Chapter 67 Dedicated to You

Feng Ran returned to the hotel with half of his face swollen from being beaten, and happened to run into Chen Shuze at the elevator entrance.

Chen Shuze was stunned for a second, then laughed.

"Hey Feng Ran, you also have a day when you fail!" He raised his voice exaggeratedly, "Come and see what happened, who beat you up like this? Does it hurt?"

Feng Ran's face turned pale and blue: "Get out of the way, don't be a jerk."

Chen Shuze stuck to his back like a dog-skin plaster: "Didn't I remind you not to cause any trouble? Tsk, some people don't like to hear it. Honest advice is hard to hear. Now you are suffering and regret it, right?" Feng Ran was fed up with it

, swiped the door of the room, stood at the door and said: "Don't come in."

Chen Shuze said: "If you don't let me in, I will tell Chen Zhi that you are flirting here, philandering and hurting other people's hearts."

Feng Ran said: "Chen Zhi won't believe it."

Chen Shuze took out his mobile phone and took a series of photos at the speed of light.

"Fuck your uncle Chen Shuze!" Feng Ran hurriedly covered his face and cursed, "You bastard who kicks me when I'm down!"

The business trip was over. It was already nine o'clock in the evening when they returned to Jiang City. Feng Ran had greeted He Chuan in advance and tried to be as quiet as possible when he entered the room, but he still woke him up.

He Chuan, with sleepy eyes, poked his head out of the bedroom door. Xiaobai saw the gap and jumped out.

He Chuan asked, "Are you hungry?"

"I'm not hungry. There is food on the plane." Feng Ran said, "You should go back to sleep."

He Chuan shook his head and came out. After being woken up, he couldn't fall asleep again. He poured two glasses of water and stood aside to watch Feng Ran pack his luggage.

"How is your business?" Feng Ran asked.

"Very good."

He Chuan hesitated, and said after a while: "A few days ago, I took a cat to the silver shop."

"Ah? That's fun," Xiaobai jumped into Feng Ran's empty suitcase at the right time and lay down, its black fur blending into the lining of the suitcase. Feng Ran touched the sleek cat and said, "It's okay as long as it doesn't make trouble for you. Why did you think of taking the cat with you?"

He Chuan said: "I didn't notice it, it got into the bag."

Feng Ran couldn't help laughing when he thought of He Chuan who didn't notice anything along the way - probably just felt that the bag was unusually heavy today - and when he arrived at the silver shop, he opened the schoolbag, the bag shook strangely, and a little white cat poked its head out.

He Chuan's next words stopped him laughing: "It chewed up your monitor."

Feng Ran looked up and screamed, "What?!"

"It didn't mean to," He Chuan said calmly. "I'll have it repaired."

"Okay, okay," Feng Ran flicked the cat's head. "We're not done here. Don't even think about feeding you cat food until the computer comes back."

He didn't have much stuff, mainly a box of seafood that was difficult to handle. He was at a loss as to what to do with it in the living room.

He Chuan suggested a simple solution: clear out the refrigerator and stuff everything back in. Neither of them was good with seafood, and the refrigerator hadn't been cleaned for a long time, so they kept busy until late at night. The room was filled with waves of fresh, rich, and fragrant aromas, just like being in a coastal city. When they opened the windows for ventilation, the heat was overwhelming, so they had to close them and wait for the smell to dissipate naturally.

He Chuan's phone had been popping up with messages since yesterday.

They were from Xiao Muzi. Each one accusing Feng Ran of a crime.

He wanted to ask what had happened, but Xiao Muzi refused to recount his heartbreak, instead venting non-stop: "Wuwuwu... Feng Ran is an idiot, a jerk... Isn't that right? Tell me."

He Chuan watched the man bustling about. He hadn't even had time to shower since entering the house before he'd packed his luggage and mopped the entire floor. He asked just for the sake of passing. He then cleaned the refrigerator and kitchen, and washed the dirty clothes.

He replied, "It's fine,"

then pocketed his phone and asked, "Feng Ran, what's going on between you and Li Yige?"

Feng Ran, still refusing to remove Xiao Muzi, said, "Nothing. Just let him give up. Did he contact you? If you find it annoying, you can block him."

"He's pretty sad."

"Sad? Sad, that's right," Feng Ran said, finishing up the cleaning. Then he opened a bottle of wine and raised his glass to him from a few meters away. "The sadder, the better. It saves him and me from getting upset. A little sadness will heal in a couple of days. Who cares if he falls in love with someone else?" He

Chuan felt a sudden urge to argue. He wanted to say that human emotions are limited. You've drained someone's love and left them heartbroken. How can you know this won't become a permanent pain in their heart? In the future, they might never give anything back, because they've already given you everything.

"Want a drink?" Feng Ran raised his goblet and coaxed him gently. "I'll mix you a drink that's perfect for you. I guarantee you'll fall asleep right after drinking it. Warm milk, lavender syrup, and a little vodka... Consider it my compensation for waking you up when I got home. How about it?"

Although he was usually busy with work and spent very little time at home, he still brought home a variety of drinks from time to time. Now, his cocktail supplies took up half of the kitchen. After a quick tidy up, the various colors and shapes of liquor and seasonings were neatly arranged on the storage rack, and he couldn't help but mix two drinks.

He Chuan turned away indifferently, "No need."

He returned to his bedroom, looked at Xiao Muzi's endless stream of voice messages, and typed, "Yes, he's an asshole."

The next day at the office, the male intern who had been constantly hanging around Feng Ran was gone. A young woman he used to be close to whispered to him, "Xiao Gu has been transferred to headquarters."

Her name was Jiang Huiyi. She was smart and hardworking. She'd been hired as a full-time employee at the end of her internship and was now a capable assistant in finance. With Feng Ran gone for the past few days, she'd taken on much of the work.

Feng Ran asked, "Did he ask for it?"

"Is it possible?" Jiang Huiyi spread her hands. "He's just an intern."

This incident left a mark on Feng Ran. That afternoon, he received a message from the male intern, asking if he'd returned from his business trip.

He replied with a few words, and the intern went on to write a torrent of messages, expressing his regret for not being able to see him again, thanking him for taking care of her, and then saying he'd return to Jiang City someday. He wondered if he'd ever get to have coffee again.

Feng Ran politely agreed, but the other party asked, "There's one more thing I really want to know. Are you and Mr. Chen together?"

However, the message was withdrawn seconds after it was sent.

Feng Ran was speechless and grabbed his phone to look for Chen Shuze.

Chen Shuze said frankly, "There are more opportunities at headquarters, and he's going there to get some practice. Can I force him to go? Of course, I consulted with others." Then he gave him a pointed look. "You've really forgotten the pain. Didn't you learn from that slap in the face the other day?"

Feng Ran slammed his phone on the table and said, "If you mention that again, I'll show you what it feels like."

Chen Shuze laughed, "I'm not like you. You'll get everything."

"Then shut up," Feng Ran warned.

Chen Shuze said, "Hurry up and finish your work. I'll take you to the hospital."

"What are you doing?"

"Ruoruo wants to video chat with his brother."

Standing by the window, Chen Zhi waited for Feng Ran.

These days, he can get out of bed and stand for long periods on his own, and the doctor has encouraged him to move more and exercise his muscles. When the weather is good, he likes to stand by the window and look into the distance, where there are lush forests, blue sky, flying birds and tall buildings.

Today, Feng Ran would be there. Thinking of this, he felt warm inside, but when he thought about confronting these two people and questioning their relationship, his heart became heavy again.

He had been tormented by this question for a long time, and he had to get an answer.

But...if the answer was not what he wanted, would he stop liking Feng Ran?

How was that possible? He lowered his eyes, rubbing his fingertips on the window sill, the touch of the gravel making his skin numb slightly. Maybe Shen Yuan was right, he shouldn't ask Feng Ran, just ask Chen Shuze.

Sure enough, not long after, two people walked out from the shadows of the trees in the distance. It was Feng Ran and Chen Shuze.

He hadn't seen Feng Ran for a whole week, and his urgent longing made him stare at him intently, his eyes glued to that person like a magnet.

His every move was captured in his eyes.

Feng Ran had an unlit cigarette in his mouth. Chen Shuze said something with a smile, and Feng Ran frowned and kicked him. Chen Shuze shouted, "Hey, you really kicked me," and stopped to pat his trouser leg.

Feng Ran didn't wait for him and walked forward. Chen Shuze jogged over in two steps, snatched his cigarette and put it in his own mouth, looking very proud.

Feng Ran seemed to be used to it. He glanced at him and was not surprised at all.

Shen Zhi's legs went weak and he couldn't stand up.

Something was wrong.

They were not as close as boyfriends, but they were definitely not ordinary superiors and subordinates.

He rushed to the bed and called Feng Ran, asking him to go to the convenience store in front of the hospital to buy tissues.

Feng Ran stopped and said reluctantly: "Ah. We are all downstairs, or we can order takeout. It's scorching hot outside."

Shen Zhi insisted: "It will be soon, right in front of the hospital. If you need it urgently, just go."

Feng Ran had no choice but to agree.

He hid in the window and watched, and Feng Ran really went out alone.

He grabbed the phone, thinking, how could he have deceived Feng Ran again. But what to do, what else could he do?

His heart was pounding, and suddenly he couldn't hold on anymore and lay down on the bed.

Chen Shuze happened to come in through the door and asked, "Chen Zhi, how are you recovering?"

"What's your relationship?" Shen Zhi whispered.

Chen Shuze raised his eyebrows, as if he didn't know how to answer this sudden question.

Shen Zhi repeated with a stronger tone, "What's your relationship?"

"We are, of course, superiors and subordinates at the moment."

Shen Zhi said, "You know what I mean."

Chen Shuze stared at him and said helplessly, "Okay, Feng Ran didn't tell you? So you had to find out from me today after you sent him away?"

"Yes."

"We had an open relationship for four years." Chen Shuze smiled ambiguously, "From the time I started college at the age of eighteen until I graduated."

"Open relationship?"

"You can think of it as a long-term sex buddy. Of course, we broke up a bit in the middle, and it was always Feng Ran who suggested it because he had someone he liked... Unfortunately, none of them lasted more than six months, and he always came back to me in the end."

Shen Zhi felt a bloody taste in his throat. He should have thought of it earlier! Ren He's words were the best reminder.

"I'm not particularly interested in relationships, and he's not the only one I've been with, but he's been with me the longest."

Chen Shuze's every word sent a chill through Shen Zhi's veins, yet he continued to ask self-torturingly, "So... what happened next?"

"That Feng Ran guy, I didn't even know his family was in huge debt until he was in jail. I was heartbroken at the time. I knew he'd been working, but I didn't know why. He kept quiet. I thought we were close enough, so I came out to my family and made a desperate move, intending to confess my feelings. But then, I saw him in the detention center, flowers and a ring in hand." Chen Shuze said, "That was... the last time we met. He told me to give up. I gave up." He blinked and smiled at Shen Zhi, "That's all, that's all."

"That's all," Shen Zhi muttered.

The answer, that's all he wanted.

He felt he shouldn't dwell on it. This was Feng Ran's past, a past they hadn't met before, a mere stranger to each other. Besides, it was perfectly normal for Feng Ran to have someone else; he'd known that all along.

Feng Ran had a sex partner of many years. In theory, he should have felt more comfortable; having one was always better than having many.

But he was cold and nauseous.

Chen Shuze seemed lost in memories. "Fuck you! I was so pissed off back then that I cut him off completely. Who knew we'd meet again after all these years? Isn't that a coincidence?" Chen

Zhi couldn't listen any longer. He felt dizzy, his eyes swirling with twinkling stars. The ward resembled a water-washed painting, its outlines blended and distorted. Amidst the distorted image, he managed to say, "Get out! Go ahead."

He thought his voice was loud, but it was actually a whisper.

Chen Shuze paused. "Okay, then don't give me away, or he'll get me into trouble."

As he finished, Feng Ran pushed the door open.

Chen Shuze's expression immediately changed, and he smiled. "Wow, pretty quick. Did you buy the things? Then you two can chat. I'm leaving now." With that, he fled the scene like a man in a hurry.

They passed each other. Feng Ran's eyes were always on Shen Zhi, not moving elsewhere.

They stared at each other, neither of them saying a word.

Shen Zhi didn't know how many words he had heard, his eyes were calm and complicated, looking at him standing in an abstract picture, everything was messed up, wrong, only he was real and unchanged.

Feng Ran lowered his head, put a large pack of tissues in the corner, and walked towards him.

Shen Zhi's sight was nailed to his fingertips - an unlit cigarette. The pale cigarette turned into an invisible rope, suddenly pulling his internal organs upwards. His Adam's apple rolled violently, and he bent down unexpectedly, vomiting all over the floor.

He held on to the bed, the world spinning, and the world was turning upside down. He

vomited until there was no more to vomit, and physiological tears blurred his vision. Suddenly, a bottle of water was handed to him, and the lid was considerately opened.

While he was rinsing his mouth, Feng Ran started to clean up the floor.

He said in a hoarse voice: "Don't..."

Feng Ran said: "Lie down, don't move."

His words were gentle, without any disgust.

So Shen Zhi lay down. It hurts everywhere, in the stomach, intestines, and internal organs. The esophagus and mouth were burned by stomach acid, and his arms had been hanging on the iron railings for too long and lost consciousness. There was a constant ringing in his ears, his hands and feet were cold, and his head was splitting.

When Feng Ran came back, he brought a doctor with him. The doctor pressed on his stomach a few times and hung up an IV.

The doctor told Feng Ran something, but he didn't hear clearly.

After falling into a coma, the passage of time became less real. When he opened his eyes again, everything around him was a deep and gloomy color, and Feng Ran was dozing on a chair beside the bed.

As soon as he moved,

Feng Ran immediately raised his head. He raised his arm, and Feng Ran held that hand tightly.

"Are you feeling better?" Feng Ran whispered in tears with those shining eyes in the dark night, "Look at you, there's such a big scene just after I came back. Is this your welcome ceremony? So special." Chen

Zhi said, "I miss you so much."

"Yeah."

"I love you," he said again. "I love you especially."

"Yeah."

Feng Ran stopped responding, saying, "I miss you, too," and "I love you, too." Of course, he knew why.

Feng Ran was considerate and caring towards him, just like before, and he knew why.

But he pushed further, taking advantage of his pampering, and said, "You and him, during those four years together, you never told me. Not once. ...Why?"

Feng Ran said, "You're forcing me to leave."

Shen Zhi said, "If you leave, I really can't live. Think about it."

Feng Ran was silent for a moment, then released his hand and said, "Shen Zhi, don't say that. I really hate you, but I can't forget you. I pity you."

Shen Zhi was speechless, his chest heaving violently.

"You're the one who shouldn't be questioning me," Feng Ran said word by word.

As Feng Ran leaned over to light a cigarette, no one spoke; the beeping of the machines in the ward seemed piercing.

Shen Zhi didn't regret asking that question. Not answering is also an answer.

But at that moment, Chen Zhi suddenly wished he were a lighter, free from the pain and suffering of illness, the experience of love, hate, greed, and anger, or the need to consider life or death. He could be far away from the sun and moon, far away from the crowds. His existence was just to meet Feng Ran, to be held in Feng Ran's palm, close to his breath and lips, to enjoy his touch, and to watch him quietly for a moment.

Click, click.

His life burned out in the short mechanical ignition, and Feng Ran finally knew that he was willing to give everything for him, including love, soul, and life.