Chapter 8 Dusk 1
We always miss a lot of things.
The songs you have heard or the scenery you have seen,
And those who have left.
My father and Aunt Shen's wedding was held at the end of November. At this time, the autumn osmanthus was fragrant and the ground was covered with red maple leaves. Although both parties were remarrying, my father still carefully prepared a Western-style wedding. When they took the oath in front of all the relatives and friends, I finally couldn't help crying.
As a daughter like me, I have caused my father so much trouble since I was little, but he has never hit or scolded me. Now that he has finally found his own happiness, I naturally cried with joy.
However, compared with my current family harmony, Guyu seems even more unfortunate.
I went to see him yesterday, but he still hadn't woken up, and even Guyu's mother's condition had worsened. The doctor told me that Guyu's mother's kidneys were gradually dying, and she could only survive until the end of next year at best.
I didn't tell anyone what the doctor said, but I couldn't help crying secretly whenever I thought about it.
The tragedy of Guyu made my world no longer have sunshine since that day, as if the whole world was gray. How I wish this was just a dream I had, and when I wake up, Guyu is still by my side, smiling at me with a sunny face.
But I know this is impossible, and I am just deceiving myself .
Brother Xiaohei called to tell me that Aunt He Pei quit her job at the bar and went to work as a cashier in a supermarket. It was then that I remembered that I had not contacted Chen Qiaoluo for a long time. Since I went to college, I occasionally received postcards with the postmark of × City. I knew that they were sent to me by Chen Qiaoluo, but I never replied.
I met Xu Xuan again in mid-December, exactly half a year after our last meeting. I had a stomachache that day and went to the hospital to get medicine, but I didn't expect to meet Xu Xuan.
He seemed to be visiting a patient. When he saw me, he waved happily and ran towards me. He asked, "Hello, Zhu Yun. Why are you here?"
I shook the bag in my hand and said, "I feel a little upset in my stomach, come get some medicine."
Over the past six months, I have had dull stomach pains from time to time. I thought it was caused by an irregular diet and never told my dad about it. Occasionally, when the pain was severe, I would go directly to the hospital to get medicine.
After hearing what I said, Xu Xuan looked around and asked in confusion, "Where is the boy who was with you earlier?"
When I saw him mention Chen Qiaoluo, I couldn't help but lower my eyes.
As if noticing something was wrong with me, Xu Xuan asked, "Did you have a fight?"
“Not really.” I smiled self-deprecatingly and said, “We just haven’t been in touch.”
Xu Xuan frowned unconsciously and pulled me out of the hospital. He said, "If you don't mind, can you tell me about it?"
I haven't heard anyone talk about Chen Qiaoluo for a long time, and all of a sudden I felt like talking to him.
Xu Xuan took me to his skating rink, which was where we first met. I still remember that I invited Chen Qiaoluo to come over to play with me, but he rejected me on the grounds that he was chasing beautiful women, which caused me to fall hard.
When I think of this, my nose can't help but feel a little sour.
In fact, I have thought about Chen Qiaoluo for the past six months. In every quiet night, on every crowded street, and in countless scenes I have seen, I miss him. But I know that no matter how much I miss him, I can't see him. Chen Qiaoluo and I are like two hedgehogs, and we have already stabbed each other with scars all over our bodies.
Xu Xuan handed me a bottle of drink and asked, "Tell me, what's going on between you and him?"
In fact, I myself am not quite sure where to start talking about this matter.
I spoke intermittently about my past with Chen Qiaoluo, about my love, his love, the happy and sad things in the past, and when I finally talked about how he watched Guyu fall into the water without saving her and saying a word, I finally couldn't hold back my tears.
I think to this day I still don't want to believe how cold Chen Qiaoluo was at that time. In my heart, he should be the pure white boy, not the devil waving black wings on the river bank that afternoon. That incident is like a nightmare of mine, haunting me over and over again in every early morning when I am asleep.
I don’t know how long I cried, and Xu Xuan beside me didn’t say anything.
I don't know how long it took before I heard Xu Xuan's slightly sad voice. He said, "Hello Zhu Yun, you wronged Chen Qiaoluo."
I turned around and looked at him in surprise, but saw that Xu Xuan closed his eyes. It took him a while to open them. His eyes were like a silent ocean.
He said, "In fact, Chen Qiaoluo and I have known each other since we were young. At that time, I lived on the street next to their house. He often followed me and called me Brother Xu Xuan. I don't know if you know what happened in his family. When he was ten years old, his father was imprisoned for killing someone. There was no shortage of gossipmongers on that street, and the news that his father had killed someone spread throughout the street. I was not very old at that time. When my mother heard about it, she stopped me from playing with him. Several times when he came to find me, he was stopped outside by my mother. My mother is a rough person. Maybe you will laugh at what I said, but that's the fact. She believed what others said and thought that Chen Qiaoluo would... I knew that he was definitely not a good person, so I said some unpleasant words to him. At that time, I stood at the door and watched Chen Qiaoluo turn around and leave without saying a word. After that, he never came to see me again. Occasionally, when I passed by the alley, I would see him being bullied. I wanted to help him but I would think of what my mother said. I was so entangled in this dilemma that in the end, Chen Qiaoluo was taken away by his mother. Sometimes I would hear news about him from others. I wanted to find him but I didn’t dare to, because I was afraid that he still hated me for what happened at that time. Later, my father made a fortune in business and took our family away from that street. After that, I never heard from Chen Qiaoluo again. "
"In fact, this matter has been like a thorn in my heart for so many years. The guilt I feel towards Chen Qiaoluo often makes me feel suffocated." Xu Xuan sighed and said, "In fact, I never thought that I would meet Chen Qiaoluo again. If I hadn't seen you that time in the billiard hall, I would have passed him by. But he didn't seem to recognize me and left without even looking at me. Later, I asked about his affairs and found out that he had not lived well in recent years. I know you are a good girl, and I know that Chen Qiaoluo really likes you. I thought everything was fine and stopped bothering you, but I didn't expect you to end up like this."
He sighed and continued, "You said Chen Qiaoluo watched your good friend die without saving him. In fact, Zhu Yunhao, you are wrong. Chen Qiaoluo did not watch your friend die without saving him, but he did not dare to save him."
I looked at him in shock.
He went on, "That was when he was five or six years old. One time he came to me to go fishing in the river with him. We were both kids at the time, and we were really playful. We were just playing in the shallower places, but then we went further and further away. I didn't know why, until I felt something was wrong and was about to remind him to retreat, but he accidentally stepped into the mud and was submerged in an instant. I was so panicked at the time that it took me a while to react and shout for help. Maybe we were so lucky that day that a fisherman happened to pass by and rescued him. Since then, Chen Qiaoluo never dared to touch the water again. His fear of water even made him afraid to take a bath at home. His mother spent a lot of effort to make him gradually understand. But after that, he still didn't dare to go to the river again, and even the stream would scare him."
Xu Xuan's answer was something I had never thought of, and Chen Qiaoluo had never told me. If Xu Xuan hadn't told me about it today, I'm afraid I would have hated Chen Qiaoluo for the rest of my life.
Thinking of this, I couldn’t help but feel sad.
I didn't know how scared he was when he saw Guyu falling into the water, and I didn't know how sad and desperate he was when he faced my accusations. It was not until this moment that I realized how wrong I was and how much I didn't trust Chen Qiaoluo.
I forgot how I walked out of Xu Xuan's skating rink, and I didn't know how long I walked on the street in a daze. When I looked up again, I was already standing downstairs of Chen Qiaoluo's house.
I hesitated for a long time but finally went upstairs. Aunt He Pei didn't seem to be at home at this time. I knocked on the door for a long time but no one responded.
I sat at the stairs in despair and couldn't help crying.
I don’t know how long it was, but when I was lying there tired of crying, Aunt He Pei’s surprised voice suddenly rang in my ears.
She said, "Hello, Yun, why are you here?"
I followed Aunt He Pei into the house. She poured a cup of hot tea into my hands and said, "Warm your hands first. It's so cold outside. Why didn't you call me before you came?"
The warmth from the cup instantly warmed my cold hands. Aunt He Pei sat next to me, looked at me worriedly and asked, "Hello, Yun, is there something wrong with you?"
When she asked me this, I just shook my head vigorously.
I couldn’t tell Aunt He Pei about Chen Qiaoluo’s affairs, so I could only keep it in my heart.
Seeing me like this, she just sighed and stopped asking questions. After a while, she said, "I really don't understand what you young people are thinking. Take A Luo for example. He ran to × City without saying a word half a year ago and has never come back since then."
