If someone asks me if I still remember what I looked like when I was sixteen, I would definitely say I do. I would also definitely tell him that I met someone and I have been with him from the age of sixteen to almost eighteen.
I had learned materialism before, that changes in quantity would lead to changes in quality. After being with Zhuang Li for a long time, those little things that happened seemed to ferment over the years, and they changed without me noticing.
I always thought Zhuang Li was lucky because he had a good family background and God gave him outstanding looks. Everything seemed to be going well until he took me to his home.
Zhuang Li's home is located in a manor outside the city. It was early summer, and I saw from afar that the white fence was covered with light pink roses. The vines climbed densely, and the delicate pink flowers bloomed among the dense green leaves. Almost instantly, I fell in love with Zhuang Li's home.
"Your house is so beautiful." I exclaimed sincerely.
Zhuang Li disagreed.
On the right side of the gate there is a beautiful glass greenhouse with lush emerald green plants, many of which cannot be named. The sunlight shines through the glass, casting warm light all over the ground.
I was just about to go into the greenhouse to take a look when Zhuang Li pulled me inside.
I saw Zhuang Li's father, Zhuang Yanzhi. He was sitting on a chair on the balcony, drinking tea and reading a book. When he turned his head, I was frightened by his sinister eyes and couldn't help but pull Zhuang Li's sleeve tightly.
Zhuang Yanzhi's well-honed aura made people feel fearful involuntarily, as if nothing could escape those sharp eyes.
His inquiring gaze fell on me, and it was so heavy that I couldn't breathe.
Zhuang Li stood in front of me nonchalantly, with a cold face, and whispered: "Ding Lanyin, my girlfriend."
Zhuang Yanzhi returned his gaze to the book and said nonchalantly, "Just play with it."
"I'm serious."
"You can play seriously."
"This time..." Zhuang Li paused and said, "It's different."
Zhuang Yanzhi's face suddenly darkened. He threw the book in his hand fiercely at Zhuang Li and shouted angrily, "Get lost!"
Zhuang Li tilted his head slightly, and the book flew past his face. He pulled me, who was in a daze, upstairs with an expressionless face.
Although I knew that what Zhuang Li said was all lies, for some reason, I still felt a little happy in my heart.
He took me to the top floor, where there was a small garden that was particularly beautiful. There was a swing chair in the open space in the middle, and the mottled light and shadows fell on it, like a painting.
I sat on the swing, swinging back and forth. Zhuang Li stood beside me, his eyes fixed on something unknown. After a while, he suddenly said, "Ask me something."
He wanted to say something but just lacked the opportunity, so I followed his wish.
"Things between you and your dad don't look good."
Zhuang Li walked a few steps and sat next to me. I could smell the cold scent on him, which made me feel a little embarrassed.
He said calmly: "Today is already considered a good day."
It’s hard for me to imagine that such an outstanding person like Zhuang Li actually had such big problems with his family. It’s also hard for me to imagine how much bitterness was hidden behind his words.
I couldn't help but hold his hand. Zhuang Li's palms were dry and broad, with distinct knuckles and nails trimmed to a suitable length, clean and generous. But these hands were always cold, cold to the heart.
Zhuang Li turned his head and looked at me, his deep eyes gradually filled with sadness, which made my heart tighten and I felt uncomfortable for no reason.
He whispered, "My mother used to love this swing chair."
"Where is she?"
"Dead."
These two words brought the story to an abrupt end, as if the air had stopped flowing. I could even hear his voice trembling. Such a calm and proud person also has a soft spot in his heart.
He continued, “When she died, my father had another woman in his arms.”
"How did she die?"
Zhuang Li was silent for a long time, as if time had stopped. Later, he said nothing.
Looking at him, my sympathy overflowed, so I plucked up the courage to hug him gently.
At that moment, I could feel the atmosphere around me change. Zhuang Li was tense and frowned, but he didn't push me away in the end.
In the long memory that followed, I always remembered that hug, so light, mixed with the cold scent of Zhuang Li, making that early summer sparkle.
Later, I always hoped that I would have a balcony like that at home in the future, surrounded by pink roses and with a swing in the middle. On a midsummer night, I could enjoy the breeze, smell the flowers and watch the stars with my loved one.
If that person doesn't exist, I hope the person who will stay with me in the future is Zhuang Li.
When this idea flashed through my mind, the original intention of some things had begun to change.
Eighteen years old, not yet.
The future that I imagined countless times in my youth, like the thoughts of a girl in a comic book, came to an end after entering the stressful senior year of high school.
Apart from occasional dates with Zhuang Li, I devoted all my attention to studying.
Other parents send their children gifts every day, but Ding Chushan and Mu Lianru never ask. In their minds, it would be best if I didn’t pass the college entrance examination, and I could go to work directly after the college entrance examination to save money for college.
How can I be willing?
The Ding family was an ordinary family, but they bought Ding Xuan the best and most expensive painting supplies. As for me, they just gave me alms, just like raising a cat or a dog. I even doubted why they adopted me in the first place.
Ding Xuan secretly used his private money to buy me a lot of brain-boosting oral liquids and also brought honey to my room.
I looked at Ding Xuan's hands full of things with a mixture of laughter and tears, and said, "Do you want your sister to become a fat person?"
Ding Xuan blushed, lowered his head and said, "Senior year is very hard, these are to replenish your body."
I was doing math homework, and those twisted function lines gave me a headache. Ding Xuan put down his things and showed no intention of leaving. He sat next to me and looked at me quietly.
Perhaps it was because his gaze was a little burning, which made me feel a little uncomfortable. I couldn't help but look up, look into his clear eyes, and ask, "Do you have anything else to say?"
"Ah Yin, can you accompany me to the art exhibition this weekend?"
I wanted to say yes, but the first thing that came to my mind was whether Zhuang Li would ask me out on the weekend, and the first thing that came out of my mouth was, "I'm afraid Zhuang Li has something to ask me."
When Ding Xuan heard the word "Zhuang Li", his face immediately turned ugly, and there was some anger in his eyes: "You only have eyes for Zhuang Li! Are you in love with him?"
Ding Xuan's questioning made me tremble with fear, as if something was suddenly torn apart and wanted to rush out. I pretended to be calm and denied it, "How could I possibly like Zhuang Li, that inhuman stone?"
I said this without any confidence. My palms were sweating and my whole body was reacting abnormally.
All abnormalities were visible in Ding Xuan's eyes.
"Ding Lanyin, you appeared very calm when you lied, even calmer than usual."
"Don't make random guesses. As soon as we graduate from high school, Zhuang Li and I will go our separate ways." I said confidently.
Ding Xuan wanted to say something, but was interrupted by Mu Lianru who suddenly rushed in. She came to me angrily, saw the things on the table, and without warning stretched out her hand and slapped me, cursing.
"I said the honey was missing, it turns out you, a troublemaker, stole it! Our Ding family provides you with food, clothing and schooling, but I didn't expect you to learn to steal! Today I will teach you a lesson on behalf of your parents!" As she said that, Mu Lianru stretched out her hand and wanted to slap me.
Ding Xuan stood in front of me and yelled at Mu Lianru, "I took the honey, it's none of her business."
Mu Lianru looked at Ding Xuan and her tone softened a lot: "Son, go out first. Mom knows it wasn't you who did it, you don't have to take the blame for others."
"Mom!" Ding Xuan frowned, took Mu Lianru's hand, and explained anxiously, "I really took the honey. My sister is in her third year of high school, and it's so hard..."
When Mu Lianru heard this, her expression changed again and again. She said sarcastically, "How hard can it be to study? It won't kill you." Then she said to Ding Xuan, "Mom bought some fruit and has washed it and put it on the table. Go and eat it."
"Then don't hit your sister or scold her."
"You should get out now."
Ding Xuan was pushed out of the door anxiously by Mu Lianru.
From beginning to end, I touched my red and swollen face, lowered my head, and didn't say a word.
Mu Lianru crossed her arms and smiled sarcastically, "We in the Ding family have done our best for you, so please be self-aware and don't dream of anything else. Also, stay away from Ding Xuan, your seductive face is disgusting."
As she spoke, she took out all the things that Ding Xuan had just brought.
I touched my face and stared blankly at the photo on the desk. The bitterness in my heart continued to ferment, as if a bitter storm was brewing. Tears rolled in my eyes, refusing to fall.
At dinner time, Ding Chushan was drinking outside and didn't come back. After dinner, Mu Lianru went out to play cards. Late at night, Ding Chushan came back drunk and knocked on the door.
I opened the door reluctantly.
As soon as I opened the door, I smelled a strong smell of alcohol. Ding Chushan half-closed his eyes and staggered into the living room. He didn't even change his shoes and fell on the sofa with his arms and legs spread out. His face was red, and he frowned and shouted, "Pour me a glass of water!"
I resigned myself to my fate and went to get a glass of warm water and handed it to him.
Ding Chushan held the cup tightly, glanced at me, suddenly grinned foolishly, and said drunkenly: "Ding Lanyin, your father is a fool... I adopted you because of your father..." He waved his hand, grabbed the cup and drank the water in big gulps.
"What's wrong with my dad?" I asked in a low voice.
"For your sake...for your sake..." Ding Chushan kept repeating these two words silently, and then fell unconscious on the sofa.
I hadn't finished speaking yet, and I felt a little uncomfortable, but I didn't dare wake Ding Chushan up to continue asking him.
I took a blanket and covered him with it, but he kicked it aside in annoyance.
Later, I sat on the balcony for a long, long time, so long that I recalled things that happened before my parents passed away.
Even though those memories are so old, I can still feel that I was happy at that time. But now, I can no longer have that kind of happiness.
The cell phone screen suddenly flashed in the dark, and in the dazzling light, I saw the text message sent by Zhuang Li.
"Good night."
These two short words made me smile, and my sadness turned into joy.
It turns out that I am so dependent on Zhuang Li.
On the weekend, I got up early and went out. Zhuang Li didn't ask me out, but I wanted to see him so much. As soon as I opened the door, Ding Xuan stood behind me, looking at me expressionlessly.
He asked in a hoarse voice: "Where are you going? Are you going to find Zhuang Li?"
I said "hmm" and put on my shoes.
He suddenly said without thinking, "If you fall in love with Zhuang Li, you will lose miserably."
"I know."
But I insisted on finding Zhuang Li.
Ding Xuan turned around dejectedly, whispered "You don't know at all", and then returned to the bedroom.
I didn't think much about it and hurried out to find Zhuang Li.
Zhuang Li was not at home, and no one answered the phone. Zhuang Yanzhi stood on the balcony and looked at me coldly, and that look was still a little scary.
I tried to force a smile and asked, "Uncle, where did Zhuang go?"
I thought he wouldn't tell me, but he said, "Today is the anniversary of his mother's death."
I had vaguely heard Zhuang Li mention the place where his mother was buried before, so I hurried there.
It started to drizzle, soaking my hair and clothes. The whole city was shrouded in smoke, and everything was hazy.
When I saw Zhuang Li, he was wearing all black, standing in the rain, looking at the tombstone expressionlessly. The entire empty mountain was also shrouded in a thin layer of mist, blending Zhuang Li's figure into the green, as if he would disappear at any time.
I didn't go over, but stood quietly not far away.
At this moment, what Zhuang Li needs is quietness. He is missing someone and remembering him.
After standing for a while, Zhuang Li finally turned around. When he saw me, he was distracted for a moment.
I walked over a few steps and couldn't help wiping away the tiny raindrops on the ends of his hair.
Zhuang Li suddenly hugged me in his arms, and the coldness in his arms made me shiver.
The whole mountain was silent.
Such silence makes the sudden hug seem longer.
He was so strong that I couldn't breathe. I patted his back and said with some difficulty: "Zhuang Li, I can't breathe..."
He then let go of me, turned his back, and whispered, "Dad had an affair. She suffered from depression and had an accident when she went out. When she died, Dad was hugging another woman."
This was the longest sentence I had ever heard Zhuang Li say. My heart ached and I hugged him gently.
Silence is better than words at this time, and no matter how many words you say, it will be in vain.
Zhuang Li continued in a low voice: "My mother took care of me when I was a child, and my father never cared about me, so I hated him."
His tone was full of hatred. In his memory, Zhuang Li rarely lost control like this. Only when he mentioned his family would he show some human touch. Otherwise, he always looked aloof and out of touch with the world.
The Zhuang Li in front of him is the real one.
I whispered, "Zhuang Li, at least you still have a dad, but I don't even have a mom and a dad. No matter what, you still have a family. And I don't have any family. In my current home, I don't feel any love at all. Your dad... must care about you a lot, but he just doesn't show it."
"He cares about me?" Zhuang Li said sarcastically, "He only has that woman outside, his company, and his career in his heart. I am also a victim of his career."
"No, you are definitely not a victim. Communicate well with your father. After all, you are still his son and his blood flows in your veins." I comforted him softly. Zhuang Li is so pitiful.
Zhuang Li remained silent and stopped talking.
The drizzle continued to fall, and the raindrops fell on my neck, which was chilly, but Zhuang Li's body gradually warmed up. I couldn't help but hold his hand, trying to comfort him. His always cold hands finally had some warmth.
He said, "Thank you."
The two words were spoken lightly, and I smiled slightly.
That's enough.
There is something more and something less between Zhuang Li and me.
But I didn't expect that when Zhuang Li and I were holding hands and going to the restaurant to eat, I would run into Ding Chushan. He also saw me and his face immediately darkened.
Ding Chushan walked over with a dark face, raised his hand angrily, and wanted to hit him on the head, cursing: "You are so young and don't learn well. You imitate others in dating. How can you be so cheap! If you don't want to study, just say so earlier. I don't want to spend the money!"
Zhuang Li took the lead and stood up.
Ding Chushan abruptly withdrew his hand and shouted in displeasure: "Where did this fool come from! It's not your turn to meddle in my daughter's affairs!"
"Get lost!" Zhuang Li spat out a word coldly, emitting a strong aura that kept strangers away.
Ding Chushan has always been a bully who only bullies the weak and fears the strong. Seeing Zhuang Li's dress and how tough he was, he showed a guilty look on his face. He straightened his back, looked at me angrily, and said, "I'll go back and deal with you tonight."
Zhuang Li said in a deep voice with a cold face: "If she has any scars on her body tomorrow, I will pay you back a thousand times. If you don't believe me, you can try it. You can't just touch the people of the Zhuang family whenever you want!"
The words "the banker's man" instantly made me happy.
The banker is well-known throughout the city.
Ding Chushan knew that he had offended someone he shouldn't have, so he didn't dare stay too long and hurriedly fled the restaurant.
I pulled Zhuang Li's clothes with a smile, raised my face, and asked, "When did I become a member of your Zhuang family?"
"I'm just keeping my promise."
The originally excited mood could only quietly subside after hearing Zhuang Li's answer.
Those seven words were like a bolt of thunder, instantly waking me up.
It turns out that I was just being sentimental. His long-term companionship was all because of a bet.
It was clearly me who brought it up first, but now that he has said it, it makes me so embarrassed. I don't know where the feeling of loss rising in my heart comes from.
When he returned home in the evening, Ding Chushan didn't ask anything. He just said, "Cling to this big tree well," and said nothing more.
Did he naively think that I would let Zhuang Li bring something to the Ding family? I couldn't help but smile sarcastically.
As the days go by, the learning atmosphere becomes more and more intense.
I don't know when it started, but when I sit in the classroom, I feel that Zhuang Li's figure is particularly eye-catching. I used to look at him in class, but my eyes were always understated. But now, my eyes seem to be glued to him and can't be moved away.
Sun Qing is still my deskmate.
During Chinese class, I stared at Zhuang Li blankly. Suddenly, my arm hurt. When I came to my senses, I realized that it was Sun Qing who was pinching me.
I don't understand.
Sun Qing buried her head and reminded: "The teacher asked you to recite ancient poems."
I looked up at the teacher, kicked Sun Qing's feet, and asked, "Which ancient poem?"
Sun Qing smiled slyly and said, "I was kidding. You were staring at Zhuang Li until your eyes almost popped out. I should have taken a picture of you being so crazy about him so that the whole class could enjoy it."
I knew Sun Qing was most ticklish, so I tickled her waist with my hands, and the two of us played around in the classroom.
The Chinese teacher on the stage coughed twice and said seriously: "Please listen carefully, students."
Sun Qing and I stuck out our tongues, lowered our heads in embarrassment, and restrained ourselves.
Zhuang Li suddenly turned around, and when I saw his handsome face, my heart began to beat irregularly.
This feels exciting.
After evening self-study, Zhuang Li packed his schoolbag and stood at the door of the classroom.
I said goodbye to Sun Qing, walked out with my schoolbag on my back, and Zhuang Li followed behind me.
After walking a few steps, I suddenly turned around, jumped in front of Zhuang Li, looked up and asked, "Are you going to take me home?"
"Let's go." Zhuang Li walked around me and went to the front.
If he wanted to send me home, it would be like red rain. In all this time, he had never sent me home after school, not to mention going to school together and buying breakfast for me. Even though we were in the same class, we rarely had lunch together, and only spent more time together on weekends. Many people speculated whether he and I were not together.
But whenever there was such public opinion, he would hold my hand and walk me around the school, and the teachers would turn a blind eye.
I followed him and asked, "What do you want to talk to me about?"
"Your brother came to see me."
Ding Xuan went to find Zhuang Li? This was something I had never expected.
Zhuang Li stopped, turned around, and said coldly: "He was afraid that you would get hurt, so he asked me to let you go."
"How do you answer that?"
"He's asking for trouble, so I don't have to be polite."
I can imagine Zhuang Li's rude look. When I was with him, a bold girl handed over a love letter and was humiliated by him until she fainted.
Zhuang Li continued sarcastically, "The Ding family is really interesting. Don't worry, I will get back what they owe you."
The Ding family doesn't owe me anything, and I don't owe the Ding family anything. The Ding family has raised me, even though the money I've used over the years is the inheritance left by my father.
No matter how much I dislike Ding Chushan, I don't want him to die.
I was in physical education class when Ding Xuan called me in tears.
He choked up and said, "Dad is dead..."
Ding Xuan's tone was so desperate that it made my eyelids twitch.
"Where are you?" I asked anxiously.
"City Central District Hospital."
I quickly changed my clothes, asked Sun Qing to help me ask for leave, and then hurried to the hospital.
Ding Xuan stood outside the morgue, his eyes red, and he said nothing. Mu Lianru was inside, hugging Ding Chushan's body and crying loudly, the sharp and piercing sound almost broke the eardrums.
"Ding Chushan, if you leave me and my son behind, how are we going to live? What are you going to do for us... Ding Chushan, please open your eyes! What are we going to do in the future?"
Seeing Ding Xuan's dazed look, I couldn't help but walk up to him with red eyes and hugged him. Ding Xuan was much thinner than I thought, as if only a bag of bones was left, which made me feel distressed.
Ding Xuan said softly: "He left and doesn't want us anymore..."
"What happened to him?"
"Car accident. People from his company said he was fired today, then drank a lot of alcohol, and got into a car accident while driving home." Ding Xuan paused and said sadly, "I never thought that one day he would leave me..."
Seeing Ding Xuan so sad, my heart ached too. Ding Chushan was not kind to me, but he was willing to raise me. I will always remember his kindness in my heart, and I hope to repay him in the future.
Ding Chushan was the only one working in the Ding family. Mu Lianru had been idle at home and had no other income. The entire Ding family depended on Ding Chushan's salary. Now that he was gone, the Ding family would be even more embarrassed. The heavy burden of the family fell on a woman, and Mu Lianru would also be desperate.
Thinking of this, I couldn't help but shed tears.
The person I had lived with for more than ten years suddenly passed away, and it felt like a corner of my life was missing.
After dealing with Ding Chushan's funeral, Mu Lianru sat on the sofa for several days, her eyes dull. Ding Xuan hid in his room and refused to go out. He didn't eat much of the food placed at the door. The whole house was dead silent.
At night, Mu Lianru cried all night long, and her shrill cry was tormenting. I tried to comfort her with good intentions, but she scratched my hand.
I was most worried about Ding Xuan, who had been staying at home for a whole week. Even his teacher called to ask why he didn't go to school. I could only patiently explain what happened at home. All the miscellaneous things fell on me.
At night, I squatted at the door of his room, wrote a note and slipped it through the crack.
"If you don't want to talk, just write it down on paper. I'm worried about you. Please."
Perhaps the last two words had a pleading tone, and after a while, a note was passed under the door. The words on it were very delicate, but there was a sense of sadness between the lines.
"I'm fine, don't worry."
The more Ding Xuan said this, the more worried I became. From childhood to adulthood, his life had always been smooth sailing, and he had never suffered any setbacks. Ding Chushan and Mu Lianru spoiled him, never said a harsh word to him, and never hit him.
Such pampering made Ding Xuan fragile and vulnerable.
"Speak your true thoughts and put me at ease."
Ding Xuan wrote: "Give me one more night, I will be better tomorrow and take care of my mother for me."
I took the note, slowly got up from the ground, and handed it to Mu Lianru. She stared at it for a long time, and finally remembered that she had a precious son. Her dull eyes gradually became clear.
The next morning, Mu Lianru dressed up properly and no longer looked crazy. She even made breakfast for the first time. Ding Xuan finally opened the door and walked out. His face was sallow and he had lost almost all his weight.
Mu Lianru hurried forward, took Ding Xuan's hand, and asked, "Baby, are you okay?"
Ding Xuan shook his head, packed up silently, and went out to school with me. He followed me with his head down, and I looked back at him from time to time.
As they walked, Ding Xuan suddenly stopped and said, "I won't let you worry anymore."
I patted his shoulder and said, "Everything will be fine."
Actually, I have no idea either.
The living expenses of three people, as well as the tuition fees for Ding Xuan and me, are big problems.
Life is about continuing on for those who are alive, no matter who stays.
Mu Lianru pays more and more attention to her appearance and loves to dress up. She is very beautiful, and when she dresses up, people can't guess her real age. Her skin is fair and her figure is still the same as a little girl.
She would go out to dance at the community activity center every day. Many times when I came back from school, I saw her talking and laughing with other men when I passed by the activity center, as if she had never experienced the sadness of losing her husband.
When I got home from school today, Mu Lianru was actually at home. Ding Xuan had just come back from painting class and showed her his new work.
Mu Lianru had a little relief on her face , but when she saw me, her face gradually darkened and she said to Ding Xuan, "Baby, go back to the room first. I have something to say to Ding Lanyin."
I originally planned to take a shower, but I could only sit on the sofa nervously and listen to what Mu Lianru had to say.
Mu Lianru folded her arms and looked at me, with an inexplicable smile on her face. Perhaps it shouldn't be called a smile, because that expression was cold. At that time, I was like a prisoner, waiting for her verdict.
She slowly said, "Ding Lanyin, the Ding family took you in because your father was Ding Chushan's friend. Now that Ding Chushan is dead, there is no need for me to adopt you. Besides, I can't afford to support you now. Ding Xuan will need a lot of money in the future. If you are sensible, you should move out and never set foot in the Ding family again."
When I heard Mu Lianru's words, it was as if the universe suddenly exploded in my mind. Those messy thoughts kept colliding with each other. I didn't know what my expression was at this moment. Those apparently gentle words were like a gun, and the bullets kept shooting at my heart, bleeding.
I could hardly sit still and looked at Mu Lianru stiffly.
If I am abandoned by the Ding family, where can I go?
I dared not imagine it, so I could only plead with tears in my voice: "Mom, please don't chase me away. I will study hard, work hard to make money, and support you and Ding Xuan in the future."
Mu Lianru shouted sternly: "You and I have no blood relationship at all, don't shout nonsense."
Seeing her firm attitude, I knelt on the ground, held her hand, and cried and begged, "Please don't chase me away. I really don't know where to go. The Ding family is my only home..."
No matter how I begged, Mu Lianru remained cold and unmoved.
At this time, Ding Xuan heard the noise and came out, standing at the door with an expressionless face.
I looked at Ding Xuan with tearful eyes, then ran to him and held his hand tightly, as if it was the last straw.
"Your mother wants to kick me out, please beg for me..."
Unexpectedly, Ding Xuan just looked at me, unmoved.
The hope that had originally risen slowly died down.
I collapsed on the ground in despair, crying silently.
The living room was very quiet, the kind of silence that was like a rope that tightened around a person's neck.
Something seemed to be stuck in my throat, and I could hardly breathe. I couldn't see where my future was, and I didn't know what I would become if I left the Ding family. Maybe one day I would be found dead on the street. But Mu Lianru was so determined and ruthless, and Ding Xuan refused to help. What should I do?
Late at night, I curled up in bed holding photos of my parents, tears streaming down my face. The darkness engulfed me, and I lost consciousness bit by bit in the dizziness.
Suddenly, my door opened, and I regained consciousness and saw Ding Xuan walking to the bed. The cold moonlight from the window poured in and sprinkled on him.
Ding Xuan sat next to me, pulled me out of bed, and whispered, "I can help you stay in our house, but you have to break up with Zhuang Li."
Are you breaking up with Zhuang Li?
My thoughts were confused for a moment.
Before I could answer, Ding Xuan stood up, said "Think about it carefully", and walked out of the room.
I lay in bed, turned over, looked at the moonlight outside the window, and became more and more confused.
In that moment of chaos, there seemed to be a little resistance.
But I don't want to be an orphan again.
I need a home, even if I am just adopted in the Ding family, even if Mu Lianru still treats me as an outsider in the future, I don't want to leave the Ding family. After living in the Ding family for more than ten years, there are some things that I can't give up, especially Ding Xuan.
Compared to love, family affection is the longest lasting. And love can come and go at any time. Being with Zhuang Li originally had a purpose, and it was not love. What's more, Zhuang Li was just fulfilling a bet. In his eyes, I was just a toy to relieve his loneliness, or a Barbie doll that he could show off .
The so-called relationship is just a transaction, where both parties get what they need.
If I could stay in the Ding family, I would certainly choose to break up with Zhuang Li without hesitation.
Thinking of this , I got up from the bed, found Zhuang Li’s cell phone number, and sent him a text message: “I have something to talk to you about after school tomorrow.”
Then there was a sleepless night.
That night, I dreamed of many things that happened when I was with Zhuang Li. Although they were not very beautiful, those little things were still vivid in my mind.
Zhuang Li is like a roasted seed buried in my heart that will never take root, sprout, or bloom and bear fruit.
The next day at school, I was distracted and didn't dare to secretly look at Zhuang Li again.
After school, I took Zhuang Li to a secluded place.
It was already winter, and the dry wind blew on my face with a chill, just like my mood at the moment. I stood in front of Zhuang Li, trying to calm myself down, and said, "Zhuang Li, let's end it here. I lost the bet and don't want to continue."
Zhuang Li was stunned for a moment, then returned to normal. He stared at me without saying anything. His eyes were colder than the winter wind, and I couldn't help shivering.
It seemed like a long, long time had passed before Zhuang Li replied, "As you wish."
He didn't ask why, nor did he try to persuade me to stay. Although I had expected this outcome, I still felt a little disappointed.
If he had just asked "why", I would have felt much better. When he turned away indifferently, I could sense the undisguised disgust in his eyes. His back slowly disappeared from my sight, and my heart slowly sank.
When Zhuang Li's figure completely disappeared, I couldn't help but squat on the ground and cry loudly.
It was clearly my request, why are you so sad?
I finally got what I wanted and stayed in the Ding family. Mu Lianru doted on Ding Xuan so much that he said if I was driven out of the Ding family, he would leave with me. How could Mu Lianru not want a son, so she had to agree to let me stay.
Faced with Mu Lianru's disgust, I put all my attention into studying.
Zhuang Li never came to school again. Sun Qing told me that he went abroad to study.
This ridiculous bet, this turbulent youth, this dream-like encounter, were buried in the deepest part of my heart in the New Year's snow, and I don't want to mention it.