Chapter 10 I kissed you and you cried at night
The butterfly that kissed the summer died in the winter because it was too cold. There was a man who gave me pain and flowers. I had a beautiful coat for disguise, but without the deadly weapon, I pulled out the thorns and finally lost completely.
Qi Beichen01
She is getting married.
My brain took a long time to react before I finally understood what this meant.
She finally escaped from me.
"Have you ever loved me? Even just a little bit?"
"I loved you, but later I stopped loving you."
There was a slight tremor in my voice. After a long time, I felt a bitter taste in my throat and soreness in my eyes. I felt very uncomfortable. I was dreaming again.
Yes, she promised Sun Nuofan that they would get married soon. A year ago, I didn't catch her, and a year later, I still couldn't change the result.
I couldn't hear anything else, only those words filled my mind.
I could have foreseen the ending, but I just didn't want to confirm it. I still held on to a glimmer of hope, but it was only because I was afraid to face it.
I have forgotten when the rain stopped. I was in no mood to eat dinner. I curled up on the cold floor, looking at the lights of thousands of homes outside the floor-to-ceiling glass windows, feeling very annoyed.
No one will forgive me, I am deeply sinful.
But I couldn't control myself and I went to see her again and again.
I asked Lin Wanqiu for her current address and kept calling her, but she didn't answer. Then I drove to the downstairs of her house.
I felt like I was crazy. I was standing at her door like a gangster, and the knocks on the door were like heavy rain.
"Open the door. I need to tell you something."
I stood outside the door, sitting on the floor with my back against it.
"I'll wait for you to open the door."
I sat with my back against the door, one leg bent. I knew she was listening, and I was afraid that if I didn't say something now, I would never have the chance to say it again.
The night was long, and time seemed to have passed for centuries. I smoked hard, and the cigarette butts at my feet had piled up. I don't know how long it took, but the door opened, but no one was there. On the balcony, there was a thin figure standing vaguely.
I pursed my lips and slowly moved over.
It was snowing outside, and it had been snowing for the past few days. My mood was as cold as this snowy night. Snowflakes were blown onto her shoulders and hair.
For the first time, I felt that Xiang Qianlan was actually just an ordinary girl. She was not that strong or powerful.
She stood quietly, wearing a thin cotton nightgown, her black hair draped over her shoulders. She looked back at me, her eyes dark and dead silent.
I suddenly didn't have the heart to question her.
I reached out to brush the snow off her shoulders, but she stepped back alertly, avoiding my hand. I stood there for a long time, watching for a long time, without moving.
Loneliness and solitude wrapped around the thin figure in front of me, so desolate that it made people feel distressed.
"Just say what you want to say." Her voice sounded hoarse and nasal, obvious symptoms of a cold.
"Do you have a cold? Go take some medicine first, and I'll talk to you after you finish it."
"You speak first."
I felt annoyed, took a deep breath, walked to her side, and put my hands on her shoulders. She tried to move away again, but I grabbed her.
She couldn't break free, stared at me, and said to me, "Let go."
I let her go, I couldn't do anything about her. I went back to the living room, rummaged through the drawers, and finally found a box of unfinished cold medicine. I went to the kitchen and poured her a cup of warm water so she could take the medicine.
She actually accepted my kindness. Her cold fingers brushed my palm. I said, "I thought you would reject me."
"I rarely refuse you." She said meaningfully.
I was startled, but with a smile on my face, I said with a hint of sarcasm: "Should I say to you... Happy wedding..."
"Thank you. We will."
She just makes me angry so easily.
Time froze, the chill moved away, I gently pinched her chin, and moved my lips closer to hers, inch by inch, almost touching each other, and repeated: "We? You are so close already? Xiang Qianlan, don't forget..." I didn't continue. Neither of us wanted to mention the incident in the rental house.
"And you who are even closer...well..." She seemed to have her thorns all erected again.
I kissed her. I think my eyes were filled with hurt and despair. I didn't want to hear this mouth say words that hurt me again. She didn't refuse, nor did she respond to me, just like many years ago.
"Aren't you getting married? Isn't it disgusting to kiss me? Why don't you refuse, Xiang Qianlan, how can you be so despicable!" The despair in my eyes was like a red flame, burning my anger.
Her lips were slightly swollen and she looked at me quietly without saying anything.
It shouldn't be like this... I just want to have a good talk with her...
I screwed up again...
Snowflakes were floating past my eyes and the cold wind chilled my body.
I don't know how long it took, but she reached out her hand and wiped her lips. Her lips slightly raised, and she said sarcastically in my ear: "Qi Beichen, who is more contemptuous? Don't you know very well?"
I forgot to breathe and heard the sound of my heart breaking. The pain and coldness spread throughout my body.
Yes, who is more despicable? It is me, Qi Beichen. It has always been me. She is a poisonous butterfly. I was poisoned by her from the beginning and there is no way back.
She really forgot that I loved her so much. Those memories that I thought I could never forget, bit by bit, turned out to be forgettable. The cold street lights reflected her dark eyes, cold and lonely.
"So you are so heartless."
I looked at the dark night sky, at the snowflakes dancing in the air, and the words came out of my thin lips. The words I had prepared could no longer be said.
There was a thick sarcasm and ridicule on the corners of her mouth: "I told you, I will make you unhappy, you shouldn't provoke me."
"Yes, I shouldn't have provoked you."
I clenched my hands into fists at my sides, knuckles exerting force, and turned around resolutely, commanding myself not to look back. I took small steps, one step at a time, away from that thin figure.
Away from the woman I loved so much.
So be it.
Why should I bring humiliation upon myself?
After leaving Xiang Qianlan's house, I drove to the bar, drank some wine, and staggered out. This winter night was romantic and short, but I didn't know where to go.
Where else can I go... She doesn't want me anymore...
I walked down the street in a daze, not looking at the traffic lights , not paying attention to the cars, not hearing the screeching sound of tires scraping the ground behind me...
When the car hit me, I thought back to that rainy day a year ago. If I died, would she change her mind? Before I could figure out the answer, I felt myself being thrown into the air. I was like a bird with broken wings, flying and falling, falling into endless darkness. It was strange that I didn't feel any pain...
Alcohol numbed my nerves, snowflakes fell on my forehead, I lay on the cold ground, looking at the endless night sky, and suddenly thought, it would be better if I died, then I wouldn't feel so sad.
The moment before I lost consciousness, her face froze into a picture in my mind. A smile appeared on the corner of my mouth, and the pain slowly came over me.
"Who are you?"
"and who are you?"
"Games are the beginning of trouble. You can refuse."
"But I covet the chips of the game."
At the beginning of the story, she said she was greedy for the game chips, but I was greedy for her.
But it's too late...
I closed my eyes, and the warm, salty and bitter liquid slowly flowed from the corners of my eyes.
The night swallowed up all sounds.
When I woke up, I saw my mother. She was crying, which made me feel that someone cared about me. I didn't let my mother notify anyone, and it seemed that no one could notify anyone.
I only have two numbers saved in my phone, my mother's and Xiang Qianlan's. The doctor called my mother, but I didn't expect my mother to call Xiang Qianlan. This proud woman would actually bow her head for her son. For a moment, I really thought I had forgotten the past.
I don’t know what my mother said to Xiang Qianlan. Xiang Qianlan actually came to the hospital to take care of me. She looked very busy. I thought, maybe she was busy with the wedding…
Sometimes she would answer Sun Nuofan's call in front of me, but one time, she avoided me and walked out of the room. I got up from the bed, took difficult steps, and followed her out quietly.
She was talking on the phone with Sun Nuofan. I saw her squatting on the ground, looking so helpless. A question kept circling in my mind: Qi Beichen, are you happy that you have forced her to this point?
Let it go...let it go...
These three words have been circling in my mind, and I suddenly feel tired. Maybe Xiang Qianlan and I are destined not to be together, but I keep trying to keep her. Why?
I thought about it for a long time, and after I figured it out, I decided to let go, let go forever, and completely leave her and his world.
I know it's true this time, and I really won't bother her again.
Before Xiang Qianlan went abroad, I called to customize a wedding dress. At that time, I didn’t know why I did that. Maybe I still had a glimmer of hope for her. Maybe Xiang Qianlan would go back on her word?
However, more than a year has passed and she has not regretted it.
After I was discharged from the hospital, I asked the designer to send the wedding dress to me, and then I sent the wedding dress to her company.
Let this be our farewell.
Xiang Qianlan and I never met again.
The wedding came as scheduled.
On the day of her wedding, the weather was not good, and I sat on a bench outside a coffee shop, watching the snowflakes fall, watching the sanitation workers start cleaning, and watching the long wedding procession pass by me.
They seemed happy, and I was the only one who was forgotten.
Time seemed to have grown legs and was slowly crawling on the wall. Snowflakes stayed in the palm of my hand. I held the melted snow and felt that it was just like our love.
Heartache is hidden somewhere invisible.
The wedding before my eyes was not an illusion after all, it existed realistically and cruelly.
She is getting married.
She is marrying someone else.
I sat there for a long time like a statue, motionless, and then I got up and went to the church. I didn't want to ruin their wedding, I wanted to see her in her wedding dress, and if everything went well, I wanted to see her get happy with my own eyes.
The moment I opened the door, I saw her in a white wedding dress. She was not wearing the wedding dress I gave her. Yes, I should have thought of it earlier. Why would she wear it?
At the wedding, everyone had a happy look on their face.
The excitement and joy all belong to them. I am a poor creature. The wedding in my dream goes on step by step. I see Sun Nuofan looking at her tenderly, the guests looking at me strangely, and Xiang Qianlan crying.
I only showed up for a few minutes, and then I left quickly without looking back.
I couldn't turn back, but I realized it too late.
She entered the besieged city of marriage, but she was always in my heart. I just wanted to stay away from her and away from it all.
After all, I didn't have the courage to watch her belong to someone else, so I comforted myself that it was all a dream. My love died in the dream, and Qi Beichen who loved her died in the wedding.
I wonder, is she happy?
I guess it will.
