Chapter 8 Our Youth Has Changed Beyond Recognition 04
A little boy appeared in front of my eyes. He sat there like a star in the night, with crystal tears falling from his lowered eyes.
Later, the little boy grew up and stopped crying. He became a man as steady as a mountain. He whispered gently in my ear and said, "I love you."
I used to be able to leave without looking back, but now I am lost in the intricate chess game, not knowing how to move forward or backward. The lonely sea water surrounds my heart, and the sadness in my heart is flooding. I can't find an island to dock. I am drowning in it and it will be difficult for me to rest for the rest of my life.
Love is so beautiful, but I can’t touch it. I can’t touch happiness, and I can’t touch his heart.
"sorry……"
My tears fell unexpectedly, onto his hands and into his eyes. He took his hand back, like a child who had done something wrong and was hurt.
My vision began to blur, and hot tears kept falling, burning the heart that I didn't care about. It broke and shattered.
He tried to force a smile, stood up and said, "I was too impatient. I should have prepared you mentally."
The night was eerily quiet.
"Can't you promise?" He reached out to wipe my tears, wiping them vigorously with anger, "You can promise Zhuang Qiyue, why can't you promise me?"
Who threw a huge rock into the sea in the middle of the night, breaking the coolness of the night?
"What did you say..." I heard my own voice coming from my chest, like a dim light passing through a dark tunnel, lost in the long night.
His hands traced the contours of my face, back and forth, and he smiled at me and said to himself, "This face is really well acted."
My heart was tightly closed, he gently turned the doorknob, almost certain that he knew my secret, but he didn't open it. I was like a thief full of secrets, my heart was beating wildly, and my hands were a little trembling.
The remote control for controlling the lights fell aside, and the lights gradually went out. Without the lights, the sea breeze blew out many candles. The light in the room was dim, and the air was as stuffy as a tin box.
No sound, only breath.
Boundless darkness, a lost heart thrown into the darkness.
I began to wonder if he was there when I talked to July in the hospital. My memory was getting worse and worse. I always forgot things in the present , and even the memories that I remembered clearly before would be confused.
A bolt of lightning struck and thunder roared.
"I was outside when you were talking that day," he said.
My tears flowed from the corners of my eyes again, and I felt extremely embarrassed.
"It's hard for you." The voice as cold as rain contained too many emotions, "You have been acting with me for so long, I thought you would continue, but I didn't expect the show to end." The tone was mocking and cold.
"No..." I admit that I wanted to have the surgery in July at first, but then I changed my mind. I fell in love with you, and I couldn't agree to your proposal because I wasn't sure if you really didn't mind me as I am now.
I agreed to date him sincerely, and after he left, I missed him truly. I tried to forget the past, but I failed.
"It's okay. I made a bet with you, and it was just revenge." He took his hand back, letting my tears flow, and said cruel words with a smile, "You pretended to date me for July, so I took revenge on you the way I took revenge on myself."
I reached out to pull him: "Fang Xuyu..."
He ignored me.
"So we owe each other nothing." He waved my hand away.
"It's not like that, listen to me." I pulled him stubbornly.
"Don't touch me." He pursed his lips, looking at me quietly for a while, and sneered , "I think it's dirty."
Dirty? He thinks I'm dirty. Sure enough, he cares about what Xue Ye did to me.
He stretched out his slender pale hand, stroked my tearful face, and said with a smile: "What is love?"
I was already a little weak from crying, and my tears were flowing like a broken faucet.
He turned his back to me and said in a cold voice: "I thought I should love you very much, but I seem to be wrong."
The heartache spread throughout my body. My eyes were empty and I couldn't see the person in front of me. My ears were buzzing and I couldn't hear clearly what he said.
“I was wrong from the beginning,” he said.
Then, he threw the bouquet of roses on the ground, said "take care of yourself", and left indifferently. Every step he took made me feel heartbroken.
The wind blew violently, knocking over the candles. The flames licked the pure white wedding dress, burning everything between us, and everything turned to ashes.
My head was dizzy, my long hair was flying in the mirror, and my lips were unnaturally red, as red as blood, so red that it was scary, like a fallen female ghost.
"Ugh—" I suddenly started to dry heave in pain and knelt on the ground weakly.
I stared at my flushed face and the weird self in the mirror, and cried even more uncontrollably.
The wedding dress burned into a charred ball. There was no combustible material left. The fire gradually died down. I smelled the burnt stench and my whole body couldn't stop shaking.
The world was spinning before my eyes and I fell backwards helplessly.
The body fell to the cold floor with a clear sound. I heard the sound of anxious footsteps running towards me, but I couldn't see his face clearly.
Fang Xuyu, is that you?
I didn't mean it, I didn't mean to lie to you, please believe me.
Don’t blame me, I’m so tired. Where should I go if I’m dirty?
Is it true that only death can bring relief?
When I woke up, the wind was much lighter.
I lay in bed in silence, feeling weak all over, still wearing the ethnic-style skirt he gave me, and the air conditioner made me dizzy. I looked up at the ceiling , but my eyes were out of focus.
The door was opened, and I wanted to get up, but my body was numb and painful. I leaned on the pillow and tried to sit up, staring at a strange waitress, with anxiety in my eyes.
"Excuse me, has the person who booked this room left?"
The waiter placed the dinner in front of me and said gently, "Miss, you played in the sea water for too long and were blown by the cold wind, so you fainted. The hotel does not allow private fires, and it is dangerous to light candles in the house. Fortunately, nothing happened."
It turns out that it was not a dream.
"You are very weak and need to rest." Someone told me in my ear and I nodded mechanically.
In the quiet room, there are only me and the sound of the sea breeze.
I got up and went to the place where I fainted. The candles and petals had been cleaned up, and there were still burn marks on the ground. That wedding dress was so short-lived that it seemed like it had never existed.
My heart has been cut by a knife.
——I avenged you in the same way I avenged myself. So, we owe each other nothing.
——I thought I should love you very much, but it seems I was wrong.
——I think it’s dirty.
I closed my eyes and tried not to think about those words.
I clenched my cold fingers, pulled up the quilt and hid myself in it. The past years replayed like scenes from a movie, each one so clear that it was almost cruel.
Give me the most gentle fairy tale and the most cruel truth.
When did we become like this?
Use the sharpest knife to stab each other's hearts.
I love you.
Oh, what tempting love words!
However, the price is irreparable.
