Chapter 5: Staying for spiritual practice and forgetting to return 3. Onset
On the third day of April in the 20th year of Jianwu, the Taicang prefect broke the law, and the Grand Minister of Works Dai She was implicated and died in prison. At the same time, Liu Xiu removed Dou Rong from the position of Grand Minister of Works in order to avoid the re-election of the three ministers and the increase of power .
Not long after Dou Rong was removed, Wu Han fell seriously ill, and the imperial physician diagnosed him as having little time left. On the fourth day of May, Wu Han died.
Privately, I have always had a bad opinion of Wu Han. Although he had outstanding merits and achievements, and made indelible and great contributions to the revival of the Han Dynasty, there has always been a knot in my heart that his killing was equal to his merits.
I used to not quite understand why Liu Xiu was so partial to Wu Han. No matter how big a mistake Wu Han made, Liu Xiu always trusted him extremely. Among those old ministers, only Wu Han, who had been the Grand Marshal since the first year of Jianwu, had not shaken his position in the past twenty years, and had always held the greatest military power in the country. So far, among the three officials, the Grand Tutor has been replaced by six people since the first Deng Yu, and the Grand Chancellor has been replaced by four or five people since Wang Liang.
Counting the three ministers who were replaced, Deng Yu has now given up government affairs, Fu Zhan and Hou Ba have died of illness, Han Xin, Ouyang Xu, and Dai She are in high positions but are feared by the emperor, and eventually they all died a miserable death; Song Hong refused to marry Liu Huang and served as the Grand Marshal for five years. Later, he was dismissed and returned home because he was involved in a false accusation of the Shangdang County Governor. He died of illness at home a few years later. Because he had no son, his title was not inherited by anyone. In comparison, Li Tong was a relative of the emperor, but he knew that it was lonely at the top, so he withdrew from office early. Although he has passed away now, his family is still prosperous.
As an emperor who was good at managing people, Liu Xiu would be wary of Dou Rong's re-election, but would never seem to doubt Wu Han. His trust in Wu Han always made me feel a little puzzled. I didn't understand the confusion until Wu Han passed away and I saw the posthumous title bestowed by Liu Xiu.
Recalling the pursuit of Wang Lang in Hebei, Emperor Gengshi placed his confidant Xie Gong in Hebei, in the name of assisting, but in fact to monitor Liu Xiu, fearing that his achievements would overthrow the emperor. Liu Xiu could only pretend to be friendly with Xie Gong on the surface. The two were in Handan but ruled separately. In the end, Wu Han acted as Liu Xiu's sharp blade. When Xie Gong was defeated by You Lai's army, he ambushed him in Ye County and killed him while he was retreating. Liu Xiu made Xiao the King. When everyone thought he was dead, only Wu Han jumped out and took up the unswerving banner, ready to make me the Queen Mother and Liu Xiu's nephew the King, and continue the unfinished cause... Such examples are everywhere. Liu Xiu trusted him not only because he was good at fighting, but also because of his loyalty.
No one could match his loyalty to Liu Xiu. Others might be loyal to the country, loyal to the people, loyal to righteousness, loyal to chastity and filial piety, loyal to all the people, but Wu Han was loyal to... only Liu Xiu.
Therefore, after Wu Han died, Liu Xiu gave him the posthumous title "Zhong", that is, "Zhong Hou", and issued an edict to mourn him. When Wu Han died, he was sent out with five schools of the Northern Army, light chariots, and armored soldiers to attend the funeral. All funeral ceremonies were arranged according to the old funeral rules of the previous dynasty's general Huo Guang. His honor and favor were the highest since the founding of the country.
After the empire was settled, the court was restored to once every five days, but after Wu Han's death, Liu Xiu was in a low mood for a while and even missed two court sessions. I knew he was unhappy. His old friends died one by one in front of him. This feeling would be difficult for anyone to bear. I advised him to go out for a walk. If he felt bored, he could take his sons to Shanglin Garden in Chang'an to hunt and relax.
He didn't object, but he didn't say when he would leave. The summer heat was so severe that he kept silent. Some days he even lay in bed in a daze. After three or four days, I saw that his listlessness was getting worse, and I couldn't help but get anxious. I saw him get out of bed to change into the dressing room a few times, and he seemed to have no strength to even walk. His steps were weak, and he even needed the help of the eunuchs to walk a few times.
I was afraid that he would have a heat stroke, so I summoned the imperial physician to the palace to examine him. Unexpectedly, before the imperial physician arrived, he had already strongly opposed it.
"Why do you want to avoid medical treatment?" I don't understand his behavior. The imperial physician has clearly been summoned and is waiting at the palace gate. Why is he so stubborn and refuses to see the doctor?
Liu Xiu seemed to be very unreasonable today. He refused to see a doctor. No matter how much I talked, he just lay on the bed with his eyes closed and didn't answer. I was so angry that I forced the imperial physician to come in from the door. Who knew that he suddenly sat up from the bed and yelled at the imperial physician to go out again.
The imperial physician fled in panic, not daring to disobey the emperor's will, but also not daring to leave easily . So he stood at the door, hesitating and feeling extremely embarrassed.
I was so angry at Liu Xiu's words and actions that I jumped up and down. The good temper I tried so hard to maintain was gone. I jumped up and down and cursed loudly, but he lay on the bed with his eyes closed. I cursed him harshly, but he didn't get angry but smiled instead, looking at me gently. The watery gaze that could drown people instantly extinguished my anger.
I am destined to be helpless against him. I am of the fire element, and he is definitely the water that can put out fire.
"Xiu'er, can you please let the imperial physician come in and take a look?" Finally, I was at my wit's end and even resorted to rogue tactics. I ignored my forty-year-old self and stuck to him, acting like a little girl and acting coquettishly.
"I'm fine." He answered with a gentle smile, and his eyes became softer when he looked at me, but other than that, he never mentioned anything about the diagnosis and treatment.
The next day, Liu Xiu became extremely sleepy. He slept for more than nine hours out of the twelve hours a day. Sometimes when I watched him, I thought his sleeping posture was very strange. He didn't snore or turn over. He just lay straight for several hours. He woke up occasionally, but he looked tired. He couldn't even hear his words. He looked so weak that he didn't look like a person who had enough sleep.
I became more and more suspicious, so I finally couldn't bear it anymore. While he was sleeping, I ordered the imperial physician to come into the hall to check his pulse. The imperial physician hesitated at first, but when he saw that I looked bad, he dared not refuse. When checking his pulse, I was also worried that Liu Xiu would wake up, so the imperial physician and I tiptoed like thieves and didn't dare to make any noise. Fortunately, we didn't wake him up. He was sleeping very deeply, breathing slowly, and there was no snoring.
The imperial physician came to the bedside, and when he saw me, his face suddenly changed. He hurriedly sat down on the bedside, holding his breath to check my pulse. I saw that he looked solemn, and my heart suddenly rose to my throat, and my eyelids kept twitching.
"How about it?"
"Please... Queen Rongchen, please ask Zuo Mai again!"
I bit my lip and nodded, so the imperial physician climbed onto the bed and lifted up Liu Xiu's left hand from the other side. My heart was beating very fast, and the palace was so quiet that you could hear a pin drop. After a while, the imperial physician asked in a low voice: "Your Majesty, have you had any headaches or dizziness recently?"
I was stunned and didn't know how to answer for a moment: "He...has been lying in bed to rest and rarely gets out of bed to walk around."
The imperial physician nodded, opened Liu Xiu's tightly closed eyelids with his thumb, checked each side for half a minute, and then climbed down from the bed. I saw that Liu Xiu showed no signs of waking up despite such a big commotion, and my heart suddenly sank into the bottomless abyss.
“Empress!” The imperial physician knelt before me and said in a heavy voice, “Forgive me for speaking frankly, but your majesty’s condition is not optimistic. It is a recurrence of a chronic disease called vertigo. If you are unconscious for too long like this, you will…”
There was a buzzing sound in my cochlea, and the furnishings around me seemed to be shaking constantly. The imperial physician's mouth enlarged in front of my eyes, opening and closing, but I couldn't hear a word. I just murmured weakly: "Isn't it... already healed? Isn't it all cured? How could it be..."
Tears rolled down my collar. I couldn't let myself deceive myself. The stroke three years ago had completely destroyed Liu Xiu's body.
My mind was in a mess. I fell to the bedside and grabbed Liu Xiu's right hand, holding it tightly. His hand had a rough surface, thick calluses on the palm, and high blue veins on the back of his hand. This hand once hugged me, touched me, held my hand, and said it would accompany me for life... I lowered my head and kissed that hand, tears in my eyes, and my chest felt like it was about to burst with pain.
I don’t know how long I cried. I faintly heard a hand gently caressing my head, and then a weak voice smiled and asked in my ear: “What’s wrong?”
I raised my head, and the pair of warm eyes opposite me were looking at me tenderly. I couldn't help but feel grief in my heart: "Why did you hide it from me? You were obviously sick, why didn't you tell me?"
After saying this, tears welled up again.
Liu Xiu propped himself up with his left hand, half lying, and someone came over from behind to help him up. It was Liu Zhuang. Liu Xiu waved his hand and weakly ordered: "The Queen and I have something to say, you all go out first."
I then noticed that the room was already packed with people. My children had all rushed over and were kneeling on the ground. Hearing Liu Xiu's instructions, Liu Zhuang glanced at me and took the lead to lead his brothers and sisters out.
"Don't cry." His rough fingertips slid across my cheek, wiping away my tears. "You know, Wu Han said that medicine may not be very effective for this kind of disease. The most important thing is to rely on your own willpower. I originally planned to hold on by myself..."
I cried, "Stop talking about Wu Han. He is gone now. How can his words be more useful than the imperial physician's?"
Liu Xiu smiled, his face was very pale, and his swollen eye bags showed his melancholy and haggardness. After a while, he said slowly: "There is no Wu Han who can persuade people to be strong, and there is no Cheng Yu who is as good as Bian Que in medicine!" After that, he smiled helplessly at me.
My heart felt like it was stabbed by a knife. I was in so much pain that my eyes were blurred with tears. I held his hand tightly and kept repeating, "No, you will be fine..." I rubbed the back of his cold hand and muttered nervously, "Even if there is no Cheng Yu, no Wu Han, no one, at least you still have me..."
"Lihua..." His voice was very soft, as light as a feather floating in the air. He slowly closed his eyelids, as if to comfort me who was crying helplessly, "Don't be afraid, I'm just tired, I'll be fine after a short sleep. Don't be afraid... I won't leave you..."
The sound became lower and lower, and finally merged into a vague sob in his mouth. I shook him anxiously and shouted, "Don't sleep! Don't sleep! You've slept enough, get up quickly... Don't sleep... Don't sleep..." I lay on his chest, listening to his weak heartbeat, full of fear, choking and unable to control myself, "I'm scared... Xiu'er, I'm scared, can you please stop scaring me like this? I'm scared--"
I am very scared, very scared, very scared, very scared. Xiu'er, do you know that I am actually very timid? The only thing that allows me to stay in this world and have the courage to face all this comes from your smile!
If I lose you, I will lose everything!
"Don't sleep anymore, please, really don't sleep anymore..."
The Imperial Physician Commander and Imperial Physician Assistant urgently summoned the Imperial Physician to the palace. More than ten Imperial Physicians gathered together for consultation and prescribed a medicine that was two points heavier than usual. However, even so, Liu Xiu's condition did not improve at all. As he fell into a coma for longer and longer, officials and ministers inquired about the emperor's daily life. The Minister of Rites suggested that according to etiquette, the Grand Marshal should be invited to the southern suburbs to offer sacrifices and prayers, and the Grand Minister of Works and the Grand Minister of Education should be invited to pray to the ancestral temple and the Five Mountains to ask for the gods' protection.
Then, the positions of the Three Dukes were all vacant at this time - Wu Han died of illness, Dai She was executed for committing a crime, and Dou Rong was exempted from re-election, so there was no one available among the Three Dukes.
Liu Zhuang asked me for advice, but I didn't dare to make a decision on my own. I had to take advantage of Liu Xiu's lucidity to ask about relevant matters. Although Liu Xiu was seriously ill, his mind was not confused, and he immediately reported a name. I immediately came to my senses, so I ordered Dai Ang to draft an imperial edict, ordering Zhang Zhan to be the Grand Tutor.
I don't know whether Liu Zhuang had any doubts about Liu Xiu's decision, or whether he could understand the good intentions behind it, but he was a patient child and did not question the arrangement and just did as he was told.
Among all my children, the first one to jump up was Liu Jing. This young boy, still wet behind the ears, asked me bluntly why our father respected the deposed crown prince so much?
As soon as he opened his mouth, Prince Yi and Hongfu could no longer hold back and expressed their dissatisfaction. I had been suffering from a splitting headache due to Liu Xiu's worsening illness these days, and I had no intention of answering their questions. When I was about to ask the Grand Chamberlain to take them back to the Central Palace, a clear but steady voice behind me replied, "It's a retreat in name only, but it's actually an advance!"
I was shocked, and I looked back to find that the person who spoke was Liu Cang, who usually spoke the least. This child has never given me too much trouble in the ten years since he was born. He is always very quiet, well-behaved and sensible. Among all my children, the first one who gave me the most trouble was naturally my eldest son, followed by my eldest daughter. The rest of them had more or less headaches and mischief since they were young. Only Liu Cang was always quiet, so much so that sometimes when I was busy, I often ignored his existence.
"Cang'er." I waved and asked him to come closer.
He called out obediently: "Mother!"
I suddenly realized that the child had become thinner, his chin was slightly pointed, and his skin was as fair as that of a girl. When I saw him when he was a child, his face looked a bit like Yin Xing, but looking at him again now, he has a bit of Yin Shi's flavor, but his eyes are very cold. At first glance, he looks like Yin Xing, but a closer look reveals the steadiness of Yin Shi.
I pulled him to my side with pity. This child has a typical temperament of his maternal uncle's family, not like a member of the Liu family: "Can you explain to me what 'retreating in name but advancing in reality' means?"
He pursed his lips and twisted his neck to look at his brothers and sisters around him one by one. Everyone else was holding their breath waiting for an answer, but his gaze never lingered and finally fell on Liu Zhuang.
The two brothers glanced at each other, Liu Zhuang nodded slightly at him, and Liu Cang smiled. There was a bit more shyness in his smile, but his eyes were brighter: "Mother, I am young and ignorant, and I dare to speak and speculate. Please forgive me if I am wrong. I think that the three highest officials in the court are vacant at this time, and the Grand Tutor is the worst. Since the 13th year of Jianwu, all the Grand Tutors have died as criminals, including Han Xin, Ouyang Xu, and even Dai She... Zhang Zhan was originally an official under my eldest brother, and my father appointed him as the Grand Tutor now. If Zhang Zhan is really a knowledgeable person, he will not dare to take over..." When he said this, he glanced at Liu Zhuang again, and Liu Zhuang smiled approvingly.
Prince Yi had a confused look on his face, Hong Fu understood a little, Zhongli smiled but said nothing, and the only one left was Liu Jing, who was young and kept his head down without saying a word. It was impossible to tell what his reaction was. The brothers and sisters all had different expressions.
I was surprised at Liu Cang's sharp insight, and at the same time, I felt relieved from the bottom of my heart. These children, some cute and naive, some smart, have gradually understood the truth, which is good, because it can save me a lot of worries.
Thinking of this, I was so excited that I couldn't help but grab Liu Cang's hand and pass it to Liu Zhuang, asking the brothers and sisters to hold hands and hug each other. I hugged them, tears streaming down my face: "You are all good... Mom is very proud of you! In the future... you are all flesh and blood, you must support each other, even... even if Mom is not by your side, you must... also..."
I burst into tears. Liu Zhuang and Liu Cang's faces changed drastically at the same time. They shouted in unison: "Mother!"
I shook my head, signaling them to be quiet. Liu Zhuang's face turned pale, and Liu Cang's heart softened, and he finally couldn't hold back his tears. The other children didn't react, and just thought I was sad about Liu Xiu's illness.
