What I know about Aunt Chen is what my father told me before he brought Aunt Chen and Shen Xiaoxi to my house.
Shen Xiaoxi's biological father died when Shen Xiaoxi was three years old. Aunt Chen had a hard time raising Shen Xiaoxi, although when I first met Aunt Chen and Shen Xiaoxi, I didn't think that was true at all.
How could someone who worked so hard to live be so glamorous? From the beginning, I thought of them as thieves—thieves who stole the happiness that belonged to me and my mother.
Having lived under the same roof for so long, I have never thought about getting to know Aunt Chen and Shen Xiaoxi, and they have never thought about accepting me, so we are still just strangers.
The "in surgery" light was still on. Dad was pushed into the operating room four hours ago.
Shu Nian told me that when he was carrying me to the hospital, an ambulance passed by us. The ambulance was going to the place where my father had the car accident.
"Shu Nian." I held his hand tightly, trying to gain some strength from it so that I wouldn't collapse. "He...will be okay, right?"
"It's okay." Shu Nian said, "The doctor said before that the car accident was not serious, so your father will be fine."
"Yeah." I smiled at him gratefully, although I knew it was just psychological comfort.
If it wasn't serious, why was Dad still in surgery four hours later?
As time went by, I became more and more anxious, even thinking about the worst. Countless possibilities kept appearing in my mind, and finally became a mess.
A trace of regret welled up in my heart. If I had spoken to him nicely at that time, would he not have gone out to drink, and would he not have gotten into a car accident due to drunk driving?
"Don't worry, little butterfly." As if sensing my emotions, Shu Nian gently squeezed my hand, "I'm here."
I wanted to say something to him, but at this moment, the "In Surgery" light went out, the door of the operating room finally opened, and my heart rose to my throat.
The doctor walked outside, took off his mask, glanced at our faces, and smiled: "The operation was successful, the patient is out of danger."
I suddenly collapsed on the bench, as if all my strength had just been used up.
"But there are some things I need to say. Although the operation was successful, the patient's condition is not ideal." When all of us breathed a sigh of relief, the doctor said, "It's just that his life is not in danger for the . The trauma caused by the car accident is not the main problem. When he was transfusing blood just now, we checked the patient's examination records in our hospital and found that he had stomach cancer, and it was already in the late stage. I don't know if your family members know about this situation."
"What?" I was completely stunned. "Stomach cancer? Advanced stage?"
"Who is the patient's family member? Go and handle the formalities." The doctor asked again, "Who is Bai Xiaodie?"
"Yes, that's me." I responded quickly.
The doctor looked at me and said, "The patient just woke up for a short while and he told you not to worry."
"What else?" I asked.
The doctor shook his head and said, "No more."
"Who is the patient's family member? Please follow me to go through the formalities." The young nurse came over and asked.
"I'll go with you. The patient is my father." I walked over to follow the nurse, but Shu Nian grabbed my arm and shook his head at me.
"I'm the patient's wife. I'm going with you." Aunt Chen glanced at me with a calm look without hatred. "Your father told you not to worry. Don't do anything that would make your father worry."
She said and followed the nurse.
This was probably the first time she spoke to me in such a calm, unpretentious voice!
The nurse pushed my father out of the operating room. I walked over and saw that he was asleep.
I hadn't looked at him carefully for a long time. I couldn't stop crying when I saw my father lying on the stretcher, looking so weak and haggard. I walked to his side so that I could see him more clearly.
There are deep crow's feet at the corners of his eyes, and two deep vertical lines between his eyebrows, probably because he frowns frequently. There are also white hairs among his black hair, it turns out that he has also aged silently, aging silently outside the closed door of my heart.
"The patient needs to rest." The nurse smiled at me apologetically, "Let's send him to the intensive care unit."
I had no choice but to move aside and watch the nurse push him forward.
After Aunt Chen yelled at her to "shut up", Shen Xiaoxi has remained silent.
"Let's go, your bottle of medicine is almost finished." Shu Nian said, pulling me towards the ward, "Don't think about anything, let's get rid of the fever and inflammation first."
I looked at his handsome profile, and my anxious heart seemed to calm down a little.
If he wasn't here today, would I still be able to face all this so calmly?
I looked back at Shen Xiaoxi, she was still standing there, looking like she was sleepwalking. But she quickly came to her senses and followed her father's stretcher forward.
Back in the ward, Shu Nian called the nurse to help me change the medicine. It was already five o'clock in the morning. I suddenly thought of a question: "You have been here... with me for five hours?"
"I have nothing to do during the winter vacation anyway." He smiled slightly.
"I'm fine now. You should go back and rest. It will be very uncomfortable if you don't sleep all night." I said.
He sat down in the nursing chair by the window, with no intention of leaving: "Wait a little longer. You should rest. I'm fine."
I couldn't convince him, but in fact I also had a small selfish desire - I wanted him to stay here with me.
I reached out and touched my forehead. Fortunately, the fever had subsided a little and I had some strength again.
I stared at the pure white ceiling in a daze. Maybe it was because I was still worried about my father, so I couldn't fall asleep.
I turned my head to look at Shu Nian who was sitting in the nursing chair. He had his eyes closed and seemed to have fallen asleep.
It must be very uncomfortable to sleep sitting up!
My heart feels warm.
When I first met Shu Nian, I never thought that one day he would be by my side in such a quiet posture when I was most sad and at a loss.
Later, I didn’t know when I fell asleep, and when I woke up, Shu Nian was no longer there.
The nurse came in to take my temperature and asked me with a smile, "Where's your boyfriend?"
"He's not my boyfriend." I was stunned for a moment, then realized she was talking about Shu Nian, "We are just... um, friends."
"Huh?" The nurse's face showed disbelief. "But that boy is really great. He ran all the way here yesterday carrying you on his back. His face and body were all sweaty and he looked very anxious. I thought you two were a couple."
I was stunned. At that time, I was running high in fever and was in a daze. I didn't know that Shu Nian, who carried me to the hospital, would lose his calmness and composure.
Little butterfly, I love you.
This sentence is not my hallucination. Did he really say this to me ?
But I'm so bad, why does Shu Nian like me like this?
I am not worthy of being liked by Shu Nian!
I hadn't been a good enough person yet, someone who could take his side for granted.
"38 degrees Celsius, still a fever, but it's finally coming down. Observe for another two days. If the high fever doesn't recur, you can be discharged." The nurse wrote down my condition in the notebook and said, "You caught a cold. Fortunately, you were brought here in time, otherwise it would be terrible if you had other problems. You really have to thank that boy. He took care of you all night and didn't leave the ward."
"Well, thank you for telling me that," I said gratefully.
She smiled at me, said "You're welcome", and was about to leave. I suddenly remembered that today seemed to be the day I had to go to school to get my report card, so I quickly asked her, "Can I go out for a while today? I need to go to school."
"Stay here, I'll get it back for you." Shu Nian's voice sounded at the right time. He walked in from outside with a paper bag in his hand. "It's just a report card, it's nothing serious."
"Yes, you can't go out for fresh air yet." The nurse said, "Have a good rest."
After she finished speaking, she looked at Shu Nian meaningfully, gave me a knowing smile, turned around and walked out of the ward, closing the door behind her.
Facing Shu Nian alone, I felt a little uncomfortable. Sometimes not knowing anything can be a blessing. Now that I know why Shu Nian is so nice to me, I am actually very nervous and afraid of making a fool of myself in front of him.
"I brought you breakfast." He set up the small table on the bed, took out a takeaway box from the paper bag and placed it on it.
"Thank you." I took the spoon he handed me, "Shu Nian, thank you so much."
"No need to thank me." He tapped my forehead and whispered, "By the way, when I walked over just now, I saw that Su Nan from the next class was also hospitalized, not far from this ward."
"Sunan is in the hospital again?" I was a little surprised. "It seems...she is always in the hospital."
"Well, her condition seems to be quite bad." Shu Nian said, "Her parents are in the corridor, and they don't look well."
"It will definitely get better." I said, and the image of Su Nan, whose smile was as bright as the sun, appeared in my mind. A girl like that will definitely get better.
After finishing the porridge, Shu Nian stayed for a while and then left. Today was the day to go to school to get his report card, and he had to be there on time at eight o'clock.
The ward seemed empty without Shu Nian. It turned out that once there was someone by your side, you couldn't stand loneliness.
After the injection of the medicine, I couldn't lie down anymore. I asked the nurse which ward my father was in, put on my cotton coat and went to my father.
Although the feeling of regret has faded a lot now, his bad deeds have once again occupied my memory, but as Shu Nian said, because he is my father, no matter how much I hated him or blamed him, it cannot change, and I will still worry about him.
The doctor said he was in the late stage of stomach cancer, but he never told me that he had cancer.
I walked to the ICU, gently pushed open the door, and saw Aunt Chen lying on the bed, seemingly asleep. Dad had woken up, sitting there with a thick plaster cast on his leg. In addition to his broken leg, he also had a broken rib.
The reason why the operation took so long yesterday was that the doctor combined the removal of the cancerous lesion with the bone setting operation. This is a major operation, and the slightest mistake can be life-threatening.
He made it through, and although the doctor said the operation was successful, the cancer cells may still metastasize.
He heard footsteps and turned to look at the door. When he saw it was me, he was slightly stunned: "Xiao Die?"
His voice woke up Aunt Chen who was sleeping on the side of the bed.
She quickly glanced back at me, her expression a little stiff, and said, "I'll go buy you breakfast."
"Bring one for Xiaodie as well," said Dad.
"No, I've already eaten." I said quickly.
Aunt Chen looked at me again, but she didn't say anything to me. She just walked past me and left the ward.
Dad smiled at me, with a hint of worry in his smile: "Xiaodie, is the fever gone?"
"Well, it's just a low-grade fever." I walked over and sat down in the nursing chair.
There were only two of us left, and the feeling of not knowing what to say to him, or even not wanting to talk to him, came back.
"Xiaodie, I have decided to divorce your Aunt Chen." Seeing that I didn't say anything, he suddenly said, "From now on, no one in this family will make you feel wronged, and no one will bully you anymore. This is the only thing Dad can do for you."
I looked at him in astonishment . The word "divorce" was first said by Shu Nian. He said that when he passed by my house, he heard Shen Xiaoxi asking Aunt Chen to divorce my father.
I didn't take it seriously, and never thought that one day my father would divorce Aunt Chen.
But he said so the day after he had the accident.
"I talked to your Aunt Chen, but she didn't agree. But I will definitely make her agree." Dad sighed and said, "Dad doesn't have much time left to live. I just want to live out the rest of my life with my daughter and make up for the care I owe you."
I suddenly didn't know what to say. He had put himself in such a humble position.
"I know you don't want to talk to me, and you don't want to forgive me. You are right not to forgive me." He smiled, but it was miserable. "When your mother just passed away, I thought I should be good to you and give you the love I had for your mother. But I admit that I failed. When I see you, I will think of your mother. I can't forget that she lost her life because of you."
"So you hate me for this...right?" My voice was a little hoarse. This was a fact that both he and I knew very well but refused to face.
We are all avoiding, avoiding each other, and the distance between us is growing greater and greater.
They are so far away that they don’t seem like a father and daughter, but more like a pair of enemies.
"Yes, even though I refuse to admit that I have such thoughts, such thoughts have always existed. I try not to look at you, because Xiaodie, you are becoming more and more like your mother . Whenever I see you, I will think of your mother." He raised his head, as if trying to force back the tears that were welling up.
"Since you care so much about Mom, why did you marry Aunt Chen so quickly?" This is what I can never forgive. "Haven't you forgotten Mom a long time ago? In this house now, besides me, is there anything else that is Mom's legacy?
"I don't know why. I clearly told myself that you are my father and I shouldn't bear grudges or resent you, but I just can't get over it in my heart."
I remember the day he brought Aunt Chen and Shen Xiaoxi home, and the three of them chatting and laughing happily, and no one noticed I left. From that time on, I was trapped in the darkness of loneliness.
He is obviously my father, but he doesn’t remember what size skirt I wear; he is obviously my father, but he doesn’t believe that I won’t hurt others; he is obviously my father, but he never cares what I am thinking.
You left me alone for so many years!
He raised his hands to cover his eyes, and I heard his low, stifled cries.
He said, "Xiaodie, I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. Dad doesn't know how to make it up to you, and I don't know what else I can do for you. When I saw you dancing on the stage that day, you looked just like me when I first met your mother. It was also that day that I suddenly realized that our daughter had grown up so big outside of my closed heart.
"Dad was wrong. Dad wanted to be good to you, but you refused to accept Dad's kindness no matter what. At the moment of the car accident, I was very scared because my daughter hasn't forgiven me yet. How could I just leave like this?" He wiped his tears and smiled at me, "Your mother won't forgive me if I die like this, right? I have decided that I want you to forgive me before I leave this world. This was the only thing I wanted to do at the moment of the car accident and before I passed out on the operating table."
"Are you willing to give Dad this chance?" He looked at me expectantly.
That look made me breathless.
I stood up and instinctively wanted to escape. When I reached the door of the ward, I heard him calling me, "Xiaodie, is Dad really so evil?"
Tears burst out in an instant.