Chapter 7 The Longest Movie five
I lowered my head and let my tears fall. I didn't know how long I walked before I realized that it had become completely dark. It was pitch black all around, and I was lost.
The chirping of various insects seemed harsh and strange in the quiet darkness, and from time to time there were unknown birds chirping shrilly. I stood in the darkness at a loss, and my first reaction was to call Hua Ziyin. However, when I took my phone out of my pocket, I remembered that my phone had run out of battery and turned off automatically when I left home in the morning.
Soon the wind started to blow, and the temperature dropped rapidly. I hugged myself tightly, curled up next to a big tree, and comforted myself, it's okay, it's okay, Hua Ziyin should have seen the direction I left. After a while, if they still don't see me go back, they should come to find me. They will definitely do so.
I huddled up against a tree, my body almost numb from the cold, but my thoughts became unusually clear.
It was probably early summer a year ago, and it was also a thunderstorm day. Song Hexue came to see me in a hurry without even an umbrella. He was soaked all over, like a drowned chicken, but he was happy like a fool.
She rushed into the school's dance studio, grabbed my hand and said, "Xihe, Xihe, do you think I look good in this outfit?"
The people who were practicing dancing with us looked at me and Song Hexue from afar, covering their mouths and laughing.
I shook her hand off calmly and continued to bend down. How should I answer? It seemed that she could never give up those ridiculous pink, lace and bows, and I would also be laughed at by others: "Song Xihe, who is known for her first-class taste in our Baisha School, is actually friends with such a weirdo."
I deliberately ignored her and concentrated on the dance moves, spinning and jumping.
Her bright eyes gradually dimmed, and she lowered her head, standing timidly aside, waiting patiently for my answer.
I finally couldn't help it and said angrily, "What are you going to do?"
"Xihe!" She seemed to have been pardoned. She raised her head and her face was full of energy again. "I've thought about it. I want to confess to him tomorrow. Can I wear this dress?" After saying that, she turned around awkwardly in front of me.
Someone couldn't help laughing out loud. I glanced coldly in the direction where the laughter came from, and the person was so scared that he immediately covered his mouth.
I stood beside Song Hexue, stretching my legs, and pretended to be indifferent and said, "Oh, why are you telling me this?"
She blinked and looked at me innocently: "Because you are my only friend."
"Don't tell me about this kind of thing in the future." I said impatiently, "If all my friends tell me, won't I become an emotional mailbox? Besides, you know, I don't have the kind of trouble of liking someone and having to worry about how to express my feelings. It's useless even if you tell me."
I saw through her inner inferiority and wanted to motivate her in this way.
However, unusually, she did not stick to me shamelessly as usual, but instead responded with a low "Oh" and slowly turned and left.
The moment she turned around, I saw the disappointment hidden in her eyes, like a thin and sharp knife, gently cutting through my heart.
I couldn't help but call her: "Stop, you said you were going to confess your love tomorrow?"
"Yeah." She turned around quickly and nodded, with a relieved smile on her face, "Xihe, I knew you wouldn't ignore me."
"I didn't want to pay attention to you." I said one thing but meant another, slightly raised my chin, and looked her up and down, "I'm just afraid that your taste will make me a laughing stock. Come to my house tonight, and I remembered that there is a set of clothes that is too ugly. I don't want to wear it, so I'll give it to you. You can wear it tomorrow."
As I said this, I had already quickly sketched out the most suitable dress for her in my mind. I would rush to the nearest mall after school to buy one, then take off the tag and pretend that it was a piece of clothing I had left behind a long time ago. Only a fool like her would believe that I really had a large-sized dress.
"Xihe, you're the best." She jumped up excitedly and almost pounced on me.
I pretended to be disgusted and stepped aside: "Stay away from me, you are wet, like you crawled out of the water, go home and change clothes. You don't have any advantages to begin with, do you want to catch a cold and confess with a runny nose tomorrow?"
She took a step back and looked at me with a smile: "I know you care about me, Xihe, you are so nice. I'm leaving now, see you in the evening." She left in three jumps.
I looked at her excited back and couldn't help but chase her to confirm: "Who are you going to confess to tomorrow? Is it still Xu Yun?"
Once, she told me the man's name under my coercion.
"Anyway, there is such a person." She hesitated, neither admitting nor denying.
"Have you confessed your feelings to that person before?" I moved closer and stared at her.
When she heard this, she lowered her head, not daring to look at me. She stammered for a long time without saying a word.
I knew I was right, and I felt a little disappointed.
"Have you been rejected before? Isn't being rejected once enough? Why do you make yourself so humble again and again? Song Hexue, do you know why those people always laugh at you? It's you who always give them reasons to laugh at you. Song Hexue, can you please work harder?" I became more and more angry as I spoke, and I was almost furious.
"I'm sorry, Xihe." She looked up at me timidly, gently tugged at my sleeve, and begged, "This time is different, this time, it will definitely succeed."
"I don't know if that person is Xu Yun, but I know he definitely doesn't like you." I couldn't bear to let others laugh at her again, and I couldn't bear to let her feel the pain of being rejected again, so I shook her hand off and said with a determined look, "Give up."
"I won't give up." She shook her head firmly, and then murmured to herself anxiously, "Xihe, I'm actually not sure either. Can you cheer me up? You're my only friend."
"You are not my friend. I don't have a friend like you who lets others look down on him/her again and again." I didn't know how to stop her, so I could only speak more decisively, "There is nothing wrong with liking someone, but it is wrong to belittle yourself for liking someone. No one likes people who are willing to belittle themselves. Song Hexue, wake up. No one likes you like this. If you insist on going tomorrow, we will no longer be friends."
She stared at me blankly, blinked slowly, and tears fell silently and violently in the instant of blinking.
I thought she had been completely awakened by my scolding, but unexpectedly, she said to me with tears streaming down her face: "Xihe, I know that others look down on me for being like this, but what can I do? Liking someone is something you can't help yourself."
At that time, I didn't know what it felt like to like someone, so I was angry at her for not repenting, and even more angry at myself for not being able to convince her. I gritted my teeth and said word by word, "Okay, Song Hexue, go ahead and embarrass yourself, I won't stop you. But if you get rejected and hurt, don't cry and don't come back to me."
"Xihe..." she called me softly while sobbing.
I turned around and ignored her, but prayed countless times in my heart that she would come over and grab my sleeve and say softly in the next second: "Xihe, I listen to you. I won't go tomorrow."
During the long and unbearable wait, all I got in response was silence. After a long while, I couldn't help but turn my head back. The place where Song Hexue used to stand behind me was empty, without anyone.
At this moment, a bright flash of lightning flashed across the lead-gray rain curtain before my eyes. Outside the window, heavy rain was pouring, as if someone was crying loudly and miserably.
I walked out, looking for that lonely figure in the heavy rain. However, that familiar figure seemed to disappear without a trace in the blink of an eye.
Thunder exploded in my ears, and I couldn't help but shrink back. I hesitated whether to chase after him, but in the end I didn't take a step.
Later, on countless nights of thunder and lightning, I often made such assumptions: what would have happened if I had chased her out that day? What if I had not scolded her so hypocritically that day, but patiently helped her with advice, would our future be different?
Unfortunately, there is no medicine for regret in this world, and no matter how many assumptions you make, they cannot change the established facts.
It was not until then that I realized that God will not give you a chance to correct all your mistakes.
