After treating the wound briefly, I wrapped myself up tightly again and went out. Shen Xiaoxi's tossing caused me to arrive at the library more than an hour later than expected.
I originally wanted to go to the handmade bookshelf because I really wanted to know how Shu Nian folded the leaf dog for me. But when I passed by the psychology bookshelf, I accidentally saw a medical book about schizophrenia, and I stopped.
Shu Nian told me that the probability of having a dual personality disorder around me was very small, so small that it could be ignored. But was it really like that? I took out the book, found an empty seat, sat down, and started reading.
Just as I was absorbed in watching, someone knocked lightly on my desk. I looked up in surprise and saw that the person standing next to me was Shu Nian, who was wearing a red down jacket.
He sat down opposite me, holding a copy of Les Miserables in his hand.
"So interested in schizophrenia?" He pointed at the book in my hand.
I smiled and said, "I just happened to see it, so I took a look at it."
"Hmm?" He looked at me meaningfully, "Just by the way. Little Butterfly, what's wrong with your forehead?"
"It's just an accidental scratch." I explained, "It's just a flesh wound, it's nothing serious."
"You had a fight with Shen Xiaoxi." He said with a very firm tone. It was not a question, but a statement of fact.
"You..." I wanted to ask "how do you know?" , but then I remembered that he lived in the building in front of my house. It was not surprising that he knew such a close distance.
"When I passed by your house just now, I heard Shen Xiaoxi arguing with someone. It should be her mother! The argument was very fierce, and it seemed that they were throwing things." he said.
I was stunned for a moment: "You actually care about who Shen Xiaoxi quarreled with?"
This surprised me even more than Shen Xiaoxi's quarrel with her mother.
Because in my impression, from the first day I met Shu Nian, he lacked interest in people other than himself. He was so cold, even to Luo Yuxin, who lived very close to him and grew up with him, he was reluctant to give her a smile.
Shu Nian was such a person that he actually noticed Shen Xiaoxi's quarrel with her mother and described it in such detail.
"Is it weird?" He looked at me frankly, as if it wasn't something surprising. "It's normal to care about your classmates, right?"
"But you seem... not to care much about your classmates." I found it unbelievable.
Shu Nian raised his eyebrows and said jokingly, "You don't care about your classmates, do you think I don't care about you enough?"
My heart skipped a beat uncontrollably.
I quickly turned my head away, not wanting him to see my uncomfortable look.
I remembered Luo Yuxin told me that Shu Nian had been watching me when I was very young. I didn't have the time to confirm with Luo Yuxin whether what she said was true or not.
But Shu Nian, he said, don’t you think I don’t care about you enough?
For a moment I didn't know how to answer him. He sat there looking at me with a smile, as if waiting for my answer.
"Uh..." I felt I should say something, otherwise the atmosphere would become more and more ambiguous.
ambiguous?
I was startled by the words that suddenly popped into my mind.
"Or..." His beautiful eyes curved, and his voice was filled with a hint of laughter, "Do you think we are more than just classmates?"
"No," I said quickly, "it's not like that..."
"So what is it?" He was like a cat teasing a mouse, not letting go of the topic, "Little Butterfly, why can't you be a little more frank? For example, I have never concealed the fact that I care about you."
"Care about me?" Hearing it from someone else's mouth is never as shocking as hearing it from the person involved in person.
"Yes." He laughed, with a hint of teasing in his smile, "Do you believe it?"
Seeing his expression, I felt relieved but also a little disappointed.
"Okay, no more jokes." I said, "Shen Xiaoxi and her mother had a quarrel. What did you hear?"
"I just heard it when I passed by. It seemed that Shen Xiaoxi was clamoring to move out and asked her mother to divorce your father, but I don't know anything more than that." he said.
"Divorce? Did you hear what my father said?" My heart skipped a beat. Shen Xiaoxi actually asked her mother to divorce my father.
After three years of remarriage and about to enter the fourth year, Shen Xiaoxi asked for a divorce.
"I don't know." He shrugged and said, "I'm not a professional eavesdropper. I just heard a little bit when I passed by."
After hearing what he said, I didn't ask any more questions. He never beat around the bush with me, never concealed anything from me, and even when he pointed out my shortcomings, he never tried to cover them up.
So if he says he doesn’t know, then he really doesn’t know.
"A-choo..." I was daydreaming when I suddenly felt my nose itchy. I couldn't help but sneeze. Suddenly, a small red dot appeared on the face of Shu Nian, who was sitting opposite me.
"Hey, hey, hey..." Shu Nian reached out and touched his face, opened his mouth to say something, but stopped.
He pointed at my face. I touched my face blankly and looked down at my palm, only to find that it was stained with blood.
I just sneezed and my nosebleed, which had already stopped, started again.
"Look up." Shu Nian said, quickly pulling out a pack of tissues from his pocket, pulling out a piece and handing it to me, "Stuff it in."
I took the tissue, covered my nose with my head up, stood up and ran to the bathroom. I washed my face with cold water, and although it was cold, the nosebleed stopped again.
Back to my seat, Shu Nian took the book about schizophrenia that I was reading and said, "Let's go."
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"Go home," he said.
I wanted to stay in the library for a while longer, but after being interrupted just now, I don’t feel like continuing reading.
The library was not far from home, so Shu Nian took me all the way home. When we reached the door, he handed me the book and said, "Have a good rest. You're in a bad state now."
After taking the book and saying goodbye to Shu Nian, I opened the door.
I was stunned because the living room was a mess, as if a world war had just happened.
I tiptoed over the debris and went upstairs to my room.
I opened the book and continued reading from where I was before. The book said that it was absolutely impossible for a person with multiple personality to know the existence of another personality, and each personality existed independently. I did not see the situation that Shanuo described in the book.
Thinking about what Shu Nian said, I began to doubt.
Could it be that……
Shanuo has been lying to me?
I quickly rejected this idea. There was no need for him to lie to me, right?
I continued reading the book, but I felt my eyelids getting heavier and heavier, and all the strength in my body gradually disappeared. The words in front of my eyes began to become blurry, one became two, two became four, and finally I could not see clearly at all.
Maybe I didn’t sleep well last night, I thought.
I closed the book, took off my clothes, crawled into the quilt and decided to take a nap.
The sky and the earth disappeared, leaving only endless darkness. I looked at the endless darkness and couldn't tell whether I was standing or upside down, because there was nothing in this world, no reference points, and I didn't even know if I existed.
In the darkness, a white spot of light suddenly appeared, then slowly grew larger, and finally a butterfly flapping its wings and flying appeared.
The butterfly was tied by a thin string, and at the end of the string was a young boy.
He was like the butterfly , emitting a faint white light. The butterfly slowly flew towards me, and the boy followed the butterfly forward. I stood there, watching the boy walk towards me. The real road surface appeared where he walked, and as he approached, the originally dark world began to change.
He was full of fragrance and came to me with a brand new world.
He stopped in front of me and handed me the thin thread in his hand.
I took it stupidly, and the illusory darkness under my feet shattered instantly.
I sat up suddenly and realized that everything that had just happened was just a dream.
My head was dizzy, and the moment I sat up, I felt like vomiting. I reached out and touched my forehead, which was wet and covered with sweat.
I turned on the bedside lamp, and the moment the light came on, I instinctively reached out to block it. The light, which was usually very soft to me, was now very dazzling.
I threw off the quilt and got out of bed, intending to wash my face, but as soon as I stood on the ground, the world in front of me suddenly spun around. I lost my balance and fell back into bed.
what happened?
I feel like my body is not my own. I want to walk but I can't stand up. I want to raise my hands but it's very difficult . Am I sick?
I remembered that in the morning, Shen Xiaoxi poured a basin of cold water on me, then I had a fight with her while wearing wet clothes, and finally I was pushed down the stairs by her.
I struggled to get up again. I hadn't put the medicine box back after I took it up. I took out the thermometer from the medicine box and took my temperature.
When I saw the thermometer showed 40℃, I was scared. Normally a fever of 39℃ is very serious, but mine was 40℃.
I think I have to go to the hospital, otherwise it will get worse if I delay it.
Before, I didn’t feel it was hot when I touched my forehead, probably because the temperature of my palm was the same as that of my forehead.
I walked forward holding on to the wall, my head feeling dizzy. When I came to my senses, I was already standing at the door of my father's room.
I smiled bitterly. It turned out that no matter how tough I was in words or how cold I was to him, it could not change the fact that I would instinctively seek help from him when I was vulnerable.
I raised my hand and knocked on the door, but no one came to open it for a long time.
"Dad." I shouted, and then I realized that my voice was very hoarse. I shouted several times in a row, but Dad didn't come to open the door, so I had to go back to the room, thinking about putting on clothes and going to the hospital by myself.
After great effort, I finally got dressed. I looked at the clock and it was midnight.
Dad must have been sleeping very soundly at that time, because no matter how I knocked on the door or called him, he didn't respond.
I don’t know whether he couldn’t hear it and didn’t respond, or he heard it but didn’t want to respond.
I sat there slumped, trying to stand up but without the strength.
As far as I can remember, I’ve never been burned to such a high temperature. If I continue to burn like this, will I die?
When this thought came to my mind, I shuddered and began to feel fear in my heart.
When I was most sad, I thought about the word "death", because then I could see my mother and live without such pain and sadness. But now, this word scares me.
Because now Bai Xiaodie just wants to live a good life, slowly become the kind of person she wants to be, and become good enough, so good that even if I stand next to Shu Nian, Luo Yuxin will not hate me.
Shu Nian.
When this name appeared in my mind, my heart suddenly ached. That guy who always appeared in front of me when I was in extremely bad situations probably wouldn't come to save me this time!
I don’t know if it’s because my mind was so confused that I remembered a lot of details that I had overlooked.
Shu Nian said, little butterfly, the answer has always been in your heart.
What was the problem?
I tapped my head, oh, I asked him why he cared about me so much.
Was the answer really in my heart all along?
I reached out and drew aside the curtains; the window opposite was completely dark.
Will I burn myself into an idiot and forget Shu Nian who lives across the street? But I can't bear to forget him, the guy who always comes to save me and comforts me in awkward ways.
I gritted my teeth, pushed the window open with all my strength, and shouted, "Shu Nian!"
The sound was actually not loud and was quite hoarse, but the light on the opposite side lit up in an instant.
Just a light was on, but I felt inexplicably at ease. I leaned over the desk and my eyelids began to feel heavy.
I really want to fall asleep like this, without worrying about anything, just close my eyes and take a nap.
"Little Butterfly?" The curtains were drawn open, and Shu Nian was standing behind the window with his clothes draped over him. Actually, I couldn't see it very clearly, it was blurry and there were double images.
I tried to smile at him and wave, but I didn't have the energy to do that. I blinked and fell asleep.
I don’t know how long I slept like this, but I always felt a sound in my ears - a disturbing sound.
In a daze, I heard Shu Nian calling me softly in my ear. I tried to open my eyes, and the person standing in front of me seemed to be Shu Nian.
Am I confused?
Did the 40℃ fever make me hallucinate?
Otherwise, how could Shu Nian, who lives across the street, appear in my room?
I reached out to touch him, but my hand always passed through the illusion. It turned out to be just an illusion!
But the phantom grabbed my hand and said, "Little Butterfly, let's go to the hospital. I'll take you to the hospital."
"Hospital?" I looked at him blankly, "Oh, yes, I need to go to the hospital."
After saying that, my eyelids drooped again. I couldn’t hold on any longer and really wanted to sleep.
I felt like I was being carried by someone, and that person was carrying me forward. I opened my eyes in a daze, and seemed to see Shen Xiaoxi and Aunt Chen standing on the side, with strange expressions on their faces.
It doesn’t matter what, I leaned my face on that person’s back, feeling safe, just like the feeling when my father carried me on his back when I was very young.
"Auntie, I'll take Little Butterfly to the hospital first. I'll trouble you with the rest."
"Okay, I don't know where her father has gone. He left this morning and hasn't come back yet. I'll call her father now and ask him to go to the hospital immediately."
"Well, I'll carry her over there first."
Then I felt a bump, followed by a thumping heartbeat, and I couldn’t tell whether it was mine or the one who was carrying me.
"Are you Shu Nian?" I murmured.
"Little Butterfly, are you really confused due to the fever? You don't even recognize me." His familiar voice came to my ears. It was very close, but it seemed to come from space.
"Oh, I'm glad it's you." After getting a definite answer, I felt completely relieved. "Shu Nian, do you think I will burn into an idiot and forget about you?"
"Just try to forget me, Little Butterfly." His pace seemed to be faster. "We'll be at the hospital in a little while. Let's talk, Little Butterfly."
"Well, talk." I murmured, "Shu Nian, Luo Yuxin said that you have been looking at me, so you have become like this. Shu Nian, how long have you been looking at me?"
"Don't overestimate yourself, little butterfly." He laughed softly, "I'm just not interested in other people and things. But she was right, I did keep watching you. Well, it probably started from that day when I accidentally discovered that the window opposite was not closed! I saw a skinny little girl in a white dress, dancing like a butterfly.
"I watched for a long time without realizing it, so long that when I came to my senses, the dance had stopped. It was probably from that time that I always looked at that window subconsciously. I just wanted to see the girl dance again, but after that time, she didn't dance again. Maybe I stared at the window for too long and I was no longer interested in anything else."
"I still wasn't chosen for that dance." I remembered that year when the teacher selected the ones among us dancing students to step onto the real stage. "I tried so hard, and the teacher praised me for my good dancing, but in the end she still let a girl who was cuter than me go."
"The teacher has no vision." He said softly.
"You obviously don't think it looks good either," I protested weakly.
He said confidently, "Because I don't want you to dance in front of Xia Nuo. The way he looked at you dancing in the dance studio that day scared me a little."
"What are you afraid of?" My heart moved slightly, and I instinctively realized something.
"You're an idiot, little butterfly." His voice was very soft, but he spoke firmly, "You're afraid that he will snatch my little butterfly away! How can I let that guy snatch away the guy I've been looking at? And you once admired him so much."
I couldn't quite wrap my head around what he said. It was so simple and direct, but the high fever made it impossible for me to stay clear-headed.
"So Shu Nian, maybe I'm overthinking it, or maybe I feel good about myself, are you... are you..."
Even at this moment, I couldn't ask the question smoothly.
"Yes, little butterfly, I like you. You didn't think too much about it, Shu Nian likes Bai Xiaodie." He said softly.
I thought I must be dreaming. I looked at his black hair and finally couldn't hold on any longer and fell asleep.
I seemed to hear the sound of an ambulance siren and a commotion coming from the front.
In my half-awake state, I saw the hospital within sight, and a white ambulance hurriedly passed by us and sped forward.
When I opened my eyes again, my brain went blank for a moment, and with the faint smell of disinfectant, my previous memories slowly came back. Yes, I had a high fever in the middle of the night because Shen Xiaoxi splashed a basin of cold water on me in the morning.
I vaguely remember Shu Nian carrying me to the hospital, and I remember him saying to me in a low and gentle voice: "Little Butterfly, I like you."
I sat up from the bed. Oh my god, what did I say when I was delirious with fever? Shu Nian said he liked me. I must be dreaming. It must be like this.
"Awake?" A familiar voice came from the door of the ward. I turned my head and saw that the person walking in from outside was Shu Nian.
He looked a little tired, his expression was a little heavy, and there was a hint of worry in his eyes.
"Well, I'm fine now. I just have a fever. It's nothing serious." I thought he was worried about me.
Shu Nian smiled at me, but his expression was still a little heavy.
He said, "Little Butterfly, I have something to tell you. Don't get excited after you hear it."
"What?" His tone was very serious, and I felt a little uneasy. "What exactly is it? Shu Nian, don't keep me in suspense."
"Little Butterfly, you had a high fever last night, and your Aunt Chen called to inform your father." Shu Nian paused for a while before continuing, "He drank a lot of wine, and when he heard that you had a high fever, he the way to the hospital."
"boom--"
I felt as if my head exploded, my limbs went numb, and I froze there.
For a moment, I thought Shu Nian was joking with me.
How is this possible?
How could this happen?
Four years ago, my mother was killed by a speeding truck while she was out buying me a birthday present.
Four years later, my father got into a car accident while driving drunk because I had a high fever in the middle of the night.
"Don't worry, your father is still in surgery, maybe... maybe he will be fine." Shu Nian gently held my hand, "Little Butterfly, it's okay, he will be fine."
"Why?" I subconsciously put my other hand on my chest, "Shu Nian, even though I hate him so much, I still feel so sad. It feels like there is a big hole here, and it hurts so much that I don't know what to do."
"Because he is your father." Shu Nian said slowly, "No matter how much you hate him, he is still your father after all."
I pulled out the infusion needle, lifted the quilt and got out of bed.
I said, "Shu Nian, I want to go see him."
"Don't do this, he's still in surgery, the rescue isn't over yet." Shu Nian hurriedly stopped me, "If you go now, you'll just be waiting outside and won't be able to enter the operating room."
"Let me wait." I said, tears streaming down my face, "Shu Nian, let me wait."
My heart was filled with fear. Even though I was full of resentment towards him, Shu Nian was right. He was my father, the last person in the world who was connected to me by blood.
I just didn't want to lose him, not when our relationship was so bad.
"Okay." Shu Nian didn't stop me. He picked up his cotton coat and put it on me, asked the nurse to reinsert the infusion needle in me, and then walked forward beside me holding the rack with the infusion bottle hanging on it.
Outside the emergency room, Aunt Chen and Shen Xiaoxi were both there. When they saw me coming, their expressions changed.
Aunt Chen looked at the door of the operating room with a worried look on her face. When she saw me coming, she didn't pay much attention.
"Unlucky star, executioner!" On the contrary, Shen Xiaoxi exploded instantly when she saw me, like a firecracker that was lit. "It's all because of you that your father got into a car accident!"
"If you hadn't poured cold water on me, how could I have had a fever? Shen Xiaoxi, you are the executioner!" I couldn't stop shaking all over, even my heart was trembling.
"Shut up, all of you!" Aunt Chen yelled. Her eyes were red and her face looked a little ferocious.
Shen Xiaoxi and I stopped talking for a moment. I really wanted to say something to Aunt Chen, but her eyes blocked the words from my mouth.
It was a sad look in his eyes, but I saw love in it.
"Sit down and wait. No noise is allowed in the hospital." Shu Nian pulled me to sit on a bench in the hospital. "Don't say anything. Everyone's emotions are unstable right now."
I nodded slightly and glanced at Aunt Chen subconsciously.
I don't know why Aunt Chen married my dad, was it to give Shen Xiaoxi a complete family, or for some other reason. But I don't think it was love, because she obviously hated me so much, if she married my dad out of love, she should love me as well.
So, all along, I thought that she married my father in order to find someone to support her and Shen Xiaoxi.
Until I saw her eyes.
That's the look you'd get when you look at the one you love!