"You did really well in the exam this time. Your total score ranked second in the school and first in the class. That's amazing." The transcript for the third monthly exam was posted by the door of the classroom, and Sun Yu hooked his arm around my shoulder and said.
"fine."
I smiled and nodded, and suddenly I felt someone pushing me from behind. I turned around and saw Tang Yu coming in. She had a stern face and glanced at me coldly. She didn't say sorry, but just walked straight to her seat.
"Why is she still like this? It's been such a long time since the incident happened. I've already said that Lin Jiarui's breakup with her had nothing to do with you. Why is she still taking it out on you? It's all He Yiran's fault for being too talkative. They talked nonsense in front of her after just hearing half a sentence." Sun Yu looked at Tang Yu's back as he left, and spoke up for me indignantly.
"Forget it, let's not mention it anymore." I rubbed my back which was hurt by the collision and smiled bitterly.
Sun Yu didn't say anything, just rolled his eyes helplessly and followed me into the classroom.
I sat in my seat in a daze, my mind full of the cold look Tang Yu gave me. I felt depressed and couldn't help but sigh that life is so tiring.
That day, I didn't know what they said to Tang Yu when they returned, but Tang Yu was convinced that I intended to make Lin Jiarui break up with her.
I felt wronged when I thought about it. It was she who asked me about An Xiaoduo. She knew that Lin Jiarui liked An Xiaoduo but she still pursued him. I didn’t suggest the game of truth or dare. She chose the game herself. The content of the game was suggested by Sun Yu. She also picked the phone number herself...
The only thing I did wrong was that I couldn't bear to see her sad, so I impulsively smashed Lin Jiarui's phone and told them to break up.
Now that I think about it, why did I do this? It's none of my business in the first place, so why bother to cause myself so much trouble and make myself unpopular?
It's another long-awaited weekend, and I'm sitting on the bed packing my luggage.
After my foot injury healed, I moved back to my upper bunk. Everything felt the same, except that the novel on my bedside table was gone, because Sun Yu always tore off the paper on it to put the shells left after she ate some melon seeds.
"I don't care, you have to pick me up first. I have to change two buses to go home, it's so troublesome. Don't think I don't know that Ji Hang is also on holiday today, don't you just want to pick her up? Dad, I have to say one thing, if you don't come to pick me up today, I won't go home... Let me take a taxi? I ​​don't have money, you can do it yourself!"
When I packed my things and prepared to go downstairs with my schoolbag on my back, Sun Yu was still talking to her father on the phone. Her battle with Ji Hang for his father was going on in a lukewarm manner.
I patted Sun Yu on the shoulder and said, "I'm leaving first."
She nodded at me and continued her call.
He Yiran was still in the dormitory. I didn't say hello to her. Ever since that day when she and Wang Hong said something to Tang Yu, and Tang Yu got mad at me, Sun Yu got so angry that she scolded her and Wang Hong, and naturally they distanced themselves from us.
I don’t care. We weren’t close to begin with. Lin Jiarui and I have known each other for such a long time, but we still had arguments. We haven’t been in touch for a while. What about them?
Since I figured out the bus route, I haven't asked Xiao Jingjing to pick me up for a long time. I can go back by myself. Xiao Jingjing is also very busy. Even if I go back, I rarely see her, so I don't want to bother her all the time.
I walked alone to the bus stop near the school with my schoolbag, where I unexpectedly met Xu Yan, whom I hadn't seen for a long time.
Since I left his house last time, I have met him a few times at school, but we just greeted each other and didn't have any in-depth conversation.
There were just the right number of people at the bus stop, not too few that there were just the two of us, but not too many that we couldn't see each other.
A long time later, when I was reminiscing about the past, I kept thinking, it was always a long time before we met each other, how he had left such an indelible mark in my life.
Later I discovered that some people don’t have to be seen often, but every time they appear they can shock your heart, such as Xu Yan.
I stood a few meters away from him on purpose. After going through so many things, I didn't know how to view my relationship with Xu Yan. To call us strangers was not the right thing to do; to call us friends was not appropriate; to call us enemies was not the right thing to do, but my hatred for him was becoming increasingly unclear.
I can say without hesitation that Qi Xuan, who left me, was the person I once loved; Lin Jiarui, who broke up with me, was my former friend, and even if he ignores me now, I still naturally classify him as a friend; but the only person who is Xu Yan, I don’t know who he is to me?
"Going home?"
My deliberate distance did not affect his initiative. He came over and greeted me as if he had met an old friend.
As soon as he approached me, I subconsciously took a step back and replied calmly: "Yes, go home."
He suddenly smiled, with dimples of varying depths on his childish face: "That's on the way!"
I looked at him in surprise, with a bewildered expression, but Xu Yan explained to me: "I'll go to your house too."
After thinking for a moment, I understood what he meant. He was going back to see his biological mother.
After that, no one spoke. Everyone remained silent, waiting for the bus to arrive.
To get home from here, you need to change buses several times, and there are many routes. I don’t know which one Xu Yan chose. I only know that when the bus came, I got on and he followed me.
The school stop was not the starting station. When we got on the bus, there were already many people on the bus. At least a dozen students got on at this stop. My backpack was squeezed so hard that it was about to fall off. Suddenly, my hand tightened. Xu Yan grabbed me and pulled me in front of him. Because there were so many people and the space on the bus was too small, I was squeezed to stand against his chest. His chin was just against my head. I could hear his laughter and his playful voice in my ears.
He said, "Is it because the fabric of the clothes you are wearing is too slippery? How could the backpack be squeezed off so easily?"
I suddenly felt embarrassed. The fabric of the down jacket on my body was really slippery, a bit like the material of a raincoat, and a bit like leather. I only knew that the clothes would not get wet even if it rained. It was made by my cousin's down jacket factory and they gave me a wholesale price.
Is he making fun of the way I dress in a rustic way?
Alas, I sighed in my heart. This was not the first time he said that I dressed in a rustic way.
I pressed close to him, feeling very uncomfortable, my face started to feel hot, and my eyes unconsciously fell on his clothes.
He was dressed very elegantly, with a white and gray cashmere sweater covered by a black wool coat with a V-neck collar that was open, revealing skin that was a little red from the cold.
He doesn't seem to be afraid of the cold, wearing so little even in the middle of winter.
I remembered that time last year when he came to our school to cause trouble for Lin Jiarui, he was also wearing so little, and in the end he snatched my down jacket and threw his suit jacket to me.
When I thought about it, I realized that he had not returned the down jacket he had taken from me, and I had kept his suit jacket at the bottom of my bedroom closet, for fear that others would see it.
I felt that my movements against him were a little ambiguous, and I tried to break away, but someone behind me kept pushing me closer to him. I raised my head in embarrassment, and met his smiling eyes and the expression on his face that said "you took advantage of me".
I turned my head awkwardly and looked out the car window, and accidentally saw Sun Yu standing at the corner of the intersection, staring straight at me.
She should be waiting for her father there, right?
I pondered secretly, but always felt that Sun Yu's expression when looking at me was a little strange, but the distance was too far, and I couldn't tell what was strange about her.
From the bus to the subway, Xu Yan and I rode the same car all the way.
Since we were going to very close places, we got off at the same station.
After getting off the bus, Xu Yan did not let me leave, but asked me to take him to a nearby supermarket to buy things.
The less clear my hatred for him is, the less I want to have much contact with him. I don’t know why, but I’m afraid that I won’t hate him anymore.
I am afraid that because he helped me once, I will forget the harm he caused me; I am afraid that because I sympathize with his tragic life experience, I will forget to hate him.
He never felt that he owed me anything, never said sorry to me, and it seemed as if his hurt and help to me were all so natural.
What I hate most is his taking it for granted.
But I seem to be the kind of person who has forgotten the pain once the wound has healed. No, I seem to be the kind of person who has forgotten the pain even before the wound has healed.
After thinking about Tong Xingyu's last wish and the difficulties faced by Xu Yan's biological mother, I agreed to accompany Xu Yan to buy supplements for his mother.
He asked me what food would be good for his mother. I looked around the supermarket but had no idea what to buy.
Those supplements with high price tags actually have very low nutritional value. I think even if Xu Yan bought them for his mother, his mother probably wouldn't eat them. She might even wait until he leaves and then take them to the store to exchange for other things.
Because my mother was like this before, she would exchange most of the things people gave her for oil, salt, sauce and vinegar, and she would eat very little of it.
I didn't ask how Xu Yan's relationship with his mother was now. After all, when I first saw him at the vegetable market in the shantytown, it was obvious that his mother didn't like him coming to see her. I thought it was a private matter, and as an outsider, I had no right to ask about it. In the end, I just took Xu Yan out of the supermarket and went to the nearby vegetable market to buy a chicken and two pounds of ribs, cut a piece of pork belly, and bought five crucian carps, and asked Xu Yan to take them back to his mother to eat.
It is more cost-effective to buy these than to take those so-called "tonics", and his mother will not hide them because these things cannot be kept for long.
"Are you sure you want to buy these?" Xu Yan asked me uncertainly while holding these things.
I nodded solemnly and said, "It's definitely better than supplements."
The boy carried the things doubtfully and walked out of the vegetable market on the wet and dirty ground.
I followed him closely, looking at the boy in front of me who was carrying vegetables with stiff and clumsy movements, and the corners of my mouth curled up unconsciously.
In the evening, the red afterglow shone obliquely on him, with half of his body in the light and the other half in the shadow, just like the boy's personality, with a warm side and a cold side.
"Are you going home soon?" Xu Yan suddenly turned around and asked me.
I looked at him in astonishment, and my eyes suddenly fell on his neck. I hadn't noticed it before, so I didn't see that there were some red marks on his neck. Although the marks were faint, they were still visible because of his fair skin.
I suddenly remembered that when I was leaning against him on the bus, I saw the same red mark on the skin where his open V-neck was. At first I thought he had rubbed it accidentally, or that I had bumped into him and made it red, but now I think something is wrong.
I struggled internally for a while, but couldn't help asking, "Xu Yan, were you beaten?"
It is normal for a problem teenager like him to get into fights with others and get hurt, but why didn't I hear anyone talk about him getting beaten at school? All I heard was him provoking others.
"Yeah." Xu Yan, who understood what I was talking about instantly, responded dully. To my surprise, he did not even try to cover it up, and explained to me, "My mother beat me."
I looked at him in confusion, but the boy smiled and said, "She's not my biological mother, but my rich mother, my adoptive mother."
"Why did she hit you?" I knew I shouldn't ask these questions, but I just couldn't help it at this moment.
"She knew that I came here, so she got angry and beat me. This is not the first time. She likes to beat me every time she gets angry. She beats me with whatever she can get her hands on and never shows mercy. These were caused by the clothesline." Xu Yan looked at me with a smile and said to me lightly as he walked forward.
He was clearly smiling, but looking at the scars on his body and imagining the other injuries that were not exposed under his clothes, I couldn't help but feel a little distressed.
I don't know what happened. At this moment, I seemed to have forgotten the feeling of wanting him to die. I just felt that Xu Yan was very pitiful. I was also a child abandoned at birth . I knew the unspeakable sadness of being adopted since I was a child. But fortunately, compared to Xu Yan, I at least have a pair of parents who love me very much. Even though they are older than other people's parents, even though they don't have much culture and are full of worldly taste, their love for me is no less than any other pair of parents.
I, who looks rustic, should be happier than Xu Yan, who looks bright and beautiful, right?
"Why don't you hide? She shouldn't love you. If she did, why would she beat you like this?" I asked Xu Yan stupidly.
Xu Yan laughed helplessly: "Where can I hide? I only have that one home. I don't have any choice. As soon as I became sensible, I was destined to stay in that home. That home in the shantytown couldn't accommodate me, and that poor woman couldn't support me, so I had to stay there. Jian Lening, do you know? Why didn't my adoptive mother drive me away after she had her own child? It was because the child had a high fever and burned his brain when he was three years old, so they didn't drive me away. Sometimes God is kind to me. If my brother was a healthy child, I would have been driven out now, and I don't know where to go because I have no home."
"So you rented a house outside of school and lived alone? Because they didn't like you staying in that house?"
"No, I rent a house because there is no one at home. My parents took my brother to another city for medical treatment. Don't look at me with such pity. Actually, I'm not that miserable. At least I have a lot of pocket money, and my life is still quite comfortable." Xu Yan interrupted my guess, stretched out his hand and rubbed my hair and said.
This time, I didn't avoid him. I just looked at him puzzledly, wanting to see whether the smile on his face was real or fake.
Maybe it was because of our similar life experiences, or maybe I was bewitched by the ambiguous atmosphere at the moment, I actually patted my chest and smiled at Xu Yan and comforted him: "Xu Yan, you will be happy. God is fair and gives the same love to everyone. You got less love before, but you will get more in the future. Believe me, that's what I told myself."
Even I was surprised that I could smile at Xu Yan. I always thought that I couldn't smile at him.
But in the afterglow of the setting sun, I actually smiled brightly at the boy named Xu Yan.
I always remember that he asked me helplessly: "Jian Lening, are you happy?"
"Happy." Because I have parents, relatives, and friends who love me.
Before, after being hurt by Qixuan and An Xiaoduo, and after being abandoned by Lin Jiarui again and again, I felt so sad that I just wanted to cry, but now when I see Xu Yan who is lacking love, I feel that I am happy.
I just kept forcing the love that didn't belong to me, so I felt sad when I didn't get it. But looking back, I found that the love that originally belonged to me has never disappeared.
This love comes from my parents, my relatives, and my friend Xiao Jingjing...
Xu Yan’s biological mother lived in a small, shabby house at the end of the alley in our shantytown . It couldn’t even be called a house, it was just a place made of plastic boards to shelter from the wind and rain.
Xu Yan stood at the door and knocked, but she didn't open it. She just shouted from inside, asking Xu Yan to go back, saying that she didn't want to see him.
She said, I don’t want you anymore, why did you come back?
She said, "Why can't you understand what I'm saying? Why do you have to live a poor life with me when you want a good life?"
She said, I can't afford to support you , you'd better leave!
At the end of her speech, she couldn't help crying.
Xu Yan said, I don’t need you to support me.
Even I could tell that the woman in the shabby house was tough on the outside but soft on the inside. She was actually doing it for Xu Yan's own good, not wanting him to be dragged down by her, a terrible mother, and hoping that he could go back to live his good life as the son of a wealthy family.
I think Xu Yan should also know what she was thinking, so he was stubborn and didn't want to leave.
It was getting late, and if I didn’t go home, my parents would definitely be worried, so I said goodbye to Xu Yan and left.
When I left, Xu Yan was still locked outside by his mother, but I believed that the woman would eventually open the door, because no matter how cold the iron door is, it cannot defeat the warmth of family love.
When I got home, my parents were waiting anxiously.
As soon as I walked in, I saw my father pushing a cart out the door and planning to come find me along the way. Seeing that I was late, my father immediately scolded me: "Why are you back now?"
His angry expression makes me feel happy, because they care about me and are worried about me, so they get angry.
I couldn't help but put my arms around my dad's waist. He was very thin, and there wasn't much flesh on him when I hugged him, but he was very warm. I pressed my body against his thick chest and said softly, "Dad, I miss you guys so much."
"Why didn't you come back earlier?" I heard my mother's complaints in my ears.
I smiled and said, "There's a traffic jam on the road."
They couldn't feel my emotions at the moment. Xu Yan's cold home made me feel even more how warm my home is and how lovely my parents are.
How can I love them? Maybe no matter how I love them, it's not enough.
How can I express love so that it will be unforgettable? Maybe love does not need to be expressed, because it has already shaken my heart.
I forgot to loosen my arms around my father. My old Jane blushed and shamelessly joked to my mother: "Old woman, your daughter treats me much better than you do. You haven't hugged me for decades."
"What nonsense are you talking about? You are old and you have no shame. Everyone is back, come in and have dinner!"
My mother is an introverted woman with feudal ideas deeply rooted in her mind. Naturally, she would scold my father for his teasing. But even though she scolded him, her face still turned red when she turned her back.
I feel that I cannot describe my love for my parents in words, nor can I describe the love they have poured into me in words. I only know that in this world, I can live without the love of anyone, but I cannot lose them. With them, my life is complete and I will be happy.
Happiness is actually that simple. Don’t force love that doesn’t belong to you, and don’t let down the love that already exists.