Volume 1 2009 Chapter 34 Follow Your Heart
After a pleasant meeting with the rabbit, Yi Haoyan was on his way to the hospital.
Since the first time he and his aunt went to see Professor Jin, he and the professor agreed to receive psychological treatment once a week. This is the third time.
The first two times he was brought by his aunt and cousin. Now that Yi Haoyan is quite proficient in Korean, he insisted on coming by himself in order to cause less trouble to his family.
According to his memory of the previous two times, he skillfully walked through the bustling crowd in the hospital lobby, took the elevator to the ninth floor, turned left after exiting the elevator and walked to the end. The room on the north side was Professor Jin's treatment room.
I looked down at the time and saw that there were still five minutes left until the agreed time. It was just the right time, not too early but not late either.
"Knock, knock, knock." Yi Haoyan walked to the door and knocked softly to greet: "Professor Jin, I am Yi Haoyan."
"Come in!" A clear male voice came from inside the house, and it seemed that someone was already inside.
Open the door and walk into the room.
Professor Jin was sitting on the sofa in the treatment room.
There were two paper cups on the glass coffee table in front of me, and next to the paper cups was an electric kettle. The water was boiling, making a gurgling sound.
The afternoon sun shines into the house through the thin curtains, giving the entire space a light golden hue.
The central air-conditioning temperature in the house is adjusted to a suitable level. Even under the sunlight, it does not feel hot and makes people feel very gentle.
The professor asked Yi Haoyan to sit on the sofa opposite him, and he stood up and asked, "Would you like some tea? I have some Tieguanyin tea that my friend brought back from China."
"Thank you. I can do anything."
The professor stood up, took out a porcelain jar for storing tea from the cabinet, and walked back to the coffee table next to the sofa.
While adding tea leaves, he said, "When I was young, I didn't like tea. I thought it was bitter and astringent, and it was troublesome to drink. I didn't understand why the elders were so keen on drinking it."
After saying that, he looked at Yi Haoyan, as if the young man in front of him was his former self.
"As I got older, I experienced a lot of things and tasted all kinds of things. Only when I got old did I gradually begin to appreciate the fragrance and sweetness hidden in the bitterness and astringency of this tea. It really made people linger."
"Professor, are you very knowledgeable about tea?" Yi Haoyan was a little confused as to why the old man who was pouring water in front of him mentioned his views on tea. What does this have to do with his illness?
"It's not research, it's just my hobby. I think the tea ceremony is a bit similar to life, both are a path of bitterness before sweetness. Without the bitterness before, there would be no sweetness after. Only after experiencing the bitterness first can you distinguish what is sweet."
After saying this, he closed his eyes and took a sip of tea, as if savoring its flavor.
Upon hearing this, Yi Haoyan also tried a small sip. As soon as he took a sip, he tasted a distinct astringent taste with a hint of bitterness. He couldn't help but frown.
Professor Jin noticed Yi Haoyan's expression, smiled faintly, put down his teacup and asked, "How was your week?"
Psychotherapy requires a relatively solid relationship of trust between patients and doctors.
In order to understand the patient's mental health, the doctor needs to have a certain degree of understanding of the patient's condition. So every time Yi Haoyan would chat with the professor about his recent situation.
"I feel pretty good," Yi Haoyan recalled. "My sleep seems to have improved a lot, and my appetite has obviously improved a lot. Sometimes I really want to eat, which I never had before."
"These are normal reactions to the drug. Depressed people will experience decreased desire and poor sleep, and these drugs are designed to improve these symptoms."
"Well, my appetite has increased quite a bit. I didn't eat snacks much before, but now I always want to eat something in my mouth, and sometimes I can't stop."
"It doesn't matter. You are in the stage of growing up. It's no problem to eat a little more." The professor dispelled Yi Haoyan's doubts.
After resolving his concerns, Yi Haoyan was a little hesitant. He didn't know how to talk about the next thing.
After hesitating for a while, he spoke carefully: "I recently did something that I would never do in the past."
"oh?"
"I met a girl."
"Well, tell me about it." The professor looked at Yi Haoyan calmly.
"I can't say I know her. I don't even know her name."
Yi Haoyan leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs, crossing his fingers, looking at his fingers, trying to express his meaning clearly.
"We met on the street, and she took the initiative."
“I was taking photos on the street and she came up to me and asked if I could take photos for her.”
"I agree."
"I've encountered this kind of approach before, and I always rejected it. I don't like strangers."
“Why did I choose to accept this time?”
Yi Haoyan looked up and stared into the professor's eyes, as if the answer was there.
Professor Jin, with gray hair, looked at Yi Haoyan calmly and asked slowly, "What were you thinking at the time?"
What were you thinking at that time?
Yi Haoyan searched in his mind, and the details of that time emerged before his eyes bit by bit.
Memory is a wonderful thing. The human brain will do some interesting filtering on the huge amount of stored information. The result of the filtering is that some information is very vague in the memory, while some seemingly irrelevant details are clear as if they happened a second ago.
I wasn’t in a very good mood and the sunshine had disappeared.
The voice came from behind him. It was very clear, with a distinct texture, a little cautious, and seemed a little trembling?
I don't remember it very clearly.
Without thinking too much, I turned around subconsciously.
It's a girl.
She is of medium height, with long black hair, and her appearance gives a pleasant first impression, with very fair skin.
She was very nervous and her expression was a little stiff.
The eyes are timid, much like some small animal.
The long eyelashes were trembling all the time.
Her face was a little red, and because her skin was fair, it was particularly obvious.
Very beautiful.
His breathing was also irregular, and his chest rose and fell noticeably.
Kind of cute.
This must be the first time I have taken the initiative to strike up a conversation.
Green.
But sincere.
That’s how I felt at the time.
Yi Haoyan came back to his senses and answered.
“I was feeling down at the time.”
“She showed up.”
“It’s a good first impression.”
"I didn't think much of it."
“Maybe I suddenly want to try something I haven’t done before.”
“I didn’t reject it at the time.”
"Yeah! It was just like a whim. I agreed on impulse."
After listening to Yi Haoyan's explanation, Professor Jin showed a satisfied smile on his face.
This smile was so heartfelt and contagious that Yi Haoyan couldn't help but feel the urge to smile along.
"Congratulations!" the professor said happily, "You are no longer closed off from yourself. This is a very good sign. It shows that you subconsciously want to communicate with others, and this has influenced you to take the first step in communication."
"This is a great improvement! Come, let's shake hands!" The professor excitedly stretched out his right hand: "Congratulations!"
Yi Haoyan shook hands with the professor somewhat passively and was unable to react for a while, looking a little dull.
The professor's warm palm made him feel at ease.
After shaking hands, the professor had a satisfied smile on his face, and was obviously very happy about the breakthrough in treatment.
"Depression is often related to self-isolation, and people with poor interpersonal relationships are also more prone to depression, so whether or not one has the desire to actively communicate with others is a very important sign," Professor Jin explained to Yi Haoyan in detail.
"Humans are social animals that live in groups. They have an innate need to communicate. Communication between people can help share stress and release emotions. It is also a natural way to relieve psychological stress."
"People who suffer from long-term depression suppress this need, which prevents them from releasing their inner emotions. The emotions accumulate in their subconscious mind, which eventually affects their behavior and ideas, has a negative impact on their normal life, aggravates depression, and forms a vicious cycle."
"So, just having the willingness to communicate is a big breakthrough! That's a good start!"
Looking at the professor's smile, Yi Haoyan also smiled. For the first time in such a long time, he felt that his condition had improved and he saw hope for recovery.
"We don't know each other's names yet."
"I can only say that they are fairly familiar strangers."
"I don't know what to do next. I have never had such experience before."
Yi Haoyan, realizing the importance of this relationship, began to become a little nervous. He wanted to maintain it, but he had no experience. Human fear of the unknown made him start to become a little uneasy.
"Relax, take your time, don't rush," the professor consoled him with a smile, "You don't need to set some goals for yourself. Follow your heart and think about what you were thinking when you decided to get to know her."
"Based on our previous two communications, from your background and education, you are a very rational person. You are very logical and purposeful in your work and thinking. You also have a strong tendency towards perfectionism and set high standards for yourself and others."
"These traits affect your ideas and behaviors, causing you to have few friends because you think they are imperfect. You subconsciously disdain to interact with others. At the same time, you cannot tolerate some of your own shortcomings and often attack yourself. This long-term inward attack is the root cause of your depression."
"In fact, you are already very outstanding, no matter your background or yourself. It is because you demand perfection, are too harsh on yourself, and cannot accept yourself now that you become depressed. You need to learn to appreciate yourself and accept yourself."
"We are trying to be more emotional now, and not be so strict about everything. Humans are emotional creatures, and emotions are a very important part of us. Rationality cannot completely control emotions, and we need to release and regulate our emotions."
"Do you remember what you said just now?" Professor Jin emphasized, "There is a change here. You said you didn't think much about it at the time."
"This is a very important change, which shows that this decision is the result of emotional dominance and is a sign that your inner self is beginning to be released."
"This is not easy for you now, you have to maintain this state. Don't set too many goals, consider the pros and cons, and let your inner feelings drive your behavior instead of rational logic."
The old professor gave earnest instructions.
"Isn't this too casual? Don't you need to consider the other party's position?" Yi Haoyan thought about the old professor's words and asked back: "Don't you need to consider the direction and outcome of this relationship? Don't you need to consider the responsibilities you should bear?"
The old professor laughed, "I was young once, too. When young people start dating, they just feel what they are feeling. If it feels right, they continue. If it doesn't feel right, they adjust. If they can't adjust, they change people. How can they have so many responsibilities at the beginning? Only when adults consider marriage do they calculate the distribution of benefits, losses and responsibilities. You don't even know your name yet? Why do you need to consider these things?"
"If we continue to date, I will consider it later." Yi Haoyan was unconvinced.
"That's for the future. You're thinking too much rationally. Be more emotional."
"You didn't consider this when you decided to respond to her, did you?"
“Listen more to your inner voice.”
“Follow your inner thoughts and act accordingly.”
At the end of the treatment, Professor Jin spoke to Yi Haoyan earnestly .
What you need is.
Follow your heart.
