Later I learned that Bao Kangqi's excitement lasted until very late that day. After I hung up the phone with him, he made phone calls frantically. He notified all his friends, classmates, and childhood friends. He excitedly told them that he was in love and An Xiaodi agreed to be his girlfriend.
The city we live in is not very big, and we are of similar age, so our friends have more or less overlap. Because of Bao Kangqi's publicity, my relationship with him was confirmed among our circle of friends.
The next morning, Bao Kangqi said to me apologetically: "I was so excited yesterday that I forgot to ask you if I could tell them, and then I..."
Bao Kangqi scratched his head again. Every time he was nervous or did something wrong, he couldn't help scratching his head.
"It's okay, they will know sooner or later." I said indifferently, but in fact I was still worried. I even wondered what would happen if Su Yunjin heard the news, would he regret not being with me? But it was just a thought.
Bao Kangqi's friends were not surprised when they found out that we were together. After all, Bao Kangqi had been pursuing me in a high-profile manner for a long time. However, my circle of friends was shocked, especially Su Mo. After hearing the news, she rushed to my house without stopping and asked, "Why?"
I looked at Su Mo, trying to maintain a smile, but my heart was more bitter than coptis root. How could there be so many whys? If every "why" had an answer, I would like to ask Su Yunjin first, why doesn't he like me?
"Su Mo, I..." I didn't know how to answer Su Mo.
Why did I agree to Bao Kangqi? Not to mention Su Mo, I also want to ask why I agreed. But rather than waiting for Su Yunjin's hopeless love, I would rather be loved by someone else.
"An Xiaodi, do you think Bao Kangqi is good?" In Su Mo's heart, the best person must be her brother. She has shown off her brother to me more than once. Now that I have given up her brother and chosen Bao Kangqi, she certainly won't understand.
"He is a good match for me." I answered seriously, which is why I agreed to Bao Kangqi. Bao Kangqi may not be perfect, and may not be the person I like in my heart, but he likes me very much and he will treat me well.
"What about my brother? Is my brother not suitable or do you no longer like him?" Su Mo was a little puzzled by my indifference at the moment, and finally couldn't help but bring up Su Yunjin.
She knew clearly the position of Su Yunjin in my heart, and she understood even more clearly that bringing up Su Yunjin would destroy all my persistence. In the past two years, Su Yunjin has always been invincible in my world.
I looked at Su Mo and resisted telling her that Su Yunjin liked Zhou Shiyun. I just sighed and said to her, "Su Mo, this is the best choice."
The most suitable, this is the best explanation I made for my promise to Bao Kangqi. I can't know that Su Yunjin likes Zhou Shiyun and still cling to him, and I can't wait for Su Yunjin to watch him and Zhou Shiyun fall in love. Since I can't wait and wait, accepting someone who likes me is indeed the best choice. Even if I can't fall in love with him, I can be sure that he loves me.
"Su Mo, how could you do this? How could you give up the person you love?" Su Mo obviously disagreed with what I said. She stared at me with confusion on her face.
I didn't say anything, just looked at Su Mo quietly.
"An Xiaodi, if I were you, I would definitely persevere until he likes me. Nothing can stop me from persisting."
Su Mo's expression was firm when she spoke, and I knew very well that she was speaking to me as well as to herself.
We both fell in love with people who didn't like us. Although we didn't say it out loud at first, it was because we appreciated each other and encouraged each other. Now I have chosen to let go and find the right person. How can Su Mo not feel lost?
But besides feeling disappointed, Su Mo should be more angry, or even a little mad at the lack of resistance. After two years of waiting, after knowing that the person I was waiting for already had someone else in his heart, I no longer had the courage to persist.
When Su Mo left, she said to me with disappointment: "In fact, I have always hoped that you could become my sister-in-law. You are really letting Zhou Shiyun down by doing this."
I didn't say anything else. Even now, I still hope to become Su Mo's sister-in-law. However, Su Mo's brother has someone else in his heart, so all this is destined to be just "hope".
Bao Kangqi and I are in love, dating, shopping, watching movies. Every time we date, Bao Kangqi will do everything he can to make me happy. I can feel his sincerity towards me, and every time this happens, I will try to tell myself that I made the right choice.
Only in the dead of night, I would think of Su Yunjin, and that gentle but always indifferent face. I haven't seen him for a long time, and I don't know if he is doing well now, if Zhou Shiyun has been pestering him during this period, and I don't know if he feels regretful when he occasionally thinks of me.
I miss Su Yunjin and want to know what he is like now, but I am Bao Kangqi's girlfriend now, and I don't know how to face Su Yunjin.
But I didn’t expect that the opportunity to meet Su Yunjin was given to me by Bao Kangqi, and when Bao Kangqi gave me this opportunity, he was still very embarrassed.
"Xiao Di, my family has business dealings with the Lin family, and the children of some of his business partners will also be there. It would be bad for me not to go to Lin Luofei's birthday party this time. Can you..." Bao Kangqi knew that Lin Luofei and I had a bad relationship, so he was very embarrassed when speaking.
"Don't worry, I'll go. Even though we don't have a good relationship, I'm your girlfriend, and she won't deny you her face." I agreed readily, which surprised Bao Kangqi.
After he listened to me, he couldn't suppress the excitement on his face.
"Xiao Di, thank you." Bao Kangqi consciously took my consent as an understanding of him, and the smile on his face was as bright as the sun.
I didn't say anything, because I didn't deserve this "thank you". When Bao Kangqi said that many children of business partners would attend, I thought of Su Yunjin. If I could meet Su Yunjin, I would be happy even if I had to face Lin Luofei again.
Lin Luofei's birthday finally arrived as I expected, and Su Yunjin did not disappoint my anticipation day and night, and really showed up at Lin Luofei's birthday party.
Lin Luofei's birthday party was held on a luxury yacht. When Bao Kangqi and I arrived, the yacht's living room was already crowded with people. Bao Kangqi led me in and introduced me to the people who greeted him.
As Bao Kangqi said, the guests who came to the yacht were all children of their fathers' business partners. They were familiar with each other and exchanged polite greetings after meeting each other. Only I followed Bao Kangqi like an outsider, and soon felt tired and overwhelmed.
"Bao Kangqi, I'm tired. Let's find a place to rest for a while." I saw a group of people surrounding Bao Kangqi, so I quickly pulled his clothes and said softly.
Bao Kangqi looked at me lovingly and told me not to go far. I nodded in agreement and turned to leave.
I was looking for the familiar figure in the crowd that I had been looking for for more than two years, but he seemed to have disappeared. If I hadn't seen him and Su Mo when I entered the living room, I would really doubt that he was not here.
I forgot how many times I had wandered around the living room, and when I finally found Su Yunjin, he was surrounded by a group of people. They were talking quietly, and I looked at Su Yunjin, who still looked the same as I remembered, and I felt sad.
Maybe because I stared at him for too long, Su Yunjin noticed me. He smiled at me, said a few words to the people around him, and then walked towards me.
"Yunjin, how are you doing recently?" When I saw Su Yunjin walking towards me, I was a little at a loss for a moment and asked in panic.
"I'm fine, how about you?" Su Yunjin looked meaningfully at Bao Kangqi not far away while speaking, with a faint smile on his lips.
It turned out that he knew everything. My heart, which was originally excited to see him, slowly turned cold in the face of the facts. I asked softly, "Can we talk? I have something to tell you."
Su Yunjin nodded, and then left the living room with me. We stood by the railing of the yacht deck, and the night breeze blew towards us with the breath of the ocean, bringing a hint of coolness that instantly cleared my mind.
I looked at Su Yunjin, my heart still aching, but I managed to calm myself down and asked straight to the point, "Su Yunjin, do you like Zhou Shiyun?"
Su Yunjin obviously didn't expect me to ask such a question. He awkwardly avoided my gaze and didn't say anything, but I could clearly see that the smile on his face froze.
I know I was right. In fact, I knew the answer a long time ago. But when I saw Su Yunjin's expression, I couldn't help crying. Tears welled up in my eyes without knowing when.
When I came out just now, I thought about asking Su Yunjin a lot of questions. How should I question him after Su Yunjin admitted his feelings for Zhou Shiyun in such a gesture? But when this answer appeared in front of me, all the questions I had prepared before disappeared, and only the overwhelming sadness filled my heart, making it difficult for me to even breathe.
I tried hard to hold back the tears that were about to well up, staring at Su Yunjin intently, unable to utter a single word. A strange silence fell between us, and the sea breeze on the deck blew my long hair and gradually brought my scattered thoughts back to life.
"Su Yunjin, since you like Zhou Shiyun, why don't you tell her? She's away from you, why don't you go find her?" I asked Su Yunjin puzzledly, shouldn't lovers stay together forever? Shouldn't they be together despite all odds? Why is it that when it comes to Su Yunjin, no matter Zhou Shiyun is pestering him or staying away from him, he is so indifferent? Is it because he loves too deeply or not enough?
Su Yunjin glanced at me and a bitter smile appeared on the corner of his mouth. He stared at the sea for a long time without saying anything, which seemed like a century.
I waited there quietly, waiting for Su Yunjin to speak.
Su Yunjin finally looked away, and seeing that I was still looking at him, he sighed softly and said something that broke my heart. He said, "I can like you, but I can't like a girl like Zhou Shiyun."
Su Yunjin's tone was sad, and after he finished speaking, even his usually smiling face showed a hint of sadness.
In fact, this is also the reason why I can't believe that Su Yunjin likes Zhou Shiyun. Like the people around me, I think there is a world of difference between the two of them. Su Yunjin's family is very wealthy, while Zhou Shiyun's family is extremely poor. How can children from these two families be together? Besides, Su Yunjin is gentle and has excellent grades, while Zhou Shiyun is beautiful but not ambitious. The two should be parallel lines that will never intersect, but he still fell in love with her. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't help falling in love with her.
I want to ask Su Yunjin why, why did she fall in love with someone even though she knew she shouldn't, and why did it have to be Zhou Shiyun.
But I couldn't open my mouth. I didn't know how to open my mouth. I was afraid that I would burst into tears when I asked. In front of Su Yunjin, the boy I had liked for more than two years, I still wanted to maintain my dignity.
I looked at the sea, and the undulating water was as intoxicating as the shining lights.
I turned around and looked at Su Yunjin, and said to him seriously: "Since you like Zhou Shiyun, don't always wait for her to come to you. Waiting for the person you like to fall in love with you is a very difficult thing. It's very painful. Maybe when you hesitate, she has given up and is unwilling to wait any longer.
"If you like someone, don't always wait for her to come to you. Waiting is hard, and maybe when you hesitate, the other person will no longer wait."
I comforted Su Yunjin with some sadness, and only after I finished speaking did I realize that my mouth was actually bitter. This was not what I wanted to say the most. What I wanted to tell Su Yunjin the most was that if he could like me, I would continue to wait, and I would hold on, even if it was unbearable. Because I was waiting for him, I would be happy with it.
But I can't say it, because I am An Xiaodi, and I have to keep my last dignity in front of Su Yunjin. Even if he doesn't love me, I have to turn away with dignity.
Su Yunjin didn't say anything, just stared at me blankly.
The two of us fell into silence again. I heard Su Yunjin's breathing, and finally told him, "Zhou Shiyun seems to be in trouble."
I just said it softly, but Su Yunjin suddenly turned around and looked at me, the worry in his eyes could not be hidden at all.
I looked at his nervous look, and tears filled my eyes uncontrollably again.
"She seemed to have encountered some trouble some time ago and borrowed money from me. I asked her what happened, but she didn't tell me. I think you should go and find out." After I said that, I left without looking back. I was afraid that if I stayed any longer, I would cry in front of Su Yunjin.
I didn't dare look back, and I didn't know what Su Yunjin's expression was at that moment. I only knew that my heart felt like it was cut by a blunt knife.
I told myself over and over again that this was the best ending.
I told myself over and over again, just let it go.
I told myself over and over again that the grand love in my life was dead.
After leaving Su Yunjin, I burst into tears and could no longer control my emotions. I hid in a corner of the yacht and cried bitterly, my heart was broken. I used tears to mourn my once persistent youth and the love that had died.
When my emotions finally calmed down, I dared to go back to the living room. The living room was still bustling with people, chatting, drinking, and laughing happily in groups of three or five, as if there was only joy left in the world. But why couldn't I laugh? When I found Bao Kangqi with a wooden face, he looked at me worriedly and asked me softly what was wrong.
"Nothing, I just went out to enjoy the sea breeze." I lowered my head and didn't dare look at Bao Kangqi, fearing that my flickering eyes would betray my thoughts.
"Why are you blowing the sea breeze in such a cold day? What if you catch a cold?" Bao Kangqi scolded me, and my chilled heart gradually warmed up.
“Xiao Di, what’s wrong with you? Your eyes…” Just when I thought I had easily fooled him, Bao Kangqi still noticed something wrong with my eyes.
I cried for so long that even the best makeup artist couldn't hide my red and swollen eyes. I was dodging Bao Kangqi just to avoid his questioning, but I couldn't escape.
I didn't know how to answer, because the truth is always the most hurtful. I lowered my head and said nothing, but Bao Kangqi became even more anxious: "Xiao Di, did Lin Luofei bully you again? Tell me, I..."
Bao Kangqi became even more anxious when he saw that I didn't say anything. He had already started thinking in the worst possible way.
I raised my head helplessly, looked at him, and said seriously: "Bao Kangqi, I'm fine. It's just that the sea breeze was too cold just now, and my nose felt uncomfortable, so I started crying."
My explanation made Bao Kangqi breathe a sigh of relief, and the look in his eyes when he looked at me was finally no longer tense. He held my hand tightly and said helplessly: "When will you learn to cherish yourself?"
I smiled at Bao Kangqi and stopped talking. When I looked at Bao Kangqi again, a figure flashed before my eyes. She was wearing a waitress's uniform and cleaning up the table. I hurried in that direction, but after just two steps, the figure disappeared.
I searched the crowd for the familiar figure, but found nothing.
I don't understand why Zhou Shiyun is here, but I also know that Zhou Shiyun can't be a waitress here. I told myself that all this is because I have been thinking about Zhou Shiyun repeatedly during this period, which is why I have hallucinations.
I convinced myself to stop looking and stop having wild thoughts. I just quietly followed Bao Kangqi and be his competent girlfriend.
The silence I was expecting did not last long before it was broken by a loud noise. I heard someone in the crowd whisper, "Lin Luofei had a fight with someone, and it was a very fierce fight."
My heart skipped a beat, and a bad premonition suddenly came over me. When I came to my senses and was about to look for Lin Luofei, the people in the living room had already walked towards the deck.
I shook off Bao Kangqi's hand, squeezed through the crowd, and finally reached the deck, just in time to see Lin Luofei and Su Mo fighting with each other.
Although I have seen the scene after Lin Luofei and Su Mo fought, I was still shocked when I saw the scene in front of me. The two women wrestled with each other without caring about their image. Lin Luofei grabbed Su Mo's ponytail, and Su Mo pulled Lin Luofei's bangs. The other two kept attacking each other with their other hands, and their feet were not idle either.
Originally, they were enemies who wanted to kill each other, but because of their hair, they had to fight together. The closer they got, the more intense the fight became. Judging from the postures of the two, they had already disregarded the consequences. Even though the people around them tried to pull them apart several times, the final result was that they were affected by their unsystematic fight.
It can be seen that those who wanted to pull them apart did not dare to do so, because if they went forward, they would either be hurt by them or hurt both of them.
I stood not far away and watched for a while. I found that although the two of them were unorganized and had ferocious faces, Lin Luofei still had the initiative in this "war". She kept leading Su Mo to the railing on the deck. Whether it was pushing, pulling, or kicking, Lin Luofei seemed to have only this purpose in using these tricks.
Su Mo's face was already bleeding, which was shocking. I could no longer control myself and rushed forward. I wanted to pull Lin Luofei away, only in this way could Su Mo escape, but as soon as I touched Lin Luofei's body, she knocked me down. I quickly got up, but before I could stand still, I heard a scream from the crowd.
All I could see was that the railing that Su Mo was close to was loose, and Su Mo and Lin Luofei were right next to it. Thinking about Lin Luofei's behavior just now, I secretly said in my heart that it was not good, and hurried forward to pull Lin Luofei away.
A few people who noticed that there was something fishy about the railing no longer cared about whether they would get hurt and stepped forward to grab Lin Luofei.
Seeing Lin Luofei about to be surrounded, my heart suddenly relaxed. Su Mo was safe for the time being, but before I could catch my breath, I saw Lin Luofei break free from the restraints of several people like a madman and knock Su Mo, who was standing not far from the railing, into the sea.
Everyone present was shocked, and the only sound in my ears was Su Mo's desperate screams.
The world suddenly became quiet, and then there was a noisy voice. I saw Su Yunjin and Bao Kangqi who were about to jump into the sea but were stopped by the railing, and people shouting to call lifeguards. I looked at Su Yunjin who was stopped and was very anxious, with fire in his eyes, but his body was tightly held by someone, and he could only look at the sea in despair and shout Su Mo's name loudly.
I watched the people coming and going on the deck, and the only thing I could hear was the anxious shouts of Su Yunjin and Bao Kangqi, and no, the voice of Su Mo - the scream Su Mo made when she fell into the sea. Without thinking too much, I quickly ran to the broken railing and jumped in the direction where Su Mo was struggling in the water.
When I jumped into the sea, I only heard Bao Kangqi shouting my name loudly, and then the cold sea water hit all my senses.
I struggled in the water and swam towards Su Mo, who was constantly floating in the sea water. Just when I was about to get close to Su Mo, a wave hit and I was about to be overturned.
I tried hard to keep my body steady. It was then that I realized that my swimming skills, which were fine in the swimming pool, made it difficult for me to even protect myself in the sea.
I finally managed to stabilize myself, and then frantically looked for Su Mo, her head looming in the sea water, and I quickly swam towards her. I knew Su Mo couldn't swim, and no one would jump down in a short time, so I was the only one who could save Su Mo.
I swam to Su Mo's side. She had already drunk a lot of water. I reached out and held her hand. She hugged me tightly and called my name: "Xiao Di, Xiao Di."
I held Su Mo with one hand and kept my balance with the other, but it didn't take long before I was exhausted and was almost overturned by the waves several times.
Su Mo held my arm tightly with a sad expression.
"Xiao Di, you are a better swimmer than me, please let me go and swim up quickly." Su Mo cried and said to me, I could tell she was begging me. Because if we persisted like this, and the lifeguard didn't come, then both of us would have only one way to go, and she asked me to leave just to save one of us.
If I were such a selfish person, I would not have jumped down. Su Mo is my good friend. How could I abandon her at the critical moment of life and death?
"Su Mo, don't say anything, just hold on to me. If I die, you die. If I live, you live. Don't say useless words. Save your strength. Let's wait." I tried to stay calm, but I couldn't hide the sound of my teeth chattering. We had been in the sea for a long time and our bodies had long lost any heat.
Although we were in the sea, I could still hear the voices of Bao Kangqi and Su Yunjin on the yacht. They were calling our names.
"Su Mo, look there, your brother, Zhuang Yi and my Bao Kangqi are all waiting for us, you must hold on." I said loudly to Su Mo, but Su Mo's breathing became weaker, and the hand holding my arm gradually lost its strength.
I pulled Su Mo and looked at the deck of the yacht, because the people on the deck were the motivation for us to persevere. Maybe Su Yunjin or Zhuang Yi gave her motivation, and she gradually gained strength to hold my hand.
My heart was almost in despair, because I knew my physical strength better than Su Mo. I couldn't hold on for much longer and was already challenging my limits.
I looked at the deck. One thought was to give myself strength by looking at the people I cared about most, as I had said to Su Mo. The other thought was to say goodbye to them.
After I calmed Su Mo down and looked at the deck again, I saw a figure flying into the sea like a seagull, followed by another exclamation from the crowd.
I looked at the place where the figure fell into the water in surprise, and watched the person raise her head and swim towards us. I couldn't tell who she was, but I knew she was a girl.
"Zhou Shiyun." Su Mo's surprised voice sounded in my ears. I stared at the figure swimming towards us and did not move for a long time.
It was indeed Zhou Shiyun. When Su Mo and I needed her the most, when our closest people were shouting helplessly on the yacht, she jumped down and swam towards us.
"you……"
Looking at Zhou Shiyun who swam to me, I was full of questions, but Zhou Shiyun just looked at me and said, "I'm returning this to you."
Her tone was still unfriendly, but her hand tightly grasped my arm, supporting my swaying body. Her other hand grasped Su Mo's arm, and the three of us formed the most stable triangle in the sea, resisting the waves that kept coming.
We all knew that the most important thing at this moment was to maintain our strength, so we stopped talking, stayed calm in the water, and waited for the lifeguard to appear. Zhou Shiyun was obviously the strongest among the three of us. She kept supporting me when I couldn't hold on, and also had to take care of Su Mo who was getting weaker and weaker. Not long after, her body also became weak, and she no longer had the strength she had when she first arrived.
Maybe it was because of Zhou Shiyun that the despair in my heart was dispelled, and I only thought about how to hold on. Because all the gratitude, all the confusion, all the emotions, can only be expressed by living.
It seemed like a long century had passed before a rescue boat finally came towards us. Hearing the sound of the rescue boat, Su Mo, Zhou Shiyun and I smiled at each other. We finally won this battle against life.
When the lifeguard appeared in front of us, I only heard Zhou Shiyun say: "Save them two first."
I was speechless, and Su Mo just glanced at Zhou Shiyun and stretched out her hand towards the lifeguard.
Su Mo and I were both rescued. When I turned around to see the lifeguard rescuing Zhou Shiyun, I heard Su Mo scream.
What I saw was Zhou Shiyun being swept away by the waves, floating up and down with the sea water as if she had lost her life.
Without waiting for us to speak, the lifeguard on the yacht swam towards Zhou Shiyun, and she was dragged up by the lifeguard in a short time.
I looked at Zhou Shiyun, finally breathed a sigh of relief, and then closed my eyes tiredly, but I could hear Su Mo crying in my ears. Her crying became louder and louder, and it didn't sound like she had just fought a battle with death.
I couldn't help but look at Su Mo, but what I didn't expect to see was the lifeguard giving Zhou Shiyun artificial respiration.
I no longer had the strength to stand up. I struggled several times but failed. I could only crawl to where Zhou Shiyun was and watch the lifeguard give her artificial respiration. Her peaceful sleeping face was completely different from her usual flamboyant look.
I waited for her to wake up, even if she would mock me again after waking up. But before Zhou Shiyun woke up, the lifeboat approached the yacht, and many people got on the lifeboat, and hurriedly lifted me up, picked up Su Mo, and someone else picked up Zhou Shiyun.
"This person's life is in danger, send him to the hospital quickly." The lifeguard shouted to the person holding Zhou Shiyun.
"The ambulance is already on the shore, we'll be there soon." Someone said to the lifeguard.
Another round of chaos, turning my world upside down. When my world finally calmed down , I opened my eyes with difficulty, and found myself in front of an ambulance.
"Where are the patient's family?" The nurse's voice came into my ears. I tried to support my tired body and walked over with difficulty.
Walking up to the nurse with me was the pale-faced Su Yunjin, who was holding the weak Su Mo in his arms.
"Who will come with us?" the nurse asked, glancing at us.
"I'll go. You still have to take care of Su Mo." I glanced at Su Yunjin and said softly.
Su Yunjin glanced at Zhou Shiyun, who was already lying on the stretcher, and then looked down at Su Mo. Su Mo was obviously still very weak, unable to speak, and kept shedding tears.
Su Yunjin looked at me with some embarrassment.
I said, "Don't worry, she is my best friend."
After that, I got in the car, and Bao Kangqi got in too. I sat in front of Zhou Shiyun's stretcher, and when I turned my head to look outside the ambulance, I saw Su Yunjin staring at the direction the ambulance left. I was getting farther and farther away from him, and I couldn't see the expression on his face clearly.
In the ambulance, I held Zhou Shiyun's hand tightly. After experiencing this life-and-death disaster, I had so many things to say to her. I hoped that she would get better, so that we could start over.
But my expectations were dashed after I entered the hospital. Less than five minutes after Zhou Shiyun was sent to the emergency room, the doctor came out. He took off his mask, his expression was calm, but his words were cold.
"The patient has died," he said.
"Impossible, how could this happen?" I shouted loudly, but my mind went blank.
I thought of too many possibilities, but I never thought that Zhou Shiyun would die, but she really died like this.
“The patient must have had a high fever before going into the water. In addition, he stayed in the water for too long, his body was already hypothermic, and he drowned when he was exhausted, which eventually led to his death.” The doctor’s voice was still cold, with professional terms and a calm attitude, but in my eyes, he was like a monster, and it was he who ultimately sentenced my good friend to death.
"Impossible!" I yelled and collapsed to the ground.
Zhou Shiyun’s death took away the last bit of strength in my body.
Bao Kangqi squatted down and hugged me tightly, comforting me softly and telling me not to be sad.
I looked at Bao Kangqi, suddenly laughed, and said to him: "When Zhou Shiyun was in the sea, she said she owed me. We have been good friends for many years, and in her heart she has always owed me. Now she finally doesn't owe me anymore, but I owe her a life, which I can never repay."
I could no longer control the tears in my eyes. Bao Kangqi hugged me and comforted me softly. Seeing that I couldn't stop crying, he finally said that Zhou Shiyun jumped to save Su Mo.
I looked up at Bao Kangqi, shook my head with tears in my eyes, and told him loudly: "If it was only Su Mo who fell into the water, Zhou Shiyun would not care."
Bao Kangqi didn't understand what I said and sighed.
I looked at the open ward door and the person lying on the bed who would never stand up again, and finally I couldn't help but burst into tears.
Only in front of the dead Zhou Shiyun did I dare to admit that there was actually a despicable person living in my heart. It was indeed as she said, I regarded myself as a creditor, otherwise I would not be so angry about her entanglement with Su Yunjin.
But when she left, I realized that what I hoped most was her happiness. It was just that I was so blinded by love that I forgot my original intention of helping her.
The truth that I finally understood was what Zhou Shiyun paid for with her life.
Zhou Shiyun used her life to make me re-understand friendship, and also made me understand that in the eyes of some people, human life is worthless.
I have been waiting for Lin Luofei to give an explanation about Su Mo's drowning and Zhou Shiyun's death, but what I waited for was not a severe sentence from the law, but a huge amount of compensation. The Lin family's compensation successfully shut up Zhou Shiyun's mother, but her most devastated and helpless side was seen by Su Mo and me.
That day, Su Mo and I brought Zhou Shiyun's urn to the simple room of Xuqing Villa. The middle-aged woman lying on the bed was still sick, but when she saw the urn in my arms, she struggled to sit up. She tried to lean forward and almost fell under the bed.
I took two steps forward and held her with one hand, but she reached out and hugged the urn in my arms, looking at it and burst into tears.
This is Zhou Shiyun’s mother. She was so weak that she couldn’t even attend her daughter’s funeral. She could only wait at home. The only thing she could do was to cry bitterly when her daughter’s ashes were finally delivered to her, as if she no longer cared about her own life.
"Auntie, don't cry, we will take care of you in the future..."
Su Mo tried to comfort her, holding back tears, but before she could finish her words, Zhou Shiyun's mother cried even harder.
She looked at us with tears in her eyes, and after a long while, as if she remembered something, she said, "There is no hope for me to live."
That desperate tone made us sad, but we were powerless because Su Mo and I had no way to give her hope, and we didn't even have a reason to persuade her not to cry.
This poor woman, this woman who needs her daughter to take care of her even for her life, now even has lost the person who takes care of her.
I thought I would have a lot to say when I met Zhou Shiyun's mother, such as my gratitude, my past with Zhou Shiyun, and my willingness to take care of her. But when I saw her desperate look while holding the urn, I couldn't say anything. The only thing I could do was to cry with her.
Zhou Shiyun, the girl who saved my life, all I can give her are tears.
When Su Mo came out of Zhou Shiyun's house that day, she was in a very bad state and even had difficulty walking. I was worried about her, so I sent her home, but I didn't expect her home to be very lively, which was completely different from Zhou Shiyun's deserted home.
"Xiao Di is here too, what a coincidence." After experiencing what happened that day and Zhou Shiyun's funeral, Lin Luofei's parents were already quite familiar with me. When they saw me going home with Su Mo, they showed enthusiasm on their faces.
I couldn't smile in front of the parents of the man who killed Zhou Shiyun, so I found a seat and sat down. Su Mo glared at them fiercely and asked, "What are you doing in my house? You are not welcome in my house."
What happened that day has been found out. The loose railing was fixed by Lin Luofei a long time ago in order to punish Su Mo for stealing her boyfriend. That's why when they were fighting that day, Lin Luofei spared no effort to push Su Mo towards the railing. The attitude of Lin's parents is very clear. They want to solve this matter privately.
"You don't have to come again. I won't forgive her. I won't choose to be lenient to those who want to kill me. I'm not that magnanimous. If it wasn't Zhou Shiyun who died, it would be me. If I died, would you also come to my house to beg for forgiveness? People can't be so selfish." Su Mo's emotions were out of control when she saw Lin Luofei's parents. She shouted loudly. It seemed that only by shouting like this could she change the fact that Zhou Shiyun was dead, and only by shouting like this could she dispel the fear she felt in the sea that day.
"Su Mo, your uncle and aunt are here with sincerity, so don't be like this." Zhuang Yi, who had been sitting quietly in the living room, saw that Su Mo was getting more and more agitated. Finally, he couldn't help but walked up to Su Mo and persuaded her gently.
Su Mo looked at Zhuang Yi in disbelief, and suddenly a smile appeared on her face that she hadn't seen in a long time. But this smile was weird no matter how you looked at it, with bitterness and mockery. It was unclear whether Su Mo was mocking Zhuang Yi or her once naive self.
"Zhuang Yi, you also think that I should agree to resolve it privately, right? You also think that Lin Luofei is just ignorant and impulsive, so I should forgive her, right?" Su Mo stared at Zhuang Yi, waiting for his answer.
"Xiao Di, Luo Fei is young and doesn't understand things... Besides, uncle and aunt came here with sincerity to resolve the problem." It can be seen that Zhuang Yi was also in a difficult situation, and his tone when talking to Su Mo was more gentle than ever before.
I just feel ironic. Su Mo finally got the care and tenderness from Zhuang Yi that she had been dreaming about, but the price she paid was that she herself went through a life-and-death catastrophe, and others died for her. This price is too high. I just don't know if Su Mo will feel sad when she thinks of what she said to me not long ago about persisting for love.
"Zhuang Yi, if I were your girlfriend, would you say the same thing?" Su Mo still seemed unwilling to give up. The excitement on her face was gone. She asked gently, as if it was just a private whisper between lovers.
"Su Mo, actually resolving this matter privately is the best outcome. Even Zhou Shiyun's mother won't pursue the matter. What will others think of you?" Zhuang Yi obviously didn't dare to look Su Mo in the eye and continued to comfort her, but I could tell that he was guilty.
"Zhuang Yi, let me ask you, if I were your girlfriend, what would you do?" Su Mo was obviously unwilling to listen to Zhuang Yi's persuasion anymore, and repeated her previous words once again, just to get an answer.
Su Mo's words left Zhuang Yi no way to avoid it. He looked at Su Mo and said helplessly, "Let's solve it privately."
I seemed to hear Su Mo's heart-breaking voice. She looked at Zhuang Yi, raised the corners of her mouth, and said with a smile: "Zhuang Yi, get out of my house, as far away as you can."
Zhuang Yi looked at Su Mo in some surprise. He didn't expect Su Mo's attitude to change so suddenly.
He wanted to speak more, but Su Mo had already pushed him.
Perhaps because he was afraid of provoking Su Mo again, Zhuang Yi left.
Su Mo looked at the direction where Zhuang Yi left. It seemed that the anger and resentment she had just felt were taken away by Zhuang Yi. She looked desperate and sad. She stopped talking and walked towards her room in despair.
I had been sitting in the living room, as an insignificant presence, and I heard that Su Mo's parents had finally agreed to the Lin family's request to resolve the issue privately, and that they had also reached an agreement on two business collaborations.
I saw them talking happily, but I felt cold in my heart. It turned out that their enthusiasm and request were just superficial efforts. The result was already determined. Su Mo's thoughts were insignificant in the whole matter. Even her parents would not understand the despair and sadness that Su Mo experienced, nor would they think about the impact of their long-term decision on Su Mo.
Su Mo has changed. After that matter was settled, the quiet and beautiful woman became extremely quiet. It was absolute quietness, the kind that she wouldn't say a word all day.
The Su family was very anxious about this and thought of many ways to treat it. They also took Su Mo to see a doctor, but Su Mo still didn't speak. Even when Zhuang Yi was in front of her, she didn't speak, but just sat quietly, thinking about her own things, reading or being silent.
Whether it was what happened that night or Su Mo's current state, Zhuang Yi was the culprit. He knew this, so he always found reasons to go to Su's house and wanted to accompany Su Mo as much as possible. But unlike Su Mo's enthusiasm for him in the past, he didn't dare to get close to Su Mo now, because once he got close, Su Mo would scream hysterically. Her rejection of Zhuang Yi was obvious, but Zhuang Yi was like a masochist. The more Su Mo rejected him, the more Zhuang Yi wanted to come to her house, which made Su Mo very annoyed.
I seemed to be one of the few people who could make Su Mo talk. Looking at the worried Su family members, I couldn't help but persuade Su Mo: "You should talk. They are all very worried."
"An Xiaodi, who are you trying to fool? They can use my life or death to negotiate business. I'm just too lazy to talk. They are not nervous at all, they are just pretending." Su Mo smiled, but her words were extremely vicious.
"Su Mo, they are really worried about you, you..."
I don’t know how to persuade the paranoid Su Mo, especially since she has become so sarcastic and mean during this period of time, which sometimes makes me feel powerless to deal with her.
"Even though they are worried about me, I haven't seen them skip a meal or drink less water." Su Mo's answer was still indifferent, as if she was not talking about her loving parents.
"Su Mo, what has happened has passed. We have to move on." I couldn't help but sigh.
"Move forward? Won't you still die ahead? It's just a matter of sooner or later." Su Mo's answer made me unable to cope with it anymore. I looked at her, feeling a little distressed.
I understand that after experiencing this series of events, Su Mo has changed and is no longer the gentle and lovely girl she used to be.
I have to admit it. After that incident, many things and many people changed, such as Su Yunjin and my feelings. But I have been hiding it, not daring to say it, and not daring to face it.
I haven't seen Su Yunjin and Bao Kangqi for a long time. The exact time should be after Zhou Shiyun's funeral.
From that time on, I was like a flood and a beast in Su Yunjin's life. He avoided me and tried his best to avoid meeting me. When I saw him walking towards me from a distance, but turned around suddenly after seeing me, my heart was broken.
I thought about being with Su Yunjin, and I also thought about breaking up with him. I even thought about meeting him as strangers. I thought that was the saddest ending, but I didn't expect that the saddest thing was that he didn't even give me the chance to meet him.
After a long period of suffering, when I met Su Yunjin again, I called him. He turned around and looked at me calmly, and I suddenly couldn't help but shed tears.
"Su Yunjin, do you hate me?" I asked him while crying, but I already knew the answer in my heart. If he didn't hate me, why didn't he even want to see me? But when I thought that Su Yunjin hated me, my heart ached. I stared at his mouth, waiting for him to say the answer that would make me despair.
But I didn’t expect that Su Yunjin actually said: “Xiao Di, it has nothing to do with you. I just can’t forgive myself.”
When Su Yunjin spoke, the bitterness at the corners of his mouth made him fall into inexplicable sadness.
I understand what Su Yunjin means. Just as I have always blamed myself for being too demanding of Zhou Shiyun, what Su Yunjin cannot forgive now is probably the cowardly self, the self who knew that he loved Zhou Shiyun but did not dare to express it.
With the passing of Zhou Shiyun's life, the love he dared not express could only exist in his heart, slowly turning into an increasingly huge guilt.
I know better than anyone how painful it is to be tortured by guilt, and I know even better that our guilt is because of the same person. That person died because of me. Even if he fell in love with any girl in the world, he would never fall in love with me who killed his beloved. There is no possibility for Su Yunjin and I anymore.
I had given up hope on Su Yunjin a long time ago, when I saw that the portrait of "The Pearl Girl" was actually a painting of Zhou Shiyun, when he didn't dare to admit his love on the deck, when Zhou Shiyun jumped into the sea to save us, but this time, I called out to Su Yunjin, begging myself to give up completely.
Or rather, what I want is for Su Yunjin to say it out herself, because only then will I completely give up.
Unlike me who had been trying to find Su Yunjin to get a result, Bao Kangqi had been trying hard to meet me. After Zhou Shiyun's funeral, I told him that I wanted to be alone. He respected my choice and gave me enough space, but he sent and called me from time to time. Although so many days had passed, he was still worried about me and worried that I would be sad.
When Bao Kangqi received the call asking him to meet, he couldn't hide his excitement in his words, and he looked happy until he met me.
I looked at Bao Kangqi, who was caring for me and couldn't hide his joy, and finally I made up my mind and said to him, "Let's break up."
As soon as I said this, Bao Kangqi froze there, and didn't react for a long time. He just stared at me, but I didn't have the courage to look at him, because the moment I said break up, all that came to my mind was how good he was to me, how considerate he was, and how timid he was when facing me.
But the moment I lowered my head, I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief, as if a stone in my heart was moved, and this stone existed when I agreed to be Bao Kangqi's girlfriend.
Bao Kangqi didn't say anything the whole time. When I looked up, I saw that he was full of sadness. Thinking of how good this boy was to me, my heart started beating fast again. I asked myself, he has done so much for me, am I really not touched?
I have gradually fallen in love with him, but this liking is just liking after all, so I have the courage to say goodbye.
Time seemed to stand still. Bao Kangqi and I stood in the same position as before until the sun had dyed the western sky red. Then Bao Kangqi's hoarse and bitter voice reached my ears. He asked, "Why?"
I looked at Bao Kangqi's face, that familiar face, looking at me affectionately and sadly at this moment. My heart was filled with bitterness. I answered him: "You know the reason, Bao Kangqi. I don't want to delay you. After going through so many things, I don't want to talk about love now."
I used to think that the most important thing to do at this age is to seize the time to fall in love, but what is the love we have been striving for? It is nothing but disillusionment. The relationship we have tried so hard to maintain is ultimately unable to withstand the unpredictable laws of nature. The love I have been pursuing for a long time has torn my youth apart, leaving only a mess.
"Xiao Di, if this is what you want, I agree to break up." Bao Kangqi's sad eyes burned my eyes like fire, "But I will wait for you until you are in the mood to talk about love, and then we can start over."
Bao Kangqi's expression was firm, and his face was still full of affection when he looked at me, as if the so-called breakup was just a momentary temper of mine, and we would be fine in the end.
I also believe that Bao Kangqi will persist, but I can't reach out to him again, because he is a boy who loves me, and I can't be so selfish as to use his fiery love to get rid of the pain that I brought upon myself. So when I looked at Bao Kangqi's firm and stubborn eyes, I had already made up my mind, I would let Bao Kangqi know that I would not even give him the chance to wait.
When I proposed to my family to study abroad, they were all shocked, but they still complied with my wishes and arranged everything for me.
The reasons I gave my family were all very reasonable, but I knew that no matter what reason I gave, I just wanted to escape, escape from Bao Kangqi's love, and escape from this place with the marks of Su Yunjin and Zhou Shiyun. I no longer dared to stay in this city that raised me, because every night the guilt would surge into my heart like a tide, almost suffocating me.
I hope that after escaping from this city, my heart can find a moment of peace, and I should also calm down and think carefully about how I should continue to live.
I don’t know what the answer is, but I know very well that only by finding the answer can I find my lost self.
And I have been lost on the road for too long.