Dou Xun couldn't believe it: "What did you say?"

Xu Xilin let go of his hand and sat up straighter: "I say let's forget it, Dou Xun, I can't hold on any longer."

Dou Xun seemed to be stunned, standing there blankly, his reflexes seemed to have a problem for a moment, he understood every word, but didn't understand what they meant when put together. Xu Xilin glanced at him and stood up to go downstairs. Dou Xun grabbed his elbow as if waking up from a dream, and in a hurry, he actually blurted out, "I'm sorry."

Xu Xilin was stunned, because he had never heard it before, but he actually detected a sour and fresh taste in it.

Dou Xun was like those idiot knights in the stories, who could not learn any kung fu in his entire life, but when he was on the verge of life and death, he suddenly had a flash of inspiration and opened up his Ren and Du meridians.

He learned without any instruction to break the tightly locked gate on his tongue, and said "I'm sorry", and the rest of the words suddenly came out much more smoothly.

"Can I apologize? I was wrong, I..." Dou Xun pursed his lips nervously, "I have a bad temper and said something I didn't think should be said. Please forgive me this time, but there won't be a next time."

For a moment, Xu Xilin felt that this was not something Dou Xun would say.

But then I changed my mind and thought this idea was a little ridiculous - who can't speak Chinese? Children of a few years old can use 3,000 daily expressions fluently. How to express love and apologize? Even if no one teaches them, haven't they watched TV? Haven't they read books? Haven't kindergarten and elementary school teachers taught them?

At worst, haven’t you heard others say it?

Is there anything wrong with this? It's just a matter of whether you are willing to say it or not.

Dou Xun didn't hear his answer for a long time, so he held Xu Xilin's hand tighter, rubbed Xu Xilin's sleeves into a handful of pickled vegetables, and added smartly: "If you do it again, you will let me die."

...This sentence is very much in Brother Dou’s style.

Xu Xilin curled the corners of his mouth and raised his hand to touch Dou Xun's head.

Dou Xun dared not move, holding his breath and looking at him, then Xu Xilin pulled his arm away without explanation: "I should say sorry."

Dou Xun felt as if someone stepped on his face, but he was still struggling and resisting: "I'm sorry, I..."

As soon as Xu Xilin raised his hand, Dou Xun shut up as if he was well-trained.

"It's my fault." Xu Xilin said to him, not mentioning what happened the night before. His eyes swept around Dou Xun's clean and tidy room and finally fell on the corner of the table - there was an empty chocolate box. The chocolates inside had been eaten long ago, leaving only a dozen pieces of gold foil that were pressed flat, and an ugly peach heart was pasted on the plastic box.

"I may not be able to continue with you... I can't love you anymore." Xu Xilin said gently, "It's different from what I said before. Um... I'm a traitor and a worthless person."

Xu Xilin had a feeling that it was totally unreasonable. He didn't know why, but he felt that if all the blame was put on himself without any distinction, he would feel much better. As he spoke, he seemed to have fallen into some kind of self-hypnosis, and he began to firmly believe that it was entirely his fault that the two of them had come to this point, and that he was sorry for Dou Xun.

He hadn't had time to think of the charges that were against him, and he couldn't explain them clearly - but there was no need to explain them clearly, as long as he was convinced of them.

Perhaps it would be more satisfying and easier to deny himself than to deny this relationship. He chose the lesser of two evils.

Dou Xun's face turned pale and almost transparent, and he shook his head instinctively. He shook his head no matter what Xu Xilin said, and didn't hear anything.

Xu Xilin's tone was no different from when he usually joked with Dou Xun, it was calm and slow, and each word sounded real and reasonable. However, Dou Xun seemed hollowed out, as if all his body temperature had leaked out of his heart, leaving him emaciated and penniless.

Xu Xilin turned his eyes away from him. His ears began to ring again. He didn't know if it was because of the slap from Song Lianyuan. It seemed to be more serious than when he woke up in the morning. He pulled Dou Xun's hand and said, "Don't be like this, Dou Xian'er. I really can't get over it. Can I beat you up to vent my anger?"

Dou Xun subconsciously curled his fingers and pulled them back. He had an accurate intuition that if the two of them had a quarrel with each other, even if the roof was blown off, there would still be room for recovery in the future. But the moment Xu Xilin said it was "his fault", Dou Xun knew that there was no hope for him.

His lonely and angry youth was gradually colored by Xu Xilin, who thought it would have a colorful ending, but he broke the palette halfway through the painting and had to give up. Dou Xun was also like a painting that died halfway through, with half of his face painted in bloom, and the other half barren, making him look even more hateful.

The passing of time, the lost life, the broken mirror, the dying love...all are irreversible. Apologies won't work, and crying won't help.

Xu Xilin: "In the future... do something you like, don't force yourself, ok? If you need anything, feel free to come to me, I'll do my best, okay?"

Dou Xun was engulfed by the overwhelming panic. He cried out in his heart: "Don't you want me anymore?"

But he had already automatically turned his panic into anger: "What right do you have to decide for me?"

Xu Xilin stood two steps away from him, his face tired and quiet, and he used his "I'm sorry" method. No matter what Dou Xun said, he accepted it submissively but did not waver.

Dou Xun grabbed him by the collar: "I didn't say we wanted to separate!"

Xu Xilin had no intention of resisting. He was dragged by him and staggered a few steps, bumping into the desk next to him. He subconsciously reached out and supported the chocolate box on the corner of the table.

Xu Xilin closed his eyes.

Dou Xun suddenly collapsed: "From now on, I will do whatever you ask me to do, okay? Can we not separate?"

"I want you to continue reading and do what you should do," Xu Xilin said quietly, "When you occasionally think of me in the future, you can come back to see me. I will treat you to beef jerky. If you are wronged somewhere else, you can come back to stay occasionally. I will keep the house for you..."

Dou Xun's roar interrupted him: "Then we have nothing to do with each other, right?"

Xu Xilin was silent for a while: "We are friends who grew up together. In the future, if you say a word, I will step on the mountain of swords and the pot of oil to save you."

"If you don't want me, why are you still trying to cover up the truth?" Dou Xun's voice suddenly became louder. "I'll tell you again, I'm not your friend! Not your brother! If you want to break up - OK, from now on, we'll be done with each other, and we won't have any relationship anymore. I don't want to see you again in my life!

With no other options left, he threw out a bunch of threats that looked strong but were actually weak, hoping that Xu Xilin would back down.

But Xu Xilin did not back down, he just kept his mouth shut as a sign of acquiescence.

Dou Xun looked at him deeply, and his shaky heart finally broke open, and his strong emotions were exposed, which soon turned into an even stronger poison. Dou Xun's heart was filled with love and hate, and he wanted to strangle Xu Xilin to death, but at the same time, he was panicking and searching for a thousand ways to repair his feelings.

Just then, the doorbell downstairs rang, followed by the alarm-like scream of a gray parrot.

Xu Xilin glanced at Dou Xun, went downstairs and opened the door, his sleeves swept across the messy table, and the chocolate box that had just been used to cushion his hand fell to the ground with a crisp sound. Dou Xun, startled, inadvertently glanced out the window and saw Dou Junliang's car parked downstairs.

Then hatred spread like wildfire, emotions were surrounded by enemies, and there was nowhere to retreat, and finally, he was swallowed up in one gulp.

One hundred and eight thousand roads were reduced to ashes.

Dou Xun seemed to be strangled by the throat, and his breathing paused for a moment. Then he kicked the door open with a look of rage and ran downstairs, his voice cracking as he roared, "Xu Xilin!"

The grey parrot puffed up its feathers in front of the stranger.

Xu Xilin was so ruthless, as if he had anticipated his entanglement and was unwilling to hold on for even a second. Dou Xun had never hated someone so much in his life. The deeper his love was, the deeper his hatred was. He devoured Xu Xilin alive and could not resolve the hatred. All the harsh words that he had said in the past disappeared completely. His rationality was burned to the extreme and he could not utter a word.

Xu Xilin didn't look at him and nodded to Dou Junliang curtly. He turned around and walked away without saying a word, as if he had handed over goods to a courier company. Dou Xun grabbed his wrist.

Dou Junliang had not expressed anything since he had met Xu Xilin once. He had already put pressure on them. Pushing them too hard would only backfire. It was better to be patient and wait. Sooner or later, they would break up. If it was so easy to go against the crowd, why would there be so many stories of rebellious elopement that people talked about so much?

I work from nine to five every day, and I love to watch others’ life and death adventures. I live an ordinary and silent life every day, and I love to watch others shine. I live a well-behaved life every day, and I love to watch others go against the norm.

At this moment, Dou Junliang was waiting at the entrance without entering the house. He just glanced at his upset son, frowned and said, "Dou Xun, don't let people look down on you."

Dou Xun's hand loosened suddenly as if it was burned. But Xu Xilin did not leave, as if he was waiting for him to scold him.

After waiting for a long time, Dou Xun finally said a complete sentence: "You are cruel."

Xu Xilin didn't know what to say. At this point, it seemed like he shouldn't say anything.

Dou Xun's eyes were red, but without tears, as if they were filled with blood. He looked back at Xu Xilin with a sharp look in his eyes, as if he wanted to peel off his flesh and carve two scratches on his bones.

"It's okay now, right?" Dou Xun nodded, "Okay."

A few years ago, he said "I don't like it now, get out", and a few years later, he said "OK".

There is no word "break up" in his dictionary, only "break up".

Dou Xun left that day without even changing his shoes and without looking back once. He was like a homeless man who left in anger and exiled himself. The compromise and concession he could not learn were like the armor he carried on his back, protecting him and imprisoning him.

Maybe one day, he will be shattered inside, but still cold and hard outside.

Rather Stick to your guns.

Xu Xilin sat in the huge house for a long time. When the nurse came back with his grandmother, he remembered that he had not cooked yet. He hurriedly went to the kitchen to cook a few dishes, but he forgot to put salt in one dish and accidentally overcooked another. After waiting for a long time for the dishes to be served, there was no movement in the rice cooker. Xu Xilin walked over in a daze and opened it. He saw that the rice and water were clearly separated. Then he remembered that he forgot to press the cook switch.

By the time the rice was served, the dishes were almost cold. Xu Xilin picked up his chopsticks and realized that the two dishes were not for human consumption at all. Seeing his grandmother's expressionless face, he sighed, poured out the food, and ordered takeout from a nearby hotel. He ate a few bites of the food without enjoying it. Xu Xilin developed a fever that night.

Xu Xilin was not in good health when he was a child. Many boys are prone to illness and difficult to raise when they are young. He was a little more difficult to raise than ordinary little boys and was a frequent visitor to the Children's Hospital. Even until he entered middle school, he would catch a cold and have a fever every year in late summer and early autumn due to the air conditioning, and he could not play ball or exercise.

Somehow in recent years, he seemed to have finally acquired the physique of an adult. Starting from his third year of high school, he suddenly became strong. He was fine eating raw or cold food, staying up late or overworking. He still turned on the air conditioner and kept the quilt rolled up, but he never caught a cold again.

The "health" he had accumulated over the years had paid off, and it all came back upon him with a fierce force. Xu Xilin was so dizzy that he couldn't lie down, and he got up in the middle of the night to vomit. He felt like it took him half his lifetime to find the home medicine box. His hands were shaking so much that he couldn't understand the reading on the thermometer for a long time, so he found a fever-reducing pill that he didn't know whether it was expired or not and took it.

The next day, there was still no sign of improvement and Xu Xilin didn't say anything to anyone. He didn't have the energy to go out to buy breakfast, so he called his part-time worker and took a taxi to the hospital to get an IV.

His unexplained illness kept getting better and worse for more than half a month.

During this period, his grandmother tried to talk to him several times, but Xu Xilin was unfilial for once and refused to communicate. He stayed in school half-dead every day and stopped taking his vitamins. He left after class, did not return to the dormitory, and did not want to talk much to anyone.

Then his illness gradually got better, but Xu Xilin's mental state remained in a trance until new buds appeared on the willow leaves.

The weather was particularly good in the spring of that year, with few strong winds and less willow catkins than in previous years. The sky was sunny every day, and the restless breath of life came from the soil. Xu Xilin's world, which had been stagnant in the depths of winter, was finally slowly reviving. Like a slow-witted person, he woke up from a big dream slowly, cleaned up Xu Jin's study, which had been ruined by him for some time, and moved back to his own room, which was already covered with a layer of dust.

Then he simply tidied up the house, pulled out and threw away the few pots of flowers that had died, replaced them with new ones, then he mustered up the courage to push open Dou Xun's door, wanting to pick out the important things inside and send them to him.

Dou Xun hadn't contacted him once during this period of time. Other people's feelings are like a glass of water, which can be rich, overflowing, or spoiled. If spoiled, it can still be filtered out, and it may evaporate and become less over time. Dou Xun is different. Xu Xilin feels that Dou Xun's feelings are like a knife or a solid iron rod. When they are there, they are indestructible and will never deform. If they break one day, the break will be clean and neat, and there is no way to connect them back in other ways.

His thoughts back then that "we could be friends if not lovers" were purely wishful thinking.

Xu Xilin called Dou Xun and found that his phone number was no longer in service. He went online and, as expected, saw that his QQ profile picture was black. He didn't know whether he was offline or had blocked him. Xu Xilin sent him another email, but there was no response.

He had no choice but to call Dou Junliang and ask him to send someone to pick up Dou Xun's things.

Dou Junliang told him hesitantly, "If it's convenient for you, just deal with it. He won't want it even if you give it to him."

Xu Xilin thought about it - Dou Xun had the same temper.

He asked again: "How is he now?"

Dou Junliang smiled bitterly: "I don't know what's going on. He's almost severing ties with me...uh, maybe he's getting ready to leave."

Xu Xilin thought: "Oh, back on track."

He exchanged a few cold and polite words with Dou Junliang and hung up the phone, knowing that in the next few decades of his life, he would never have any contact with Dou Xun again.

The next year, Xu Xilin turned down the application for guaranteed postgraduate study or the administration guarantee postgraduate study, and found a pretty good job, starting as an intern and becoming a full-time employee after receiving his diploma. One day, while he was working overtime, he suddenly received a text message from Dou Junliang, who said, "Dou Xun is gone, the school is good, and there is a scholarship."

Xu Xilin was stunned for a long time. After a while, he replied: "Got it, thank you, that's good."

He heard a loud "boom" in his heart, and his youth of ups and downs fell apart and the dust settled.