Since childhood, Guan Yue has always had a quick temper.
Whatever she wants, she must get it .
And I am actually not much better than her, so for many years, we have been like-minded. Now, when we face the Dong Mingyang incident together, we are both very anxious.
Ai Qing no longer lives in her original home, and none of us can contact her. It’s as if she has disappeared from the face of the earth.
Knowing that she was hard to find, Guan Yue came to pick me up early in the morning. She looked like she was going to the battlefield, wearing a Dior suit, aunt-colored lipstick, and looking very heroic. Compared to her, I was like a defeated rooster.
Last night, I was not only tortured by Dong Mingyang's matter, but also Qiao Nuo disappeared for no reason. I sent him a message, but he didn't reply. I called him, but he didn't answer. I don't know what happened to him. I want to ask Guan Yue, but I don't think it's the right time. Along the way, she and I were very silent. After searching for a few places that Ai Qing often went to but failed, she found a milk tea shop with some fatigue and took me to rest.
She couldn't help herself after all, and when the waiter placed the cup of my favorite flavor of milk tea in front of me, she asked, "When did you and him meet? Can you tell me?"
"Did you meet him after me, or——"
She tried hard to control her micro-expressions, trying not to look so pitiful. How could I not see that?
“We met three years ago.”
I didn't know which answer she wanted to hear, but it was clear that she didn't want either.
"Yeah." She nodded with a forced smile, "It's been so long. No wonder you didn't suggest that I like him at the beginning."
I kept silent because I didn't know what to say, but if she had asked me, I would have answered.
"He likes you, doesn't he?"
She asked with a smile, but I knew how much sadness was hidden in that smile.
She doesn't know that if there was a knife in front of me at this moment, I would want to stab the knife into my heart just to make her feel better.
Seeing that I was silent, she nodded knowingly. After a long while, she asked, "Do you like him?"
"I regard him as my own brother. He has always protected me when I was at my lowest point in life. I owe him too much, and I may never be able to repay him in this lifetime."
"So that's how it is." She laughed at herself, "No wonder he would hurt others for you."
"That's not the case! He didn't do anything wrong! Guan Yue, I'm sorry for you. I know there's no point in saying anything now."
I hurriedly explained. I didn't want Guan Yue to misunderstand Dong Mingyang.
"If I rescue him, can you promise me that you will never have anything to do with him again?" She wasn't joking. She was more serious than ever in all the years I've known her. "I know it's ridiculous and selfish of me to say this. After all, you two are the closest people to each other. He can even risk his life for you."
"I promise you."
I tried hard to open my tired eyes wide, and pronounced the words as clearly as when I was reading in school.
Guan Yue didn't expect that I would agree to her so readily. She wanted to say something, but I interrupted her: "In fact, when you didn't know, I have been trying to persuade him to accept you, because I know you are the most suitable person for him and you can bring him the best path. Now I still feel this way. My existence is a kind of continuous destruction to him. I can't live selfishly as if nothing happened anymore."
This time, it was Guan Yue who remained silent.
She lowered her head, her long eyelashes drooped, and her thin shoulders trembled slightly. I really didn't know what words to use to comfort her, so I could only silently tell her what I had been holding back in my heart for a long time.
"In this world, you, him, and my mother are the most important people in my life, and I can't lose anyone. So when you fell in love with him at the beginning, I felt very, very troubled. On the one hand, I felt that you were the one who could lead him out of the darkness, but on the other hand, I was afraid that Dong Mingyang's feelings for me would hurt you and me, so I chose to hide it, and kept hiding it, but paper can't cover fire."
"If we are lucky enough to undo this, I think I really might have to live apart from you, and you will probably have an easier time without seeing me."
"What about Qiao Nuo?" Guan Yue raised her head, her eyes red, "Don't you want him anymore?"
Jono.
Yeah, what should Jono do.
A bitter smile appeared on the corner of my mouth. I didn't have the mood to care about him now. Since he was already in the safest environment, I was satisfied.
I know I am selfish, really, really selfish, but I am more powerless.
If possible, I wish every moment I'm experiencing now is a nightmare from which I can wake up. I wish the person locked up is me. In this way, I don't have to endure the torment of thousands of ants gnawing at my heart and sitting still every moment.
The sun was about to set, and when Guan Yue and I were about to give up, Ai Qing finally showed up.
The two of us were leaning against the wall of the technical school building, sharing a bottle of Coke. When we looked up, we saw Ai Qing, who was dressed like a biker girl, and a boy who was dressed like a gangster walking together.
Ai Qing looked very upset, and the boy's constant flattery didn't help. Yes, her father was lying in a coma in the hospital, who would be in a good mood?
Before I could react, Guan Yue took out her 800-meter sprint and rushed up to the two men in two or three steps, stopping them.
The boy was frightened by our sudden appearance. When Ai Qing saw the two of us, her already cold face suddenly turned into an angry look.
"You go back first, I'll come to find you later." She turned and said to the boy next to her.
The boy seemed very obedient. He gave her some instructions and then walked away.
She knew why we came to see her, so she whistled, glanced at us with contempt in her phoenix eyes, and said sarcastically, "Oh, two rich girls are looking for me."
As she spoke, she shook the key in a very annoying way.
"Ai Qing, don't beat around the bush. I came here this time just to discuss the matter between your father and Dong Mingyang with you." Guan Yue was as decisive as a battle-hardened woman. "You name a price, and I'll give it to you as long as you agree to reconcile."
As soon as the words fell, Ai Qing and I were stunned.
No matter how much you ask, I’ll give you that?
Unlike me, Ai Qing regained her composure in a second, looking at Guan Yue as if she were an enemy: "Does being rich make you feel awesome?"
After saying that, she spat the gum in her mouth towards Guan Yue, but fortunately it didn't fall on her.
"Do you think you can buy my dad's life with money?" She looked at us with red eyes, her hatred almost devouring us. "You two are born with good luck, you show off all day long, and today you have suffered a defeat, I tell you, there is no way to reconcile!"
"I just want you two to watch that person suffer, and let you two experience the pain of losing the most important person in your life!"
"Ai Qing, don't act like a victim. If your father wasn't after money, would he do such a thing that would end up with nothing? Don't forget the high-interest loans your father owed!"
Guan Yue's voice became hoarse with anger. I know she has a quick temper, but the person who should not be angered the most right now is Ai Qing.
I held her hand and tried to keep my voice steady: "Ai Qing, I know I said a lot of hurtful things to you. I know it's useless to say them now, but I really hope you will think about it seriously. You live alone now and need money. Your father will still depend on you for support in the future. Even if we have a deep hatred, you don't have to cut off your own path. Besides, your father did that for money. Now we are giving it to him. There is no reason for you to refuse it."
"That's enough, Su Jing'an. You're the one I hate the most! Who are you showing this friendly attitude to? Where is the contempt you showed me in the past?" Ai Qing sneered sarcastically, "You know, I'm so happy to see you being tortured to the point where you're neither human nor ghost!"
If it was before, either Guan Yue or I would have rushed up to her and slapped her, but now, we both kept silent and endured all her anger without making a sound. The two people who used to be so arrogant are gone, and all that is left is forbearance and bowing.
Feeling wronged?
Of course I feel wronged.
What did I do wrong that I had to come and beg his daughter for help after being beaten up?
What did Guan Yue do wrong? She was clearly unable to get the love she wanted, yet she insisted on getting deeply involved in it.
We are the ones who have done nothing wrong, but we still have to give up all our self-esteem and bow to fate. Perhaps this is the cruel rule of this world.
"You don't want money, then what do you want in order to let Dong Mingyang go?"
Guan Yue tried hard to hold back her tears.
"This man is so important to you ," Ai Qing laughed happily, "You are really cheap. Do you know that he likes the girl next to you? He has liked her for three years. Don't you feel uncomfortable? Now you are standing with her, don't you feel like a fool?"
"Ai Qing, don't take your anger out on her. I know it's me you hate."
I couldn't bear to see the always proud Guan Yue showing such a look of pain, and I couldn't bear to see Ai Qing continue to stab her. In fact, even though I really hated the girl in front of me, I had to say that I knew her well.
I lived with her under the same roof, and we were at loggerheads, openly and covertly. I was almost a thorn in her side, and seeing me suffer was undoubtedly her greatest pleasure. It wasn't that she really didn't want money, she just wanted to see me give in to her.
"You make a condition, and I will satisfy it as long as I can meet it."
As expected, after hearing what I said, Ai Qing's expression suddenly became serious. After thinking for a while, she slowly said, "If you kneel down in front of me and say, 'Ai Qing, I was wrong,' I will consider whether to accept the proposal of your friend next to you."
"You——" Guan Yue was so angry that she wanted to rush forward, but I stopped her decisively.
At this moment, I was neither angry nor crying. My heart was as calm as a pool of stagnant water.
It’s not important to bow my head, self-esteem is not important, nothing is important. What’s important is whether the person I care about is safe and sound.
I think, now I am really grown up.
"Okay, then you keep your word."
My voice was light, as if I was in a dream.
Ai Qing still sneered, as if she didn't take my words seriously.
Then--
I knelt down in front of her.
The asphalt road was chilly in early autumn, and my legs were shaking in my thin jeans.
It was the time when classes at the technical school were over. Students kept rushing out of the teaching building, and then were attracted by the three of us and slowly gathered around us.
Countless eyes were scanning me, and I was like a weak fool, at the mercy of others.
"I'm sorry, Ai Qing. I, Su Jingan, am sorry."
No one knows that every word I utter is like a knife, cutting back and forth on my flesh. It hurts, but I can't cry.
Guan Yue was stunned, and Ai Qing was also stunned.
They probably couldn't imagine that Su Jing'an, who had lived a life of aloofness, could do such a thing.
But I know that this is probably the most useful thing I can do for Dong Mingyang now.
I owe him so much that I can never repay him in this lifetime.
If life could be restarted, I think that in the winter three years ago, I would rather starve to death than ask for his care.
At least, he won't be implicated by me.
You will have to pay for what you have done.
This is the most obvious truth in the world.
I don't know if it's because the weather has turned cold, but after leaving the technical school, I kept sneezing. It was already evening, and the already gray weather became even gloomier.
Guan Yue put her coat on me and took me into the car, shivering. As soon as she sat in the driver's seat, she burst into tears before I could say a word.
I wrapped myself in her coat, watching her cry like a fool, and handed her some papers. She took them and started to wipe her nose without caring about her image.
I knew why she was crying, but the bitterness in my heart was even greater than hers, and I really couldn't comfort her. After crying for a while, she asked me in a choked voice: "Does your knee still hurt?"
"Ah, it doesn't hurt. It really doesn't hurt." I answered in a muffled voice, baring my teeth and forcing a smile at her.
Seeing me like this, Guan Yue closed her eyes and cried even harder. She cried and said, "Su Jing'an, what did we do wrong? What did we do wrong? Why did God treat us like this? I finally fell in love with a man, but he didn't love me and was arrested. I am a loser and I can't just ignore him. What did we do wrong?"
I have asked myself this question countless times in these two short days, but I can't get the answer. I have complained, hated, and felt wronged, but it's all no use, so I have become numb to this question.
"Guan Yue, to be honest, I am really grateful that you are willing to help Dong Mingyang like this. You don't have to get involved with us." I sighed, "You can find someone you like again if you lose him/her, but you can never get back a ruined life."
If I had understood this truth earlier, I would have told Dong Mingyang early on that sometimes love not only brings nothing, but also involves oneself.
Guan Yue didn't answer me, but leaned back in the chair and sobbed quietly.
After I knelt down, Ai Qing finally relented. She agreed to consider reconciliation and give us an answer in three days.
It is said that Ai He has survived and is still under observation in the intensive care unit. As long as he is alive, we still have room to strive for a lenient sentence in this incident.
Although this result cannot satisfy both of us, at least there is a turn for the better.
At this time, we have no choice but to wait.
After staying like this for a while, I finally couldn't help asking, "Guan Yue, do you know how Qiao Nuo... is doing these days?"
The Guan family and the Qiao family are close, so she should know more.
"Ever since you got into trouble, he's been under guard by people sent by Uncle Qiao. His cell phone was confiscated, and he can't even leave the house..." Guan Yue felt more and more confused as she spoke. "Do you think Uncle Qiao is that serious? The person who was arrested was Dong Mingyang, and he had nothing to do with Qiao Nuo. Why is he so nervous? Is he worried that Qiao Nuo would be implicated by this kind of wounding case? Will it affect the reputation of their Qiao family?"
"No, that's not the case..."
I hurriedly waved my hands and tried to explain, but when I saw Guan Yue's red eyes, the truth choked in my throat.
"How about this, Guan Yue, take me to the Qiao family. I want to ask Qiao Nuo myself."
At least, communicate with Qiao Nuo before deciding what to do next.
Guan Yue nodded, stepped on the accelerator, and the car drove forward smoothly .
Arriving at Qiao Nuo's house, I asked Guan Yue to go back first. After she left, I calmed myself down and rang the doorbell.
After about three rings, the call was connected, but the person who answered was the Qiao family's nanny. After seeing that it was me in the video, she quickly hung up.
The words I wanted to say came to my lips, but I swallowed them back as if I had been slapped in the face. The thought that kept swirling in my mind and that I dared not admit came up again.
At this moment, the lights in the Qiao family villa were bright, but the light in Qiao Nuo's room was always dim.
What is Qiao Nuo's current situation? Can I meet him smoothly?
I walked in circles at the gate, all the tears I had suppressed bursting out at once with the night wind. At this point, I was completely wounded by all the sudden and extremely unfair things in this world, and I no longer had the ability to withstand the continuous blows. At this moment, I felt like I was in a web that I couldn't get out of, and I could only watch myself being trapped in it without being able to get out.
I don’t know if it was because I hadn’t eaten much all day, but my stomach problems started to act up at this moment. The pain was so unbearable that I simply squatted on the ground and curled up into a ball.
At this moment, car lights came on not far ahead. I looked up and saw a black sports car slowly stopping in front of me.
It was Qiao Nuo's father, who got out of the car in a black suit jacket and walked towards me step by step. I stood up, feeling awkward and not knowing how to face him.
"Uncle——" My voice trembled slightly.
"Yeah." His expression didn't soften at all, he just nodded, "Are you here to see Qiao Nuo?"
"Yes, I haven't contacted him for several days." In fact, since I fell into a coma, except for that unexpected phone call, there has been no news from him.
"You'd better not look for her anymore, Miss Su. I think your relationship with Qiao Nuo should end here." There was no emotion in his words, not even a trace of regret. He was just informing me. I was stunned and couldn't utter a word.
"I also know what you've been through recently. Qiao Nuo did something that ruined your future for you. I wanted to solve it for you, but Qiao Nuo is too innocent." At this point, Qiao Nuo's father finally revealed a trace of helplessness between his brows. "He feels that he should not hide and should come out to take responsibility, but as a father, a father with only this one son, I will never allow this to happen."
"So, I hope you can completely cut off contact with Qiao Nuo in the future." He was like a judge, sentencing me to a crime. "I know this is difficult for you, so I will take tough measures. From now on, please pretend that you have never met Qiao Nuo."
After saying that, he didn't even look at me again and walked past me indifferently.
I know he has given me enough face.
No one is more important than my son's future and life. If it were me, I would not let my child be with a scourge like me. The moment the iron door closed with a "snap", a tight string in my heart finally broke.
It's over. It's all over.
The people I love and the people who love me will eventually leave me even if I try my best to protect them.
That night, it was Guan Yue who took me back.
I looked through my phone contacts several times, but I couldn't find anyone who could take me back. Because in my mind, Guan Yue no longer wanted me, and I didn't have the face to look for her again. Just when I was waiting for a car in despair, she took the initiative to call me and asked about my progress at the Qiao family. After learning what I had experienced, she took me back.
She thought that it was because I was involved in this shameful incident that the Qiao family no longer accepted me. I could see that she wanted to comfort me, but I just smiled.
At this time, who is better off than who?
Following her back to her apartment, nothing was the same, yet everything was different.
We no longer talk about everything, but are filled with an unspeakable awkwardness. I have never been like this in all the years I have been with her. Sometimes, quarrels don't mean anything, silence is the essence of rupture.
She brought me some food, gave me some instructions, and then went to take a shower.
I sat on the sofa, dazed, looking like a lifeless zombie.
The temperature in the room was just right, but I felt like I was in an ice cellar. The phone rang at this inopportune moment, and when I saw who was calling, I wanted to smash the phone for a second.
But I didn't after all.
My finger touched the answer button, and then I prepared to accept it.
Everything was just as I had imagined. I was met with a barrage of insults from Su Yuan, who even insulted my mother.
Yes, how could he let my mother go? If my mother hadn’t provoked a scum like Ai He, how could I have experienced such a thing?
But are we ? Who abandoned us in the first place?
Who drove us out of the villa on a snowy night?
Who would ignore his own daughter?
Who would use his own daughter as a bargaining chip to exchange for what he wants?
Now, Qiao Nuo and I can't be together. Everything he wanted was shattered, and he put all the blame on me. I really want to ask Su Yuan, do you have any shame?
You are shameless, and I feel ashamed.
But I didn't say these words after all. I just kept silent and listened to him roar out all his anger. I didn't have the energy to argue n't even have the energy to be angry. If I could, I even hoped that I could hibernate like a snake, or like the heroine in a TV show, experience a bloody car accident, and then sleep forever.
I didn't say anything until he said, "Come and take your luggage away tomorrow."
I said, okay.
Also, after tomorrow, you and I will no longer be father and daughter.
Without waiting for his response, I hung up the phone.
He didn't know that I had wanted to say this to him three years ago. Maybe I had never found the right opportunity, maybe I didn't have the courage because I was young, or maybe I still had a glimmer of hope for him.
In short, every time I say this, I swallow it back. Now, I feel there is no point in swallowing it back.
I let out a long sigh, and I roughly experienced the feeling of being reborn from the ashes.
When disappointment accumulates enough, it turns into despair. Without expectations, everything becomes extremely easy.
Guan Yue, who had just finished taking a shower, came over with wet hair. She looked pale and asked me incredulously, "Have you completely severed ties with your father?"
"Yes." I answered her lightly, then smiled and asked, "Guan Yue, have you ever experienced the feeling of losing everything in an instant?"
“I am now, that’s me.”