There was no news about Li Ye anymore, as if he had disappeared from this world, just like a dream of mine. When I woke up, the dream was gone.
There is only more than half a year left before the college entrance examination, and the school is filled with a tense atmosphere.
Everything in the school seems to have changed, yet it seems to have remained the same.
There were two fewer people in the classroom, and the desks that were originally reserved were moved out. Just like that, even the last trace of them was wiped out. But in my heart, they are still engraved with marks.
There is no longer the word "friend" in my world. I dare not make friends anymore. I am afraid of losing them, so I simply don't want to have any.
The magnolia trees beside the school road were covered with snow, and the branches creaked under the weight. Occasionally, the snow would fall into the back of my clothes and penetrate my skin, making my heart even colder.
There will never be a boy coming out from behind me, grabbing my hair with a wicked smile and wanting to exchange my hairband for an umbrella. No one will draw a turtle on my face when I am sleeping. No one will call me "ugly girl" anymore.
When the teacher calls on me to do a problem, no one will step forward to help me out, and I don’t need anyone because I can finally write out the answer as accurately and fluently as that young man in white.
I no longer need him to struggle to take notes for me, but I still miss the way he handed me the book.
Study, study and study again. I buried myself in the sea of ​​questions every day to numb myself. I became more silent, still eating alone, going to school alone, and going home alone.
There is always a lack of people discussing gossip in the cafeteria, but where is the person who accompanied me to listen to gossip? Song Jingyan finally went to a foreign country, a strange place where she went alone. Will there be someone to accompany her to drink milk tea to heal her sorrow?
There are stars in the sky on winter nights, and it’s so uncomfortable to look up , because I still don’t know which one is the sun, which one is my parents, and which one is He Xubei…
The next time I heard the name Li Ye was in a video news broadcast. On my second-hand computer, the announcer's monotonous voice was reading out this name, but it was a list of names of people who died in car accidents.
"At 2 a.m. last night eight underage teenagers organized an illegal car race on a road section in City A, which resulted in a serious car accident. One person died and one was injured. The deceased was Li Ye, 18 years old, from Tianjin..."
My heart felt like it was being cut by a knife. Every breath became difficult. I stared at the TV screen and consoled myself - it's not him, it's not him! It can't be him! Maybe it's just the same name...
I watched the video over and over again, but the published photo of the deceased was clearly him. How could I not recognize that wicked smile?
My heart and stomach started to ache, and I curled up on the sofa. I wanted to cry but couldn't, and my throat was dry but no sound came out - when have I ever had this feeling before?
I took out my cell phone and called Shanshan. The tone of the answering machine echoed throughout the room like funeral music.
"An An, is there something wrong? Why aren't you asleep yet?"
Shanshan's voice saved me, and I pressed the hands-free button: "Shanshan, I feel uncomfortable..."
"An An, are you feeling stomach upset? I'll be there right away!" Shan Shan hung up the phone, leaving only a beeping sound.
Ten minutes later, Shanshan appeared in front of me in her pajamas, her hair disheveled, unable to hide her panic. She looked at my back, which was hunched like a shrimp, and said, "An'an, I'll take you to the hospital."
I pointed at the video on the computer and said five words with all my strength: "Li Ye, he's dead."
Shanshan looked at me blankly, then slowly turned to look at the computer, and then looked at me with unbelievable eyes: "An An?"
I burst into tears suddenly, crying my heart out, crying until I was out of breath, and I was almost exhausted. The sound of my cry echoed in the room, sounding horrible and creepy.
" Li Ye is dead! Li Ye is dead..." I cried and shouted, "Shanshan, Li Ye is actually dead! He Xubei is dead, Li Ye is also dead..."
Shanshan was startled by my sudden crying. She hugged me and cried with me.
"Shanshan, it's gone. I have no friends. I have nothing! Why did they all leave me?"
Ling Shanshan sobbed and said, "An An, you still have me! You still have me. I'm here and I won't leave."