When I went to the cafeteria to eat at noon, I unexpectedly met Song Yan. I couldn't help but sigh that this world is really small, so small that you can easily meet someone you want to see or don't want to see.
He was with Chen Xingyu. When he saw me, he was stunned for a moment, then he waved at me and said, "I think I still owe you a meal. What do you want to eat, old classmate?"
"You still remember it." When I heard him talk about owing me a meal, I felt a little emotional, but strangely, I didn't feel as sad as I did at that time.
"Of course I remember." He said, "What do you want to eat? Tell me, I'll treat you."
He said so, if I was polite again, it would be too hypocritical. As soon as we sat down, Guo Jiani came. I thought she would come and sit with us, but unexpectedly, she sat alone with her plate, a little far away from us.
"Huh?" I was a little confused, "That's Guo Jiani."
Song Yan looked up and said "Oh" lightly.
I felt strange: "I remember you two seemed to have a good relationship."
Song Yan looked at me strangely: "Why do you think we have a good relationship?"
"Uh..." For a moment I didn't know how to answer his question. Everyone could see that they had a good relationship last semester . Could it be that after the winter vacation, their relationship was also frozen by the cold wave?
"Let's eat. It will get cold easily." Song Yan said, and buried his head in eating without saying much.
This is so weird. Even if Song Yan said so, Guo Jiani is not someone who can be easily dismissed. She dared to go to the cafeteria in the rain just for Song Yan. Now that Song Yan is here, why doesn't she come over?
I was still thinking about this question until I finished my meal.
After walking out of the cafeteria with Song Yan and the others, Chen Xingyu said he had something to do and had to go back to the dormitory, so it was just Song Yan and I who walked slowly forward. Song Yan asked, "Lu Nanxi, have you made a decision?"
"What decision?" I was surprised. Recently, I have been very sensitive to the word "decision" and I am afraid to face these two words.
"Didn't you say you wanted to transfer to the German Department?" Song Yan said with a gentle smile, "The new semester has begun. Have you made your decision?"
I shook my head and said, “ Not sure yet.”
"Is it because there is something you miss here?" he asked, "or is it because of something else?"
"Both." I thought for a moment and said, "Don't worry, if I make a decision, I will be the first to tell you."
"Okay, it's a deal." He said, waved at me, and walked towards the boys' dormitory.
After I went back, what happened between Song Yan and Guo Jiani? Although I told myself to stop having a crush on Song Yan, to be honest, I still care about his affairs.
I returned to the dormitory and Guo Jiani had not come back yet. However, Wang Sisi and Lu Feifei came. They greeted me and said they didn't want to go to the cafeteria to eat. They took two bags of instant noodles and ate them in noodle bowls.
"Do you know what happened between Guo Jiani and Song Yan?" I finally couldn't help but ask.
Wang Sisi looked up and said, "It seems that nothing happened. Guo Jiani seemed to claim to be Song Yan's girlfriend, but Song Yan denied it to her face. He said that they were just classmates and they were not that close."
"You didn't see Guo Jiani's face. It was as ugly as it could be. Many people saw it. But she asked for it. She boasted about her good relationship with Song Yan." Wang Sisi pouted, as if she was in a good mood. "I think Guo Jiani has no hope at all. She hurt you so much before. By the way, now that you don't have a rival in love, don't you think about it?"
"No." I said without thinking, "Even if it's not Guo Jiani, it won't be mine."
I am still very self-aware.
"Tsk tsk, you are too self-deprecating. I think Song Yan still cares about you a lot." Wang Sisi said.
"Because we are old classmates." I shrugged. After all, he was so nice to new classmates, not to mention that he and I were classmates for three years.
We didn't talk much about this topic because Guo Jiani is back.
The next day, Guo Jiani asked the dormitory manager to change her dorm room, and she moved to a dorm room that originally only had two people, so there were only three people left in our dorm room. Wang Sisi was the happiest when Guo Jiani moved out. She said, "Finally, she moved out. With a roommate like that who cheats people behind their backs, you really have to be extra careful."
No one has more experience than me in backstabbing. In this dormitory, I am the only one who has been backstabbed by her the most. But now that I think about it, I should feel honored to be regarded as a competitor by her.
After all, the person she likes is Song Yan. She regards me as an opponent because she feels that I am different in Song Yan's eyes.
In fact, Guo Jiani is just a coward. She is afraid of competing with me. She is afraid of failure and losing. She doesn't want to lose to me, so she does bad things behind my back, even though neither of us won in the end.
After we said goodbye that day, I received another text message from Xu Minyou ten days later. I opened it and saw only one sentence in it. He asked me, "Have the magnolias on campus bloomed?"
There are still about ten days before the magnolia flowers bloom, and I told him that the campus will be very beautiful in half a month.
We chatted back and forth for a long time, until we turned off the lights and went to bed, and then I realized how late it was .
Closing my eyes, I found that I had begun to miss him.
I don't know what kind of feelings I should have towards Xu Minyou, friend? It seems that it's more than just friends, but if I say I like him, it doesn't seem to be the case.
I just want to see him and walk with him around the campus when this school is submerged in white flowers.
Is this feeling considered love? If I have to say, it is probably a kind of love. A more hypocritical way to put it is that it is more than friendship but less than love.
He is special to me, and am I not special to him?
I still didn't give up persuading him to come here. Finally, half a month later, Xu Minyou replied to me and said that he was willing to come and see the magnolia, but after seeing the magnolia, he still had to go back to his little attic.
Xu Minyou still lives in that apartment . When I went to find him, he was sitting in the house reading a book. Although he had only been back for a few days, he was still using the identity of a student.
I knocked on the door and he opened it for me to come in. After not seeing him for a month, he didn't seem to have changed at all. He looked at me and asked, "How are you doing recently?"
“Not bad.”
I wanted to tell him some other little things, but when the words came to my lips, I realized that I seemed to have talked to him about those things before, and I didn't know what to say at this time.
"The magnolia will probably bloom in four or five days," I said.
He nodded and said, "I'm looking forward to it."
Not only is he looking forward to it, I have been looking forward to it too.
"Are you really going back after viewing the magnolia flowers?" I still didn't want him to go back alone and stay in the attic.
He looked into my eyes and nodded. "Because I don't know when I will lose control, and I want to maintain the current situation. Nanxi, I'm afraid that if I continue, my world will fall apart, and I don't have the courage to face it."
"I know." I understood what he was afraid of, just like I was hesitant to confess my feelings to Song Yan. I was also afraid that if I confessed my feelings, the existing distance would be lost forever.
Why can't we all change once? Even just once, let ourselves be more straightforward, say and do what we want to say and do in one breath, no matter what the result is, at least we have been frank once.
"I heard that the school holds a magnolia dance every year when the magnolias are in full bloom. If you want to go back, just follow your heart. But Xu Minyou, you must attend this dance." I looked at him firmly.
"Why do you want to participate?" He was puzzled.
I laughed: "Because I need courage, Xu Minyou, I decided to be brave for once."
"What are you going to do?" He looked at me in surprise.
"Even if it's just once... I want to be brave for once and face my frank self. Xu Minyou, I've decided to confess my feelings to Song Yan, no matter what the result is." I said, "Xu Minyou, try to blend in with the crowd and attend the dance. Just treat it as the only time you make an exception, okay?"
He thought for a long time, and finally nodded and said, "Okay, if you become brave, then I, who have been watching you, must also be brave and try again."
The magnolia ball will be held next Wednesday. Students from all over the school can attend the ball under the blooming magnolias.
I began to look forward to the dance with anxiety.
I decided to confess my feelings not on a whim, but when I received Song Yan's blessing text message during the New Year. If I don't say it, I will definitely feel unwilling and regretful when I receive his text message in the future .
Having said that, at least give yourself a chance to give up.
Wednesday arrived quickly, and I went to find Xu Minyou. Xu Minyou was not wearing his usual black clothes, but a white suit, and he said, "Nanxi, let's cheer together."
I said, "Okay, Xu Minyou, no matter what the result is, just treat this as your last effort."
There are no classes at school on Wednesday. The campus has been decorated long ago and is full of blooming magnolias. Many girls are wearing beautiful clothes and putting on exquisite makeup, looking their best to seek a beautiful encounter.
When he and I arrived at the party, we went our separate ways. I went to find Song Yan, while he tried to sit among the crowd and try to get to know more people.
I searched for Song Yan in the crowd for a long time but couldn't find him. I was about to call him, but at this moment, I saw a boy not far away surrounded by many girls. Wasn't that Song Yan?
I walked over, waved at him, and said, "Song Yan, I have something very important to tell you."
He pushed aside the girls surrounding him, strode up to me, grabbed my wrist, and pulled me to a place with fewer people. He stood under a huge magnolia tree, smiled and said to me, "There are not many people here, if you have anything to say, just say it, I'm listening."
When I called him just now, I almost used up most of my courage. If I had said it then, perhaps I could have continued in one breath. But after he pulled me for a distance, my courage was suddenly punctured like a balloon, and with a "bang", it disappeared completely.
"Um..." I rolled my eyes but didn't dare look at him because I found that the words "I like you" were stuck in my throat and I couldn't say them.
I think I'm really a huge coward. I've liked someone for so many years, but I can't even say "I like you".
"I'm listening." There was a hint of encouragement in his voice, and he seemed to be looking forward to hearing what I had to say.
How could I give up like this? Xu Minyou was still looking at me, and I wanted him to see my courage.
I looked up at Song Yan's eyes. This was the first time I looked into his eyes so closely. His eyes were very dark, with a hint of smile and a hint of emotion that made my heart beat faster. Song Yan like this gave me an illusion that he had been waiting for me to speak. As long as I said I liked him, he would definitely respond to my love.
This is what I have been looking forward to, but why can't I feel happy? I always feel that there are things that I can't let go of, and some people I can't ignore.
Why did Xu Minyou want to go back to that attic? He clearly wanted to enter this world at that time, so why did he give up this world?
Was it because of me, because I had disappointed him, or because he had sensed that his presence was disturbing my life?
"Nanxi." Song Yan said softly, "Don't hesitate, what do you want to say to me?"
I think, maybe this is the only chance I will have in my life to confess my love to the person I like.
Looking at Song Yan, I suddenly laughed and said, "Song Yan, I want to speak."
"Yeah, I'm listening." He replied with a faint smile.
If I hadn't made an appointment with Nanxi, I think I would have escaped from this chaotic crowd.
Many people are looking at me, boys and girls, with some good and some evil eyes. I want to hide, but there is nowhere to hide.
How is Nanxi doing? She has liked Song Yan for so many years, and today she finally mustered up the courage to confess. There must be a good ending.
Song Yan also likes Lu Nanxi. Although I couldn't believe it when I knew this secret, because the probability of this happening is really too low, so low that I never thought it would happen to me. If Song Yan accepts Lu Nanxi, then I think I should be able to go back to my little attic with peace of mind. I'm just waiting for a definite answer.
Once upon a time, I couldn't hear any sound, couldn't see the sun, but my only wish at that time was to stay where I could see her. But I can't do that now, people are greedy, always wanting to get more, more.
Just looking at her quietly can no longer make me feel at ease. I want to hold her hand forever, and I don't want her to be with other boys. If that's not possible, then I would rather stay in the attic forever, because without hope, there will be no despair, and without hope, there will be no greed.
Just like Nanxi, she used to just want to look at him, but now, she has mustered up the courage and started her confession journey.
"Handsome, let's dance together." A girl came up to me, but I didn't like the smell of her perfume, it was too pungent. I turned slightly to the side and ignored her.
I couldn't stop thinking, because once I stopped, my senses would come alive, and I couldn't make an embarrassing exit in front of so many people. I wanted a perfect ending, I wanted to at least hold on until she came to find me.
"We are both wanderers in this world, why don't we go for a walk together?" Guo Jiani's voice came over, "I saw Song Yan taking Lu Nanxi away, it looks like they will be together."
"There's no one like you, and I don't want to hang out with you, so go away." I said coldly.
People come and go around me, many people come and many people leave.
And I will probably always remember that there was a girl in my life who brought me color and sound, even though this girl didn't like me in the end.
I have been thinking about this for a long time, but there is nothing left to think about. However, she has not come yet, so I have no choice but to stay here. I don't know how long I can endure, and I don't know how to have a perfect ending. The only thing I want to do now is to hold on for a little longer.
She hadn't taken me to see the magnolia yet, she had promised me to let me see the color of the magnolia. I looked up and saw the white petals flying around. Maybe the color of the magnolia was very light, because only very light colors would appear white in my eyes.
It seemed like more and more people were paying attention to me. I could feel more and more eyes on me. I kept saying to myself: Nanxi, if you don’t come, I’m going to run away.
It felt like a century had passed before I heard footsteps coming towards me. I looked up and saw Lu Nanxi.
She looked at me with a smile on her face, and it looked like she had successfully confessed her love for me. She walked over to me, suddenly grabbed my hand, and said, "Come with me."
Many people looked at us sideways and whispered, but this time, I didn’t care what they said. Anyway, it would be the last time they saw me, so it didn’t matter anyway.
She took me to the magnolia forest on the other side of the teaching building. I pretended to be calm and asked her, "Is everything going well? Let me guess, Song Yan must like you too."
"I was thinking, Xu Minyou, maybe this is the only time in my life that I have the courage to confess to you," she said. "The second before I confessed to Song Yan, I regretted it."
"You regret it?" I looked at her in surprise, "Why?"
"If I only have one chance to confess my love in this life, I would rather leave this chance to another person. I used to think that I liked Song Yan very much, and he must be the kind of person I like, but later I found out that I actually liked the Song Yan that I imagined. We didn't say a word to each other for three years in high school. He could chat happily with anyone, but I was the only one who couldn't respond to what he said.
"I suddenly thought, is it really okay to like someone like this? I thought it was okay, but in the end I still acted like an ostrich and ran away." She said as she suddenly walked towards me, "I just thought, if I can only be brave once, I want to give this one and only time to another person."
"That man is a coward like me, without the courage to face everything, but he is luckier than me because the girl he longs for does not turn a blind eye to him. She wants to protect him and show him this beautiful world."
My heart started pounding. I couldn't believe my ears or what I heard.
"As for me, I have been very distressed before. I didn't know how I felt towards you. I convinced myself that I was just caring about a friend, but even if we are friends, doesn't this kind of concern go beyond the relationship of friendship? I will worry about you, want to see you, and want to make you feel a little more at ease when you are sad." she said.
"But if this is love, then I'm a little unsure. Xu Minyou, listen carefully, I finally mustered up the courage to say these words to you." She smiled, her eyes sparkling, "Xu Minyou, I like you, although I don't like you very much, but I am sure that this love is unique and does not exist only in fantasy. I want to hold it in my hands and slowly wait for this shallow love to turn into a very deep love."
My mind went blank and the joy in my heart almost overflowed from my chest. At that moment, I couldn't even find my own voice.
I never expected that she could see me, let alone imagine that she would like me.
Because from the beginning, I knew that there was Song Yan between us, and I thought the chance of her liking me was lower than the chance of me being able to return to this world again. But now, she stood in front of me and said these words to me with such a serious expression.
She said: "Xu Minyou, I like you."
Even if it's just a slight liking, it's enough.
I opened my arms and hugged her tightly.
At this moment, I heard a crisp cracking sound in my ears, like a glass window being hit, and then I saw the black and white world in front of me shattered into countless pieces. After the dazzling white light disappeared, a pink petal flew past my eyes.
The world before our eyes is full of colorful colors, which belong to spring, full of hope and vitality.
My restless heart seemed to be filled at this moment. My confusion and my restlessness could be cured with just a small antidote. She liked me, and I had enough courage to break free from the cage I had set for myself.
"Nanxi." I called her softly, "I saw the color of the magnolia, I saw the color of the leaves, and I saw this colorful world."
She stepped back and looked at me in great surprise. She said, "So, you're still going to leave here?"
I stretched my hand into the air and said, "I don't think I will leave before graduation. Also, Nanxi, even if you still like me a little bit, please be my girlfriend. I want to hold your hand and go to this beautiful Qionghua Ball."
She stood there, smiling until her eyes narrowed, she stretched out her hand and placed it in my palm, and said, "Okay."
The wind blows, bringing the breath of spring. Facing those strange gazes, I still feel uneasy, but it doesn’t matter . As long as the butterflies don’t fly away from my world, I will definitely stop trembling.
Because I like you, I like the warm and beautiful world in your eyes.