Why did she come here? I already let her go, why is she still so stupid?
When I saw her at the door of my house again, I found that my heart stopped beating and I felt like I was suffocating.
I suppressed my excitement and asked her why she was here.
But she said she was cold and wanted me to take her away.
This was the second time she threw herself into my arms , holding me tightly as if seeking warmth, and was unwilling to let go.
She regarded me as her warmth, but she didn't know that she was also my warmth.
We are greedy for the warmth that we give to each other.
She said she liked me.
I knew she liked me, I could feel it, so that night near her house, I told her never to forgive me.
Never forgive me, never like me.
But why is she so stupid? Why did she fall in love with me, the beast who once hurt her so much?
If it were in the past, I would never let go, but when she confessed her love to me, I backed off because I am no longer the same person I used to be.
Not long ago, I went to the hospital to check my stomach, and it turned out that it was not an ordinary stomach disease, but stomach cancer.
God played a big joke on me. Xiaoyu, my father and I all got stomach cancer.
Countless times in pain, I have resented my biological father whom I had never met. Why did he leave me nothing but this kind of illness, making it impossible for me to love the person I want to love?
I told her she would regret it.
But she said foolishly that she wouldn't.
How could it not be possible? She feared being abandoned the most, but one day I would abandon her too.
How long can I stay with her with my current body?
That's cancer!
I knew that if I kept her, she would hate me in the future, but I just couldn't bear to let her go.
I let her go once, but she came back again.
God was so cruel to me, letting me know how she felt about me but not giving me time to respond.
In the end, I still couldn't bear to let go.
Let me be selfish for once and let her hate me in the future. I, Xu Yan, am a beast. In front of Jian Lening, I am always worse than a beast.
I hurt her once , but I want to hurt her a second time. I deserve to die.
My illness could not be delayed any longer. My adoptive parents were not completely cold-blooded. After they learned that I was sick, they began to care about me and tried to find a way to treat me.
They contacted a hospital abroad, and although there was little hope of recovery, they still decided to send me abroad for treatment.
I didn't want Jane Lening to see me weak, so I decided to lie and leave her.
I know how much harm my lies will bring to her, but I think that only after she completely gives up, can she regain her beautiful life.
But what I didn’t know was that the hurt I brought her time and time again made it impossible for her life to be good again.
What I didn't know was that only I, the one who once hurt her deeply, could heal her wounds and make her feel warm again.
With guilt towards her, with the sweetness of being with her, and with endless reluctance to leave her, I finally left.
Before I left, when I met her for the last time, she hugged me and refused to let go, crying and saying, "Xu Yan, you said you would take me away. You said so, why did you abandon me like everyone else? Xu Yan, you promised me, how could you not want me? How could you leave me alone and go abroad?"
At that moment, my heart was bleeding and tears were welling up in my eyes, almost falling, but I forced them back.
I can't be soft-hearted. I have already hurt her once and can't continue to drag her down.
I have to go, but I cannot die in front of her.
The boy named Qixuan is back, and she has Lin Jiarui by her side. She can .
From the time I met her until now, I have brought her nothing but hurt. I really regret why I brought her into my life. If I hadn't approached her in the beginning, we would just be strangers, and I wouldn't be in such pain now.
"Next time...Jane Lening, next time, I will take you away even if I die." I tried my best not to cry out loud, forced a smile with difficulty, and said while wiping her tears.
Only I know that there will be no next time. This farewell should be a farewell forever. I can only fulfill this promise in the next life.
I turned away resolutely, ignoring her crying, and tears finally rolled out of my eyes.
She said, "I will hate you if you leave."
I said to myself, hate me, I deserve to be hated, but the hatred is over. If we can meet again in the next life, I hope there will be no hurt, only sweetness like the lollipop on New Year’s Eve.
We were together for less than six months, but I couldn't forget her for the whole six years.
After leaving her, every time I close my eyes, I can see her helpless and desperate tears in her eyes when we parted.
I thought I would die early, but unexpectedly, my treatment abroad went smoothly and I overcame difficulties time and time again.
While I was receiving treatment, all I could see in my mind was Jian Lening’s helpless face. At that moment, I truly felt how reluctant I was to leave her.
She once told me that I was the one who picked her up after she was abandoned.
It was not until now that I realized how much my decision to leave her hurt her. I wanted to fly back home countless times, to be with her, and to tell her, Jian Lening, I'm back.
But the recurrence of my illness did not allow me to do so. I could only paint pictures madly to express my longing for her when I felt a little better.
To my surprise, a doctor submitted my paintings to a publishing house. The publishing house was impressed by my paintings and was willing to publish a collection of paintings for me, a little-known new artist.
What I could not have imagined was that my collection of paintings received unprecedented attention, and my story of painting while ill also attracted many media interviews, even domestic media flocked to the interview.
Just like that, the girl whom I had missed for six years, the protagonist in my painting collection, Jian Lening, the person whom I had hurt but whom I could not bear to hurt the most, suddenly appeared in front of me.
She said, "Xu Yan, how are you going to pay me back for those six years?"
How to return it?
I held her tightly in my arms and whispered, "What if I spend my whole life there?"
My fool, Jane Lening.