"My name is Sun Qing. What's your name?" I stretched out my hand, looked at the handsome young man in front of me, and asked with a smile.
"Hello, my name is Su Jingnian." He stretched out his hand and gently held mine, and from then on our wheels of fate intersected.
Time goes by in circles, and no one knows who met whom.
01
My name is Sun Qing, and I grew up with my grandmother. When I was a child, my grandmother and I would enjoy the cool air in the yard. She would hug me and fan away mosquitoes with an old cattail leaf fan. The summer in my memory has flying fireflies and shining stars in the sky.
I would ask her: "Grandma, where are my mom and dad?"
My grandmother always answered them that they had gone far away and would not come back until I grew up. At that time, I did not understand what growing up meant, but I was eager to grow up.
My grandmother and I lived in the most dilapidated shantytown in the city . Several families shared one toilet and one faucet, and we had to queue up every time we washed clothes, went to the toilet, or took a shower.
There is always a kind of materialism about people living in shantytowns , which is a means of self-protection honed over the years.
Every time my grandma went to wash clothes, the people in line behind her would always curse her harshly.
"Why is that old antique washing so slowly?"
"I'm in a hurry! Hey, old woman, wash faster!"
"Why don't you help us wash the clothes?"
The silent grandma suddenly replied: "Put the clothes there, I will wash them."
Later, those families would always proudly bring their clothes to grandma to wash.
I was only five years old at that time, but my grandmother was so hunched. I also stretched out my hand and prepared to wash clothes. My grandmother smiled and said, "Go and play."
I asked puzzledly: "Why do you want to help them wash clothes?"
Grandma replied, "It is a blessing to help others."
But at the age of five, I already understood that it was not a blessing but a weakness, so I deserved to be bullied.
When I was eight years old, my eyes already had a kind of cruelty. People around me said that I was an ominous person and that the look in my eyes was not what I should have at that age.
If the people around me hadn't forced and bullied me, how could I hate them? In addition to washing clothes for them, grandma also helped take care of the children and walk the dog. She did everything and never complained, but that doesn't mean I didn't have any. In the winter, grandma's hands were covered with chilblains because she washed too many clothes, and finally pus and blood came out. Those people also had to bring clothes to them.
One day, when those people came over with clothes again, I hit them with a broom, and with red eyes, I cursed them viciously: "Do you have any conscience? Bullying an old woman! Didn't you see that her hands can no longer touch cold water? You will be punished one day for doing this, and maybe your whole family will be wiped out!"
At the age of five, I understood what “human affection” meant. At the age of eight, I understood what “conscience” meant.
Those people looked at each other in bewilderment, and finally left in anger with their clothes. Perhaps the curse was too vicious, and the neighbor's family went to visit relatives, and the bus had an accident, and no one was spared. Those people said that I was a disaster star, that I had a crow's mouth, and that all bad things would come true, so they discussed driving me and my grandmother out.
I looked coldly at the group of menacing people and said, "If anyone of you touches my grandmother today, I, Sun Qing, swear that even if I become a ghost, I will bring disaster to his entire family!"
At that time, I was only ten years old, but I was able to stand up and protect this family.
The environment in the shantytown is very poor, with garbage everywhere, but this does not prevent my grandma and I from having a stable home here.
Not everyone excluded me and my grandmother. There was one exception.
This person is Su Jingnian.
My grandma said that my personality was like my grandpa, and she often told me the love story between her and my grandpa.
They met through a blind date and got married after only a dozen days. She said she fell in love with the bicycle at her grandfather's house, and her grandfather fell in love with the shy blush on her face.
On the second day of their wedding, Grandpa left for the army and never heard from him again. She got pregnant and gave birth to the child under great pressure and raised the child alone. Someone wanted to introduce someone else to her, but she said she was waiting. However, she waited until her hair turned gray, but Grandpa never returned.
If it were me, I would definitely not be able to do it. It takes great courage to wait for someone for a lifetime.
I didn’t understand why love has such great power before, until I met Su Jingnian, I realized that love has such power that makes people go all out.
Was there anything you wanted as a child that you could never have? I did.
When I was twelve, I suddenly realized the ugliness and beauty of people. That realization made me hate this kind of poverty. The price was several months' living expenses for my grandmother and me. It was out of reach.
Su Jingnian was like that dress to me, a truth I only understood later.
All obsessions are false.
When I was young, my grandmother made fans and collected garbage for my family's livelihood. The house was small, half of it was filled with garbage , and the other half was filled with materials for making fans. In the winter, when fans couldn't be sold, she made shoe soles to sell. She would do anything she could to make money, and eventually her health was broken.
Although Su Jingnian also lived in a shantytown, his father worked for a boss. Later, his father simply became a boss, and after becoming rich, he moved away from this poor area.
At that time, Su Jingnian and I had known each other for seven years, so I became particularly fond of the number 7 and would choose number 7 every time I raced. It was my lucky number.
The first time I met Su Jingnian was on a midsummer night, when the city was still lit by stars.
I climbed onto the roof and stretched out my hand, trying to get closer to the clean starry sky.
"Hey, don't fall down." A voice next to me reminded me.
I turned my head and saw a young man. He slowly approached, his slender figure gradually emerging in the dim light. I finally saw his features clearly. He was like a pool of clear water, flowing through people's hearts.
There was a firefly flying around him. He stretched out his slender hand to touch it, and the fluorescent green light quickly flew away.
He came over along the eaves and sat down beside me.
"My name is Sun Qing. What's your name?" I stretched out my hand, looked at the handsome young man in front of me, and asked with a smile.
"Hello, my name is Su Jingnian." He stretched out his hand and gently held my hand.
None of us spoke, we just looked up at the same sky.
He suddenly pulled out a white MP3 player from his pocket and handed over an earplug. In those days, MP3 players were still a rare item. The small box could play beautiful music, with healing power and a little bit of beauty.
I put the earplugs in my ears and listened to the beautiful melody.

Singing your song on the rooftop
Let the stars decorate the most romantic night
Embrace this moment, every second stops
Love begins to entangle
Singing your song on the rooftop
Dedicate the yellow night to the loneliest moon
Embrace this moment, every second stops
Love begins to entangle
Dreams are beautiful because of you
…

I was listening to the song, turned around, and saw Su Jingnian's mouth corners inadvertently raised a small arc.
My heart was pounding.
Countless fireworks bloom in the dark night sky, and gorgeous flowers blossom on the silent and barren land.
When love comes, it catches people off guard and without any preparation, it just appears like that.
Many years later, I learned that the song was called "The Rooftop", which was so appropriate for the occasion.
Later, I also bought an MP3, which only contained one song: "The Roof".
It seems that only in this way can I retain the beauty of that midsummer night. Moreover, that beauty is mine alone. In every lonely night, this song accompanies me, just like Su Jingnian is by my side.
When you fall in love with someone, you have a weakness and also a shield. I learned to hide my weakness and also learned to build my shield.
Secret love is a wildly growing ivy that can easily cover your heart without you noticing.
Every time I would lurk on Su Jingnian 's way to and from school, just to take a look at him. I would always pick some unknown flowers and put them on his windowsill, secretly watching the soft light blooming on his face.
At a young age, I didn’t understand love, let alone how to love someone . I just wanted to hold the whole world in front of him, just for the smile on his lips.
Su Jingnian is so different, in my eyes he is like a shining moon. I am just a grain of sand in the dust, humble as can be.
I like him silently and feel happy in my heart, even if I have to secretly look up to him for the rest of my life.
I always find various reasons to meet him.
"Su Jingnian, my grandma made delicious mung bean porridge. Would you like to try it?"
"Su Jingnian, I don't know how to do this question. Come and help me."
Su Jingnian, Su Jingnian, my little world is full of his presence. I always naively think that I will live my whole life like this and never want to grow up again.
During the seven years, Su Jingnian and I once had a sudden idea to measure the size of this city with our footsteps. My feet were blistered and Su Jingnian's footsteps slowed down.
It was the summer when I was fourteen, an age of ignorance and the beginning of youth.
That summer, Su Jingnian carried me on his back, walking slowly step by step. I lay on his back and said shyly, "Actually, you don't have to carry me."
He said: "Girls should be nicer to themselves. It would not look good if there were scars on their feet."
My nose felt sore and tears started to fall.
In fact, I seldom cry, because I don't allow myself to have a weak moment. But Su Jingnian's short words made me burst into tears. For so many years, no one has ever told me to be nicer to myself.
I just tried to be strong, not to let grandma get bullied, and not to let our family break up.
At the beginning, I was just moved by Su Jingnian's active approach. Later, I fell in love with him so much because of his untouchable tenderness that made me so addicted.
That summer has been engraved in my heart and can never be erased.
Su Jingnian is so close, and yet Su Jingnian is so far away.
He was by my side, hiding all his thoughts with a smile. I didn't know whether he liked me at all, and I didn't dare to ask or guess.
Secret love is a person's joys, sorrows, anger and happiness, a drama directed and performed by one person, with no audience and no ending.
Su Jingnian said he was moving away.
He and I sat on the roof, looking at the dim stars. The night wind was a little chilly, and when I heard him say that, my heart felt like it was struck by lightning, and I trembled all over.
The cool night breeze blows on my face and cools my heart.
I was silent for a long time before I said dryly, "I wish you a happy life in the future."
"You have to remember to be nice to yourself."
"good."
All that remains is silence.
The night was so quiet that I could hear the chirping of crickets in the grass in the courtyard, which seemed to be a farewell song. I looked at the sky, tears welling up little by little and sliding down from the corners of my eyes.
I murmured, "Is it going to rain?"
"Perhaps."
It's not raining in the sky, it's raining heavily in my heart.
Is this the end of my secret love that I haven't even expressed yet?
"I won't see you off when you leave." Because I haven't learned how to say goodbye yet.
"good."
The two of us fell silent again, and the night wind passed between us like an insurmountable gap.
The day Su Jingnian left, I really didn't go to see him off.
I just hid in the room, listening to the song "Rooftop" over and over again, covering my aching chest, and crying like rain.
This is a farewell, not a farewell, but I am so sad.
I originally thought that he and I were getting closer, but he moved away, and the Milky Way separated us, and those tiny bits of light became an obstacle.
He left a note on the windowsill with a phone number on it.
I clutched the note tightly, tears streaming down my face, as if I wanted to let out all the tears that I hadn't shed in all these years.
After Su Jingnian left, I was unwilling to look up at the starry sky of the city for a long time, and I was even more unwilling to climb onto the roof like I used to, for fear of touching the memories and making my heart ache.
My grandmother probably knew what I was thinking. She smiled and said, "Fate will come again, don't worry."
Su Jingnian left and the bald guy came.
In junior high school, I started to do odd jobs to stop myself from missing Su Jingnian and to help relieve my grandmother's burden. Her health was getting worse and worse.
But they all said I was too young and didn’t dare to use me.
It is illegal to employ child labor.
You are so thin, what can you do?
After walking around the city's streets, everyone said the same thing.
Then I met Baldy.
Baldy is seven years older than me.
When I met the bald man, I was trying to convince the owner of a restaurant to hire me as a waiter. The owner was very busy, and when I pulled his sleeve to beg him, he pushed me hard. I took a few steps back and bumped into the waiter who was carrying hot soup, and the soup fell on the bald man's thigh.
The bald man has pierced ears and hideous tattoos on his body. You can tell at first glance that he is not someone to be trifled with.
I hurriedly bowed my head and apologized, saying "I'm sorry" over and over. I wanted to explain something, but I didn't know what to explain. I was extremely scared, fearing that the bald man would not let me go.
The bald man turned stiffly with a gloomy face, looked at me, and said indifferently: "Little girl, what do you say we should do?"
"Let me wash your pants for you."
"Do you want to come to my house, take off your pants and then wash them?" The bald man teased me in a nonchalant manner, making my face turn red.
I just wanted to resolve the issue as quickly as possible, so I said "OK" on impulse.
This time it was the bald man's turn to be stunned.
He actually took me home, took off my pants, and asked me to wash them for him.
Baldy is a person who looks very frivolous but is actually very serious. When he called me "little girl", I already decided that he was not a bad person.
In fact, he is not a bad guy. Even though he is bald, has pierced ears and tattoos, he is an honest man at heart.
That day, he changed into beach pants and treated me to a glass of watermelon juice.
He praised: "Little girl, you are really brave, aren't you afraid that I will mess around?"
I nodded obediently. Actually, when I went home with him, I was still afraid. I thought of countless possibilities and various coping measures along the way, but in the end, they were just idle thoughts.
"You are so interesting."
I sipped my watermelon juice and replied bluntly, "We've only known each other for two hours, and you've already complimented me twice."
He laughed out loud and said, "You're so welcome."
My friendship with Baldy came out of nowhere.
Baldy's home was in a run-down alley, not much better than the shantytown I lived in. But I particularly liked the magnolia tree in front of his house, and I could smell its fragrance every time I walked by.
Baldy is an orphan who has been wandering around the world alone. When I met him, he was only 21 years old, but I felt he was almost 40.
The vicissitudes of life are a test of life to the living.
I like to tell him about Su Jingnian, how gentle and stunning that boy was, and how far that boy was from me.
I asked the bald guy if Su Jingnian was just a little slow and didn't realize that I liked him.
The bald man replied: "You are not important enough for him to use his emotional intelligence."
These words have been weighing on my chest, making it hard for me to breathe.
I have to admit that what the bald man said was true. He often said: "Silly girl, if he cared about you, he would definitely come back to you instead of leaving his phone number."
Su Jingnian has never come back once. Has he completely forgotten this place and me as well?