Zhuang Li has been preparing to go to Sanya, and before going to Sanya, I visited all the places that Su Jingnian and I had been to.
Even the nostalgia is so desperate.
I remember that in the library, a place full of sunshine, Su Jingnian and I were flipping through books, occasionally smiling at each other, so tacitly understanding. In the crowded cafeteria, Su Jingnian carefully protected me, fearing that I would fall. I once held his hand and walked through every corner of the university campus together. He would tell me which tree was called camphor and which tree would bloom. Once, when I had three classes in a row in the evening, it started to rain, and Su Jingnian stood outside the classroom for two classes without leaving.
Those images jump in my mind, telling me how happy I was at that time, but it was only at that time.
Time passes so fast that people can only grab nothingness.
I used to not understand why some people would live their lives clinging to memories, but now I finally understand that what they are clinging to is not just memories, but the reluctance to forget everything that happened in the past. They would rather cling to the incomplete than pursue perfection.
The more I thought about the time when I was with Su Jingnian, the louder the beast in my heart roared. It was manic, restless, and roaring.
I touched the book that Su Jingnian had read before, and it felt like touching his hand, and my eyes became moist.
Missing someone but not being able to see him, hug him, or give him love, that is such a sad thing. All the love is so powerless, like something thrown into a black hole, disappearing completely without any trace.
Are you in love?
I am here, or maybe I am not.
Love is such a luxury.
If you walk on the street and see someone crying, don't be surprised, because she is missing her lover.
I will eventually wake up from my memories, and when I go back, I will have to face Zhuang Li with a smile.
Zhuang Li was packing his things and he asked me if I wanted to bring anything else.
I smiled and let him decide.
Zhuang Li brought a lot of things for pregnant women, including books.
Looking at him like this, I suddenly wanted to laugh.
Sometimes being affectionate is really a personal thing. When you are affectionate, he is indifferent; when he is affectionate, you are numb. In this world, there are very few things that are just right.
Without that momentary heartbeat, how could I go crazy and awaken the beast in my heart?
At night, I lay beside Zhuang Li, his hands caressing my belly, with a gentle smile on his face. The cold Zhuang Li seemed to be dead.
He buried his head in my neck and whispered, "Lanlan, I will give you a home."
I said "hmm" and stopped talking.
If it were in the past, I would definitely cry bitterly, but it’s too late now. All the deep affection is just a mockery in my heart, piercing my heart bit by bit.
So deep, so painful, and cannot be removed.
It was afternoon when the plane landed at Phoenix Airport. The sky in Sanya was blue without any impurities, so clean that it seemed like a baptism for people.
Zhuang Li took me to a villa by the sea. Actually, it's not right to call it a villa, because it's more like a Gothic castle. The walls are white, and the red spires standing on the cylindrical building are high and low, unique and scattered. The outer perimeter is a bronze fence, and red roses are planted around the castle, blooming beautifully, and the warm red hurts my eyes.
Zhuang Li explained that the Zhuang family would come here to live every winter and summer. Although they did not live there all year round, there were always people taking care of the villa, so it was clean and tidy.
The ceiling in the villa is very high, the chandelier has a retro feel, and the wall lamps around are also very special. The colorful murals look very Renaissance-style, and the windows are colorful glass lattices, and the sunlight projected on the wall is particularly beautiful.
I particularly like the master bedroom on the third floor of the villa. When you open the white curtains in that room, you can see the endless sea. The sky is blue, the sea is blue, and the sand is white. It is so holy that even ugly people will feel guilty.
Zhuang Li came out of the shower, wiped his hair and said, "Hurry up and change your clothes. I'll take you for a walk."
I changed into a white ankle-length dress, with my belt tied into a white rose, and a pair of flip-flops. Zhuang Li frowned for a while, then suddenly took out a blooming lily from the vase on the table and put it in my hair, then said with satisfaction: "This is how it looks."
He also changed into casual clothes, put on flip-flops, and took me out.
Although Zhuang Li was dressed in a simple way, many people still looked at her on the street. A foreign boy came over with a camera and wanted to take a photo, but Zhuang Li refused him mercilessly. They spoke English very quickly, and I couldn't understand them. I only heard the foreigner praising my good looks in unstandard Chinese.
I smiled back.
Zhuang Li took me to the famous Tianya Haijiao, where there are many stone carvings.
According to local people, the two rocks "Tianya" and "Haijiao" also have their origins. Legend a couple in love came from two feuding families. Their love was opposed by their respective families, so they were forced to flee to this place, jumped into the sea, and turned into two huge rocks, facing each other forever. To commemorate their steadfast love, later generations carved the words "Tianya" and "Haijiao" on them. Later, couples in love often expressed their feelings with the phrase "Tianya Haijiao forever follow each other".
Zhuang Li ignored the gazes of others, hugged me from behind, and said affectionately: "I hope we can stay together forever like these two stones, regardless of wind and rain."
I remained silent and just stared at the stone in a daze.
There is a saying that forcibly gives meaning to things, as if this can fulfill people's good wishes. It's like saying that making a wish to a shooting star can make your wish come true, or that finding a four-leaf clover can bring happiness, but in fact, it has no meaning.
In fact, a meteor is a meteoroid that is moving in interstellar space. When it approaches the Earth, it is attracted by the Earth's gravity and enters the Earth's atmosphere, where it burns with friction with the atmosphere. The meteoroid originally moves around the sun, but when it passes near the Earth, it is affected by the Earth's gravity and changes its orbit, thus entering the Earth's atmosphere.
The four-leaf clover is a rare variant of the genus Trifolium, which can have more than five leaves, and up to eighteen leaves. In the West, it is considered lucky to find a four-leaf clover. The four-leaf clover is given these meanings because it is very rare. About one in ten thousand three-leaf clovers has four leaves.
You see, this is their scientific meaning.
I forgot that people's emotions can never be detected and measured scientifically.
It's ironic, isn't it, that we have to rely on a distant star or a mutant plant to obtain something we can't get?
Just like these two stones, and just like what Zhuang Li said.
The ends of the earth now refer to a place that cannot be reached in the heart.
Su Jingnian is my end of the world.
When I woke up in the morning, Zhuang Li was gone.
He left a note on the bedside table: I'm going out for half a day today, you stay home alone and wait for me to come back.
I looked at the note with a sneer on my face.
After getting up and washing up, I put on my most beautiful clothes and sat in front of the dressing mirror to draw my eyebrows and apply lipstick, dressing myself up carefully as if I was going to a feast.
I tied my hair into a loose bun, and when I went out, I picked a rose and pinned it in my hair, looking charming and affectionate.
I bought the things I needed and put them in the room first, then came out to see the scenery of Sanya . It is like a passionate and beautiful woman with endless charm.
I like the white shells and shining pearls sold in the shops, and the big coconuts on the street. Many people have smiles on their faces, enjoying the blue sky and blue sea of ​​Sanya.
It turns out that outside of E City, the world is so beautiful.
However, this world does not belong to anyone, let alone me, so what does it matter how beautiful it is? Traveling cannot heal wounds, and it cannot make my heart fresh.
The brighter the outside, the more rotten it is inside, and I can feel its pain every night.
The more I look at the beautiful scenery, the less I understand whether it is the world that has failed me or I that has failed the world.
After returning to my residence, the servants seemed to be busy in the kitchen. I climbed up to the attic and sat in front of the window for a long time, looking at the endless sea. My heart was empty, and my mind seemed to be recalling, but it seemed not to be recalling.
The sky darkened little by little.
Zhuang Li called me and asked me to go to the beach, saying there was a surprise.
When I went out and before I reached the beach, I could already see the red and white in the distance.
I walked slowly along the path covered with rose petals, looking at the end.
Both sides of the road are hung with photos of me and Zhuang Li when we were in high school. Walking through this corridor is like walking through my and his high school years.
The salty sea breeze blew my hair and made the rose petals fly everywhere. I couldn’t see Zhuang Li’s expression among those petals.
I walked closer and found that at the end of the road was a gorgeous wedding dress.
Pronovias, the world's largest wedding dress brand, comes from Spain and is loved by Queen Elizabeth II and Madonna.
The wedding dress was a tube top, handmade, with a circle of delicate embroidery on the chest, and the embroidery was delicate. The hem was made of layers of thin gauze, and the skirt was spread out and fluttering, with a few roses embroidered on it, and the stamens were inlaid with shining pearls.
The whole wedding dress is full of romance and dreaminess, it is incredibly beautiful.
Zhuang Li stood next to the wedding dress, knelt on one knee, and an exquisite ring appeared in front of me.
Darry ring - a unique ring in a lifetime, each man can only buy it once, just like a promise of true love, loving only one person in a lifetime.
The gleam of the diamonds hurt my eyes.
Zhuang Li said sincerely: "Ding Lanyin, please marry me. I only love one person in this life. You are like this ring, and you will always be my only one."
At this moment, in front of my eyes, Zhuang Li is so beautiful. He is wearing a white suit, like a real prince.
The afterglow of the setting sun poured down all over my body, the sound of waves rang in my ears, roses were flying everywhere, and the wedding dress's wide skirt was lifted by the wind.
Everything is so beautiful, like a paradise on earth, but my heart is falling apart.
Many faces appeared before my eyes, Sun Qing's cruelty, Ding Xuan's despair, and Su Jingnian's gentle eyes flashed one by one.
The red in my memory and the white in front of my eyes are tearing me apart and making me feel so painful that I can't bear it anymore.
My tears suddenly fell, landed on the white sand, and disappeared in an instant.
I slowly reached out my hand and touched this illusory happiness.
Zhuang Li happily put the ring on my ring finger, then hugged me and kissed me fiercely, with such passion and sincerity that I could only cooperate with difficulty.
The people around laughed and cheered, and also smiled and blessed.
There weren’t many people there, and they were probably all Zhuang Li’s friends.
When everyone returned to the castle, the servants had already prepared food and drinks in the yard. Zhuang Li's friends held their glasses and poured him wine one after another, laughing and making noises, creating a lively atmosphere.
I sat there smiling, silent.
Thanks to him, I don't have any friends or relatives, how ironic.
The person in the world who claimed to love me the most was the one who destroyed everything I had with his own hands.
Sometimes, I find it hard to believe that this is the same person.
Contradiction? No!
Their laughter has nothing to do with me, and Zhuang Li’s excitement has nothing to do with me.
Zhuang Li came over with a smile, hugged me and asked, "Why don't you go play with them?"
I stood up and said gently, "I'll go to the kitchen and get a bowl of soup."
The kitchen was quiet and no one was around. I slowly filled a bowl of soup and poured the ground abortion pills I had prepared into a bowl.
This bowl of soup will completely sever the connection between me and Zhuang Li.
I brought the soup to the yard, sat next to Zhuang Li, and said coquettishly, "I want you to feed me."
Zhuang Li smiled so happily and agreed readily.
He picked up the spoon, scooped up the soup and fed it to me, and I drank it with a smile.
One mouthful, one mouthful, it's like eating up our love. One spoonful, one spoonful, it's killing our children.
Although the picture is so beautiful, I feel like there is an ugly smell coming from me.
I don't love you anymore, but my heart still hurts. It turns out that hatred can make people so crazy, the beast in my heart is released and destroys wantonly.
My vision gradually blurred, and hot tears fell into the bowl. I couldn't see Zhuang Li's smile, nor could I see the illusory scene in front of me.
I blinked hard, trying to see more clearly.
This time it was a real relief.
Zhuang Li reached out his hand, gently wiped away my tears, and said, "Why are you crying on such a happy day?"
I choked up and said, "I'm crying because I'm so happy."
"Silly girl, if I make you so happy every day in the future, you will cry to death."
I tried to force a smile, stood up and said, "My makeup is all smudged from crying. It's so ugly. I'll go in and touch up my makeup."
I won’t die of crying. I will slowly wither away like a tree.
At this moment, I think my back as I turned around was so resolute.