A long time has passed. When Xu Xilin left, he left his past and his home behind. He has been to many places, met many people, and brushed shoulders with countless troubles, fame, success and failure every day.

When he was frustrated, Xu Xilin lay in the haunted old dormitory. He was too cold to sleep in the winter and could only expose his cold nose to the air. At that time, he remembered that when he was a child, he sold the brand-name sneakers that Zheng Shuo gave him at a discount and treated his friends to dinner. He remembered that he had actually been so dissolute and unrestrained at that time, just like in his previous life.

When he was proud, he would occasionally recall the time when he was humiliated by a man who ran a convenience store while holding a contract that had been revised into a mess. It was as funny as remembering the fight with his desk mate over an eraser when he was a child - how could that be considered humiliation, how could that be considered difficulty?

Why did he feel desperate when these were easily solved? Why did he give up the pressure and shut down the vitamins?

And...all the separations and reunions with Dou Xun gradually became like a big dream, covered by a distorted veil of memory.

Xu Xilin would occasionally open the childish love letter that Dou Xun had written to him and see the empty chocolate shell that he had kept. Gradually, just like he had forgotten Li Bozhi, he found it difficult to connect these souvenirs with the specific events that had happened.

He just remembered vividly the moment when he broke up with Dou Xun.

Over the years, Xu Xilin felt that he might never have gotten over the look in Dou Xun's eyes at that time, but he seldom thought about it. He just kept moving forward, as if if he had been stronger at the beginning, all the regrets would not have happened.

Now, Dou Xun appeared in front of him unexpectedly. Xu Xilin instinctively whitewashed the situation. He wished he could draw a scroll of the path he had taken and the achievements he had made over the years and spread it all out in front of Dou Xun, as if to save or prove something.

After Grandma Xu passed away, Xu Xilin actually didn't cook properly at all. Sometimes he was too lazy to make instant noodles and would rather eat them plain. His life was worse than that of pigs and dogs, but he would bring fresh fruits and vegetables to mock Lao Cheng for having no quality of life. He also flirted with Dou Xun intentionally or unintentionally, deliberately showing how he could handle any situation with ease. He was like a woman with a withered face, full of rotten things, trying her best to put on makeup and put on a layer of gold and jade.

In fact...even if Dou Xun admits that he has been able to call the shots and live a very proud life over the years, what can it do?

Even if he succeeded in making Dou Xun regret breaking up with him and leaving without looking back.

Even if Dou Xun could really do as he wished, let go of the past without any grudges, and start over again - what would it matter?

Will the loneliness that has been engraved in my heart over the years disappear just like that?

Will the fear, panic and helplessness of my youth be erased from my memory?

"Vanity" is like "procrastination", something that is illogical and has no benefits. Everyone knows it, but they can't help deceiving themselves.

At this moment, Xu Xilin's self-deceiving dream that had lasted for several days was broken by Dou Xun, who was dressed in gray, in the cold cemetery.

He was startled and broke into a sweat, and his stomach ached as if it was cramping. He turned over and over, and was poked by unbearable embarrassment. He heard Dou Xun say, "I'll come over and take a look."

"Oh," Xu Xilin came back to his senses and avoided his gaze, "Okay, follow me."

He took two steps, then remembered something and turned back to add, "Thank you for your thoughtfulness."

Dou Xun: "You didn't lock your car?"

Xu Xilin: “…”

Xu Xilin locked the car again and took Dou Xun back the way they had come. He said nothing along the way and took Dou Xun to the grave of Xu's grandmother. The bright tombstone reflected the gloomy sky. The cemetery was peaceful and there was no gloomy atmosphere.

Dou Xun put the flowers down and bowed politely to the tombstone. When he looked up, he found Xu Xilin standing a few steps away from him. His face was a little pale, and he was staring at the locust tree forest in the distance in a daze.

"At that time, I wanted to find a quiet place to stay before the college entrance examination. I didn't want to listen to Zhu Xiaocheng's arrangement and stay at your house." Dou Xun suddenly spoke up, forcibly drawing Xu Xilin's attention, "In the end, we ran into..."

Having said this, Dou Xun paused, not knowing how to address Grandma Xu appropriately.

When he was a child at Xu Xilin's house, he always called her "Grandma". But later, after he had such a quarrel with Xu Xilin, he left without saying goodbye and was not even there when she died... Dou Xun felt that he was not worthy of calling her that anymore, but saying "your grandma" in front of Xu Xilin seemed too distant and heartless.

Dou Xun was not good at these things after all, so he had to lift it over roughly.

Unfortunately, Xu Xilin still heard it. He lowered his head slightly and smiled evasively: "The old lady is very popular, young and old... right, grandpa? You have to keep a close eye on her."

He made a joke and turned to Dou Xun, trying to lead him out of the cemetery: "Let's go, she didn't love you in vain - are you used to the new place? When will you start work there?"

Dou Xun had seen through Xu Xilin. He thought that Xu Xilin's "all good is good" Turtle Hermit temper would probably never change in his lifetime, no matter how old he was, what his status was, or how much money he had.

Dou Xun got angry when he saw his behavior, and the old anger in his heart rose up. The tip of his tongue moved slightly a few times, but he quickly took two deep breaths and swallowed back the words that were about to come out.

He reminded himself from time to time - he must be patient when dealing with Xu Xilin, and must not force him, let alone tear off his painted skin. Otherwise, considering that he is now in a situation where he can feed his entire family, if he is really forced to leave, where can he be arrested?

"Same as you guys," Dou Xun said a little bored, "School is not in a hurry, go to the project first to report - sorry to bother you these two days, can I treat you to a meal?"

Xu Xilin breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't expect that after three days of separation, Dou Xun also knew the meaning of "leaving some room for words and keeping it tacitly understood".

As soon as he relaxed, the hot sweat evaporated and his nervous stomach began to make rumblings. However, Dou Xun was so considerate that Xu Xilin was reluctant to leave. He had to pretend nothing had happened and happily kept the appointment.

Xu Xilin cheered up and started to make a topic out of the fact that Dou Xun came here in a taxi. Without anyone saying anything to him, he could smoothly extend the topic. He talked about the difficulty of getting a license plate number, and then talked about the new energy industry. He talked about everything under the sun, but he never mentioned the tomb sweeping.

He didn't ask Dou Xun how he knew that today was his grandmother's memorial day, didn't ask why he came here without saying hello, didn't explain why he didn't tell him, and refused to question why Dou Xun didn't reply to his email.

By the time they arrived at the hotel, Xu Xilin was already worrying about Dou Xun's inconvenience of traveling without a private car.

He didn't feel like eating. The sight of the food made him sick, so he concentrated on thinking of a bad idea: "How about you take my ride to work in the future? I know it's not on the way... It's okay, I can move the company, anyway, I have the final say here."

Dou Xun: "Don't talk nonsense."

Xu Xilin served him a bowl of soup with a smile - nonsense topics were the safest.

Xu Xilin felt very uncomfortable both physically and mentally during this meal. Afterwards, he broke out in cold sweats on his back and seemed to be forcing himself to smile.

He sent Dou Xun home. Dou Xun looked up at the unfamiliar apartment building he had just moved into, and suddenly turned back to Xu Xilin and said, "I didn't receive the email you sent me."

Xu Xilin's hand froze for a moment as he waved goodbye to him.

Dou Xun didn't say which email it was, but they both knew it.

Dou Xun reached out and pressed on his car door, and said softly, "My email address was deactivated at that time, and I didn't see it until a long time later. When I came back, you were gone."

Xu Xilin, who had been talking nonstop all the way, seemed to have taken a mute drug. After a long while, he uttered a single sound: "...Hmm."

Then he paused awkwardly for a moment, and then added: "I see. The old lady didn't have to sleep all night, she didn't suffer, and she has no regrets."

Dou Xun looked at him carefully, bent down and said to him: "You don't look well, go back early."

He will look at other people's faces.

Xu Xilin smiled at him, a silent smile that looked very gentle.

Dou Xun resisted the urge to look back and quickly returned to his newly rented house.

He was not used to the house - Dou Xun was not a particularly particular person in private. He traveled in a foreign country, changed residences twice while studying and working, and he always sent paper books and materials first, and his own things could be packed in one suitcase.

But Xu Xilin was too meticulous. He wanted to fill up his small one-bedroom apartment with functional cupboards, decorative vases and ornaments, and everything else... He almost decorated it like a home.

However, this is not home, and too many burdens make Dou Xun feel at a loss.

He went upstairs, without even taking off his coat, and walked silently to the window, looking out to see if Xu Xilin had left downstairs.

Logically speaking, it would be enough to just send the person off until he came upstairs. It was broad daylight at this time, and Dou Xun was a man who had practiced kick-boxing for many years, so Xu Xilin didn't need to see the lights on in his house, but he didn't leave. Dou Xun watched from upstairs for five minutes, and Xu Xilin's car didn't move an centimeter.

Dou Xun suddenly felt something was wrong and turned around and went downstairs.

Now that Dou Xun, the source of tension, was gone, Xu Xilin's stomach, which had been troubled all morning, finally had room to work. He felt so uncomfortable that he leaned on the steering wheel for a while, with Dou Xun's words just now echoing in his mind over and over again. He was confused and couldn't make sense of it.

Suddenly, the door of the car next to me was opened with a whoosh.

Dou Xun leaned sideways to block the cold wind that poured into the car, frowned and asked, "What's wrong with you?"

His voice was too tense and sounded a little harsh. Xu Xilin didn't expect him to come back and looked up blankly.

Dou Xun tilted his chin and glanced at his slightly sweaty forehead and bent waist: "Why didn't you say you were not feeling well?"

Xu Xilin: “No…”

Dou Xun: "Get off and sit over there."

Xu Xilin: “…Oh.”

The stomachache started, sometimes in waves. After a while, Xu Xilin slowly came back to life and suddenly laughed.

Dou Xun looked at him sullenly.

"I remembered a joke." Xu Xilin said, "I'll take you home first, and then you take me back... Hey, wait, Comrade Dou Xun, not this way!"

Dou Xun slammed the brakes to the bottom and stopped the car just in front of the community gate.

There is a property security booth in the middle of the entrance to their community, and two lanes on the left and right sides, with vehicles entering and exiting at the same time, to avoid congestion caused by vehicles entering and leaving.

Dou Xun was so distracted by Xu Xilin's cold joke that he drove to the entrance without thinking, and happened to meet an oncoming car.

The security guard poked his head out from under his military coat, squinting his eyes and yelling at Dou Xun: "Hey, handsome guy, how much did you pay for that book?"

Dou Xun actually had a driver's license before going abroad, but he rarely had the opportunity to drive. Later, he got used to driving on the left and was unable to change his habit. He seldom made such low-level mistakes, so he quickly apologized to the security guard and unskillfully reversed to change lanes.

The helpful and enthusiastic security guard came out and gave instructions: "Back up a little... OK, turn right, and keep an eye on the curb... Oh my god, where are you looking? I'm so anxious, brother. Not being able to tell left from right is more threatening than being red-green color blind. Why are you so stubborn and insist on driving?"

Dou Xun looked embarrassed.

Xu Xilin almost collapsed in the passenger seat from laughing.

"If you laugh again, you can go back by yourself." Dou Xun said with a straight face.

After a while, he couldn't hold back his expression anymore and smiled a little.

Dou Xun stumbled his way towards familiarity with the road conditions, and was particularly troubled when turning. Fortunately, the Spring Festival holiday had not yet ended, and there were not as many people on the streets as usual. He steadily maintained a speed of less than 20 to 30 miles per hour, and was occasionally overtaken by electric vehicles wrapped in quilts on the road. His mental state was quite stable.

Xu Xilin didn't dare to talk to him at first. When he was almost home, he found that Dou Xun got used to it quickly after a short period of confusion. His level was not very high, but he was not a jerk either. So he asked, "What's the matter? Have you not opened it for a long time?"

"I always drive right-hand drive cars," Dou Xun said, "I just forgot."

Xu Xilin said "Oh" at first, then realized something was wrong: "Right rudder? You're not..."

Dou Xun: “Hmm?”

"Aren't you in the United States?" Xu Xilin was a little surprised. "I always thought you were with your mother."

"Why am I looking for her?" Dou Xun didn't ask him how to get there. He turned on Xu Xilin's navigation and directly locked on "home". He then asked, "I thought you knew. Haven't you seen Zhu Xiaocheng in these years?"

I have seen it before, but I just didn't dare to ask.

Xu Xilin remained silent.

After a while, he slightly adjusted his sitting position and looked at the road ahead: "I thought someone was taking care of you...How did you get by by yourself?"

Dou Xun immediately asked back: "How do you know I am myself?"

Xu Xilin: “…”

Dou Xun followed the navigation and turned into the auxiliary road: "Did Lao Cheng tell you?"

You can tell by just thinking about it. Otherwise, given Xu Xilin's personality, even if he was lonely, he wouldn't openly be so attentive to him.

Xu Xilin was a little embarrassed, and tried to cover up his mistake by saying, "Uh... I heard him mention it when we were chatting."

Dou Xun glanced at him quickly and saw that Qian was evasive.

"I'm alone," Dou Xun thought to himself, "I got through this by thinking about you. When I encounter something unhappy, I pull you out and hate you, but most of the time I still miss you."

But he didn't say that.

Dou Xun kicked the ball back: "I also thought someone was taking care of you."

"Well... I'm OK," Xu Xilin smiled dryly, "I rely on friends when I go out. After all, this is in China, so it's easier than out there - the empty parking space in the middle of the innermost building is mine."

Dou Xun parked the car under Xu Xilin's guidance, and then ordered without further explanation: "Don't move."

He got out of the car and walked around to the other side, took Xu Xilin's arm and helped him down.

Xu Xilin's palms were sweaty, and he tripped when getting out of the car - in fact, it was Dou Xun who pulled him, and Xu Xilin took advantage of the situation and pushed Dou Xun onto the tree next to him that separated the parking spaces.

Xu Xilin was supported by Dou Xun with one hand, and with the other hand he was holding up a small tree that had lost its leaves in the winter. He held Dou Xun in a small space between his arms. He smelled the detergent on Dou Xun's clothes and had an intimate contact with him that was filled with mixed feelings.

Dou Xun tightened his grip on his hand and lowered his head slightly, with the tip of his nose almost touching the side of Xu Xilin's face. His expression remained unchanged, and he whispered in Xu Xilin's ear: "You know I'm not asking about friends."

After saying that, Dou Xun lowered his eyes, and his eyelashes fell neatly in a row, covering his greedy gaze.

That gaze fell on Xu Xilin's slightly cracked lips with evil intentions, and for a moment, it seemed as if he wanted to kiss him.