Half an hour later, Yu Bing rushed back in a hurry.
Before this, Lu Mingyu was lying on the bed sleeping soundly, while I was standing in front of the floor-to-ceiling window on the balcony, feeling the night breeze and quietly looking at this quiet city.
It was also the first time for me to discover that this seemingly sharp city also has such a gentle and mysterious side.
Maybe it's just that my life is too low that I feel the world is so unfriendly. After experiencing much unfriendliness, the only thing I have learned is to face these "unfriendliness" more calmly. So, when Yu Bing rushed into the bedroom, saw me, and put her bag on the table with a sharp look in her eyes, I still looked at her calmly.
It was so calm as if nothing had ever happened between us.
She crossed her arms, stepped elegantly on her high heels, and walked to my side, sneering, "You really are invincible."
I pretended not to understand and smiled softly: "I have sent the person back. When he wakes up, please tell him not to come to me again."
In fact, this world has changed me. It has turned a weak and timid little girl into an unfriendly person who is calm and fights back. So many times, I feel that I am not a good person. I can see this from the expression on Yu Bing's face that looks like she wants to eat me.
Tang Tang once said, Pei Jixing, you are just lazy and disdain to use any means, otherwise, would those women around Lu Mingyu still be qualified to appear?
I used to not care about this statement, but today, I cannot deny that women always see things most clearly and accurately.
I'm afraid Yu Bing has always had this fear in her heart, otherwise, how could she put aside her noble demeanor and target me irrationally time and time again?
"Pei Jixing, do you have any shame?" She looked at me viciously and raised her hand towards me, but I stopped her.
"Haven't you humiliated me enough?" I said expressionlessly, shaking her arm away with force.
She was caught off guard and took a few steps back, and I approached her without hesitation.
"Yu Bing, I think you still don't understand one fact. I have known Lu Mingyu for eight years, and you have only been with him for a few months. Regardless of whether love is measured by time, the relationship between him and me is probably something you can never replace in your lifetime. Instead of spending time on me, you might as well be nicer to him. I am not one of those beautiful women around Lu Mingyu. If you use that kind of trick on me, you are making a big mistake!"
"Pei Jixing, what's the point of you saying all this? Do you dare to say that you don't like him?" She was out of control but pretended to be calm.
"Whether I like him or not, it's my business from the beginning to the end. You have no right to ask, let alone intervene. Because I have never thought of interfering in any of his relationships."
I don’t know if I was angry or not, but I said this with a sneer like a winner.
"Yu Bing, I advise you to be quiet. What happened today? When Lu Mingyu wakes up, you can ask him. I will not take the initiative to approach him or contact him again, and my relationship with him is not as dirty as you think. In your eyes, I may be a peeping man with ill intentions, but in his eyes, I am a reliable friend. You don't need to worry about my existence and argue with him crazily. If you really love him, try to think from his perspective. He is under much more pressure than you..."
Even now, I still habitually speak for Lu Mingyu and worry about everything for him.
"There's no need for you to pretend to be kind! You'd better do what you say and stay away from Lu Mingyu and us!" Yu Bing stood motionless in front of me, staring at me with red eyes.
I picked up my coat, walked around the bed and took a look at Lu Mingyu, then turned around and walked out of Lu Mingyu's apartment without hesitation.
I think this is probably the last time I come here. After all, there are too many bad memories here. In the future, every time I think of it, it may be a torture like cutting flesh and bones. All I can do is try to avoid it.
When I got home and turned on the light, I found only the leftovers on the dining table waiting for me. Then I remembered that I hadn't had time to clean up the dishes. I suddenly felt so sad that I wanted to laugh.
This place called home is full of emptiness and coldness.
No one ever leaves a light on for me, and no one ever waits for me to come home.
I smiled bitterly, washed up quietly as usual, and crawled into bed tiredly.
Until this moment, my stiff body finally relaxed. Forgive me for having a simple brain structure and not being able to cope with so many things that happened during this period of time.
The moonlight came in through the window screen, and countless memories seemed to have escaped from Pandora's box, surging unbridled in my mind. I fell asleep slowly, with a series of complicated dreams as my pillow.
But I hope that Lu Mingyu will no longer appear in my dreams.
don't want.
Ever since the confrontation with Yu Bing in Lu Mingyu's apartment, Lu Mingyu and I have tacitly cut off contact.
Just like a kite with its string cut, we are no longer connected to each other. We each lead a peaceful life without interfering with each other. However, it is harder to let go of someone you have loved.
I often think of his drunken kiss that night, which was the only kiss in my life after all. Lu Mingyu seemed to have no idea that there were many boys chasing me, but I couldn't like any of them.
Probably because I have seen the most beautiful scenery in the world, so everywhere else I go is noisy.
I thought I wouldn't be so sad after turning around handsomely. In fact , I still overestimated myself. It's just that these pains will be well covered up in the busy daytime, but at night, the bloody wounds will be peeled open.
I always force myself not to think about it, not to look at it, but in the end I still can't resist the longing for him, and visit his homepage again and again. He still lives his normal life, and from time to time he posts a photo of exquisite food or the street scene of the day.
Until I saw the news that he was about to get married in the latest update .
He didn't post that message, he just forwarded Yu Bing's.
The movement of sliding the mouse suddenly froze. For a long, long time, I couldn't take my eyes off the tiny words on the screen. The last string in my heart was broken. Before I could deal with the pain that was like a horde of troops, the phone rang.
When I saw the name on the screen, I suddenly remembered a joke agreement between him and me many years ago. He said, "Xiao Xingxing, if you get married in the future, you must tell me as soon as possible." I will also tell you as soon as possible. At that time, I just smiled with my head lowered, because we were too young at that time, and I never looked forward to the future.
But time goes by so fast. Suddenly, I am no longer young. Unexpectedly, the boy I love is going to marry someone else.
Picking up the phone, I pressed the answer button with trembling hands.
Then, there was a long silence.
After an unknown amount of time, he finally spoke.
"I'm getting married."
"Congratulations."
"Thank you... Will you come?" His voice was so hoarse that my bleeding heart suddenly ached.
"Oh, yes." I held back my tears and forced a smile.
"Okay, then I'll hang up first. I have some things to do here. I'll contact you when the time is set." His voice gradually faded, like a faucet being turned off.
"Okay." After answering this word, I gently hung up the phone and buried my head between my knees like a lost trapped beast.
I couldn't hold back my tears after all, they came out all at once with all the unsuccessful genes in my body. For the first time in my life, I couldn't control my crying, because I couldn't stop them, those damn tears made me gradually lose my mind. There seemed to be a spell in my mind, repeating over and over again, he is getting married, he is getting married.
But his bride is not me.
I have loved him for so many years, but it is all in vain.
This road was so difficult and long that I walked on it. It wore away almost all my edges, but it still left me aside.
I have no right to blame him.
I only have myself to blame.
This is all my own fault. I deserve it.
But it’s better this way, Lu Mingyu, let’s say goodbye now. It’s better than the first person I think of every morning in my life is you.
That night, I went to the bar alone.
Wearing heavy makeup and my only bright red dress, I numbly walked into that place of lights and wine, a world that had never belonged to me.
I didn't tell anyone I was here, and no one would care. I turned off my phone, picked a seat at the bar, ordered the strongest alcohol, and drank without restraint.
At this moment, I seemed not to be myself, but just an ordinary, failed woman who got drunk late at night. It was not until this moment that I realized that alcohol was really a good thing. It seemed to have magical power, which reduced my pain by seven points.
I don't know how many glasses of wine I drank, but I started to feel sleepy. At this moment, the stage finally changed to a slower song, and I listened attentively with my chin propped up. I don't know why, but tears suddenly flowed. It was a very old song, so old that I couldn't remember its name.

I can't forget your tears
I can't forget your kindness
Can't forget the intoxicating lingering
I can't forget your oath
Why not let this dream
When I didn't wake up
just you and me
Forever
just you and me……

In this sad melody, the alcohol took effect again, and the strength in my body seemed to be drained away, and my last bit of rationality disappeared. Just like that, I fell asleep unknowingly and fell into a deep dream.
In my dream, I saw Lu Mingyu again. He looked like he did in high school, wearing a navy blue basketball uniform, running alone on the basketball court. He looked at me from time to time, smiling as brightly as the morning sun.
I had this dream intermittently. No matter what the scene was, the person in the dream was always him. After traveling thousands of miles, I finally woke up.
The moment I opened my eyes, I thought I was hallucinating.
Because at this moment, I was lying in a luxuriously decorated hotel suite, covered with a soft and comfortable quilt. The red skirt was taken off and put aside, with obvious stains on it. I don't know who helped me put on a new set of pajamas.
Of course, I am not so naive as to think that others have done something to me. But even so, I can't help but feel panic and fear in my heart. If I meet the wrong person, I am afraid that I will not see the same morning as before.
Pei Jixing, you are such a complete fool.
I rubbed my aching temple, feeling angry at myself. Fortunately, the pain all over my body helped me regain some consciousness. I found my phone, but it was still turned off.
I picked up the red dress on the table and prepared to put it on, but I accidentally found a card left on the table. It was something like a postcard, with a line of elegant words written on it:

Forget the past and start over. There will be someone better who will love you.
Alex

Why does this handwriting look familiar?
Who is Alex? Is he the one who sent me here yesterday?
Countless questions exploded in my mind, and in a flash, many memories of last night finally surfaced.
I remember that after I fell asleep at the bar, the next time I regained consciousness, I was sitting in a taxi, with a man supporting me gently and speaking to me softly. I can't remember his face, but I can clearly remember everything he said to me.
He said, since you now feel that you have nothing because of him, why not let go of the past and start over?
He said that as long as you want to get back on track, it's never too late.
I seemed to have told this stranger everything about me.
My failed life and family, my failed love and career. An overwhelming sense of shame surged in my heart, and I really wanted to slap myself to death.
I put on the dress again and simply washed the dirty part. I tidied myself up in front of the mirror and then took a good look at myself.
This year, I was exactly twenty-four years old.
I am in my prime years, and I should be working hard for myself, but I made myself look so miserable. My fair skin looked extremely haggard after the hangover, and the dark circles under my eyes made me look listless. In this state, not to mention Lu Mingyu, even any ordinary boy on the street would not be willing to pay attention to me.
I couldn't help but smile bitterly.
Isn't this all my own doing?
No matter what ridiculous actions Lu Mingyu makes, don't I just humiliate myself and forgive him again and again?
It seems that from the beginning of fate, I can't help being attracted to him, and revolving around him over and over again. Even if I emphasize that he can't fall in love with you, it's useless. When he smiles, the flowers in my heart bloom; when he cries, it starts to rain in my heart. The first thing I do every morning is to think about him. When I get up, I open my eyes, brush my teeth in front of the mirror, and eat, all the time, every minute and every second. This seems to have become my DNA, engraved in my bones, flowing in my blood. It can't be removed and will never disappear.
And I never seem to want to change.
She just immersed herself in the sweetness of his occasional charity, and even gave up a better future for him, ruining her life which could have been good.
Holding on to this faint hope, I wandered in the waves of this world, until my head was bruised and bleeding and my body was broken, only then I realized that all this was just a ray of illusion that I got by begging for mercy.
He won't love me.
Not at the beginning, not for all these years, and not in the end.
But I still look forward to it foolishly.
I think I'm finally tired.
Many years ago, when I suddenly realized that I liked him, I knew that I would get tired one day. But I didn't know that I would persist for so long. Now, it's really time for me to give up.
He has his life trajectory, I have mine, and we will always be two independent individuals.
Maybe, in the days ahead , I still won't be able to really forget him, but at least from now on, I have to learn how to love myself. If I don't even love myself, how can I expect others to love me?
Love is a free soul.
I can love him, but I must love myself more. No matter what, I must live for myself.
Thinking of this, I couldn't help but tighten my grip on the card in my hand. Carefully brushing off the dust on it, I solemnly put it into the compartment of my wallet, cherishing it as a talisman.
This person is right, forget the past and start over.
As for Lu Mingyu, I think I will try very hard to forget him.
Forget the love I once had for him, forget the years I spent with him, forget that I loved him so deeply, a love that was engraved in my bones.
He doesn't need to know all this, because it will all be ruthlessly erased by time.
Cleanly and without leaving any trace.