I heard recently that people from the Education Bureau were coming to the school for inspection, so the school was holding a stress relief activity for the students. Since evening self-study does not fall within the scope of teaching stipulated by the Education Bureau at this stage, the school has temporarily suspended evening self-study.
"Dear friends, today is my son Lin Jiarui's birthday. We have booked a private room at the 'Xiangjing Fishpond' outside the school gate. Let's go and have dinner together. It will be more lively when there are more people!"
On the way to the cafeteria, we met Tang Yu. She seemed to have come to pursue me and Sun Yu on purpose. She patted our shoulders and invited us enthusiastically.
Next to her were two other roommates who she had already contacted, the study committee member who she got along well with, and two girls from other classes who I didn't know but looked vaguely familiar to her.
I know that today is Lin Jiarui's birthday, but I think that we have known each other for so many years, and he has never asked me to celebrate his birthday. I rarely celebrate my birthday, so naturally, I don't pay much attention to Lin Jiarui's birthday or my own. But since I met him and knew his birthday, I can't help but say "Happy Birthday" every year, except for the year when he just entered junior high school. He went to the city's key junior high school for the first semester, and I was not in the same school, so he missed it.
Lin Jiarui's birthday is in early winter, November 10th, and he celebrates his birthday according to the Gregorian calendar.
When I counted the days, I realized that time flies so fast. Half a semester has passed. During this period, I have experienced two major exams, one monthly exam, and one midterm exam. These are the relatively memorable things that have happened to me in this half semester.
"Okay! Anyway, there's nothing to do, so why not go? Tang Yu, your Lin Jiarui is quite generous. The private room at 'Xiang Jing Fishpond' is not ordinary. A table must cost more than a thousand, right?"
Sun Yu was a worldly-wise man, and had naturally been to many high-end places. He immediately teased Tang Yu with a smile.
I 've never been to that kind of place, so I have no idea what "Jingxiang Fish Pond" means, let alone what the prices there are.
Tang Yu just smiled and didn't answer. He looked at me with sparkling eyes and said happily: "Jian Lening, you have to go. You are the only friend of Lin Jiarui. If you don't go, you are not giving him face."
I smiled faintly, nodded and said, "Okay."
A group of people walked out of the school gate in a mighty manner. No matter whether they were students who came in after eating outside the school gate or students who were leaving the school gate, there were always people casting strange looks at our group.
Tang Yu said that our group was a team of handsome guys and beautiful girls, and everyone laughed, knowing that she was joking.
After entering the "Scenic Fish Pond", I realized that this is a seafood restaurant, and of course the main dish is fish.
The box was elegantly decorated and everyone was seated, but Lin Jiarui still hadn't arrived. Later, I learned from the study committee member Liu Hanyu that Tang Yu had booked this box to give Lin Jiarui a surprise.
Lin Jiarui had no plans to celebrate his birthday, and Tang Yu only secretly wrote down his birthday after accidentally seeing his ID card.
Come to think of it, I have known Lin Jiarui for so many years, but I have only seen him worry about An Xiaoduo's birthday every year, racking his brains to think of what gift to give her, but he has never thought about what gift he wants for his own birthday.
I think, no matter what it is, as long as it is given by An Xiaoduo, Lin Jiarui will cherish it very much.
It’s a pity that An Xiaoduo never seemed to give him a birthday present.
When Lin Jiarui came in, he was dusty and holding a cell phone in his hand.
The moment he opened the door and saw us, his expression froze for a moment. Then, like a frightened child, he blushed, smiled extremely shyly and incredulously, and sat down shyly.
Lin Jiarui was sitting between Tang Yu and me. When I saw him sit down, he shyly poked Tang Yu with his hand, with a bright light flashing in his eyes.
I think Lin Jiarui was really moved, so one day in the future, he cried and said to me: "Jian Lening, why don't I like Tang Yu? Her whole heart is on me, why don't I like her? I would have been a very happy person if I had liked her. She would have been a very happy person if she hadn't liked me."
After the birthday person comes, they start placing the cake, lighting the candles, blowing out the candles, making a wish, and then cutting the cake.
I secretly handed the gifts that my roommates and I had prepared to Lin Jiarui from under the table.
Lin Jiarui smiled elegantly, came towards me, and whispered in my ear: "We have known each other for such a long time, and you are still so polite. This is the first time you give me a birthday present, what is it?"
"Your favorite car model." I answered truthfully.
Lin Jiarui looked at me in surprise and asked, "Is it the Lamborghini one?"
I took a sip of orange juice, nodded, and said, "I think so."
I have never had any brand awareness, and I am even less clear about car brands, but I think I did not buy the wrong one. When Lin Jiarui was chasing this model, he would hold a magazine in front of me every day. I can't help but remember it.
I suddenly remembered something and added to Lin Jiarui: "I bought a pirated copy. I can't afford to give away the genuine one."
Lin Jiarui's face instantly darkened, he looked at me with contempt, and said through his teeth: "Little eyes, you are so stingy!"
"It's good enough to get something." I glared at Lin Jiarui and said, I couldn't help complaining in my heart that he seemed to have never given me a gift.
After delivering the food, everyone started to eat, during which Tang Yu suggested singing a birthday song for Lin Jiarui.
I remembered the time when I was in junior high school and Lin Jiarui, who sat behind me, always made strange noises in music class, causing the teacher's chalk to hit me by mistake. I suddenly sang weakly, with just my mouth moving but no sound coming out.
Tang Yu's friends are very good at creating an atmosphere, and Lin Jiarui himself is a very easy-to-get-along person, so our box has always been very lively.
Sun Yu said he wanted to play "Truth or Dare", and everyone agreed.
I ate my food alone and watched them play.
The big turntable on the table spun again and again, and under everyone's gaze, it slowly stopped, and the drink bottles on it were aimed at one person after another.
"Will you choose Truth or Dare?" Suddenly, a drink bottle was pointed at me and several people shouted loudly in my ear.
Thinking about the plight of those who chose to take risks in the previous rounds, I smiled and said, "Truth be told."
Who will investigate whether what I said is true or not?
"Jian Lening, is there a boy you like?" Sun Yu asked me.
I thought about it, shook my head, and said, "No."
"Who would believe this? Which girl hasn't liked one or two people when she was young? Tell me, who was that person?" Everyone was unwilling to let me go and kept asking.
I kept smiling, but Lin Jiarui next to me looked at me a little worriedly.
I thought about Qixuan, the boy I once liked in my youth, and what he was doing now, whether he was dating An Xiaoduo, watching TV, or had fallen asleep...
Thinking about how there is no trace of my existence in his world now, I also feel that my heart no longer has the same throbbing as before. Maybe I really don’t like that person anymore. Since I don’t like him anymore, I should not have any feelings when talking about him.
"I liked a boy before, but he's with another girl. Now they're in the United States, and they should be very happy."
I was planning to answer like this without hiding anything, but before I could open my mouth, Lin Jiarui came to my rescue: "If she doesn't even like me, who else can she like? When I was in school, I was the most handsome and charming in her class, but Jian Lening didn't even look at me. What she likes most is books."
Lin Jiarui's joking words drew everyone's attention away from me. Someone chased him and asked, "Lin Jiarui, you're not bragging, are you? Are you really the most handsome in your class?"
"Not only in our class, I am the most handsome in our school."
" Come on , just blow it."
"If you don't believe me, go ask Jian Lening!"
Then someone really asked me, "Jian Lening, was Lin Jiarui really the most handsome boy in your school?"
Lin Jiarui boasted so much, and today was his birthday, so I was too embarrassed to expose him, so I nodded seriously and said, "Yes."
At that time, Lin Jiarui was indeed very handsome, and girls often talked about him. Most of them envied him, but their envy was mixed with regret. What was regrettable was, why did such a handsome guy have such a stubborn mind and only have An Xiaoduo in his eyes?
"Let's eat! The food is getting cold."
Seeing that everyone kept asking about my past with Lin Jiarui, Tang Yu, who was left out, suddenly spoke in a deep voice, not hiding her unhappiness at all.
Everyone ate their meal politely and no one said a word. The atmosphere suddenly became awkward.
I understand Tang Yu's feelings very well. When it comes to love, every girl will become a little stingy.
But she was really worrying too much. I had no intention of interfering in their love.
"Ah! This time it's Tang Yu. Is it truth or dare?"
"Big adventure." Tang Yu answered readily. Because it was a little hot in the box, her face was flushed.
Sun Yu said, "It's a big dare, right? Come on, take Lin Jiarui's phone, find a random number and call them, and say 'I love you'."
Tang Yu knew that none of Sun Yu's ideas were good, so he said helplessly, "Sun Yu, you are so mean."
Sun Yu laughed and said, "How can I mess with you if I'm not bad?"
When Sun Yu made this joke, he never expected that Tang Yu would actually be tricked by him, and in a very bad way.
Tang Yu snatched the phone that Lin Jiarui had placed on the table with a smile, dialed the number with a smile, but ran out crying.
Because she made a mistake, she thought she would be the only one in Lin Jiarui's heart.
Many people are in the habit of replacing the names of important people in their mobile phone address books with special nicknames. Lin Jiarui happens to be one of these people, but he has not changed the names in his address book for a long time.
So, Tang Yu was hit hard at that time. When she pressed the name "My Dear", she lost.
Tang Yu put Lin Jiarui's phone to his ear, glanced at everyone proudly, and finally his eyes fell on his own phone.
The quick-witted Sun Yu was the first to notice and shouted, "Tang Yu, you are so treacherous. You actually called your own phone."
However, as soon as he finished speaking, before everyone had time to make a noise, Tang Yu's face fell, and he looked at Lin Jiarui beside him with an unpleasant expression.
Her cell phone didn't ring. She knew she would get hurt if she continued to call, but she still stubbornly held on and asked in a hoarse voice, "Who are you?"
Tears began to flash in Tang Yu's beautiful big eyes. After sensing that something was wrong with her, everyone immediately fell silent and stared at her in a daze.
"Who did you call?" Lin Jiarui asked in surprise. He reached out to take back his phone, but Tang Yu dodged him.
Tang Yu took a few steps back, holding the phone tightly, and continued to say, "So you are An Xiaoduo. I am Lin Jiarui's girlfriend. My name is Tang Yu."
The name "An Xiaoduo" exploded in the ears of Lin Jiarui and me like a bomb. Others didn't know who An Xiaoduo was, but for the two of us, no one could forget An Xiaoduo, no matter whether they hated her or loved her.
"Tang Yu, give me your phone!" He almost shouted.
Lin Jiarui excitedly reached out to grab the phone in Tang Yu's hand. His overly nervous expression deeply hurt Tang Yu.
Tang Yu is proud, always has been.
She also yelled, "Why are you so anxious? She's in the United States. Can a few words from me hurt her? Do you need to be so nervous?"
"How do you know she is in the United States? Tang Yu, give it to me." Lin Jiarui frowned and asked again.
"Shouldn't I know where your beloved is? Lin Jiarui, if you still like her, why are you still dating me? Do you think I, Tang Yu, am the kind of ?"
Tang Yu finally burst into tears, and while crying, she was still holding Lin Jiarui's cell phone in her hand.
There seemed to be someone saying something on the other end of the phone, maybe an explanation or something, we couldn't hear it clearly, we could only hear Lin Jiarui's roar and Tang Yu's crying.
Lin Jiarui said: "Are you going to give it to me or not?"
Tang Yu cried and said, "No."
I am not Lin Jiarui. I don’t understand why he didn’t comfort Tang Yu at this moment, but instead forced her to get her phone back.
What was he afraid of? Was he afraid that An Xiaoduo would misunderstand him? Was he afraid that An Xiaoduo would find out that he was dating another girl? Was he afraid that An Xiaoduo would never come back to him?
But what is he afraid of?
When did An Xiaoduo care about him dating other girls? When did she stay by his side?
Why did he do this, deceiving himself and hurting Tang Yu at the same time?
He didn't like Tang Yu and shouldn't have been with her in the first place. Now that they were together and they got along well, why couldn't they like each other?
Seeing Tang Yu crying, I felt very sad. I felt sad for her, and even more sad for Lin Jiarui, because he actually hurt someone who liked him for someone who didn't like him .
Tang Yu squatted on the ground and cried. Some of the others watched quietly, while others went up to comfort her.
Lin Jiarui pressed on, insisting on getting his phone back, but Tang Yu held his hand tightly, refusing to give it to him no matter how hard he tried.
I just couldn't bear to watch it anymore. What was wrong with these two people? Why were they so stupid?
Is An Xiaoduo, who I can't even see, really that powerful? So powerful that she can ruin the entire birthday party and make a good couple end up like this?
I walked towards Tang Yu, and snatched the phone from her hand at the same time Lin Jiarui grabbed it. Under Lin Jiarui's stunned gaze, and with Tang Yu crying, I threw the phone hard to the ground, watching it break into many pieces.
"Lin Jiarui, you should continue to like An Xiaoduo! Since you can't like Tang Yu, you should continue to like An Xiaoduo! This way, at least you will be the only one who is sad, and Tang Yu won't be involved. And Tang Yu, don't like Lin Jiarui anymore. There are too many people in this world who are better than Lin Jiarui. Why bother letting others trample on your sincerity?"
I looked at the two people expressionlessly. No one expected that I would suggest that they break up on such a festive day.
I have experienced the feeling of loss that cannot be forced, the pain of being unappreciated when you are sincere and open-hearted. I have seen Lin Jiarui cry because of An Xiaoduo, and I have also seen Tang Yu feel uneasy because of Lin Jiarui. I also played the silly clown for Qixuan all day long.
But what happens in the end? What we want does not belong to us in the end.
Isn’t there a line in the lyrics that goes like this?
"Those who cannot obtain what they want are always in turmoil, while those who are pampered are fearless."
Why should we do this? We are still so young, but we have invested our whole life in a love affair. To put it bluntly, we are only 17 or 18 years old. What do we know about love?
what is love?
I have seen people born in the fifties and sixties, such as my adoptive parents, who got together without love, and aren’t they very loving now?
I have seen six young couples who got married at the same time as my eldest cousin. Every couple was very loving at first, but three of them ended up in divorce.
Do you think that if you love someone, you can walk hand in hand for the rest of your life? Do you think that if you love someone, the person who will take you to get a marriage certificate will definitely be the one holding your hand? Do you think that if you love someone, you can only love him in this life, and you can't live without him?
Why take love too seriously, it's just love.
For us, love is just an ignorant and immature feeling. Who really understands it?
I don't know how long the silence lasted, Tang Yu suddenly ran out crying, and two girls from other classes and our study committee member chased after him worriedly. Only a few people in our dormitory were left standing there awkwardly, and I was confronting Lin Jiarui.
Lin Jiarui asked me indifferently, "Jian Lening, why did you tell Tang Yu about Xiao Duo? Don't tell me you didn't tell me. If you didn't tell me, how would Tang Yu know that Xiao Duo was in the United States? How would he see the unchanged nickname in my phone?"
"I said it, but does it matter? Are you going to hide the fact that you have liked An Xiaoduo for so many years from everyone you are in a relationship with? Can you hide it?" I admitted it generously, staring at Lin Jiarui's eyes, which were clear in black and white but also filled with a little indifference, and asked back.
Lin Jiarui said, "You told her about Xiao Duo because you didn't want to see me and Tang Yu together? And you wanted us to break up? Because I was with Tang Yu, I ignored you during this period of time, and you felt left out, so you wanted to break us up."
After listening to Lin Jiarui's words, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Who did he think I was? Without Lin Jiarui's care, would I be unable to live?
In the past, he was obsessed with pursuing An Xiaoduo and never cared about me. Didn't I live a good life? Did I try my best to break up him and An Xiaoduo? What good would it do me to deliberately let him break up with Tang Yu? When Qixuan and An Xiaoduo got together, I never thought of separating them. What does it have to do with me who Lin Jiarui is with?
I wish he and Tang Yu were in love, so that there wouldn't be a fool named Lin Jiarui whose heart would only beat for An Xiaoduo. He thought I wanted to tell others about An Xiaoduo. God knows how much I hate everything about this name.
If Tang Yu hadn't kept asking me, if I hadn't wanted to see Tang Yu get hurt, I wouldn't have wanted to mention An Xiaoduo at all.
"Jian Lening, how did you become like this? You were not like this before." Lin Jiarui questioned me painfully.
I couldn't help laughing and said, "What on earth have I become? Just because I talked to Tang Yu about An Xiaoduo, do you have to put the blame on me for hurting Tang Yu? Lin Jiarui, please, I'm not so pitiful that I have to use tricks to get your attention."
"Although I have always hoped that you and someone would pay attention to me occasionally since I was a child, but when have you ever seen me crying and begging for you to care about me when I was ignored by you? Every time I was ignored by you, I was indeed very sad, but I no longer expected you to take me to heart. I have changed. I just have more self-esteem than before. In fact, I don't need to say so much to you. If you really understand me, you would never say what you just said. In the final analysis, you, Lin Jiarui, have never really understood me, Jian Lening from beginning to end."
At the end of my speech, I felt a pang of pain in my heart, but I forced myself to suppress it.
I will never cry in front of Lin Jiarui again. Crying will only make him feel that he can't live without them.
But in fact, I never needed them, because their hearts never stayed on me.
I don't know when Sun Yu and the others left the box, and Lin Jiarui and I were the only ones left here, so I said so much without any scruples.
When I left, Lin Jiarui turned his back to me and apologized to me in a hoarse voice. He said, "I'm sorry, I was just too excited. I didn't stop believing you."
I smiled and said, "It's okay, I'll go find Tang Yu and the others."
It doesn’t matter whether he believes it or not. What matters is that I no longer care about his opinion.