I passed by her house many times, but never ran into her by chance, which made me a little frustrated.
I packed some review materials and tutorial books and sent them to her. I hesitated for a long time standing at her door. Would she think I was being too nosy? What would I say if it was her father who opened the door?
After wandering for more than ten minutes, I finally knocked on the door. Fortunately, it was she who opened the door. I wanted to ask her if she had time, but she said, "Yi Ping'an, people should learn to be responsible for what they say. Here are the review materials and tutorial books I compiled. If you have time, take a look at them."
I left after I finished speaking, not daring to look at her surprised face. I think she is finally willing to study hard, and she has been reading the review materials I gave her after class these few days.
But what happened the next day made me angry - she actually came out from across the Xingfu Community with that transfer student so early in the morning!
I was so angry that I paid for breakfast but forgot to take the food.
I followed them not too far behind, and they didn't even notice me. I saw the boy named Li Ye talking and laughing with her, and I felt jealous, but I had no choice. Who was she to me? I didn't even have the courage to say I liked her.
She came to school without even bringing her schoolbag. She was spotted by the teacher while playing tricks with Li Ye. The teacher asked her to go up and solve the problem, but she obviously didn't know how to do it, so she stood there with an embarrassed look on her face. I was both angry and amused, and then I offered to solve it for her.
When the get out of class was over, she came to me to say thank you. Shanshan happened to come to me, and in order to stimulate her and to see if she would care about me, I pretended to be very close to Shanshan.
Ling Shanshan was my former neighbor, and we were like brother and sister since we were young.
She didn't bring a schoolbag to school and didn't take notes all day, so I copied a copy and sent it to her. As soon as I got to her door, she rushed out. I looked at her eyes and it looked like she had just cried. I asked her what was wrong, but she threw my notebook away and said, "He Xubei, mind your own business. If you have time, go spend more time with your childhood sweetheart!"
I was a little angry at the time, but then I thought, is she jealous?
Yi Ping'an got into a fight again!
When my classmates came to me and told me about it, I panicked. Although I said I would not care about her anymore, I still couldn't do it. When I went there, Li Ye and Song Jingyan were also there, as well as Song Jingyan's boyfriend Gu Feng.
Seeing that she was not injured, in order to prevent her from being punished, I asked her to leave first, and said harshly: "Yi Ping'an, it's you who started the fight again, you are really capable!"
She seemed to want to explain something to me, but then she ran away without saying anything, but I could clearly see the grievance in her eyes. I think I may have wronged her.
Later, Song Jingyan told me that it was Gu Fengguan who asked her for the breakup fee, and Li Ye and Yi Ping'an just came to help her. They did not fight, and it was Li Ye who did it.
The teacher's decision was that Li Ye and Gu Feng wrote self-criticisms, but Yi Ping'an skipped class.
Li Ye has been hanging out with her all the time lately, and I feel very uneasy. Maybe I shouldn't wait for her to change before confessing to her. It's my business that I like someone, so why should I care so much about what others think?
But before I could tell her, everything changed.
The boy named Sunshine had a car accident while delivering a letter to me for her.
When I saw the letter in a pool of blood, I suddenly felt that I understood something, and also that I was about to lose something.
She cried so sadly at Yangguang's funeral . She no longer paid attention to me, no longer peeked at me, and no longer followed me.
I asked her if the letter was for me and if she liked me.
But she said very confidently that she didn't like me, and that she liked Li Ye.
She doesn't like me anymore...
When I heard these words, I couldn’t describe my feelings: loss, sadness, and regret.
I regret not telling her that I like her. I don’t even dare to say that I like someone. In the world of love, it turns out that I am a coward.
Later, I decided to record these ups and downs of my mood in a diary.
——When I reported to school on the first day, I actually heard her name, Yi Ping'an. I wonder if it’s the same person?
——It was actually her! I hadn’t seen her for ten years, and she looked different, but I could still remember her voice.
——My mother said we were moving today. I saw her right after we moved. I wanted to pretend to pass by and say hello to her, but she took a bag and threw it at the people in front of her. What a bad temper! Later I found out that she was teaching a bully a lesson. But she was too arrogant. How could one person beat several people? I had to rush forward to help, and then her friends treated us to apples. When I told her that I also lived in Xingfu Community, she was surprised with an apple in her mouth. It was really funny! But I felt a little sad when I saw her hand was injured.
——What should I do? I like her. Should I confess my love to her? I am a boy, so I should be brave, right? But what if she rejects me?
——She seems to have a good relationship with the new transfer student, and they play and fight with each other every day. Why would I be unhappy when I see it?
——She was actually with the transfer student so early in the morning! I felt a little jealous. Didn't she always say that I was excellent? Her foundation was not bad. In fact, I hoped that she could study hard and become excellent, so that I could tell her that I liked her. But now I was afraid that she would think I was joking and I was afraid that she would reject me.
…
I wrote everything about her in this diary. If I have the chance one day, I will bravely give it to her.