One night, Shen Nianci tossed and turned, and she remembered the lame excuse she had used to add Li Yingze: "I want to write a book, can I add you?"
But I didn't expect that Li Yingze would agree to such a lame reason. Maybe this is the reason why they have not lost contact for many years. Li Yingze will not refuse, but Shen Nianci is just the opposite, he is thick-skinned.
It's not that she is shameless, she just won't give up and always has fantasies in her mind. She always feels that as long as he doesn't say those decisive words, she still has hope.
That night, Shen Nianci couldn't sleep. She kept thinking, if she really wrote it, would he be willing to read it?
After struggling for several days, Shen Nianci finally chose to summon up the courage he had when he was 18 years old and sent a message to Li Yingze: "Zeze, if I wrote my youth story, would you be willing to read it?"
After Shen Nianci sent the message, she immediately exited the interface, opened another software, then immediately pulled down the status bar and turned on Do Not Disturb. She was deceiving herself because she was afraid of not receiving a reply.
She knew that Li Yingze would choose to ignore her shamelessness.
Although the phone interface had changed, Shen Nianci kept this in mind, but her hand couldn't click to exit the interface and open the QQ interface. It was not until a long time later that she accidentally entered another software and suddenly saw the little red dot on the QQ interface.
She clicked on it with a fluke mentality and found that it was really Li Yingze's reply. She was a little happy because Li Yingze said: "I am willing. It's amazing that you wrote about your youth."
Looking at this message, Shen Nianci felt restless. She originally thought that he would not reply, but she did not expect that he not only replied to her, but also praised her.
At that moment, Shen Nianci's heart was beating a little, just like when she was seventeen years old and Li Yingze agreed to her friend request again, and she happily turned around on the road. That was the long-lost beating of her seventeen years old.
After seeing this message, she seemed to have reconciled with her youth. They chatted for a long time that day, and she also knew that Li Yingze was in love. She felt a little lost and wanted to cry, but she could only hide in the quilt and cry secretly, like she was seventeen years old.
That night, Shen Nianci's obsession was no longer as deep as before. She suddenly felt that Li Yingze was no longer the same as she remembered.
He no longer understood what Shen Nianci said, nor did he understand Shen Nianci's emotions. It turned out that the person she had been trying so hard to catch up with had no longer stayed where he was and had moved forward.
Maybe during those years without contact, Li Yingze had his own friends and lived happily. He would no longer be lonely or single.
Li Yingze was no longer the person who shared the same ideals with her.
She had been feeling lost for a long time. The person she had been trying so hard to catch up with in her youth had already been getting farther and farther away from her.
Shen Nianci couldn't explain what he felt, he just felt uncomfortable.
After returning to her hometown, Shen Nianci flipped through her seventeen-year-old diary. It was filled with densely written words. She spent an entire afternoon reading every word in the diary .
This diary was written by Shen Nianci when she was in her second year of high school. At that time, she was experiencing isolation. She always kept to herself. She would write in her diary every day, and at the end of each entry, she would say, "Li Yingze, I miss you so much."
Looking at those diaries, Shen Nianci's tears fell uncontrollably. She stroked the handwriting with her hand. Even if she was just looking at it, she still felt shocked. She might have forgotten how she got through that period of time.
Later, Shen Nianci made a lot of friends, but there were always people who told her that she looked very optimistic, and there were also people who told her that she had a lot of friends.
Shen Nianci always smiles but doesn't say anything. Her optimism is just a disguise. Deep down, she is a rotten and smelly person. She is pessimistic, always worried about the future, and she sheds tears for no reason.
And it seemed that Li Yingze would never understand these things because he was very happy. Maybe God heard Shen Nianci's prayers and Li Yingze fell in love. She never knew what kind of girl Li Yingze liked, pretty, lively, optimistic, or excellent.
But it doesn't matter because she has nothing to do with it.
Shen Nianci didn’t know what her girlfriend was like, but the only thing she knew was that Li Yingze liked her very much.
In her memory, Li Yingze never liked to play PUBG, and he hadn't even been online for several seasons. Until one day, Shen Nianci saw him online in the friend list. She wanted to take a look secretly, but Li Yingze turned off the viewing permission.
At that time, she had already guessed that he had recharged the manual and bought beautiful skins. She knew that the reason a person liked another game was simply because her girlfriend liked it.
Thinking of this, her heart suddenly ached. Even though she knew the result, Shen Nianci still didn't give up. She insisted on asking him and wanted him to tell her the answer in person.
I want him to say it himself: "I just don't like you, I don't like you even if I die."
Maybe some things just have to be said in person so that you don't have any more fantasies.
No matter what, Shen Nianci still couldn't let it go. Maybe eight years was too long, and maybe it would be even longer in the future, so she couldn't let it go.
If she could go back on her own time, she probably would never like Li Yingze again, never again.
If she could do it all over again, she would definitely turn around and leave the moment she met him again, she would definitely do that. Unfortunately, there is no time machine, no chance to do it all over again, so regrets are regrets.
Thinking of this, she suddenly realized that her previous intense love might have caused unnecessary trouble to Li Yingze, and that intense love felt more like harassment.
It was just too late for Shen Nianci to realize it, but she still apologized to him.
Li Yingze also responded to him: "I should also say sorry, I should have been more decisive at that time."
Shen Nianci looked at the message and laughed out loud. What's the use of apologizing now? I'm already trapped.
Let’s reconcile. Shen Nianci won’t have to worry about it anymore.
But Shen Nianci's heart was empty, as if something had disappeared from her life. She was very sad, but what made her even sadder was that Li Yingze's decisive words came eight years late.
I was still standing there, but Li Yingze was moving forward.
But even so, Shen Nianci still couldn't forget him in his memory.
She could not forget the way he looked in the white shirt, his every frown and smile, nor could she forget the hope that Li Yingze brought to her during those lonely and helpless days.
Shen Nianci, now that you have got the answer you wanted, say goodbye to eight years of youth.
Goodbye, Li Yingze.
Goodbye, the shining boy in youth.