I returned home in a daze, my head was dizzy, I threw myself on the bed, tears rolled down from the corners of my eyes, I closed my eyes and didn't want to look at the world.
Someone was knocking on the door, but I didn't want to move. I told myself that it wasn't my door.
Who else will come to see me?
I remember the moment I opened the door and saw the sun smiling at me. He called me “An An, An An” and then produced a bag of snacks and said, “An An, here you go!”
And He Xubei, he pushed up the frame of his glasses, and then casually took out a book or notebook: "Yi Ping'an, you promised me that you would study hard."
I stretched out my hand with a big smile on my face, and caught nothing but empty air. The sun was gone, He Xubei was not there, and the person standing there was Li Ye. "Yi Ping'an, I'm sorry!" Li Ye's voice was a little choked, he wiped his tears and continued, "Ping'an, I know you don't want to care about me, and I'm also very sad about He Xubei's matter."
"Are you sad? What are you sad about? Isn't this all your fault?" I didn't have the heart to blame him, but where could I vent all the pain in my heart?
"Yi Ping'an, do you think I feel good these days?"
Li Ye's voice became louder, and then I noticed his appearance. His eyes looked very tired, his clothes were casually hanging on his body, and there were some blue stubble on his face. Maybe it was true as he said, he was not feeling well these days, but is this a reason for me to forgive him?
"So what if you feel bad? Will He Xubei come back if you feel bad? Why didn't you hold on tighter? If you had held on a little longer, He Xubei might not have fallen!" I lost my mind a little. I grabbed Li Ye's clothes and tore them . "Li Ye, I hate you, I hate you! I told you not to force me, not to force me, but you forced me to give an answer... Are you satisfied with this result?"
Li Ye stood still and let me shake him. He said helplessly: "Yi Ping'an, I just wanted to say that I like you. I didn't think this would happen. I didn't think He Xubei would be so excited..."
"Li Ye, do you know why I didn't answer you? I was afraid that if I told you, we wouldn't even be friends anymore..." I didn't want to dwell on who was right or wrong anymore. My heart was really tired. "Li Ye, please go. I don't want to see you again!"
The old red iron door creaked shut, revealing Li Ye's painful face behind the door.
Li Ye stood at the door of my house for a long, long time, so long that he forgot the time before he turned around. Under the dim street lights, his shadow was elongated, looking heavy and lonely.
I stood in the yard and looked up at the sky. Li Ye once said that when you miss someone, you should look at the stars. I want to see stars, lots and lots of stars.
But the moon in the sky is covered by clouds, and there are so many stars in the sky, how can I tell which one is He Xubei, which one is dad and mom, and which one is the sunshine?