Chapter 8: The March to St. John Four
An Yixuan, An Yixuan, in fact, everything I did after traveling back in time was wrong? I stopped at the door of a music store, where "Simple Love" was playing. The familiar melody echoed over and over again. How nice it would be if love could be simple. When we were young, did we just need some secrets that belonged to the campus? I have to say that the current An Yixuan is so different from the An Yixuan 10 years later, which makes me feel familiar and strange.
The An Yixuan I know, the one who pampers me and spoils me, the one with a good temper, would not have grown from a young boy to such a gentle man without 10 years of training! And I happened to go back to his most immature time, delusionally thinking of replacing the other girls he met in the past 10 years, delusionally thinking of accompanying him since 10 years ago.
Am I wrong? Without the growth of time, there will be no An Yixuan 10 years later. If I chase away all the girls who might appear, can I get a complete An Yixuan? Is the An Yixuan who grew up with me the same An Yixuan that I loved for so long and so deeply in my memory?
"If we can be together in the end, what does it matter if it's a little later?" I murmured to myself, and this sentence suddenly appeared in my mind.
At that time, I really couldn't accept what An Yixuan had experienced. I minded those girls who appeared in his youth, the white-clothed boy in my memory, the basketball boy on the sports field, and I was jealous of those girls who could appear in his best years. But I just forgot that fate cannot be forced. It was because of those experiences that An Yixuan finally came to me.
I have traveled back in time and done so many things. I thought An Yixuan and I would definitely be together, but at this moment, I am so confused. I don't know if we can be together, and I don't know how long we can be together. If I become a decoration of his youthful years, will he meet another girl in the future?
The winter sun is so strong and warm, but I can't feel any warmth. I feel like I've fallen into an ice cellar. Not only am I cold, but I don't know where to go. I've tried so hard to pursue An Yixuan, but will it backfire and ruin our fate?
I always thought that history can be changed, but how could I forget the butterfly effect? If I change the present, I will indirectly change the future! Oh, God, you let me go back to 16 years old, are you kidding me? Or are you giving me a chance to change history? What should I do to be right? What should I do to be with An Yixuan? What I want is not just a moment, but a lifetime, my An Yixuan's lifetime.
"Xizi, Xizi, it's really you!" Muye Ge's surprised voice sounded behind me, followed by the sound of running. When I came to my senses, Muye Ge was already standing in front of me, "I felt it was you from a distance, why are you here? You look very bad, are you feeling unwell?" Muye Ge asked in rapid succession.
I looked at Mu Yege in front of me, and I felt even more melancholy. I didn't catch up with the one I wanted to pursue, but the one I didn't want to pursue kept pestering me every day. It's true that Mu Yege is as good as An Yixuan, but I can never like him again. "It's nothing, I'm fine, but there are some things I can't figure out. I feel like I've done a lot of things wrong, or I don't know if many of the things I did were right or wrong... Alas, it's so complicated, you definitely don't understand, just treat it as nonsense."
"It's not complicated. I understand. Do you feel like you've suddenly lost your goal and don't know what to make the right choice? Just like you've always wanted to go to St. John's, but what if you really go there? Maybe you'll find that it's better to stay in Saint John, right?" Makino Ge looked at me and said, with excitement in his eyes.
I shook my head: "That's not what I meant. For example...how should I put it? I wanted to say that you shouldn't like me at all. You and Xun Yiran are a couple." I was a little confused. If I hadn't traveled back in time, Muye Ge should have been happily together with Xun Yiran!
"I have said many times that the person I really like is you, not Xun Yiran. Don't feel any psychological burden. I know very well who I like. I can have many feelings for someone, but I can only like one person." Makino Ge said seriously.
I was thinking, why didn't you tell me this 10 years ago? What's the point of telling me this now?
"Can we not talk about this anymore? It's really impossible for us to be together. Besides, I won't be in Seyo when school starts. You should study hard." I turned around and wanted to leave.
"Are you really going to transfer schools?" Makino Ge grabbed my arm, her face full of disappointment. "Can't we even be friends?"
"I don't want to give you false hope. I don't know what others think, but I know myself very well. You don't understand, I know myself very well. It's impossible for me to like you. No matter what you do, I will never like you, OK?" I said impatiently.
"You like someone else, right?" Makino lowered his head, his tone very depressed, "I will prove to you that I am no worse than him."
"You still don't understand. Some people can't tell what's good about them, but they just make people miss them. So what if you are a hundred times better than him? I still like him."
"Like you said, we are still young, and there is a lot of time ahead."
"It will be the same in the future. I am different from others. Others may change, but I won't, because I..." I stopped talking.
"I know you are different from others, and that's why I like you. Don't worry, I know my limits. I know that studying is the most important thing now. It's getting late, so I'll take you home. You look so pale , and I'm worried about you." Makino Ge said sincerely.
I couldn't seem to find any reason to refuse him, so I could only nod and let him take me home. My home was not very far from the city center.
"Xizi, I feel like you are like the clouds in the sky, which can never be caught." Makino Ge said like a poet.
"No, I have a headache!" I immediately covered my ears to indicate that I didn't want to listen.
"I just want to say that I can't reach the clouds in the sky, but at least I can look at them. Xizi, just like I can't catch up with you, but at least I can protect you from afar. When you need me, just remember that I am still here." Makino Ge lowered his head, his tone was very sad. The setting sun was as red as blood, shining on the side of his face, adding a different kind of sadness.
For a moment, my heart softened, but I gritted my teeth and said nothing, just quietly letting him take me home. That was all I could do, because my heart could no longer accommodate anyone else except An Yixuan.
