Before the doctor got off work, Lin Jiarui accompanied me to the hospital in a taxi.
"Why did you wait until now? Your foot is starting to get inflamed. You need to remove the plaster and re-bandage it." The doctor said angrily as he helped me remove the plaster.
I endured the pain and didn't say anything, and smiled at him apologetically.
"Continue taking the medicine you took last time, and go to the pharmacy to get these medicines filled. If the swelling goes down within three days, it means the bandage is done and you don't need to come again. Otherwise, you will have to have a follow-up check. You must move around less, otherwise it will prolong your recovery time."
As the doctor spoke, he wrote a list and handed it to Lin Jiarui who was standing next to me, then stood up and prepared to change clothes.
Because it was time for them to get off work, I was his last patient of the day.
"Jian Lening, are you really not planning to go home on the weekend? There's no one else in your dormitory, how are you going to eat alone?" Lin Jiarui helped me walk towards the pharmacy and asked me with a frown.
I acted like nothing happened and smiled, "It's okay. I've asked Tang Yu and the others to buy me a lot of food. There are instant noodles, biscuits and milk in the dormitory. Before I left, they gave me two large bottles of hot water. I just need to hold on until Sunday noon, and everyone will come to school in the afternoon."
"This won't do for you. The doctor told you to walk less. What if something happens to you alone? I think you should go home and ask your teacher for leave. Rest for a few days and come back to school when you're better." Lin Jiarui helped me to the rest chair in front of the pharmacy and said to me dissatisfiedly.
His suggestion is good, but I also have my own plans.
I am not Lin Jiarui. I cannot just ask for leave. Going home will not only make my parents worry, but also delay my studies. My parents and studies are the two most important things in my life right now, and I don’t want to burden either of them.
Lin Jiarui bought medicine for me. I gave him the money, but he refused to take it. Finally, I had to swallow my pride and he reluctantly accepted it.
I feel embarrassed to always owe him favors, so I don't want to owe him any more money, even though he has spent enough on me.
Lin Jiarui came over with the medicine and sat down next to me. After a moment of silence, he said, "How about this, if you really don't want to go home, I'll take you to my cousin's place later. She's a senior in college and lives outside alone. I'll let her take care of you for two days, and I'll pick you up and take you back to school on Sunday afternoon. How about that? Anyway, I definitely won't agree to let you live in the dormitory alone."
I hesitated for a while, but finally agreed: "Okay, will your cousin agree?"
"What's there to disagree with? Come on, it's getting dark, let's go eat first."
Lin Jiarui stood up from the chair, picked up the medicine next to him with one hand, and held me with the other hand, but the warmth on his arm only stayed for a moment and then disappeared.
Lin Jiarui let go of his hand because his cell phone rang.
"Please sit down for a while. I'm going to take a call."
I carefully returned to my seat and watched Lin Jiarui eagerly press the answer button.
An Xiaoduo's call came in a hurry, and her hysterical crying voice came from the other end of the phone.
"An Xiaoduo, what's wrong with you? Why are you crying? What happened?"
Even I, who was sitting next to her, could hear the crying coming from the phone, let alone Lin Jiarui? Lin Jiarui's expression suddenly became very nervous, and he asked An Xiaoduo several questions excitedly.
The girl on the other end of the phone kept crying and mumbling something, but I could see that Lin Jiarui's face was becoming increasingly gloomy.
"Where are you now? The airport?"
"You bought a ticket for 7:30?"
"Don't worry, I'll wait for you at the airport. You just need to take the plane back. I promise you'll see me when you get off the plane. Qixuan doesn't want you, but I do. Don't cry!"
"An Xiaoduo, don't get excited. Just wait quietly for the plane. I'll be right there."
…
Lin Jiarui expressed his feelings for An Xiaoduo in front of me without any reservation.
As if I had anticipated it, my heart began to grow cold as I quietly waited for what was to happen next, my fingers twisting unconsciously together.
After a long time, Lin Jiarui finally hung up the phone. His tone had not yet calmed down. He said to me excitedly and anxiously: "Jian Lening, please sit here and wait for me for a while. I will go to the airport to pick up Xiaoduo and then come back to pick you up."
"Um."
I nodded silently without any complaints.
Even though I have never been on a plane, I know that it takes at least ten hours to fly from the United States to China. But Lin Jiarui probably didn't know that once he said this, he would make me wait for more than ten hours.
I didn't complain, didn't explain to Lin Jiarui, and tried my best to appear calm.
It’s just more than ten hours. I have nothing to do anyway, so I can wait.
I was making a bet with myself, wondering whether Lin Jiarui would come back to find me after picking up An Xiaoduo.
Will you come back?
While I was lost in thought, I didn’t even know when Lin Jiarui left. I just sat there alone, waiting.
People in the corridor came and went, and gradually I was the only one left. The staff on duty at the pharmacy was replaced by a new batch, and because no one was getting medicine, the young nurse took a nap on the table.
I just sat on the chair waiting, forgetting that I hadn't had dinner yet, but I didn't want to go out to buy something to fill my stomach.
Lin Jiarui is gone, and I still have my crutches, so I can walk slowly outside by myself to buy food, but I didn’t do that because I wasn’t hungry, or I had already been hungry so I didn’t feel hungry anymore.
The nearby window was open, and a cool breeze blew in from time to time.
The autumn nights were particularly cold, and I was only wearing a thin long-sleeved T-shirt. I clearly remembered that the weather forecast said that a typhoon would land today and the weather would turn cold, but I still forgot to bring a coat because I thought I would be able to return to the dormitory soon.
Even if I am alone, even if I am very lonely, my bed is warm.
The clock on the wall of the pharmacy pointed to eleven o'clock. It turned out that I had been waiting here for several hours without realizing it.
The cold wind blowing in from the window made me shiver. I asked myself why I was so stupid and why I agreed to Lin Jiarui to wait for him to come back.
I can walk out alone, hail a taxi back to school by myself, then climb the stairs back to the dormitory by myself and lie on the bed. Even if I cry, I am alone and no one will see me, so I don’t have to worry about being embarrassed.
But I knew I couldn't do it. When I bought the medicine just now, I was afraid that I didn't have enough money, so I gave all the money I had to Lin Jiarui. He was in a hurry to go to the airport and forgot to give me the rest of the money. I didn't have money to take a taxi, and I felt very cold. My limbs were frozen stiff. I guess I couldn't walk to the door by myself, let alone take a taxi and climb the stairs to the dormitory.
I can only wait, and I must wait.
What I am waiting for is not whether Lin Jiarui will come back to find me, what I am waiting for is a reason to wake up from the dream. An Xiaoduo is back, can I still keep the warmth that Lin Jiarui once brought me?
In this way, I waited for Lin Jiarui in the cold wind all night, tired but not sleepy, until eight o'clock in the morning, when the nurse on duty in the pharmacy was replaced, until people sat down one after another in the empty seats next to me, until my fingers were frozen purple and my whole body was shaking, until I couldn't help but cry and snot flow together, I was completely awakened from the extremely anticipated warmth - it was time for me to go.
Just once is enough to wait like this foolishly.
Jian Lening, what are you still obsessed with?
You are not as good as An Xiaoduo.
In Qixuan's eyes, you are not as good as An Xiaoduo.
In Lin Jiarui's eyes, you are still not as good as An Xiaoduo.
You are not as important as An Xiaoduo, you should have known that long ago, so why are you pretending to be stupid?
After waiting for a whole night, I once again realized this cruel fact and felt extremely sad.
I really can't accept it. Why can't I compare to An Xiaoduo? Why does the warmth that I dare not believe but finally choose to believe in keep leaving me again and again? Is it because I am not as good as An Xiaoduo? Is it because I am not as good as her?
When the cell phone rang, I felt like a drowning man who saw a piece of driftwood. My trembling fingers eagerly pressed the answer button and I couldn't help crying out loud in the astonished eyes of the people around me.
"Can you help me? Help me!"
Help me get out of the nightmare that An Xiaoduo brought me, help me get out of my jealousy towards An Xiaoduo, help me...
My feet were already numb from the cold, and I fell powerlessly from my seat to the ground, crying helplessly into the phone like an abandoned child.
My mind was blank. I didn't know who called me, and I didn't care who that person was. I just wanted to vent the emotions that had been suppressed in my heart for a long time so that I would no longer feel so much pain.
I don't know what I said to the phone, I just felt like I was crying and unconscious. Someone came over to pull me up, but I just sat there motionless. I couldn't feel the pain in my feet, and I even started to feel less pain in my heart.
I found myself like a soulless doll. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know why I was so broken down, why I cared so much about it, they were not anyone to me, why I could not get out of their shadow.
Gradually, I realized that they were indeed not mine, but I treated them as if they were mine.
Qixuan is a boy I have liked for a long time, An Xiaoduo is my best friend whom I once tried desperately to protect, and Lin Jiarui is my friend.
But all this is just my wishful thinking, I'm just being stupid.
After crying and thinking it through, I collapsed on the ground, feeling powerless, holding the phone in my hand which was still on the line.
My thoughts began to clear up, and I finally heard the voice coming from the phone clearly. It was a male voice, and he seemed to be holding back something. He asked me coldly, "Jian Lening, where are you now?"
It took me a while to realize that there was only one boy's name in this phone, and he might be the only boy who knew this phone number.
Seeing that I didn't answer, the person on the other end of the phone finally shouted loudly: "How can I help you if you don't tell me where you are? Aren't you going to die? Didn't you ask me to save you? Where are you?"
I was a little scared and the phone slipped from my hand. A kind person nearby picked it up for me. Seeing that I was in a daze and couldn't answer the call, he simply went to talk to him himself.
My ears were ringing from Xu Yan's yelling. I vaguely heard the man say the name of the hospital, and then I couldn't hear what else he said.
Not long after, I was pulled back to my chair by several people and sat there with a dull expression.
I didn't know what I was waiting for, but I soon found out.
When the soaked boy came into my sight, his face gloomy and pale, gasping for breath, he stretched out his hand to grab my shoulder and said, "Jian Lening, I'm here", my dry eyes were filled with tears again.
Yes, what I am waiting for is just a simple “Jane Lening, here I come”.
It’s not “An Xiaoduo”, it’s “Jian Lening”, it’s not “I’m late”, it’s not “I’m sorry”, but “I’m here”.
But that person was not Lin Jiarui, it was Xu Yan.
The boy who once caused me the greatest harm, at this moment, broke into my scarred heart.
I hugged him tightly and cried. It was raining outside and his clothes were all wet, but I still hugged him tightly because his body was warm, at least warmer than mine, and I was a child who lacked warmth.
That day completely changed the life trajectory of me, Lin Jiarui and Xu Yan.
I didn’t know when Xu Yan carried me out of the hospital that the boy I had been waiting for all night had also been waiting for me all night at the airport. He had experienced all the confusion, expectation, and even despair that I had experienced.
I didn't wait for Lin Jiarui in the end, and Lin Jiarui didn't wait for his An Xiaoduo in the end.
We didn't know at the time that An Xiaoduo was crying and saying she wanted to come back because she was just angry with Qixuan. When the boy yelled at her, she went back obediently, forgetting that there was another boy on the other side of the ocean waiting for her to come back, and even left another girl behind to wait for her.
On the way, I gradually regained consciousness and asked Xu Yan to take me back to the dormitory.
God knows why he called me, and why he saw me in such a mess again.
But he ignored me and took me in the opposite direction of the school with a cold face. My feet hurt so much that I couldn't break free from his hand that was tightly holding my wrist, so I could only follow him helplessly.
"Where are you taking me? I want to go back to the dormitory, didn't you hear me?" As we were getting farther and farther away from the school, I finally couldn't help but shout.
Xu Yan finally stopped and turned around. Her expression was still cold and a little impatient. "Go back to the dormitory? Can you climb up the stairs by yourself? If you can do it by yourself, why do you ask me to help you? You are such a troublesome woman!"
I looked at my foot wrapped in thick plaster and said nothing.
Seeing that I was silent, Xu Yan stopped talking, just snorted coldly and continued to support me as I walked forward.
We didn't speak anymore along the way. I walked very slowly because of my foot injury, but Xu Yan didn't let me go, nor did he say another word to mock me. Instead, he held my arm tightly all the way and took me to our destination.
This is a residential area very close to the school, and Xu Yan seems to live here.
It has all the facilities, but it lacks popularity.
Xu Yan finally let go of my hand. Looking at my wrist that was red from his gripping it too tightly, I felt complicated.
I clearly hate him getting close to me, I clearly hate him touching me , but the red circle on my wrist at this moment is not as glaring as I imagined.
After being hurt by Lin Jiarui time and time again, have I become so fragile? Am I so fragile that I would rather drink poison to quench my thirst than even covet the warmth of the devil?
I stood outside the door, laughing silently at myself.
Xu Yan had already opened the door and walked in. He put the key on the table, then took off his wet shirt, wearing only a black vest. He turned around and asked me, "What do you want to eat for lunch? I'll go buy it."
"Whatever." I replied, standing at the door and carefully looking at the furnishings in the house.
The decoration here is very ordinary, with only two rooms. One room has a bed and bedding, and the other room is empty with only a bare bed board. This should not be Xu Yan's home, but just a house he rented.
“Eat fast food or buy groceries and cook them yourself?”
"Can you cook by yourself?" I asked Xu Yan in surprise. He had already walked into the bedroom and closed the door. He must be changing clothes.
"Except for fish, I can cook everything else." Not long after, Xu Yan opened the door and walked out. He was wearing a clean set of sportswear and holding a paper bag in his hand. He looked at me who was still standing outside the door and said, "Are you going to stand outside the door forever?"
"I..." I hesitated, feeling vaguely scared.
It's been so long, and even though I've tried hard to forget about it, I'm still afraid. I'm afraid to be in the same space with him.
Xu Yan seemed to see through my thoughts. He raised his lips with an ambiguous smile and said, "Don't worry, I won't eat you. I still need you to help me take care of my mother's vegetable stall business! If you don't come in, I will think you want me to carry you in."
"No!" When I heard him say he wanted to carry me in, I quickly refused and walked into the room.
Xu Yan glanced at me, threw the paper bag in his hand to me, and asked, "What do you want to eat?"
"Let's buy ready-made ones. It's too troublesome to make them." I said lightly, taking the paper bag thrown to me by Xu Yan with confusion.
Because he is Xu Yan, I don't want to trouble him too much, although I have already troubled him, but this was not my original intention.
Confusedly, I opened the paper bag in my arms and looked at the brand new women's clothing inside. I couldn't help feeling a little surprised, and a warm current slowly flowed through my cold body.
"Change your clothes, or you'll catch a cold. I bought these for Xingyu, but she left before I could give them to her. Try them on and see if they will fit you. I'm going to go out and buy some things first."
Xu Yan opened the door and walked out without looking back at me.
I sat on the sofa, reached out and touched the clothes in the paper bag, imagining in my mind what the beautiful and sweet child star Yu would look like wearing this outfit.
The clothes were very conservative, pure white T-shirt, black jacket, black jeans, which were not the colors and styles that Tong Xingyu liked to wear before. But I knew that if the child knew that she had a brother and that the brother bought her new clothes, she would be very happy.
No matter how badly others describe her, I always knew that she was a very simple girl, so simple that it made people feel distressed.
When Xu Yan came back with the things, I had already changed my clothes. I used my crutches to carry the dirty clothes to the bathroom, leaned against the wall, and washed the clothes with difficulty.
"What are you doing?"
Xu Yan put down his things, walked towards me in astonishment, and asked me with a grim expression.
I had already washed my clothes, and now I was rubbing the dirty clothes he had just taken off in his bedroom. I had nothing to do anyway, and his bedroom door was open, so I picked up the clothes and washed them at the same time.
Subconsciously, I still didn't want to owe Xu Yan anything, so I wanted to do something to compensate him.
I deceived myself by telling myself that he picked me up from the hospital and I helped him wash his clothes, so maybe we owed each other nothing.
No, he still owed me, but no matter what he did, he couldn't make up for it.
And I don't want to give him a chance to make amends.
Facing Xu Yan, I was too embarrassed to express what was in my heart, and my face started to get hot.
"Just leave it there, I'll wash it myself."
Xu Yan said with a gloomy face, reached out and rudely snatched the shirt from my hand, threw it into the sink, and pushed me out of the laundry room somewhat rudely.
Without the support of the wall, I lost my balance standing on one foot. I was about to fall to the ground. Suddenly, a hand grabbed me from behind, and the boy's helpless but slightly angry voice rang in my ears: "Haven't you rolled around on the floor of the hospital enough? Want to roll more?"
Xu Yan lifted me up, my back pressed against his chest, and I was so embarrassed that I couldn't speak.
Xu Yan carried me directly to the sofa like a chicken, stared at me expressionlessly as I sat down, and then went back to the bathroom to wash clothes.
There were only two of us in the huge space, and the only sound around us was Xu Yan washing clothes. This atmosphere made me feel a little at a loss.
My chest felt like something was pressing down on it, it felt stuffy, my nerves were tense all the time, and I felt very unnatural.
I didn't know him well. When we first met, I was terrified every time he appeared. After that incident, I instinctively wanted to run away every time I saw him. I didn't dare to talk to him or get close to him, for fear that he would hurt me again.
But today, when he rushed to the hospital in the rain and appeared in front of me, even though he was scolding me and even though his face looked ugly, I felt that at that moment he was more approachable than ever before.
I still remember his embrace, which was warm and strong. I suppressed my anger but did not reject him.
At that moment, I let go of all my prejudices against him. For the first time, I looked at him without fear. For the first time, I put my hands against his chest and listened to his heartbeat.
Maybe Xiao Jingjing was right, Xu Yan was a very good person.
Is that so? If he wasn't well, why did he come to the hospital to see me? Why did he come in the rain after hearing my cries? He hated me so much and thought I was the murderer who killed his sister and did such a thing to me, but why did he appear when I was desperate and helpless?
Why do I always meet him when I feel desperate?
The first time was hurt, the second time... was it redemption?
no!
Is it because I am too eager for warmth at this moment? How can this be salvation? How can the person who pushed me into the abyss be the light of my life?
But why did the hatred in my heart become less certain?
I can't do this, but why did he show up? Why did he help me?
My clenched fists silently told of my inner struggle. At this moment, I was eager to find a reason that could convince me - why did he help me?
"I bought rice, fried noodles, pizza, and milk, and put them all in the refrigerator. You can heat them up in the microwave at noon. In the afternoon, lie down on my bed and take a nap. If you are bored, you can play on the computer. The laptop is on the desk."
Xu Yan's voice suddenly sounded, interrupting my thoughts. I looked up at him blankly and asked unconsciously, "Are you going out?"
My tense heart inexplicably felt relaxed. Not having to be alone with him made me feel much more relaxed.
"Well, I work part-time in a mobile phone store. My family only gives me daily living expenses and rent. But you also know that I have a mother to support. My family will definitely not give me that money. I can only earn it myself." Xu Yan said frankly, with a bitter smile passing across his long-cold face.
I didn't expect him to explain so much to me, but his explanation finally made me find a reason that was enough to convince myself - he still has a mother to support.
Yes, he helped me because he needed me to help him take care of his mother’s business. That must be it.
Thinking of this, I finally felt a little relieved.
But even so, it seems that something is undergoing subtle changes.
I thought the money Xu Yan gave to his mother was taken from his family, because what kind of money could a student have? It was all funded by his family. I also guessed that his family would not give him this money, but I thought he got the money through improper means, such as cheating or stealing, but I didn't expect that Xu Yan earned the money by working.
"Are you leaving now?" I asked.
Xu Yan looked at me with some surprise, and smiled habitually: "Why, you can't bear to leave me? "
My face became hot again and I looked away awkwardly, not daring to look at the playful expression on his face.
"You can sit for a while. The work doesn't start until ten o'clock. It only takes ten minutes to walk there, and it's not even nine o'clock yet. What do you want to say to me?" The other end of the sofa suddenly sank, and Xu Yan sat down next to me, leaning on the sofa and said to me.
"No, nothing."
In fact, I really didn’t know what to talk to him about. It was the first time that we were in such a closed space, with only Xu Yan and I - two people who should not have had any interaction with each other.
I subconsciously moved towards the sofa, trying to stay as far away from Xu Yan as possible.
Xu Yan saw my little move, sneered, and said, "You don't have anything to tell me, but I do. Why didn't you go home? Isn't it the holiday?"
Xu Yan's initiative instantly put me in a state of confusion. I took a look at the new plaster on my foot and told the truth: "My foot is injured, and I don't want to worry my family. If they see it, they will definitely ask me to take leave and rest at home. I am afraid that I can't keep up with the studies and won't get the scholarship."
"Are you doing well in school? Are you thinking about getting a scholarship?" Xu Yan asked me with a smile.
Seeing his contemptuous expression, I got a little angry and immediately said with a straight face: "It was pretty good before, and it's not bad now either. The main reason is that the competition is too intense. But I have confidence that as long as I work hard, I will be able to do it."
"Yeah." Xu Yan nodded in agreement, then stared at me and said, "You waited for Lin Jiarui all night last night, why didn't he come to pick you up? You cried to me on the phone and said that Lin Jiarui didn't keep his word, why did he leave you? You cried like that, do you like Lin Jiarui?"
I looked at Xu Yan in astonishment. I obviously didn't remember saying these words to him when I was confused , and I was unable to answer for a moment.
As for whether I like Lin Jiarui or not, the question is actually very simple. I like Lin Jiarui, but it is not the kind of love between a boyfriend and a girlfriend, just the kind of love between ordinary friends. I like the warmth he brings me, I don’t like him always teasing me, I am greedy for the time when he takes care of me, and I am afraid of the day when he abandons me.
The word "like" is simple but actually very complicated. It's also complicated but actually very simple. It's just that no one can understand my understanding of "like".
"I have always regarded Lin Jiarui as a friend, and I have always been worried that the friends I value would abandon me again and again. That's why I am sad. I cry because I have been abandoned by my friends." I looked intently into Xu Yan's eyes and answered seriously.
This is my answer.
I looked into his dark eyes, but couldn't understand what he was thinking. I only heard his clear voice slowly ringing out.
"What about me? Jian Lening, what do you think of me?"
Jian Lening, what do you take me for?
Xu Yan’s words exploded in my mind like a bomb, and my thoughts became confused again. He asked me what I thought of him.
Yeah, what do I take him for?
I have hated him, resented him, been afraid of him, and sympathized with him. I was even grateful to him the moment he rushed to the hospital and pulled me up.
I tried so hard to hate him, that when he asked me what I thought of him, shouldn't I have answered without thinking, "You are the person I hate"?
But why is it that my hatred towards him begins to waver at this moment?
What on earth did I regard Xu Yan as? An enemy, or something else?
"You are the one who picked me up when I was abandoned." My chaotic thoughts suddenly stopped and I blurted out these words.
As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I opened my eyes wide and stared at Xu Yan.
He was the one who pushed me into the abyss, why did I answer like that?
I was scared myself. How could I, who hated Xu Yan so much, say such things?
"I like this answer, Jian Lening, you must always remember this sentence, I picked you up from the discarded." Before leaving, Xu Yan said to me with a smile. He didn't seem to care about my extremely annoyed expression after I said that answer.
At that moment, I just looked at his departing back, sitting on the sofa in a daze.
A long time later, I still remembered what he said when he left, but when I really did as he asked and always kept in mind everything that happened that day, he broke his promise.
When I was abandoned again and again, Xu Yan pulled me back from despair again and again; when I gradually became dependent on that boy and thought he would not abandon me like others, he abandoned me without any warning.
Xu Yan came back very late at night. He stood at the door, looking a little tired, with someone standing behind him.
The time displayed on the mobile phone screen was one minute to nine in the evening. The two dishes and one soup I made with the few ingredients in the refrigerator had already gone cold.
I originally thought that he would come back for dinner, and since I accepted his help, I had to do something for him so that I could feel at ease, so I prepared dinner early and waited for him to come back.
Before he came back, I was sitting alone on the sofa in the hall, boredly reading magazines. Most of them were Japanese comics magazines, which were very much suited to boys' tastes. Maybe because I was too bored, I, who had never read these before, was quite engrossed in reading them.
The moment the door opened, my heart suddenly panicked, but when I saw the young man standing behind Xu Yan, I was completely stunned.
I never thought I would see Lin Jiarui here.
As soon as Lin Jiarui saw me, he pushed Xu Yan in front of him away, strode towards me with an anxious look, grabbed my hand and tried to pull me away.
I looked at his haggard face and couldn't help but feel flustered. I struggled to free my hand and asked, "Lin Jiarui, why are you here?"
Lin Jiarui just stared blankly at my hand that I had shaken away, biting his lips tightly and not saying anything. His face looked very ugly, his fists were clenched, and his back was trembling a little.
I don't understand why he is so impulsive? Shouldn't he be with An Xiaoduo?
But at that moment I didn’t know that Lin Jiarui didn’t wait for An Xiaoduo.
Xu Yan came over, threw the keys on the table, glanced at the food I cooked, was silent for a while, and said, "When you were in the hospital this morning, you threw your phone around, and I picked it up for you, but forgot to return it to you. He happened to call, so I brought him here."
After saying that, he walked into the bedroom and closed the door, leaving Lin Jiarui and I confronting each other in the living room.
"Come with me."
Lin Jiarui stretched out his hand to pull me again, but my crutches were placed beside me and I couldn't reach them. I was about to fall to the ground when he pulled me like that, but Lin Jiarui acted as if he didn't see it and still stubbornly pulled me away.
My arm was pulled so hard that it hurt, so I struggled again with some annoyance.
Lin Jiarui’s patience was finally exhausted. Before I could break free from his hand, he violently shook it off and roared at me with a ferocious expression: “Jian Lening, why don’t you want to leave? Have you forgotten what he did to you? How dare you stay in his house? Are you so heartless that you are not afraid that he will do something to you again…”
"Snapped!"
Before Lin Jiarui could finish his words, I slapped him.
Looking at the face in front of me that was tilted to one side by the blow I had given it, my eyes instantly became wet.
Is he still the Lin Jiarui I know? How could he say such things to me?
How could this be?
In his eyes, am I a girl who doesn't love herself?
How could he look at me like that?
This slap made Lin Jiarui completely quiet down.
I sniffed, blinked my sore eyes, silently picked up the crutches beside the sofa, and walked out the door stubbornly.
Lin Jiarui didn't say anything and just followed me.
After Xu Yan said that , he stayed in his bedroom and never came out.
I don’t know what he felt after hearing Lin Jiarui’s roar, nor do I know if he knew that we had left, and I don’t know if he ate the food I cooked in the end. All I know is that I walked out of Xu Yan’s house crying that night.
"Jian Lening, I was wrong. I said that because I was anxious and nervous. When I knew you were at Xu Yan's house, I was almost worried to death. Please don't be angry with me and don't cry anymore, okay?" After getting off the elevator, Lin Jiarui suddenly ran to me, stretched out his hand and grabbed my arm, begging.
I stubbornly shook off his hand and continued walking forward.
How could he walk fast with a cane, let alone get rid of Lin Jiarui?
I couldn't walk fast enough and couldn't get rid of it, so finally I just stopped struggling, stood there, looked up at the crescent moon in the sky, and silently shed tears.
Lin Jiarui was standing next to me. When he saw me crying, he quickly reached into his trouser pocket and found a pack of tissues. He took out a few tissues to wipe my tears.
I am just soft-hearted. When Lin Jiarui did this, I was moved again. Although I felt very uncomfortable, I couldn't bear to drive him away.
I told myself, at least he thought of you and left An Xiaoduo to come find you.
But I told myself, what was he doing earlier? Why didn't he come to see me earlier?
Thinking of this, I finally couldn't hold back my tears. The harder Lin Jiarui wiped, the harder I cried.
"Lin Jiarui, you said you were worried about me, but why didn't you worry about me last night? Even if you waited for An Xiaoduo for a whole night, you could have called me and told me not to wait any longer. But what about you? Did you think of anyone else besides An Xiaoduo? No! An Xiaoduo was the only thing on your mind. Do you know that? I really hate An Xiaoduo, I really hate her!"
"When she was in elementary school, she fell and became lame. You all wrongly accused me of causing her to do so. From then on, I began to hate her and dislike her. She could have explained it to others earlier, but why didn't she say that she accidentally fell down the stairs? Why did she wait until everyone blamed me and my family before giving a vague explanation? Later, in order to be with Qixuan, she kept hurting me behind my back. Once, she even hit me with a pot of cactus. We couldn't even be strangers anymore..."
"But on the night when her eyes were injured, I still followed her mother to the city hospital to look for her. But what did I get? It was all of you forgetting about me. It was you who abandoned me and caused Xu Yan to hurt me! After that incident, I was very afraid of Xu Yan. I resented him, but do you know? When he took me away from the hospital today when I was shivering from the cold, I felt that he was very good, at least better than all of you, because he didn't abandon me!"
After shouting the last sentence, I was scared by myself again.
In my mind, is Xu Yan really better than Lin Jiarui and the others? I was stunned by my own crazy and unreasonable thoughts, and I couldn't speak for a long time.
Until Lin Jiarui pulled the corner of my clothes , and said to me with red eyes: "I'm sorry, Jian Lening, I'm sorry, I will never leave you again, really, never again, please believe me again."
Lin Jiarui's words made me laugh so hard that tears rolled down my eyes, as if they would never stop. I covered my chest, which was aching, and said to Lin Jiarui, "Lin Jiarui, he didn't abandon me, but what about you? You, Qixuan, and An Xiaoduo? We grew up together, but ask yourself, have you ever cared about me as much as you care about An Xiaoduo? Now you say you worry about me and will never abandon me again, do you think I will believe you?"
For the first time, I poured out all the dissatisfaction that had been pent up in my heart for so many years without any scruples, and I have never felt so refreshed as I do now.
Lin Jiarui changed from standing to squatting at my feet, covering his face and crying.
He said, "I really didn't know, little eyes, I didn't know you were so miserable."