Volume 10 Bugs Chapter 66: Eternal Curse, the Person I Should Have Been and Am No Longer
At this moment, I was standing alone in front of the counter of Santa Bakery, silently looking at the lovely girl named "Marian Santa".
Every five minutes and twelve seconds, this diligent bakery girl would remove a plate of bread that had been on display for the longest time from the shelf, then open the oven behind her, take out a plate of freshly baked bread, and put it back in the empty space of the shelf. Every time she opened the oven door, a few sparks would appear inside, flying and circling between the ends of her flaxen hair, and the flames in the oven would make her eyes as warm as the sun and as clear and bright as the moon.
After rearranging the bread, she would stand aside, carefully look at the neat and bright cabinet, then nod with a smile on her face, as if she was very satisfied with the results of her work.
In the rest of the time, she would lie on the counter, propping up her cheeks with both hands, and staring at the sky outside the window with a smile of happiness and longing. If it happened to be noon, the clear sunlight would flow through the transparent window and quietly sprinkle on the girl's sweet smile , just like the spring light, which would bloom a wild daisy in the corner, filling the room with brightness, and even the hearts of the bystanders standing by would be moved...
…
Just after I bought snacks for the elf boy Rigsis, Marian asked me to stay. I still remember that her pretty face was red, she lowered her eyes shyly and dared not look at me, her hands grabbed the apron in front of her chest, rubbing it back and forth awkwardly.
"Sir..." Her voice was low and soft, yet as crisp as a green apple, "...I have something I want to ask you for help. You know, little Rigidsis lost my pastry basket, which is not a big deal, but..." She bit her lip lightly, glanced up at me timidly, "...but, I tied a handkerchief to the basket. That handkerchief is very important to me, I would like to ask you...can you help me find it back..."
"From your attire, I know you must be a great adventurer. Asking you to do such a trivial task is simply an insult to you. But that handkerchief is really important to me. I am willing to pay you seventy-five silver coins for it, and you can choose between blueberry bread and vanilla bread as your additional reward."
I accepted the task.
I had never known before that it was so proud and so joyful to be able to work for someone, even if it was just a small thing. She shouldn't thank me at all, on the contrary, I didn't know how to thank her for giving me such a precious opportunity to serve her with my insignificant little courage.
A strange joy hit my heart, making me want to run and shout, as if I would burst with happiness if I didn't vent it out. My heart was filled with a passion that made me feel more motivated than ever before.
If I have any regrets, it is that this task is too simple. How can just snatching her handkerchief from the mouth of a vicious dog reflect her value in my heart? I hope to challenge a dragon for her and bring the infinite wealth buried underground to her; I hope to conquer a castle for her and engrave her name on the wall in the most beautiful font; I am even willing to challenge the majesty of the last king Darendil alone for her, defeat this tyrannical monarch, and give her a peaceful and tranquil world.
Yes, I think I was under an unsolvable spell, which made me willing to give up everything I had: wealth, courage, strength, honor...even life, in exchange for her short but precious smile. And I believe that the more I sacrifice for her, the happier I will feel.
I had no difficulty in killing the dog, and I was rather disappointed at how easy it was. When I found it, it had torn the whole basket to pieces. Fortunately, I found the handkerchief in a fragment of the handle.
It was an apricot-yellow silk handkerchief with the letters "JK" embroidered on it in red silk thread, and a warm heart-shaped pattern embroidered behind the letters - it looked like the initials of someone's name, but obviously not Marian Santa's.
No matter who this person is, I envy him, I envy him, I curse him and bless him. His name has been held in the palm of a pair of gentle little hands for so long, caressed and cherished. I hope he deserves the glory of this happiness, and I hope he can give the girl enough in return.
I didn't just stuff the handkerchief into my magic backpack as I did before, but held it tightly in my hand from beginning to end - the soft touch reminded me of its owner's warm and dexterous hands. In this way, I brought it back to Marian's bakery.
However, just as I was about to return the handkerchief to the lovely girl, I hesitated.
You know, whenever someone comes to this bakery, Marianne will probably only say three things to him. When you first enter the door, she will look at you with a smile and say to you: "Welcome, what can I do for you?" If you really buy a few cakes from her, she will sincerely say to you: "Thank you for your patronage." In most cases, people who come to this bakery will leave empty-handed. At this time, this gentle girl will also greet you earnestly: "I hope you will come again next time."
Only when she saw me would she eagerly ask me: "Sir, have you found my handkerchief?" And every time I answered her in the negative, she would always sigh in disappointment and then beg me in a low voice: "I hope you can find it as soon as possible. It is very important to me."
Yes, these words would only come out of her mouth when she was facing me, which made me feel that I was a special person to this lovely girl and was treated differently by her - every time I thought of this and felt this, it brought me incredible satisfaction and joy.
I had a feeling that when I returned the handkerchief to the girl and ended the trust relationship between me and her, everything would be over. I was no longer the adventurer she had placed her hopes and expectations on, no longer the object of her inquiries and supplications. From now on, I would receive her eternal welcome and farewell, just like the countless people who had entered this bakery.
To her, I will no longer be special.
How could I accept all this? How could I be willing to sever the only bond between her and me and become one of the countless strangers in her life?
I really hope that everything that is happening now can remain unchanged like this forever, so that I can be the only special case in her eyes. Even if I can't keep my name in her heart and hands like that enviable lucky man, at least I can be mentioned by the beautiful girl again and again, and get two greetings that others will never get.
I must be crazy, this is such a selfish and greedy extravagant hope, and such a small and humble comfort. I don't know whether this crazy idea is the only life-saving straw to save my soul, or a sinful black hand that pushes my humanity into the abyss of depravity.
At that time, I just stood in front of her, holding the handkerchief tightly in my hand, struggling and resisting in my heart. I hesitated and remained silent for a long time.
Finally, I put the handkerchief back into Marianne's hands: I was powerless to resist her two clear and expectant eyes, and I didn't want to disappoint her for my selfish desires. I regretted it the moment the handkerchief left my hands - in fact, before I made up my mind, I already knew I would regret it, because I knew that no matter what the decision was, it would be a decision that I would regret forever.
After getting the handkerchief back, Marianne pressed it tightly to her chest with both hands, thanked me repeatedly, and smiled happily. I believe that was the most beautiful smile I have ever seen, but unfortunately, I can't remember what she looked like at that time. Looking back, her smile at that time was as bright and shining as the sun, dazzling. At that moment, I suddenly felt that being able to make her smile so beautifully even for a moment, no matter how much I paid for it and how long I regretted it, it was worth it.
I thought that this would be the end of it all. After a grateful farewell, I would walk out the door and never look back, becoming one of the countless strangers in her life, and disappearing without a trace. I don't know if she will still remember me when her warm little hands touch the handkerchief again, and how much she will remember me? But I know that I will not forget her, I can't forget her...
Yes, if everything ends like this, I will leave with a sour yet sweet memory. For me, this may be a good ending.
You know, sometimes a vague and plain longing is far happier than a clear and sharp disappointment.
However, people in the middle often involuntarily pursue the latter - this is why there are always more disappointments than happiness in this world.
Like many fragile and foolish people in this world who have been hurt by the cruel reality, when Maria Santa called me again, I made a wrong decision - I stayed.
…
"Sir..." She held the apricot-yellow handkerchief tightly in her palm, looking at me earnestly and a little shyly, "...Thank you for finding this handkerchief. If it weren't for you, I don't know what I would do. Please accept this meager reward, even though it is far less than the kindness you have shown me."
As she said that, she put seventy-five silver coins in my hand, and along with them, she also took out a blueberry bread and a vanilla bread, waiting for my choice.
I chose vanilla bread. Its soft and sweet taste always reminds me of the skillful hands that made it.
"In addition..." She bit her lips lightly, lowered her head as if she dared not look at me, her cheeks seemed to reflect the fire, blooming a layer of delicate red, "...If it is convenient for you, please do me another favor? Here... there is another handkerchief..." As she said this, she took out a pink silk handkerchief from the small handbag beside her and rubbed it in her hands nervously. Similar to the original handkerchief, I also saw two lovely letters embroidered in gold thread on the corner of this handkerchief: "MS".
"Can you give it to someone for me? Please give it to that person in person, and... can you keep the code for me? Oh, I really don't know if it's appropriate to ask you to do this for me, but you are the only one I know who can help me. I can't tell you who I'm going to give this handkerchief to unless you promise me. Before I get your promise, I swear I won't reveal a word..."
I thought I would be jealous, but I wasn't. Everything happened so naturally, as if it was supposed to be that way.
In fact, when I saw the two letters "JK" on the handkerchief, I had already anticipated the existence of such a person, but I had been holding back and not thinking about it, just pretending that I didn't know about it. Before that, I still had a fluke in my heart, hoping that the fog covering the facts would never dissipate before my eyes. We all know the rules of this world, don't we? Everything you don't see, you don't hear, you haven't touched, is not a fact and has never happened, no matter how high the probability of it happening is.
If this is true, I hope it never happens. But when it does happen, who am I to be jealous?
All I have is a heart full of bitterness.
I accepted the task, solemnly promising Marianne that I would personally deliver the handkerchief to whomever she wanted it to, and never mention it to anyone else - I must be crazy, how could I really accept this task? Even if anyone in the world could easily complete it, that person would definitely not be me. This is simply an impossible task, and I am afraid that I will die of a broken heart before completing this task - yes, I will!
Yet I accepted it.
I couldn't refuse even the smallest request from that girl. I couldn't resist her earnest gaze, couldn't resist her pleading voice. The most ordinary words that came out of her mouth seemed destined to become a fate that I couldn't escape. I had no choice but to accept it.
When I gave Marian what she wanted, she told me the man's name.
It was a name I was familiar with. I had heard people mention it hundreds of times a day, and I had mentioned it countless times before. I thought this name was just an ordinary symbol, representing an ordinary life. What I never expected was that this ordinary name would one day become my nightmare and the abyss of my despair.
"Would you please take it to Jeffreys Kidd, the guard at the gate?" Marianne whispered to me softly.
There was a bolt from the blue and everything went dark before my eyes!
Why is it him?
Or: Why me?
Whoever Marianne was going to give this handkerchief to, it could not bring me any deeper despair.
Because that's who I was supposed to be and who I'm no longer.
"JK", yes, I should have known it long ago. In this remote little town, apart from him - the body that I once abandoned, where could there be another damn "JK"?
I feel a kind of desperate pain in my heart, and I don't expect you to understand this pain. I have deprived myself of the happiness that belongs to me, and I can't blame anyone for all this, and I can't even regret or blame myself. I am angry, but I don't know who to hate; I feel wronged, but I don't know how to confide. I have no way to dispel and vent this depression in my heart, I can only let it press hard in my heart, fill my chest, and turn every inch of my breath into a brutal blade, piercing my soul.
I suddenly began to understand why I was so infatuated with Marianne when I first saw her. I originally thought that this was the legendary "love at first sight", but now I don't think so. I didn't just develop such a strong love for her. The flame was hidden in my heart and never extinguished. It just became hot again when I first saw her.
I can't remember how I left the bakery. That afternoon, I was just a lost passerby on the busy streets of Campnavia. For a moment, I really wanted to find a familiar friend to tell him about my sadness, but at the same time, I didn't want to see anyone or say a word to anyone.
How should I tell them?
I fell in love with a girl who was mine, and before I fell in love with her, I had already lost her. How can this story be sad, but funny?
However, in my opinion, this is probably the greatest tragedy .
At the city gate, I once again faced that man, the man named "City Gate Guard Jeffreys Kidd", and at the same time, I was also facing the life that I had abandoned. When I faced him before, I had feelings and melancholy, but more of it was gratitude. I was grateful that I had gotten rid of this endless repetitive life, found an independent and free soul, and found a life that I could control and explore.
But today, should I still be thankful?
If I had not woken up and left at that time, I would be the lucky person standing here now, waiting for a kind person to give me this gift of love - what a luxurious happiness that would be!
Looking at the face in front of me that looked exactly like mine, I suddenly felt a sense of fear. I had thought that I had gotten rid of him forever, and gotten rid of this life as a city gate guard. From then on, I was me, and he was him. We were two lives that would never overlap again, and we each had our own different trajectories.
But did I really get rid of him?
Because of his existence, I have lost Marianne forever. I don't know if I have lost anything else because of him in my previous life, and I don't know what else I will lose because of him in my future life. When I left here and became who I am now, I thought I was free. I always thought that I was an unrestrained life that escaped from the omnipresent sacred rules of the Supreme God, and I was very proud of it.
Perhaps I didn't know that while I was getting carried away by this, the omnipresent eyes of the Supreme God were already watching me mockingly, because my so-called "freedom" had been controlled by his sacred rules and turned into a curse that I could never get rid of in my life. I would never know where and when this shadow that I had gotten rid of would reappear in front of me, cutting off my journey in this way, cutting my life into pieces and leaving me covered in wounds, and I could not resist it at all.
All this was destined when I took the first step to leave.
When I handed the handkerchief to this Jeffreys Kidd, he excitedly took my hand and said to me loudly: "Thank you, sir, I have been waiting for it."
The young man's enthusiastic and happy expression made me feel sad. Then I was a little dazed, as if I saw a hint of deep meaning in his smile:
What was he waiting for? Just this handkerchief? Or everything?
