggled and parked the car in the open space by the river. She and I sat on the rocks by the river and smiled foolishly at each other.
"Qingqing, I didn't expect you to be such a good driver. Maybe you will be the heroine of the next "Fast and Furious" movie." I joked with a smile.
Sun Qing took off her helmet, straightened her messy hair, and said calmly, "My skills are not that good among those people."
"How did you get into this business?"
Sun Qing said slowly, "I was always hanging around in society, and then I met Baldy and started to get in touch with those racing drivers. Later, I saw that I could make a lot of money from racing, so I also took this path, but..." She paused and continued, "This road can only go forward, and the only way to quit is death."
When I heard the last two words, I felt uneasy. Sun Qing is still so young...
Sun Qing looked back at me and said, "'Fast and Furious' gave the racing drivers a dream, but for those of us who cannot see the light, the reality is far more cruel than the movies. Those bravery and so-called tacit protection do not exist in the real racing field. I have seen death, and I have seen many people lose part of their body. I am afraid that I will become like that in the future..." At the end, Sun Qing trembled, covered her face and burst into tears.
My heart ached. She was only eighteen years old, but her frail shoulders supported a family and a responsibility.
My tears flowed uncontrollably.
I couldn't help but hug the thin Sun Qing and felt pity for her.
She continued to sob, "I often feel that I am very close to death. In many competitions, a difference of just a few seconds can make me brush shoulders with death, not to mention that a misadjusted part or a small mistake can also cost me my life..."
"Don't say anymore... Stop saying anymore..." Such Sun Qing was too pitiful, "Don't compete anymore, just find a job..."
Sun Qing cried and said, "This job pays well and quickly, and I'm used to it..."
I carefully wiped her tears and comforted her: "Then you must promise me that you will be careful."
Sun Qing nodded heavily and said with a forced smile, "Of course. I also want to live a long life, marry the one I love, and have many children and grandchildren."
I couldn't help but joke, "Only sows can have hundreds of offspring."
At this point, Sun Qing finally burst into laughter. We held hands, she leaned on my shoulder, and in this green mountain and clear water, our friendship became even deeper.
Before she could enjoy the tranquility enough, Sun Qing's cell phone suddenly rang. She answered the call and her face became serious.
She put away her phone and hurried back holding her helmet.
"Qingqing, what happened?"
"Bald called and said my grandma is ill and is in the hospital now."
Sun Qing drove the car, ran through three red lights in a row, and rushed to the hospital.
The moment I stepped on the ground, I felt my heart return to its place. I was so nervous along the way that the car almost hit others several times. I covered my mouth to prevent myself from screaming, for fear of disturbing her driving.
When we arrived at the hospital, the bald man was already waiting at the door. He led us inside and said, "Your grandmother has a brain hemorrhage and needs a craniotomy. It will cost 50,000 yuan."
Hearing this number, Sun Qing paused, her eyes gradually turned red. She looked at the bald man with a pale face and asked in a trembling voice: "Do you have that much money?"
"I've always been a person who spends as much as I can, and I don't have much money at all."
Sun Qing pulled the bald man's arm and asked anxiously, "Can you arrange for me to play in the competition soon?"
The bald man shook his head and said, "There are no customers recently."
Sun Qing suddenly became like a deflated balloon, her whole body went limp. If I hadn't supported her, she would have probably fallen to the ground.
Sun Qing desperately grasped my hand and asked in a tearful voice, "Where can I find the fifty thousand yuan?"
My eyes were red, and I said unconfidently, "I'll go back and ask Mu Lianru..."
Although I knew Mu Lianru would definitely not give me money, I had to beg her. If I could get 50,000 yuan, I would kneel for three days and three nights, and I would not mind being beaten a few times.
Seeing Sun Qing looking so desperate, I turned around and ran to the activity center to find Mu Lianru.
Thank goodness she was there.
I rushed into the dance floor and pulled Mu Lianru to a quiet place.
Mu Lianru asked with an unhappy look on her face: "What do you want to talk to me about?"
I explained my purpose directly: "Can you lend me 50,000 yuan? I really need it urgently."
"I have no money." Mu Lianru looked away with a cold face.
"I know you have it. If you don't lend it to me, I will tell Ding Xuan that you are fooling around with someone else."
With a "slap", Mu Lianru slapped me in the face without hesitation, and the crisp sound kept echoing.
"I'm so kind to let you stay, is this how you repay me? How dare you threaten me?"
I covered my swollen face, my eyes were red, and I said in a low voice: "I really have no other choice... Please, help me... I don't want to threaten you with this matter... I will pay you back soon..."
Such a humble tone was almost like kneeling down to her.
Mu Lianru took a deep breath and said coldly: "There won't be a next time."
"Thank you...thank you...thank you..." I bowed and thanked incoherently.
When I rushed to the hospital with 50,000 yuan in my hand, Sun Qing and Baldy were sitting on a bench outside the operating room.
When she saw me holding the money, half of my face was red and swollen, and she asked distressedly, "Did Mu Lianru beat you?"
"I'm willing to do anything for you. Take this money." I handed the money to her.
Sun Qing shook her head, gently stroked my red and swollen face, and said apologetically: "Ah Yin, thank you. Someone has already paid for the surgery. You should give the money back to Mu Lianru. Don't be so stupid next time."
"Who gave it to you?"
"It's him." Sun Qing looked over my shoulder and behind me.
I turned around and saw a good-looking boy, he was smiling.
If Zhuang Li is a black mandala, then the boy in front of him is like a lotus that is unstained by mud. He wears a white shirt, a black sleeveless sweater, light blue jeans and a pair of brown sneakers. The boy's hair is a beautiful chestnut color with a symmetrical color. His face is very white, and his eyes are clearer than Ding Xuan's, which makes people reluctant to blaspheme. More importantly, the person in front of him has an innate noble temperament, like a prince.
For a moment, I was unable to speak. When I came to my senses, I was still upset that I had stared at him straight, and my face was so red and swollen, I must have looked ugly.
Sun Qing came over and whispered, "This man is Su Jingnian, and he's no worse than Zhuang Li."
Sun Qing was wrong. Zhuang Li and Su Jingnian in front of her could not be compared together, because both of them were equally outstanding, but their personalities and outfits were different, so there was no comparison at all.
Sun Qing introduced the boy: "This is my good friend Ding Lanyin."
I nodded slightly as a greeting.
He smiled and took a few steps forward and asked, "Ding Lanyin...have we met before?"
I shook my head in bewilderment. If I had met him before, I would have been impressed. It was obvious that this was the first time I had met him.
Later, Sun Qing said that when she went to her relatives' house to borrow money, she was met with countless cold stares, and only Su Jingnian was willing to lend her money. She used to be a neighbor of Su Jingnian and they played very well. Although Su Jingnian moved away later, the two had a brief contact. A long time later, Sun Qing said that when Su Jingnian appeared, she felt that the whole world seemed to be blooming with colorful fireworks. What she didn't know was that after the fireworks dispersed, the dark sky was still desolate.