When I was seventeen, I was in my second year of high school and Shen Xiaoxi transferred to the school I was attending.
On the first day of school, my father sent me to school for the first time, of course, because Shen Xiaoxi also went with me. To celebrate the start of school, my father bought me a pink dress.
He bought two in total, one for me and one for Shen Xiaoxi.
But today, Shen Xiaoxi was the only one who came to school wearing a new skirt, because the skirt my father bought for me was one size bigger - he bought it according to Shen Xiaoxi's height.
I think he must have just accidentally forgotten his daughter's height, he must not have done it on purpose.
I stood outside the crowd, waiting for my father to come out after paying the fees. I swept my eyes through the crowd, and suddenly, a face caught my eye.
The September wind blew my hair, and I seemed to see an endless field of dandelions. They swept in from the distant horizon, and the tuxedo boy in my dream suddenly appeared in front of me in this way.
Why does it appear?
I always thought it was just a dream - a distant dream that was out of reach.
But the boy in the dream, he is here, at the school gate where the crowds are surging. He is coming against the current, with a faint smile on his lips, and his eyes are like amber, filled with sunshine.
He looks exactly like the boy in my dream.
He was the first boy to smile at me.
I heard my heart beating wildly - "thump, thump."
It wasn't until someone pushed me accidentally that I woke up from the illusion. The girl smiled at me shyly, her eyes curved into crescent shapes.
She said, "I'm sorry, classmate."
I shook my head blankly, and turned around to see Shen Xiaoxi standing at the other end of the crowd. She looked at me with a faint smile in her beautiful eyes, and at that moment, I instinctively lowered my head. It was a look that saw through all my secrets.
I hope she didn’t see how my expression changed the moment the boy appeared. It was just a dream.
I can’t keep my mom and my dad, but at least let me keep the right to dream!
After returning home, my father told me that Shen Xiaoxi and I were in the same class. He had specifically asked the teacher to do this. He knew that after my mother passed away, I became increasingly withdrawn and had few friends in the class, so in his opinion, this way I would not be lonely.
What can I say?
I could only smile and say thank you to him.
In the evening, Aunt Chen specially prepared a table full of delicious food.
Shen Xiaoxi picked up a piece of braised pork and put it into my bowl at the right time, winning my father's praise.
Only I, who had my head buried, could see that it was a big piece of fat meat.
I buried it in my rice and swallowed it quickly.
That night, I had that dream again.
In my dream, I was sitting on a swing, surrounded by flowers. The young man was standing alone, smiling beside me.
He asked, "My beautiful princess, why are you unhappy?"
In my dream, I looked at him in confusion and replied, "Why am I not happy? I am very happy!"
He shook his head gently: "Touch your own face, you are obviously crying!"
So in my dream, I raised my hand, and my fingertips touched my cold, wet cheek.
Why? I was so happy, but I cried?
I woke up suddenly. It turned out that it was raining outside. I didn't close the window, and the rain fell in through the window and hit my face, making me feel like I was crying.
The next day in class, I chose a seat by the window and unexpectedly found that the boy who smiled at me at the school gate yesterday was in the class . He always passed by our classroom before going to his own classroom.
I don't know if the teacher heard my humble wish, but when he changed the seats, he didn't move me. This way, I could just turn my head slightly and pretend to watch him walk past my window.
It was also on this day that I learned the boy’s name, because all the girls in the class were discussing him, so I learned that he had a very nice name - Xia Nuo.
Shano, Shano.
I quietly repeated this name in my mind over and over again. How beautiful it is, just like the name of a quiet and beautiful girl. But because it is him, I don’t think this name is inappropriate at all.
In this world, it seems that only a young man like this deserves such a beautiful name.
The first time he walked past my window was during the third class in the afternoon.
He walked slowly towards me against the light, still with a faint smile on his face. I lowered my head and leaned slightly to the side, and saw him entering the painting in the most comfortable posture.
That must be someone who can make people feel warm, I think.
After returning home, I opened my diary and wrote down my feelings about Shanuo bit by bit on the desk in front of the window.
Because I have nowhere else to say it except here.
"Hey, Bai Xiaodie." Shen Xiaoxi stood at the door of my room, knocked on it, and called me loudly, "It's time to eat."
I quickly put the diary away and put it in the drawer. When I opened the door and saw Shen Xiaoxi's prying eyes, I don't know why I suddenly felt guilty, the kind of guilty feeling that comes from being caught doing something bad.
"What are you doing?" She spoke slowly, with an innate arrogance, "Why did you take so long to come out?"
I subconsciously looked back, lowered my head and whispered, "Nothing."
"Hmph." Shen Xiaoxi's tone was somewhat disgusted. "Why are you like this? You act like I'm bullying you. Aren't you just trying to look aggrieved in front of your father?"
"I didn't." I said quickly, "I...I..."
"Okay, let's go eat." She didn't intend to listen to me at all and turned and left.
I looked at her back. She was a beautiful girl even from her back.
I looked down at my toes and followed slowly.
If Shen Xiaoxi is a bright and beautiful peony, then I am probably just an inconspicuous bunch of grass on the roadside!
"I'm done eating, you guys take your time!" Shen Xiaoxi ate unusually fast.
After she put down the bowl, she glanced at me. That look made me feel very uncomfortable, which was not a good feeling at all.
I hurriedly ate a few mouthfuls of rice and put down the bowl: "I, I'm done too."
I said this and stood up, not daring to look at my father's eyes because I had not finished the rice in my bowl.
I pulled out the chair, disappeared from the dining table as quickly as possible, and walked towards my room. When I walked to the door and looked at the half-open door, my heart skipped a beat.
I could feel my uncontrollable heartbeat, so heavy and rapid.
I gently pushed open the door and saw Shen Xiaoxi standing in front of my desk . The window was open and the breeze blew the curtains. Her dress fluttered gently and her long black hair looked so lively.
But I felt like I was trapped in an icy cave because she was holding my diary in her hand.
She turned around when she heard the sound, and at that moment I rushed over like crazy and snatched my diary away. I think my expression must have been very ferocious at that time, which even stunned Shen Xiaoxi.
"What are you doing? Can't you just take a look?"
Her tone was somewhat guilty. Under my angry gaze, she snorted coldly and walked out of my room.
At the door, she suddenly stopped and said sarcastically, "So, baby, there must be something shameful written in it, right?"
I opened my mouth and wanted to refute, but at that time my whole body was shaking, I couldn't utter a word, and my tears couldn't stop flowing.
Why do you bully people like this!
Can't I even protect my own privacy?
Bai Xiaodie, you are so bad.
I squatted on the ground holding the diary, hugged myself tightly, and tried to stop myself from trembling.
After that day, I always carried my diary with me and didn’t dare put it in the drawer anymore.
I don’t know if Shen Xiaoxi has seen what I wrote, about my childhood dreams, about how Xia Nuo and the prince in the dream have the same face.
I lied to myself and told myself that she must not have seen it in such a short time.
Definitely not.
The days still passed uneventfully, my seat was still by the window, and I still secretly watched Xia Nuo walk past the window every day, but I didn't have the courage to talk to him, so I pretended that I just saw it by accident.