Walking out of the hospital gate, I looked up at the sky.
The sky at this moment seemed a little different from usual, a little bleak, a little vague, but also more spacious.
My thoughts drifted to infinity, recalling that midsummer.
The young man in white at that time is still flawless in my heart.
Now, he and I are drifting further and further apart, like two parallel lines that will never intersect again.
The cold wind was biting, the streets were busy with people, but I felt lonely for the first time.
In the past, Cheng Qingtong always had Ye Bihan by his side, but now, even she, who had always been by my side, is lying in the hospital, and I feel lonely.
I took out my cell phone and called Lin Xiaozhu.
He picked up quickly.
But I didn't hear it at all, because he had actually called "Hello" several times on the other end of the phone.
"Cheng Qingtong, when did you become mute? Why don't you speak?" Lin Xiaozhu kept shouting, and I was pulled back by his voice.
My voice was cold and indifferent, and it came through the receiver: "Hello, Lin Xiaozhu, I want to ask you for a favor, can you promise me first?"
"Okay, I promise."
His answer surprised me a little. I thought he would agree to help me, but at least he should ask me why. But I didn't expect him to agree so straightforwardly.
"Lin Xiaozhu, why don't you ask me what I want you to do?"
"If you want me to know, you will tell me naturally. But if you don't want to say it, and I still have to ask, isn't that very disloyal?" There was a "chi chi" sound coming from the other end of the microphone. I could feel that Lin Xiaozhu must be laughing at this time, and it was the kind of naughty but not annoying laugh.
If I had some bad impressions of him before and I have never completely eliminated this impression, then after this incident, my opinion of him has changed.
"Well, let's have dinner together tonight, and I'll tell you the details then."
"Okay." He still agreed readily.
Lin Xiaozhu and I met at a restaurant near our school.
He sat opposite me, lit a cigarette skillfully, and puffed out smoke in front of me.
If it were in the past, I would have been aggressive towards him, but this time I said nothing. I just kept waving my hands, trying to disperse the smoke in front of me.
"Cheng Qingtong, it turns out that your weakness is that you can't smell the smell of cigarettes!" He still had a playful look on his face.
"Now is not the time to discuss my weaknesses. Let me talk to you about business first."
I was rarely so calm in front of him, and there was curiosity in his eyes.
"I want you to help me beat up a guy, his name is Yi Dan." I kept my head down and didn't look at him. I have never been involved in beating people, so now I feel like I am committing a crime.
But he looked nonchalant: "Is that all? I thought you were going to tell me something big. Do you need to call me out for such a small matter? Can't you just give me a phone call?" In his eyes, beating someone up was as satisfying as having a big meal.
I nodded silently.
He took a sip of tea and continued to ask, "Then tell me why you wanted to hit him. Since you asked me to do it, you have to give me a reason."
I was originally worried that making this matter known would affect Ye Bihan's reputation, but seeing how loyal he was, I decided to tell him.
"Lin Xiaozhu, this matter is related to my best friend. It's quite serious. I can tell you, but you have to keep it a secret."
He laughed, his face full of smiles: "Don't worry, I'm very tight-lipped."
I told him in detail about Ye Bihan's situation and described Yi Dan's usual personality.
As he listened, he was so angry that he stamped his feet and cursed loudly, and the whole hotel was filled with his voice.
After that, he kept calling his brothers. Some of them agreed immediately, while others found various excuses to refuse. Those who agreed became his brothers, and those who couldn't come were all blacklisted by him.
Sometimes I envy Lin Xiaozhu's free and easy attitude. He can love and hate so open-mindedly, unlike me, who loves so deeply but ultimately it is all in vain.
We made an appointment for Friday after school. Yi Dan was going home at that time, so we waited on the road he usually took to get home.
Lin Xiaozhu was the first person to rush out. He put a sack on Yi Dan's head, and then a group of people started punching and kicking him, and Yi Dan had no ability to resist at all.
I was not happy at this time, and I hoped that he had not been beaten.
If that's the case, it means Ye Bihan is not sick or in hospital, and our lives are still as happy as ever.
I walked in front of Yi Dan, and Lin Xiaozhu took the sack away.
Yi Dan knelt in front of me like a madman, his hair was messy and blood was oozing from the corners of his mouth. I will never forget the horrified look in his eyes at that time, like a frightened horse.
I sneered at him, "Yidan, you have come to this day. I want you to remember that from now on, if you dare to touch Ye Bihan's hair again, I will make this day next year the anniversary of your death."
When he saw that the person in front of him was me, his fear was reduced a little. People are always like this, they are always afraid when they don't know the enemy, but when you know the enemy's fighting power and why she hurt you, you become fearless.
"Cheng Qingtong, you really are nosy!"
Pah - a slap hit his face. I raised my head and pointed my nose at his face: "Yi Dan, since I, Cheng Qingtong, can say such words today, I will definitely do what I say. At worst, we will die together!"
Lin Xiaozhu later told me that I looked scary and crazy at the time, which made me look so strange and almost scared him.
I also feel that I have become different from before, but can I be blamed for this? Who told this world to be so cruel and inhumane! I can only choose to change myself to adapt to it and make myself no longer so vulnerable.
God proves that I am good.
But every time I went to see Ye Bihan and saw her silence, I felt that the slap I gave Yi Dan at that time was not hard enough, not hard at all.
I hadn't gone to my part-time job at the bookstore for several days, so Sister Zhang called me and asked me to help early the next morning, and I agreed immediately.
Life seemed to be returning to a little bit of normalcy.
The next day, I got up early and went to the store.
The store was very quiet at this time and there were no customers.
The floor was full of books, and she was immersed in them. Her hair fell down the moment she lowered her head. She looked so focused that she didn't seem to notice me coming in.
Sometimes I feel that Zhang lives in another world, a world that is exceptionally quiet, like a paradise free from the disturbances of the outside world. She has always been immersed in the sea of ​​books, immersed in her own little world.
She suddenly saw me and greeted me gently: "Qingtong, you are here. Look at the books on the floor..." She shrugged and smiled mischievously. It is rare that you don't feel weird when you see this mischievous smile on her face.
She said: "There is no other way, I have to ask you to work overtime, so you can't go out for the weekend."
I smiled at her and said, "Sister Zhang, what you said is wrong. You are the boss and I am the employee. It is only natural for you to ask me to work. Why are you embarrassed?"
After saying that, we smiled at each other.
After several rounds of communication and tacit cooperation, we have become a good partner.
There is no age gap between friends, right?
She was busy again.
My eyes swept past her and saw a familiar figure.
He put the book in his hand on the bookshelf, took down another book, turned his body slightly, and saw the familiar profile again.
It's him, Moses.
He was looking at the book in his hand seriously and didn't seem to notice someone walking towards him.
I stood behind him and looked at his angular profile.
Such a handsome face, such black eyes, but I could never tell what he was thinking.
I called his name in a low voice: "Mo Xiyi..."
He then realized that there was someone standing next to him. He was a little surprised to see me, then smiled slightly: "Cheng Qingtong? Why are you here?"
It was a rare occasion. It was the first time that he smiled at me so actively and called my name so gently.
"Don't get me wrong, I didn't deliberately follow you. I'm an employee of this bookstore and I work here part-time."
"oh."
A faint "Oh" had the same effect as the "You're welcome" he once said to me on the bus.
He was always so unapproachable.
I lowered my head. It was really difficult for me to face him at this time.
But I finally mustered up the courage and asked the question in my heart. Many years later, I will still be glad that I can meet him here at this time. No matter how painful it is, I have met him and I don’t regret it. Otherwise, I don’t know when I will have the courage to ask such a question, and I don’t know when I will shed a tear in front of him, and I don’t know that he will hesitate and be vulnerable.
"Why? Moses-why?"
He chuckled: "Why?"
Yes, of course he didn’t know why. To him, I was just a nobody. How could he know what I was thinking?
"Why did you give me hope? Why did you walk with me in the hospital? Why did you let me go to the literature club in the end? Why did you take me to your secret base? Why did you tell me the story of the girl you had a crush on? Do you know that all these things you did would only make me misunderstand you and make me think that you don't hate me, but actually like me a little bit!"
I spoke a long speech alone, shouting at the top of my lungs, while he held the book, pretending to be calm and not moving .
I even want to say, Mo Xiyi, are you a puppet? Why do you always remain motionless when everyone talks to you?
He closed the book, turned his head and looked at me, frowning, with worry between his brows: "Cheng Qingtong, don't be unreasonable, I'm here just to help Wenrou borrow a book, don't think too much..."
"Mo Xiyi, is your heart made of flesh? If you don't like me, why didn't you refuse when I helped you get water? Why did you accept when I helped you get food? Why did you let me help you borrow books from the library? Why did you allow me to clean your office? If you hate me in your heart, you don't have to agree to let me do these things, and I don't have to be like a fool and think that I can still win your love!"
This is another almost unbroken passage, and I have already recited this passage silently in my mind thousands of times.
"Cheng Qingtong, if any of my previous actions have caused you to misunderstand, then I apologize to you here. I'm sorry that I made you misunderstand. Now, I can't delay any longer. Wenrou... is still waiting for me." He said it lightly, as if he was saying "I'm going to eat" or "I'm tired", which are all light-hearted topics.
But every word and sentence seemed to be mocking me, and the name "Gentleness" was like a thorn in my heart, hurting me so much. Every pain was mocking my stupidity, just like mocking a clown.
"Heh... so much sincerity, so much dedication, so much risk-taking, and you're done with just an apology? Mo Xiyi, you're so cruel, you have guts, I, Cheng Qingtong, am ashamed of myself!"
I don't know when tears welled up in my eyes, and I wiped them away in just a second. The moment I looked up, I saw his eyes.
His bottomless eyes seemed to draw me into his pupils. At that moment, I felt that he had me in his heart, because I truly felt the pain in his eyes.
Maybe it's an illusion, or maybe not?
"If there's nothing else... I'll leave first. Wenrou is still waiting for me." His sudden cold voice pulled me out of the illusion I had just had.
I smiled coldly: "Okay, goodbye, Mo Xiyi."
Goodbye, never see you again.
If I can't see you, my heart won't move, and if my heart doesn't move, it won't hurt.
He still left his back to me, but this time I didn't watch him walk away. Sister Zhang came out from the inner room at this time. She didn't say anything, but just stood there looking at me. I looked up and saw the pain in her eyes.
She said, "Cry, Qingtong. Cry as loud as you want. No one here will laugh at you."
She pulled me into her arms with her thin arms, and I leaned on her shoulders and began to cry unrestrainedly.
Mo Xiyi, why didn’t you tell me earlier that you didn’t like me at all? That way, I wouldn’t have to shed so many innocent tears.
When I saw the word "gentle" on the phone screen again, I was stunned for a second, then quickly picked up the call.
"Hello, Wenrou." The tone was cold and indifferent, as if he was talking to a stranger.
"Hello, Cheng Qingtong."
I hate this sentence because she greeted me the same way last time.
"What's wrong? What do you want to talk to me about?"
"Qingtong, would it be convenient for you to come out and sit together?"
"convenient."
We met at a cafe near the school, and she was already there when I got there.
She still had bangs, but she seemed to have lost a lot of weight and didn't look like someone in love. Her cheeks were slightly sunken, making her eyes look bigger. She said, "Qingtong, you're here." Her voice was still as clear and crisp as a mountain stream, but with a softer touch.
Instead, I got straight to the point: "Wenrou, I have something to do this afternoon. If you have anything to say, please tell me quickly." I could even feel the impatience in my words.
"Qingtong, are you still angry about the last time I lied to you? I... really didn't mean it..." Her pitiful look really made it impossible for me to be ruthless to her, and I almost gave up at that moment.
"No, you're overthinking it. Even if it wasn't me who did it last time, you would have found someone else. Besides, you didn't lie to me."
"Qingtong, you know what? I really envy you."
I was stunned, then smiled bitterly. How could I not envy you too?
"Wenrou, you are kidding, what do I have to envy..."
"I envy your courage and your carefreeness. I envy that you can see Mo Xiyi all day long. I envy that you can live such a beautiful life forever..." The corners of her mouth rose slightly, like a girl longing for infinite beauty, looking at the world curiously.
It's just that sentence sounds strange: I envy you for being able to live such a beautiful life forever...
"Qingtong, do you know how it feels to be labeled with congenital heart disease by the doctor since birth? You can't run, you can't play like other children, you can't go to school normally, and you can't even drink too much coffee. And I have been living in fear like this all the time..."
I was stunned, and all the scenes came to a halt at this moment.
"No one wants to be friends with me, except Mo Xiyi. He is willing to accompany me when no one cares about me, and is willing to drive away all those who bully me. At that time, when no one understood what love was, I knew for sure that I would marry him in the future!" She kept smiling while speaking, and took a sip of coffee gently: "But Qingtong, the doctor said that I don't have much time...so I have to muster up the courage..."
I thought that she had deceived me, so I still had reason to hate her. At least, I was still the kind Cinderella.
And now that she has told me this fact, how can I still hate her? At this moment, I can only be the best supporting actress.
"Qingtong, actually Mo Xiyi doesn't really love me. I can feel that his care and love for me are always just like a brother, but I still can't bear to let go. I know I'm selfish, but I can't help it."
I finally understood that everyone has unspeakable pain. And Mo Xiyi chose to protect her.
Things always like to rush together.
I went to my mother's laundry in the evening. My mother was sorting customers' clothes. Suddenly, she fell down in front of me.
"Mom! Mom, what's wrong with you..."
I was panicked. After what happened last time, I was filled with fear and couldn't speak for a moment. I quickly called Aunt Li and rushed to the hospital with her help.
The doctor walked out of the ward with a calm expression, but with a hint of blame in his eyes: "The patient is fine, he just has a little high blood pressure, plus he was a little overworked, so he fainted."
I kept muttering to myself, "It's okay, it's okay." I felt relieved.
The doctor said: "You children don't know how to take care of your parents. You only care about yourselves all day long. Sigh..." He shook his head and walked away, saying from time to time: "Children nowadays only know how to use and wear famous brands. They are spoiled..."
When I heard this, my heart was shaken. Although I don’t wear or use branded clothes, I have never done anything for her.
I entered the ward and saw her lying peacefully on the bed, breathing evenly and sleeping deeply. It was obvious that she had not slept well for many nights. I didn't know when wrinkles appeared on her smooth face, and they were getting deeper and deeper. This was the cruel mark left by time on her face. And it seemed that I hadn't looked at her face so seriously for a long time...
I turned and left the ward and called Sister Zhang from the bookstore. She was the only person who lived a peaceful and tranquil life in this complicated world.
"Hey, Qingtong!"
"Sister Zhang...are you...busy?" Because I was doing very well in the bookstore and got along very well with her, and it was also the time for postgraduate entrance exams, so the bookstore should be quite busy, and it really wasn't a good idea for me to leave at this time.
"I'm not busy. Do you have time this afternoon? Come to the bookstore. Don't worry, I'm not asking you to work today. I made some delicious food today..."
"Sister Zhang!" I interrupted her before she finished speaking. "Sister Zhang, my mother is sick, and I may not be able to go to work in the bookstore for a while. I want to spend more time taking care of her and looking after the dry cleaning shop..."
After a long time.
"You want to quit?"
"Yes, Sister Zhang, I'm so sorry, I really have no other choice..."
"Okay! I got it. If you have time, come back later."
Sister Zhang’s words kept me warm for a long time.
After that, I basically spent all my spare time in the dry cleaning shop. I realized that it was such a tiring job to dry clean clothes for others.
I had been busy all day and just got home when my mother came out of the house, looking much more refreshed.
"Qingtong, I'm almost done. You should go to school tomorrow and don't run back and forth every now and then. You'll be tired if you run back and forth all day. I can take care of the dry cleaning shop."
I looked at her speechlessly and said, "Mom, why are you still thinking about going to the store when you are in this state? Don't worry about it. I say what I think, so don't interfere!"
She was frightened by my harsh expression. It seemed that I still had a little status at home. She had to compromise: "Okay, just one week. After a week, I will be well and you can go back to school obediently."
If I had not been in the store the whole time, I think I would never have seen this scene, and I would never have known that Mo Xiyi was not my enemy. For the first time, he stood on my side between others and me.
Whether it was out of humanitarianism or compassion, he finally made me feel a little bit of warmth.
I was sorting customers' orders in the store when I heard some noise outside the door. I stood up and looked towards the door.
I swear I will never forget Yi Dan’s face, which seemed to be smiling but not quite smiling, as he smiled at me almost ferociously.
He rushed into the dry cleaner's with a group of people.
"Cheng Qingtong, aren't you very arrogant? Aren't you very awesome? Why don't you show off anymore? Let's die together! Come on!" He approached me aggressively, and I retreated step by step. Although I didn't want to admit it, I was indeed shaking all over.
"Yidan, what are you doing? Are you still a man? Bringing a group of people to bully a girl?"
"Heh, Cheng Qingtong, isn't it a little late for you to say this now? When you brought a group of people to beat me up, why didn't you think about whether I would come to seek revenge on you one day!"
Others overturned the clothes hangers, knocked over many of the laundry's furnishings, and broke the glass on the door. At that moment, I really wanted to cut him into pieces, but I was powerless. He held my wrist tightly, it hurt so much that I almost cried, but he didn't say a word.
"Cheng Qingtong, you have a tough bone!"
A figure appeared at the door. I hoped it was a customer who saw the commotion and called the police.
"Let her go." A familiar voice came to my ears, serious and powerful, suppressing the fire in my heart.
Yi Dan looked suspicious and turned back in disbelief. The strength on his hands gradually loosened and he turned around to see him.
"Mo Xiyi? Why are you here?" His hand loosened completely.
"Yidan, I turned a blind eye to many things before, but now, don't you think you are going too far?"
It was him, Moshi. A scene I had never imagined appeared. He showed up when I was in trouble.
"Mo Xiyi, this matter has nothing to do with you, you'd better not get involved. Don't forget how she beat me last time!"
"Don't you know why she hit you?"
The words he said today were no longer simple "um", "oh" and "you're welcome". He walked up to me and protected me behind him. I smelled his pleasant scent and suddenly felt at ease, as if the whole world became safe when he appeared.
Yi Dan was angry but speechless. When those people saw that things had been smashed and people had been scared, and then they saw someone coming, they didn't want to get involved, so they turned around and left.
Yi Dan still refused to give up, but seeing that Mo Xiyi was so submissive to me, he decided to give up: "Cheng Qingtong, our business is not over yet, let's wait and see."
When he walked out of the door, I almost fell to the ground. The dry cleaning shop was a mess, and the source of livelihood for my mother and I was dependent on was smashed into its current state.
Perhaps things always like to rush together, at this time, Lin Xiaozhu pushed the door open and walked in. In fact, he had been standing at the door for a while, but he just didn't come in.
When Lin Xiaozhu saw that I was injured, he seemed a little anxious. He looked up and looked at me with a slightly frown. There was a rare seriousness in his eyes.
"Little pig, it doesn't hurt that much, not at all, really." I said that just to reassure Lin Xiaozhu. In fact, the wound was a big cut and it was burning with pain at the moment.
"Stop talking nonsense. I've been injured more times than you've eaten meals. How could I not know if it hurts?" His voice was irresistible and serious, but it made me feel extremely warm, even warmer than the sun in winter.
"I'll take you to the hospital to get bandaged. If it gets infected, it will be troublesome to recover. Let's go disinfect it now."
I frowned, very scared, afraid of being taken to the hospital. I hated the feeling of being in the hospital, and I hated the feeling of disinfectant rubbing on the wound even more. Although it was a cure, it was too painful. "I don't want to go. Is it okay not to go? I can just bandage it at home."
"no."
When I was almost immersed in this warmth, I suddenly heard Mo Xiyi's voice. He lowered his head silently, looking at the messy ground. He was very close to me, but after Lin Xiaozhu came in, he stood aside, as if he had no qualifications and reasons to stand beside me, as if he should naturally move aside.
Lin Xiaozhu didn't notice Mo Xiyi's expression at the time, but I saw it clearly.
His expression was: It turns out that I didn't need to show up, or maybe, I was just a superfluous person.
But, you know, Mo Xiyi, even if time could go back again, I still want to see you at that moment at all costs, to see the slightly lost expression on your face, to let you know what it feels like to be ignored, and how I have managed to survive so hard despite being repeatedly ignored.
You probably felt that your presence was being brushed aside too weakly, so you suddenly said, "Lin Xiaozhu, if you really like her, tell her. Don't wait until you miss her and regret it."
Lin Xiaozhu was stunned and asked in a hoarse voice: "What did you say?"
"If you wear a mask for too long, you won't be able to see anything, and others won't be able to see your true heart. Don't wait until you lose something to appreciate it..."
Mo Xi had a lonely expression on his face, but his tone was earnest. I felt inexplicably sad when I heard it. I wanted to ask him why he said that, but the words got stuck in my throat and I swallowed them back.
Lin Xiaozhu smiled bitterly, walked away from me, and came to Mo Xiyi. He looked at him, and their eyes were like swords pointing directly at each other's pupils. I stared at him for a long time, and my heart was filled with fear.
I had no way of knowing what was going on in their minds at that time, and all the voices came to an abrupt end when Lin Xiaozhu said, “You are the same too.”
No one spoke anymore, I even stopped breathing, the messy fragments lay quietly on the ground and in the corners, everything was still, as if the dust had settled.
But my heart was in turmoil.
Why did Lin Xiaozhu say "You are the same"?
Why did Mo Xi's face become anxious and lost after he finished speaking?
Why is my heart beating so fast?
So, does Lin Xiaozhu mean that Mo Xiyi also has me in his heart?
I still went to the hospital, but my main purpose was not to bandage my wounds, but to pick up Ye Bihan from the hospital. When I entered the ward, she had made up the bed and was tidying up her clothes. I walked in, and the sunlight through the window hit her face.
She still seemed to be the gentle and beautiful girl, but the smile on her face was gone. She had such a beautiful face, was so kind, and only cared about others, but she had to be teased by life.
Fortunately, God showed mercy and did not destroy the girl.
I hope that from now on, she can be safe, happy and healthy.
"Xiao Han, I have completed the discharge procedures. Let's go."
Ye Bihan: "Qingtong, thank you for being here. I can get through this only because you are with me."
"Don't think about it. It's not a big deal. You should be thankful that you recognized his true face so early. You must avoid him from now on."
"I thought he just liked me and didn't have any bad intentions, but who knew that human hearts are so unpredictable. I almost trusted him and regarded him as a trustworthy friend..."
She was still full of grievances, and I was also full of confusion, but I still didn't say a word about the dry cleaning shop being smashed or the injuries. I took her hand and said, "Xiao Han, I have booked a private room, let's go sing!"
She was listless, but I still dragged her over by force.
Ye Bihan, troubles will only disappear if you shout them out loud.
We sang together, I ordered "To Youth" and she ordered "Summer Blown by the Wind".
You see, we all miss that hot summer, the time when everything had not yet begun.
I miss the carefree past. At that time, she and I were still heartless. She was busy avoiding romantic interests every day, and I was always around Mo Xi.
No results, but very happy.
But now, it seems that many scenes have been settled, but they have become unhappy. Everything has become sad , mixed with an impenetrable fog, and all of us are shrouded in this fog, unable to see the past, let alone the future.
"Cheng Qingtong, what's wrong with your hand? Why is it injured?" Ye Bihan asked anxiously after discovering that I was injured.
I covered it up and answered casually, "The glass at the dry cleaner's was broken that day, and I got scratched accidentally..."
Now, I can't even be honest with her. Although it was a white lie, it was still very difficult for me to keep something from her, because I have never hidden anything from Xiaohan. No matter what the reason, I have never hidden anything from her.
But now, Ye Bihan, even we, can’t be honest about everything.
Later, I took her to our favorite barbecue restaurant, walked the familiar paths on campus again, searched for some scenes in my memory, and slowed down the pace of life.
But in the end, life still has to move forward and all stories still have to continue.