Chapter 10: Not Yet Lovers
The graduation ceremony was held as scheduled. Everyone had smiles on their faces and everything seemed so beautiful.
Except you, Ye Bihan.
Everything was just as we had imagined. The graduation hall was gorgeous, the graduation stage was broad, the graduation oath was shocking, and the graduation farewell was sad...
All of this is just as we thought at the beginning, but I expected everything, but I didn't expect that I couldn't graduate with you. Without you on this podium, there will be no greatest testimony of my youth.
I can only say that the regrets of youth are always like a knife, hanging on my heart all the time, and I can never forget them.
After that, Ding Chu actually asked me to meet her. After the last incident, I got to know her better, but I didn't have any hatred or resentment towards her. They were just small problems caused by love.
Not worth mentioning.
She took off her heavy makeup, which made her look refreshing and beautiful, and visually pleasing.
I sighed slightly, reached out my hand, and shook hers gently: "Ding Chu, you look better without makeup. You are more real without that mask." What I said had two sides, and she was so smart that she must have been able to hear it.
"Cheng Qingtong, you are indeed smarter and more capable than I thought. More importantly, you are very good at grasping a man's heart."
I burst out laughing without explaining, and only I knew the bitterness in it.
How can you be sure of that? You just rely on the fact that the other person likes you and can do whatever you want.
If I am really that magical, then why was Mo Xi unwilling to take a step towards me from beginning to end?
After all, it’s because you don’t love enough.
If he loves deeply, he will still treat you as a treasure even if you are a rat crossing the street; if he does not love you, even if you are stunningly beautiful and the center of everyone's attention, you are just a weed in his heart.
"Qingtong, actually, I don't feel guilty at all."
"It sounds like you said it, and it makes me feel comfortable."
She was stunned: "Not only do I not feel guilty, I also want to talk to you. Since you have no feelings for Lin Xiaozhu, why do you always come to provoke him, and provoke him to fall in love with you, and you pretend to be the Virgin Mary and say that you don't love him at all!"
Why does this line sound so familiar to me? I can't help but laugh. Isn't this what I once said to Mo Xiyi?
alike.
I remained silent and she continued to talk.
"Cheng Qingtong, let me tell you the truth. Lin Xiaozhu and I broke up a long time ago. There was no love between us at all. He was with me just to forget you." She was a little sad, but her tone was still full of unwillingness.
When I looked at her, I felt close to her, because I felt that the current Ding Chu was the same Cheng Qingtong in the past.
"Ding Chu, you are actually very lucky. Lin Xiaozhu has not let you down. You love him, and he gave you an identity to let you love him. Although you broke up in the end, you were with him after all. You were hurt, but he quickly made you despair. He did not give you too much hope, which was the greatest protection for you."
Ding Chu, you are not like me. For four whole years, I have been waiting for someone to take that small step towards me. After waiting for four years, he is still standing there, with no intention of coming towards me.
Compared to me, you are much happier.
But now, with separation imminent, nothing matters anymore.
The summer of graduation season is full of romance and sadness, which makes people feel uneasy. Walking on the campus, you can see confessions, proposals, farewells, and crying scenes everywhere. The whole campus is like a small theater.
And I became the only spectator in this theater.
I felt surprisingly calm and didn't feel too much about the separation.
A person was walking slowly towards me from the opposite side. He was wearing black trousers and a dark green T-shirt. His fresh hair was gently blown by the wind, revealing a pair of bright eyes.
It turned out to be him, Lin Xiaozhu.
When he appeared, my mind was filled with memories of him, good and bad, all coming to mind. At least, I became an actor in this summer night, no longer a spectator.
"Why is it you?" I walked forward. After the last argument, both of them were a little shy when they met this time.
"I'm tired of my own school, so I come to the neighboring school to take a walk and see the scenery." He said casually, as if he was really an idler who came here to see the scenery.
I smiled and said, "That's a real coincidence. I don't think I'm tired of seeing my school yet. Let's go shopping together!"
He also grinned. He looked really relaxed at the time, as if nothing unpleasant had happened before, and we were old friends who had known each other for many years. Maybe sometimes, letting go is just a matter of a moment, and after many years, these are not a problem. It's just a corner of memory, or even long forgotten.
Lin Xiaozhu kicked her feet and chatted with me freely and casually, rambling on about this and that, even some of the words were not clear, but the strange thing was that I could understand every word. This was probably the result of our tacit understanding, you said one sentence, and I knew the next sentence.
"After graduation, I'm going to the North."
Although I pretended not to care, I was still slightly tripped by a stone on the ground. He reached out his hand to help me, and our eyes met.
"Why do you want to go to the north? Aren't there many opportunities here? Besides, all your connections are here."
"In fact, you can find connections wherever you go. I just follow my family's arrangements. I also want to change my environment, which is also good."
"oh."
There was another long silence.
"Cheng Qingtong, will you miss me after I'm gone?" This doesn't sound like a question he would ask, it sounds sad and pretentious, but rather like something I would ask. Could it be that this guy has also been assimilated by me?
"Maybe. Maybe I'm too busy at work and I only think of it once in a very long time." I kept him in suspense on purpose, but he still forced a smile, as if he was not very satisfied with my answer.
There was a breeze all the way, which was cool and comfortable. It was really pleasant in the summer evening.
"I suddenly feel like I'm more familiar with your school than my own school... Maybe I'm just running here too often..."
"Yeah?"
may be.
At this time, I can only let you say less, let you have less attachment to me, and it would be best if you could forget me, so that you won't be sad.
"Qingtong, if you really like Mo Xiyi that much, then keep going. I can see that he has you in his heart, but his heart has been through too much, and there is no way he can let someone into his heart so quickly. You have to wait."
I smiled, and I couldn't tell whether it was bitterness or self-mockery.
Four years ago someone said to me, "If you can wait until that day."
Now, someone asked me to wait again.
How much time do I have to spend waiting?
I nodded without saying anything. He stood in front of me, his eyes were particularly firm.
In an instant, the scenes of our past interactions came to mind.
"I still remember the first time I saw you on the court. Although you were unreasonable, your skills were amazing and attracted a lot of crazy fans to cheer for you. I didn't have a good impression of you at that time and thought I would never have anything to do with you again. Who knew you were so shameless that you cheated me out of a big meal..."
He laughed: "At that time, I thought you were silly. You blushed and your heart beat fast when you saw others kissing, so I wanted to play a trick on you. I didn't expect that you were not only silly, but also stupid..."
The past is like smoke, like poetry and like paintings. The passing years are always beautiful.
I didn't have the ambition to be a manager, boss, organizer, or planner in a big company as I said when I enrolled. I just became a clerk in a small company.
It was only then that I realized how huge the gap between ideal and reality was.
I used to be so passionate and had so many ambitions, but now they are all gone and I have become an ordinary person in this prosperous world.
There were so many dreams and fantasies in the past, but in the end they became just a drop in the ocean, smaller than dust.
I tried very hard to find many jobs, but in the end, only a small company was willing to accept a recent college graduate. Because I needed to earn money as soon as possible to support my family, I agreed without hesitation.
As soon as I found a job, I asked my mother to transfer the dry cleaning shop to someone else. She was getting older and looked older than ordinary people. For her health, I arranged for her to stay at home, where she spent her days tending flowers and feeding birds, leading a leisurely and comfortable life. The salary I earned was enough for my mother and I to live a frugal life.
Every day when I get home from get off work, there is always a table of delicious meals in front of me, and her nagging is still endless. After dinner, I wash the dishes and wash the dishes, and she goes to the yard to chat with the neighbors, so restless.
Sometimes when I look at her carefree smiling face, I feel that everything should proceed naturally, without the need for change or more effort.
Although my job doesn't have much passion, I get off work on time, and overtime is very rare. It's stable and comfortable, and I don't have to worry too much. There is no annoying boss, only endless trivial things to do, no colleagues who are scheming against each other, only endless gossip among colleagues. Life is comfortable, work is comfortable, and mood is comfortable.
Everything is so natural, except you, Moses.
It's just that when I lie alone in bed late at night, I start to have wild thoughts. Is life just going to go on without passion?
Is this the life I want and the life I pursue?
Are the wishes and dreams I had originally had given up just like that?
Isn’t it a waste to start living the life of an eighty-year-old in your twenties?
Amidst countless tangled problems, I fell into a deep sleep. When the sun rose in the morning, I looked at the rising sun, put on my backpack, sighed lightly, and continued my recurring life.
Maybe one day, I can regain my confidence and work hard to make some changes like Cai Qihang.
After work that day, I finished all my work early and made an international long-distance call to Ye Bihan's parents.
I was very nervous before the fight. It took my mother a long time of encouragement and persuasion for me to muster up the courage.
After going through so many things, Cheng Qingtong finally became a coward. She was afraid to face, afraid to bear, afraid of the cruel consequences and bloody reality.
I was so scared that I was very careful in everything I did. I stretched out my tentacles to test whether the air around me was safe. Only when I was sure that it was safe would I open my eyes tremblingly to see what was happening.
I have to say, at this moment, I really hated myself.
I think Xiaohan must hate the way I look now. Whenever I think of this, I feel so sad that I want to cry.
The phone beeped several times and was finally picked up when it was almost disconnected.
It's night here, but it should be morning over there.
"Hello!" When I heard the phone was picked up, I couldn't wait to speak.
"Hello, is this Qingtong?"
It was Aunt Ye’s familiar voice.
"Yes, Auntie, I'm Qingtong. I want to... I want to ask, how is Xiaohan's illness... Is she feeling better? Is she awake?" Maybe she was a little excited, so her speech was a little incoherent.
A sigh was heard from the other side, and it seemed that the situation had not improved.
"Xiao Han, I'm feeling better..." Aunt Ye's voice was choked with sobs, and no joy could be heard in her tone.
"Auntie, you are not telling the truth..." I asked tentatively.
There was a noise coming from the other end of the phone and the call was transferred to Uncle Ye.
"Qingtong, don't worry too much. Xiaohan hasn't woken up yet. Your aunt and I will stay by her side and take care of her until... the last moment."
I seemed to hear the sound of my heart breaking, and Ye Bihan's smile kept appearing in my mind, like a movie...
There's a buzzing in my head and I can't calm down.
When my mother saw that I had been sitting on the sofa motionless after hanging up the phone, she stopped going out and chatting with people outside and sat next to me.
I curled myself up, sank deeply into the sofa, stared at a point with empty eyes, and muttered to myself.
"Mom, Xiaohan can't get better. She will never get better. Uncle said that he has to take care of her until the last moment..."
"Mom, I don't believe it. I don't believe fate would be so cruel to let us endure so much pain. I don't believe a girl like Xiaohan has to accept such a cruel life."
My mother wanted to comfort me and held my hand: "Qingtong, God is watching what we do. Don't be discouraged. There are miracles in this world..."
Miracle.
What a wonderful word it once was, but now it sounds like a word that pronounces death.
Only a miracle would wake her up.
Later, my mother no longer went out to talk to the neighbors all the time, nor did she nag me all the time. She always went along with me in everything, but the more she did so, the sadder I felt.
Life seems to have become different again. I can't even ask for the most ordinary and peaceful life.
Ye Bihan, do you think there are still miracles in this world?
Even if there is only one, I want to grab it and give it to you.
While we were looking for jobs everywhere, Mo Xiyi had a rare opportunity to be free, so he stayed in school and became an assistant teacher. This is a job that many people dream of. School work is not only easy, but also respectable. The longer you work, the better the salary. He was lucky.
But most people don’t get such a good opportunity, since he is the president of the Student Union.
After get off work, I went to school, wanting to see him and the campus. People always like to reminisce and be sentimental. When I was in school, I always ran away. Now that I am outside, I want to take time to run back.
It was still the same campus, but there were fewer familiar faces. Things had changed. Mo Xiyi was waiting for me at the school gate, and we chatted while walking.
This is a scene I used to dream about. My heart would always beat fast and I would be full of anticipation when walking shoulder to shoulder with him. I never expected that time is such a terrible thing that it would wash away our emotions and make them so peaceful.
I will never be that excited again.
And that kind of ignorant heartbeat that belongs to youth only happens once.
I smiled and asked him, "Moxiyi, you once said, 'You never believe in love. If I like you, let's just be friends. Maybe I can wait until that day.' Is it still effective now?"
I looked at him with a smile. His eyes were as bright as when I first met him, but now he was no longer so arrogant or serious. There was a warm look in his eyes. This was probably the mark of time.
I want to say, Mo Xiyi, after going through hardships and pain, you still chose to treat this world gently.
That's great.
He said: "Cheng Qingtong, you are a tenacious stream, and you have almost penetrated my stubborn stone. Of course, what I said counts."
I gave him a bright smile.
"Qingtong, smile like this from now on. You look best when you smile like this. Just like the first time I saw you on the bus, you were reckless and heartless. You were actually very cute like that."
You are actually very cute like that.
This is probably the only compliment I have heard from him in all these years.
I was stunned and my eyes couldn't help but become moist.
"So you can say sweet words too? I never realized..."
"People will always change. Only by adapting to changes can we live better, right? If I had always been like a cold stone, you would probably not be by my side now. If I had always been covered with thorns, I would probably have been depressed by now."
Listening to him making fun of himself like this, I really wanted to laugh. The once arrogant Mo Xiyi would actually make fun of himself like this.
We walked until the sun set, the sky gradually turned dark blue, and stars gradually appeared. But the topic never seemed to stop, from the beginning to now, it has been a long time since we chatted like this, and I felt refreshed after finishing it.
I stretched and smiled at him: "Mo Xiyi, it's great to have you."
After he said that, my face suddenly became hot. He looked at my blushing face and reached out to rub my hair.
The happiness at that time was sweet to the heart, an incomparable and indescribable happiness. Such an intimate action, such a beautiful you and me.
After that, it was no longer difficult for Mo Xi and I to get along, and he was no longer cold to me. If I were to say which memory of him in my youth was the warmest and sweetest, it would be now.
We often go out for snacks together. Whenever I see something delicious or new, I will smile at you with joy, and you will gently push my head and say that I am a foodie.
We would occasionally go to see a popular movie. Sitting next to you, I would often laugh without any image, causing people in front of me to stare at me. You would cover your face with your hands and pretend not to know me. But I would deliberately talk to you and play pranks on you. Seeing your embarrassed look made me want to laugh.
We often chat until very late and talk about everything. In fact, in the end, we just talk about what weird things happened at work that day, how many of your students refused to hand in their homework, and occasionally mention Ye Bihan, and then we don't say anything more after a silence.
But we don’t hold hands. We don’t swing hands back and forth freely like other lovers do.
We don't kiss, not like other couples kissing under the street lights late at night.
We don't hug each other, or hold each other close for warmth during the cold winter months.
I remember there was a song called "Not Yet Lovers", which was probably about us.
It seems like there is an emotion about to pour out and trigger a landslide
Maybe taking half a step will make you particularly sensitive
Maybe keeping a secret is more difficult
The tug of war is fierce but heartwarming
This situation, a moment of clarity, continues to be calm
A moment of sentimentality, dying with a smile
The relationship between Mo Xiyi and I is more ordinary than the lyrics of this song. It is like a glass of boiled water, very calm and pure. But after being together for so long, we have begun to rely on each other. This trust that arises involuntarily makes me happy.
In fact, if I can continue like this, I don't object, I will even be very happy. Compared with the previous struggles, I prefer the tranquility of the moment. Habit is a terrible thing. Once your body or flesh is used to something, you will do it involuntarily. If you don't do it, every cell in your body will protest. If it really comes to this, it will be the most fatal injury.
We have been living in this relationship for a year.
If it takes 28 days to form a habit, then my habit has been consolidated hundreds of times from formation to review, and I'm afraid it will be difficult to change it in this lifetime.
Mo Xiyi, are you happy during these days when we are not yet lovers?
If Mo Xiyi hadn't been sent to teach in the mountains by the school, I thought I would spend the rest of my life with him, and one day, when he finally discovered me, he would marry me. That was how I had planned, and I had thought everything through. But the sudden work arrangement transferred you to a place so far away from me.
Distance is a scary thing. Before you left, my heart was filled with fear.
Before you left, I worked day and night to knit you a pair of gloves with wool. I heard that if you wear the gloves knitted by your loved one, you will be covered with them and return to her safely and healthily.
I don’t know why I was so naive at that time and actually believed in this kind of legend without any reason, but it was because of Moshiyi and your existence that I believed it. I believe in legends, fairy tales, and you.
However, because it was your first time knitting, the gloves were one bigger than the other and didn’t fit you well. But you still put them on with a smile on your face, looking so happy, as if you had received the most precious gift in the world.
I sent you to the station. You were pulling a big suitcase. I lowered my head and you didn't say anything. It was not until the train came rumbling towards us that I suddenly raised my head and said to you firmly and seriously, "Mo Xiyi, I will wait for you to come back. You must come back. I will always wait for your answer."
You finally stopped being silent and looked at me tenderly. This time, I really saw the reluctance in your eyes.
You put your hand on my cheek, stroked my face with your palm, lowered your head, and left a light kiss on my forehead.
I just felt the roar of the train gradually fade away, and the wind blowing on my face was indescribably romantic, and the world was spinning.
Mo Xiyi, after waiting for so many years, I finally got a kiss from you.
Mo Xiyi, are you finally willing to be nicer to me?
He said, "Thank you, Cheng Qingtong."
The train roared, and he left anyway, just like that.
I couldn't even see his back.
All the memories are gone, only the longing remains. How can I change these habits, and how can I spend these years without you by my side?
It was like pulling the other me out of my body, leaving only a shell, letting her wander in the sunlight like a walking corpse, living just for the sake of living.
Waiting for you has become the only thing I want to do, so it is natural that I hope that time can pass faster.
When other girls hope that their youth can go by slowly and be wasted, I hope that time can go by faster so that you can come back soon.
The Chinese New Year is coming soon, and it has been more than two months since you left. I am still working hard, living a monotonous life, and my mother is almost going crazy. The sentence she says to me most every day is: When will your Mo Xiyi come back? If he doesn't come back, don't wait for him. You are a girl, can you afford to wait? If you wait any longer, you won't be able to get married...
In other words, she kept scare me by saying that I would never get married, and wanted me to find a boyfriend as soon as possible, but every time I rejected her without hesitation.
Every time this happened she would get so angry that she would vomit blood, and she probably cursed me in her dreams for being an unfilial daughter.
until one day……
I don't know where she got a stack of photos from, then she sat in front of me with a smile, cross-legged, and wrapped her arms around mine tightly. I couldn't escape even if I wanted to.
So, just like that, I was forced to discuss the person I was about to go on a blind date with her. My mother's language skills should not be underestimated, but I was a direct descendant of her, so it was not difficult for me to say no.
First……
"Qingtong, look at this guy. He's tall and energetic. His family members are all civil servants. His conditions are pretty good. Why don't you go meet him?"
I took a look at him with a little dissatisfaction, and turned my head away wanting to vomit: "Mom, this guy is fat and has big ears. I don't know how much money he has embezzled from the country. Besides, you know I don't like fat guys. I only like tall and thin guys like Mo Xiyi. I don't like this guy!"
"Okay, okay! Take a look at this one." She picked out a photo with a nice figure from the numerous photos. "Look, this figure is even better than Mo Xi's. I heard that this person is an IT person. Now is the digital age, IT people are very popular. This is great. I'll call your Aunt Liu and make an appointment!"
"Mom! This guy's glasses are almost thicker than the bottom of a beer bottle, and you actually let me go on a blind date with him! Don't you think about the next generation? Genetics are very important. Besides, I don't like eyes that small..."
The next half hour.
"I don't like noses that are so flat..."
"This one is bald..."
"I can't bear to look at her if she looks so disgusting. If I look at her for the rest of my life, I will be tortured to death!"
"Mom, this bearded guy can be my dad, should I get married or find a dad?"
…
"Cheng Qingtong!" Mom let out a loud roar, "You just have to find fault, don't you? Last one, you have to meet this person. I've already made an appointment for you. He's a good person, has a good family, and most importantly, he's a handsome guy. If you don't go to meet him, I'm going to jump off the building today!"
"Mom..." in a coquettish tone.
"Don't call me mom. The world is so big, how can I find someone exactly like Mo Xiyi for you? If you still consider me a mom, you should go on a blind date for me tomorrow. A blind date!" The last two words almost shattered my eardrums.
I had no choice but to go.
Mo Xiyi, look carefully, I didn't let you down, I just went to meet this person, I guarantee that he won't want to see me again after seeing me. When you come back, I will tell you the whole story, you will definitely laugh out loud, then rub my hair and say, Cheng Qingtong, I love you.
Before I went, I got a haircut. I just hoped that after seeing me, the person would back off and never want to see me again.
After entering the barber shop, I found a place to sit down and randomly pointed to a barber to serve me.
"Hello, stylist, give me a buzz cut."
I said the previous sentence almost without hesitation, using my fluent tone and loud voice. It really is related to genetics.
The stylist put down his tools and stood in front of me. "Miss, your hair is so long and smooth. Are you sure you want to cut it into a... buzz cut?"
I really didn't want to say another word, so I turned around and nodded to him seriously.
Facts have proved that having hair that is too long can really increase stress. After getting it cut, I feel refreshed. At this moment, I am particularly envious of those men who have had a short flat head since birth. You are so lucky.
Afterwards, with this unique head, I bought some masculine clothes and went on a blind date.
In fact, the person I was dating was really nice. He was handsome, with deep eyes, long eyelashes, slightly dark wheat-colored skin, and the same short haircut as mine.
It seems that I have really chosen one of the most popular men's hairstyles at the moment.
He was wearing a black suit, holding a coffee cup elegantly, waiting for me.
But when I sat in front of him casually, he looked suspicious and said, "Sir, I have already reserved this seat. Can you sit somewhere else?"
I wanted to laugh, but I held it back: "Aren't you waiting for someone?"
I raised my eyebrows and pointed at myself. He was startled and heard a girl's voice. His mouth opened wide: "Are you Miss Cheng?"
I nodded as a matter of course: "Yes, I am Cheng Qingtong."
I don’t need to say much about what happened afterwards. This handsome guy was scared away by me.
Actually, he is a very nice person. Maybe if it weren't for Mo Xiyi, I would really take blind dates very seriously, dress myself up carefully, go to the movies with the blind date, spend a few months together, and then get married.
But Mo Xiyi, since you appeared, it seems that other people are not even one ten-thousandth as good as you. No matter how hard I try, I still can't accept others.
When I went home that day, I wore a wig. I said to my mother with a sad face, "Mom, that man is too handsome and doesn't like me at all. He never even looked at me straight in the eye from beginning to end. I'd better not go and humiliate myself."
My mother was so anxious that she almost jumped out of the kitchen and started cursing at the man: "What kind of vision does this man have? My daughter is as beautiful as a flower. Is he blind? He doesn't even like you!" I thought to myself, it's a good thing that the man is not here. If he was here, she might rush up and beat him up.
I took off my coat and was laughing secretly on the sofa, and she accidentally discovered me.
"Qingtong, tell me the truth, you didn't go at all, I'll call your Aunt Liu right now!"
"Go ahead and hit me! If you are not afraid of hurting my feelings, then hit me! How can you force your own daughter to marry someone else?"
When she saw that I had tricked her, she became less impulsive and the matter ended.
It wasn't until later that she discovered the wig I was wearing that she started to scold me again.
"Cheng Qingtong, you are really bold. You don't feel ashamed, but I do! In order to reject others, you cut your hair so short! Are you the only one who can cut it? Why don't you just shave your head bald? You might as well become a monk! I wonder if Mo Xiyi will accept you after you become a monk..."
I stood there with my mouth wide open, looking extremely terrified - Mom, you are too cruel.
However, Mo Xiyi would definitely not dislike me. He would definitely stroke my bald head and say to me: "Qingtong, you are so beautiful, so beautiful, the skin on your head is so good..."
I have to say, I almost vomited after imagining it.
After my mother found out about this, she never introduced any blind dates to me again. She just kept sighing at me. Over time, I got used to it.
Mo Xiyi, I spent three years in such an ordinary way, and your occasional calls and text messages became the reason to support me. Until now, my phone is full of your text messages, and I can't bear to delete any of them, even the "um", "ah" and "oh" you said.
That day, you asked for a QQ video chat for the first time. I rushed home after work and sat in front of the computer. My mother thought I was frightened and kept comforting me, telling me to be calm and not to rush...
I dealt with my mom, turned on the computer, went online, and saw your flashing avatar and the video request you sent.
I quickly clicked to accept the call, and then began a long wait. The signal in the mountains was too poor, and I felt very uncomfortable sitting in my seat. I really wanted to install a receiver or something to make the signal stronger, but there was no point in being anxious. I could only wait patiently. I had waited for three years, and what else was left but a few minutes?
The picture was shaking, and the signal gradually stabilized. In the somewhat stuck picture, I saw your eyes and heard your voice.
"Qingtong? Can you see? Can you hear?"
The picture flashed, your face jumped on the screen, and I finally saw the whole picture.
At that moment, I could hardly make any sound. I just sat in front of you blankly, not saying anything, not daring to say anything, as if I was afraid that the slightest effort would destroy your signal. You gave me a faint smile, the same faint smile as before, familiar yet strange.
Mo Xiyi, you have lost weight and your cheekbones have become higher. I feel so sad but I didn't say it out loud.
"Moxiyi, I see it, and I can hear your voice."
He smiled, and this time it was a happy smile: "Cheng Qingtong, I miss you so much."
Cheng Qingtong, I miss you so much...
The sound echoed, over and over again.
I bit my lip and looked at him lovingly.
"Cheng Qingtong, I've thought a lot here. No one disturbs me, and no one cares about me, but it allows me to think better. I can live without Xiao Nuan, Wen Rou, and a complete family. But after thinking about it realized that I can't live without you."
I almost burst into tears, but I was afraid of losing control, so I covered my mouth with my hands and tears welled up in my eyes. Is this what is called crying tears of joy?
"Cheng Qingtong, wait for me. After I finish my last support activity in the disaster area, I will go back. After I go back, I will marry you, okay?"
At that moment, his voice came over in waves along the network signal, and I sat opposite the computer and nodded vigorously.
Mo Xiyi, I have waited for so many years and finally got your answer.
Mo Xiyi, do you know how happy I am at this moment?
After the video ended, I sat in the chair and laughed foolishly for a long time. When I turned around, I saw my mother who was also smiling but with tears streaming down her face.
"Xiaotong, mommy blesses you."
We smiled at each other.
I will never forget that moment.
Until later on, that was the most unforgettable moment for me.
After that, I was always in a state of waiting for him, and I felt much better. Every day seemed to feel that he would come back the next day. This feeling of happiness and anticipation made me feel that every day was extremely fulfilling.
After work that day, I turned on the TV as usual. A piece of news on TV attracted my attention. I held an apple in my hand, biting it casually while listening to the news report.
The news announcer calmly read out a paragraph: "During a teacher and staff support activity in the disaster area in ×× area, something went wrong. A landslide occurred unexpectedly and several teachers met with misfortune."
These words are completely cold, heartless and devoid of warmth.
I squeezed the apple in my hand until the water came out of it, so I quickly picked up the phone and prepared to call Mo Xi.
At this moment, the list of the dead was announced on the TV screen, and the three words "Mo Xiyi" stung my pupils.
A mechanical voice came from the other end of the phone: The number you dialed is temporarily unavailable, please call again later...
My emotions suddenly became difficult to control and I collapsed to the ground. I felt cold all over, all my pores opened up, the apple was almost crushed by me, and even breathing became difficult.
My mother came in from outside and was panicked when she saw my appearance. She looked at the report on the news and then looked at my appearance, and then she roughly understood what had happened.
I burst into tears, tears kept pouring out, and I kept repeating Mo Xiyi's name, but you could no longer hear it.
I shout and cry over and over again, but you can no longer hear me.
I waited year after year, day after day, and was about to wait for you, but you sentenced me to death. You said you would never come back.
How can I face the rest of my life alone? How can I bear the pain that life cannot bear alone? Mo Xiyi, you said you would come back. Breaking your promise is not your style...
You can't hear my cries and you can't see my despair. This is probably the most cruel thing in the world.
"Qingtong! Qingtong, don't cry, don't cry..." My mother kept telling me to stop crying, but she hugged me and cried as sadly as I did.
Mo Xiyi, can you bear it?
You said you would take the last step towards me.
But why did you choose to leave before you left?
I dare not say that it was the longest night I have ever spent in my life, because a lifetime is too long and I haven't finished it yet. I can only say that after enduring that long night, I can no longer face love, and I can no longer fall in love with someone like this.
I love too hard and too tired.
In my best youth, I only dared to love you in the name of friends, and used all my youth to ignite the love that belongs to you and me.
I fearlessly took ninety-nine steps towards you, but I never thought that the last step would be to send you to heaven.
Does imperfection mean youth?
If it’s not cruel, it can’t be called youth?
Is it true that you can’t really grow up without getting hurt?
Tears condense into mist, the pain is unforgettable.