"Hmm? " He raised his hand and tapped my forehead. "What are you staring at? Is this your first day meeting me? Why are you looking at me so seriously? Do you still want to hear my story?"
"Ah, tell me, tell me." I came to my senses and quickly turned my head away, trying to hide my guilt.
My face must be very red!
A throbbing I had never experienced before surged over me like a tide so strongly for the first time.
"Tell me how I knew you would attend the Autumn Festival!" Shu Nian patted Kaka's head and said slowly, "Of course it wasn't Shen Xiaoxi who told me, but I heard her conversation with Luo Yuxin.
"Luo Yuxin's house is right next to mine. Not long ago, Shen Xiaoxi went to see Luo Yuxin and stood at the door and talked for a long time. I was just changing my shoes by the door, preparing to go out for a walk with the dog, so I happened to hear it. Shen Xiaoxi said that she succeeded, using Xia Nuo to successfully make you agree to participate in the Autumn Festival, so you will definitely go on stage to dance the ballet that you are good at. They did this just to see you make a fool of yourself in front of everyone and embarrass you."
I was immediately confused and amused. After going through so much trouble, Luo Yuxin and Shen Xiaoxi just wanted to see me make a fool of myself in front of everyone?
This three-year-old child's idea is so childish and ridiculous.
"Is Shen Xiaoxi the mastermind?" I asked.
Shu Nian shook his head: "No, it's Luo Yuxin. She hates you, doesn't like you, and wants to punish you. Shen Xiaoxi is just an accomplice. This is the truth I heard."
I sighed and said, "I can't even say I know Luo Yuxin, I can't even say I know her, but she hates me so much that she wants to embarrass me in front of everyone. Shu Nian, tell me, why is this happening?"
"It's very simple, little butterfly, because you're not good enough!" Shu Nian showed his signature sarcastic smile again.
"No, Luo Yuxin will hate me, and it's all because of you!"
Every time he ignored Luo Yuxin in front of me, Luo Yuxin hated me. This is so unfair.
"Why do you think Luo Yuxin hates you because of me?" Shu Nian continued to look at me with a half-smile.
"She must have misunderstood our relationship." I said hastily, "I only interacted with her twice, and you were there both times!"
"I can't tell, little butterfly, your IQ has improved." Shu Nian raised the corners of his mouth slightly, "Yes, Luo Yuxin only dated you twice. So why does she hate you? Have you ever thought about this question?"
"Isn't it because of you?" I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Is this person really stupid or just pretending to be stupid?
"Is that all?" he asked me. "Have you never thought that the problem lies with you?"
"Myself?" I almost laughed out loud at his irritation.
"Yes, have you ever thought that you are hated by others because you are so bad that you are not worthy of standing by my side?" He said softly, as if he was just talking about what the weather would be like tomorrow.
Shu Nian is Shu Nian. The words that come out of his mouth are always so embarrassing and painful.
"You are obviously not better than Luo Yuxin in any way, but I took you away in front of her and ignored her. Any girl would feel unwilling if it were her, right?" he said.
"But taking me away doesn't mean anything!" I was a little confused. "We are just classmates, not even friends..."
"That's not right!" He stretched out his finger and shook it. "Little Butterfly, I've said it many times! I like guys like you, who are dishonest, self-deceiving, and cowardly. Looking at you like this..."
"Don't go on." I interrupted him. I suddenly didn't want to hear him continue.
When you start to care about someone, you won’t want to hear words that embarrass you.
He can say words like "like" casually, but to my ears, they are not words with light weight...
"Knowing this, will you still participate in the Autumn Festival?" Shu Nian asked, "Just because of this kind of thing, you will be hated by others and calculated in such a childish way. If you know the whole truth, will you still participate?"
"I will attend." I stood up, took a deep breath and said, "I will definitely attend."
"Do you care about Xia Nuo so much?" Shu Nian suddenly changed the topic to Xia Nuo, "Do you care about him so much that you want to dance for him even if it's for this reason? Do you like him so much?"
"No!" I denied quickly, "I admire Xia Nuo very much, just like looking forward to the sun rising every day, because I think he gives people a very warm feeling. Moreover, he is the first person who smiled at me, the first person who made me feel that there is still kindness in this world."
"Haha, he doesn't just smile at you." Shu Nian snorted, "Have you forgotten? His smile is given to everyone indiscriminately."
"That's why I say he is like the sun that rises every day! He will not refuse to shine on the grass just because it is humble. The sun is fair and treats everyone the same."
I look up at the sky, not under the street lights, and just looking at the dark sky I find that the stars are actually always there, but once there is a brighter light, their existence will be ignored.
But it has always been there.
So, not for Shanuo, but for myself, I want to be brave for once!
"If it's not for Shanuo, why would you attend the celebration? Little Butterfly, a child who lies is not very likable!" he said sarcastically.
"This is my own business." I looked back at Shu Nian and said seriously, "Shu Nian, it seems that since we met, we have never had such a calm chat. You are right, this is indeed a good place, very suitable for chatting. Shu Nian, if one day..."
If one day, I become someone good enough to stand by your side and not be hated by others, let me be your friend!
I wanted to say this, but when the words came to my lips, I couldn't say them.
"What if one day?" he asked slowly.
"Nothing, I'm going home, goodbye." I waved at him, picked up my schoolbag and walked back.
As I turned the corner, I saw him still sitting there, motionless, with Kaka lying at his feet, seemingly asleep.
Lying in bed, I couldn't fall asleep for a long time.
I am a little different today, because I actually took the initiative to do something. I could have given up and continued to be a coward.
When Shen Xiaoxi used Xia Nuo to plot against me, I chose to face it instead of running away. After knowing Shen Xiaoxi and Luo Yuxin's plan, I still chose to attend the celebration instead of hiding myself in frustration.
I seem to have become braver!
This is so unlike me, not the original me.
But what was I like before?
I was stunned. This question suddenly calmed my chaotic mind. I got out of bed, turned on the light, stood in front of the mirror, and looked at myself in the mirror carefully.
I brushed aside my long bangs, revealing my smooth forehead. Looking at myself in the mirror, I suddenly felt very strange.
It is obviously my own face, which should be the most familiar to me, but the girl in the mirror doesn’t give me any sense of familiarity.
How long has it been since I looked at myself in the mirror?
I never really liked looking in the mirror, because I didn’t want to see the face that was always said to be ugly. Over time, I came to hate looking in the mirror , or rather, I hated seeing myself in the mirror.
I reached out and touched my cheek. My skin was smooth and fair, and my face was a standard oval face. It was no longer as thin and long as it was when I was a child. My big eyes no longer looked scary, but were just right, making me look full of spirit.
Mom, I seem to vaguely see your shadow in the mirror!
As I thought about this, my vision started to blur and I suddenly felt uncomfortable.
Mom, did you see that? Xiaodie seems to be a little cuter than when she was little.
I went back to bed and quickly fell asleep. Perhaps the confusion in my heart had been relieved!
Yes, in this world, nothing is constant, it just gets better or worse.
If Bai Xiaodie is destined to change as she grows up, then she still... wants to make herself a better person.
That night, I dreamed of my mother.
She was wearing a beautiful skirt and sitting on a bench in the community fitness base.
When I saw her, I rushed over to her with joy, crying and laughing.
I want to tell her many things, I want to complain to her, tell her how bad and excessive my father was to me; tell her what a hateful boy Shu Nian was, but there was a moment when my heart was moved; tell her that there was a boy in our school who was as warm as the sun, his name was Xia Nuo, and he was someone I admired.
But I couldn’t speak in my dream.
I couldn't say a word, I just listened to my mother quietly: "Xiaodie, you will definitely become a beautiful butterfly. Mom always believes in you."
Since I had less than a month to prepare for the Fall Festival, I took dance lessons whenever I could.
The dance teacher was very surprised, she even suspected that I was an imposter because Bai Xiaodie had never been so active.
Half a month before the autumn celebration, the school's autumn sports meeting also kicked off .
There were a lot of girls in our class who signed up for this sports meet. After Su Nan was replaced, the task of registering the participants was given to Xia Nuo, who was replaced.
In order to see Xia Nuo write their names, most of the girls signed up for the competition.
Because I didn't sign up, the teacher asked me to be responsible for support and pass water and towels to the participating students.
Shen Xiaoxi did not sign up either. She was one of the students with good writing skills selected by the class teacher and was responsible for writing the news release during the sports meet.
I expected that a guy like Shu Nian didn't sign up. Like me, he was also responsible for logistics.
There are ten people in the logistics team. When we divided the work, I don’t know if it was a coincidence, but Shu Nian and I were assigned to serve as support on the playground.
Is it because in the eyes of others , Shu Nian and I are both the kind of people who don't like to talk to others? They think we are difficult to deal with, so they just put us together and do such insignificant things.
Thinking of this, I found it inexplicably funny.
"Little Butterfly, you've been laughing a lot lately! Tell me, what are you laughing at?" Shu Nian suddenly pushed my back and asked me.
I looked back at him. He was supporting his chin , leaning lazily on the table, looking at me indifferently.
"How could I! I wasn't laughing." I denied.
"Little Butterfly, didn't you look in the mirror? You were clearly smiling." He showed a fake smile.
"I was sitting in front of you. Even if I really smiled, you couldn't have seen it, right?"
I couldn't understand it because he could tell exactly what I was thinking and how I looked several times. But he was sitting behind me, not in front, so how could he see it?
"I don't have to see you smile to know that you are smiling." He stopped looking at me and lowered his head to look at his fingers. "Sometimes, intuition is more accurate than eyes. There are many things that cannot be seen with eyes alone. Sometimes we need to see things with our heart."
I don't know if he was just talking nonsense as usual, mocking my IQ in a roundabout way, but he did guess it right, and that is a fact that cannot be changed in any way.
"Tomorrow is the sports meet, which will be held for three days, namely Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. During this period, don't think that you can be late or leave early because it is a sports meet. Everything should be arranged according to the normal class time. If you don't come to school because you are not participating in the competition, you will be strictly dealt with once discovered." Teacher Ren said at the podium what things to pay attention to during the sports meet.
Everyone was very excited the whole day today. The girls gathered together chattering, and the boys were rubbing their hands, ready to show their skills tomorrow.
"Bai Xiaodie." Luo Yuxin came to me after the second class in the afternoon. "The Autumn Festival is coming soon, and you haven't told me the name of the dance you prepared yet?"
"The Dying Swan." I looked into her eyes and said calmly, "Ballet solo."
Luo Yuxin didn't seem to know much about ballet. She was a little confused when she heard me say this: "The Dying Swan? Is there anything special be prepared?"
"No need, I'll prepare the dance skirt myself." My tone was neither good nor bad.
Luo Yuxin said "Oh" and turned away.
I looked at her departing back with some helplessness. She really wasn't even willing to pretend to be friendly. She was so impatient and didn't try to hide her emotions at all.
I was about to go back to the classroom, but I heard someone calling me again: "Bai Xiaodie."
I turned my head and saw a young girl standing ten meters away from me in the corridor with a smile on her face.
"Su Nan?" I was stunned for a moment. I hadn't seen her much since she transferred out of our class. I walked , "It feels like I haven't seen you for a long time."
"Yeah, I haven't been feeling well lately." She smiled at me with warm eyes, "Long time no see, I feel like you're a little different, Xiaodie."
"Different?" I was stunned. "Is it?"
She nodded and said, "I remember when I saw you on the first day of school, you kept your head down even when talking to people. Now you have become much more cheerful and love to laugh! Bai Xiaodie is very good like this."
My cheeks suddenly felt hot, I must have been blushing.
"Xiaodie." Su Nan called me softly. I looked up at her and she suddenly reached out to smooth my hair. "Have you ever thought about changing your hairstyle? Your bangs are blocking your view and you can't see the more beautiful scenery, right?"
She smiled and took a step back: "Just a suggestion. By the way, I forgot to bring my Chinese textbook, can you lend it to me?"
I nodded quickly and said, "Okay, okay, I'll get it for you right away."
I walked into the classroom and took out the Chinese book from the pile of books.
"Then I'll bring it to you after class." This is what she said when I handed the book to Su Nan.
"I'll get it myself." I thought for a moment and said, "You're not in good health. You need to rest more."
She was stunned for a moment, then nodded: "Okay, thank you for your help!"
"It's okay." I watched her leave before returning to the classroom.
I was a little curious, why did Sunan suddenly change classes?
This is almost impossible to happen in our school.
Besides, why didn’t she ask her good friend Gu Haoyu to borrow books?
"Bai Xiaodie." I was thinking about Su Nan, when suddenly, Xia Nuo in front of me turned around, tapped my desk lightly, and smiled gently, "Can you do me a favor?"
"Oh, what help?" I asked, flattered.
"The next class is a self-study class. Please accompany me to the equipment room to check out the sports equipment that will be used for our class competition tomorrow! You will be responsible for taking notes while I check." There was a hint of apology in his tone, "But will I bother you?"
"Oh, no!" I said quickly, "I'm so happy!"