After the evening study class, I handed the completed physics test paper to Sun Yu. Sun Yu took the test paper, copied a few questions, then put down his pen, held his chin and looked at me with a worried look on his face.
"Jian Lening, you have been in a daze this afternoon. What are you thinking about?"
I shook my head and laughed dryly, "I didn't think much of anything."
I was telling the truth. I didn't know what I was thinking. It's just that ever since Xu Yan came, I've been a little dazed. I couldn't concentrate at all. Most of the time, I just stared at the books with a blank mind.
Sun Yu was not the kind of person who liked to pry into other people's privacy. Seeing that I didn't want to talk about it, he didn't ask any more questions and just returned the test paper to me.
Everyone else's test papers had already been graded by the teacher, so we didn't have to hand ours in. Apparently the teacher felt that the grades wouldn't be real if we handed them in, so he just asked us to finish them and wait for them to be used for explanation in class.
As soon as the last class was over, Sun Yu came to help me. Tang Yu was holding a large bag in her arms. Seeing that she couldn't free her hands to help me, Sun Yu asked her to go back to the dormitory to fetch water for me. She ran very fast and disappeared in the blink of an eye.
He Yiran and Wang Hong rarely walk with us . Before I fell and got hurt, I walked alone, and Sun Yu also walked alone. I didn’t expect that this injury would make Sun Yu and I become more familiar with each other.
We met Huang Wei on the way. She came out of the school supermarket with a loaf of bread in her hand. As soon as she saw us, she rushed over.
"Hey, where's Tang Yu? Why is it only Sun Yu supporting you?" Huang Wei said as he stuffed the bread into his bag and reached out to support my other arm.
I smiled at her gratefully and said, "She has a lot of things to carry, so it's hard for her to help me."
Huang Wei nodded in understanding, smiled naively, and after sending me to the stairs of the dormitory, she said goodbye to us apologetically because she had to go to another dormitory to visit her friend for something.
I felt embarrassed to continue bothering her, so I just let her go. Then Sun Yu and I just stared at the stairs in a daze.
"I used to feel that climbing three floors was not tiring at all, but now I can't help but get a headache when I see the stairs." I said to Sun Yu with a frown.
Sun Yu held his forehead, sighed helplessly, and said, "Let's climb! Walk slowly, we will arrive soon."
I nodded and walked forward with my crutches. After a few steps, Sun Yu's cell phone rang.
Sun Yu freed one hand, took out her cell phone and looked at the screen. Her face immediately turned ugly and she hesitated whether to answer the call.
"You go and pick it up, I'll wait for you." I said to Sun Yu with a smile.
Sun Yu smiled at me shyly, turned around and answered the phone: "Dad, I have received the money. I will go home after the sports meeting."
"What does Ji Hang's crying have to do with me? Can you please stop blaming everything on me?"
"Yes, I scolded her, but why didn't you ask her what she did? She went out to cause trouble, and she reported my name because she was afraid of being investigated. If it weren't for her, would my classmates have been hurt? She is as hateful as her mother, and likes to hurt people behind their backs. Her last name is Ji, not Sun, why are you protecting her so much?"
"I told you, if you acknowledge her, then don't acknowledge me. You only have one daughter, it's either her or me, you decide. My mother has a good temper, and she wouldn't say a word if you raised an illegitimate daughter, but I don't have such a good temper. If you want to bring her home, just give it a try."
…
I didn't mean to eavesdrop on other people's family affairs, but Sun Yu's voice on the phone was very loud and I couldn't help but listen.
She looked very agitated, and after coming back from the phone call she was still gasping for breath and had a very grim expression.
Sun Yu came over silently and held my hand. I tactfully did not ask any questions .
Everyone has things they don't want to be asked about, and your seemingly harmless questions may very well hurt others.
This is a truth I understood when I was a child, just like the time when Qixuan's mother asked my mother, "How did your son die? Is your daughter adopted?"
I will never forget that day, it was the first time my mother cried in front of me.
I don't like people asking me the same question they asked my mother: Jian Lening, are you adopted? Does your adoptive mother have a dead son?
So, if I put myself in her shoes, I think Sun Yu wouldn't like people asking her, "Why did your father have an illegitimate daughter? Is your family not harmonious?"
I walked quietly, Sun Yu was also quiet, and the entire corridor was very quiet.
Because we walked slowly, most people had already returned to the dormitory, so there was almost no one in the corridor, and therefore the corridor seemed very quiet.
After walking up a flight of stairs, at the corner, Sun Yu suddenly stopped, dejectedly let go of my hand, covered his face, squatted on the ground and started crying.
Her crying was very soft, almost silent, but the occasional sniffling sound still made it clear that she was very sad.
Because my foot was injured, I couldn't squat down and pat her back to comfort her. I could only stand by her helplessly and call out softly, "Sun Yu."
Sun Yu grabbed my trouser legs, raised his head, and asked me helplessly like a child who had lost his favorite toy: "Jian Lening, what if my dad wants Ji Hang and doesn't want me?"
"What if Dad chooses Ji Hang?"
"He wants to abandon me like he abandoned my mother. What should I do?"
"Jian Lening, I feel so bad!"
…
I didn't know how to comfort her, I just stood there, not knowing what to say.
I used to be very eloquent. When I was in junior high school, I could help my classmates solve any problems they encountered. But this was the first time I encountered something like Sun Yu, and it was someone else's family affair, so I couldn't say anything.
In fact, Sun Yu didn't want to seek answers from me, but she had been suppressed in her heart for too long and was eager to find someone to talk to and vent.
I didn't say anything, but she kept on talking, naturally about her family affairs.
Sun Yu's parents got married through a blind date, and their relationship has been stable for several years. Sun Yu's father is a lawyer with a successful career and his own law firm. Her mother is a typical full-time housewife with a gentle personality and never likes to fight.
Originally, this was a happy family. The only regret was that after six years of marriage, Sun Yu's mother was still not pregnant. As they grew older, Sun Yu's grandparents were eager to have a grandson and complained to Sun Yu's parents many times, which created a rift between the couple.
It was from that time that Sun Yu's father had an affair because he wanted a child.
The woman was Ji Hang's mother. She was a fresh college graduate at the time, younger and prettier than Sun Yu's mother. She worked as an intern assistant in Sun Yu's father's law firm.
Not long after, the woman became pregnant and gave birth to Ji Hang.
Sun Yu's father was very happy and planned to explain to Sun Yu's mother that they would divorce peacefully and he was going to marry Ji Hang's mother.
Sun Yu's mother was a woman with a very calm temper. She had known about her husband's affairs for a long time, but she had never made a fuss. Because she could not have children, she could not hold her head up in front of her parents-in-law and husband.
Originally, her husband proposed a divorce, and even though she was sad, she had no objection. However, it happened that during that period, she was found to be pregnant with Sun Yu, who was half a month older than Ji Hang.
For the sake of the child and the strong opposition from Sun Yu's parents-in-law, Sun Yu's parents did not divorce in the end. But at the same time, Sun Yu's father did not let the woman abort the child.
He felt that it was his fault after all, so he had to take some responsibility. He could not give Ji Hang's mother a marriage, but he could give them enough money.
Ji Hang's mother did not make a fuss and was willing to step behind the scenes and gave birth to a girl for Sun Yu's father Sun Guoxin.
Sun Yu knew about Ji Hang's existence since he was old enough to understand.
Sun Guoxin loved both children. Sun Yu remembered that every time her father bought her a gift, he would buy two. At first, she thought her father was afraid that she would break the toys, so he bought her backups. Later, Sun Guoxin brought Ji Hang home and gave her the toys to play with. Only then did Sun Yu feel the crisis.
Sun Guoxin always told Sun Yu that she was her sister, and the little Ji Hang always chased her and called her sister. The five or six-year-old Sun Yu thought that Ji Hang was just younger than her, so it was right to call her sister.
It was not until she grew up that Sun Yu understood what her sister Ji Hang meant. Ji Hang was her father's illegitimate daughter and the evidence of her father's infidelity to her mother.
So she began to refuse Ji Hang from coming to their house again. Every time she saw Sun Guoxin bringing Ji Hang over, she would hit her with a broom and drive her away. She began to learn to call Ji Hang an illegitimate daughter and call Ji Hang's mother a vixen.
Sun Guoxin got furious and started scolding and beating her, so Sun Yu started making noises and threatening him.
In addition, she behaved very well in front of her grandparents . She had lived with the elderly since she was a child, so they naturally loved her more than Ji Hang.
Sun Guoxin's parents always felt that Sun Guoxin was ashamed of Sun Yu's mother in this matter, so when Ji Hang was born, they opposed her taking the surname Sun, and thus Ji Hang took her mother's surname.
Due to Sun Yu's opposition and his parents' care for her, Sun Guoxin eventually no longer dared to bring Ji Hang home, but his own visits home also began to decrease.
Sun Yu knew that her father had another family outside, with his woman and his daughter.
"Jian Lening, since I was a child, I have always been worried. I was worried that my father would suddenly never come back to our home one day, abandon me and my mother, and go to Ji Hang's house to be her father alone." Sun Yu wiped away her tears, stood up and said to me.
I patted her shoulder, stared at her closely, and said, "Sun Yu, never speculate about the future, the present is the most important. No matter what, you have to know that your father has not abandoned you yet. He has not abandoned you in the past few years, and maybe he will never abandon you in this life."
"What's the good of it being like this? Almost everyone who knows me knows that my father has an illegitimate daughter outside. Even if he never abandons me and my mother, I will not admit that Ji Hang is my sister. Ji Hang is a wild girl whose household registration book cannot even be seen in public." Sun Yu said gritting his teeth.
I stared at her blankly, my throat choked and I couldn't speak.
I didn't tell Sun Yu that I was also a wild girl. I was abandoned when I was young and was adopted by my current parents, so I was a wild girl.
What no one can change is his origin; his origin is not determined by himself.
Just like me, just like Ling Er, just like Xu Yan, just like Ji Hang...
I don’t know Ji Hang, but I know she definitely wouldn’t like being called a bastard.
"What are you two doing here? I waited for a long time but you didn't come back. I thought something happened."
A figure suddenly appeared upstairs. When Tang Yu saw us, he immediately stopped and said in surprise.
Sun Yu quickly wiped away her tears, tried to look very natural, turned her head away and said nothing.
Tang Yu looked at me suspiciously, walked to my side, and took the initiative to hold one side of me.
"Let's go, it's almost lights out."
Sun Yu immediately came over to support me, and the three of us remained silent until we entered the dormitory.
Sun Yu's silence was because she was in a bad mood, my silence was because I didn't know what to say, but Tang Yu's silence was surprising. She always loved to talk, and suddenly she became so quiet, which made people feel uncomfortable.
But I soon found out the reason why Tang Yu was silent.
"Tang Yu, these things are yours, right?"
After I finished washing up and was about to lie down to rest, I found a large bag on the bedside. It was the bag that Tang Yu took with him when he left at night .
Tang Yu did not stick his head out from behind her blackout curtain, but just replied sullenly: "It's not mine, it was given to you by Lin Jiarui. I thought it was for me at first."
I heard the bitterness in her tone, but I couldn't answer.
There was a big box in the bag. When Sun Yu and I saw Tang Yu holding it, it had not been opened yet. Now the seal on it had been torn off. I think it was Tang Yu who did it. She probably really thought it was for her, so she took it back to the dormitory happily.
In the box were some plasters and blood-activating potions, as well as several boxes of calcium tablets, bone recovery tablets...all of which were things for me. I instantly felt Tang Yu's loss, and couldn't help feeling annoyed. Why didn't Lin Jiarui make it clear when he gave these things to me, causing Tang Yu to be happy for nothing.
It was time to turn off the lights, and He Yiran, who was sleeping on the edge of the bed, got out of bed and turned off the lights.
I lay in bed, eyes wide open, no way to sleep, with the pile of things bought by Lin Jiarui next to my pillow. I didn't unpack anything, fearing that these things were bought at the instruction of An Xiaoduo again.
To be honest, I don’t like anything related to An Xiaoduo now.
The last phone call made it clear that Lin Jiarui and An Xiaoduo had been in contact.
I don't understand. Since An Xiaoduo has chosen to be with Qixuan, why is she still entangled with Lin Jiarui? Can't she just break up completely? She is always like this, isn't she just thinking about Lin Jiarui? If she doesn't like Lin Jiarui, why does she drag him around?
When I thought of Lin Jiarui, I couldn't help but think of Tang Yu.
I could hear her playing with her phone and obviously she wasn't asleep either. I wonder if it was because of the pile of stuff next to my pillow.
Sun Yu, who was lying on the upper bunk, was also constantly tossing and turning, and from time to time one could hear her sniffling, as if she had a cold, or was crying.
When everyone else saw that I had installed blackout curtains, they thought it was a great idea and installed curtains over their beds as well.
There was still a light on in He Yiran's blackout curtain. The sound of her turning pages was very low. Although she had tried to control herself, it could still be heard. She must have been staying up late reading.
She has good grades and studies very hard, often reading until late at night.
I don’t stay up late at night to read, mainly because I’m afraid that I won’t be in good spirits during the day and will miss out on learning new knowledge.
Wang Hong had fallen asleep and there was a slight snoring sound coming from him.
The night is silent.
Those who were not asleep suppressed their emotions in this dark space, and no one knew what others were thinking.
I don't know when I fell asleep. When I woke up, it was already daybreak. There was a slight movement on the upper bunk. It was Sun Yu who got up. Wang Hong was talking to Tang Yu. Tang Yu was teasing her for talking in her sleep last night. Wang Hong asked her what she said.
Tang Yu brought me breakfast from the cafeteria. Sun Yu did not go with us, saying that he had gone to get money.
Before leaving, I gave her an apologetic look.
Sun Yu smiled at me and said, "It's none of your business. The money for your treatment should have been paid by me, and I don't need that money. It was a junior high school classmate of mine who asked me to borrow money, and I didn't have much cash on hand, so I went to get it."
Looking at Sun Yu's hurriedly leaving back, I always felt a little sorry.
Tang Yu brought me two steamed buns and a portion of soy milk, and also bought me a bottle of Wangzai milk.
I gave her the money for the milk, but she refused and said angrily, "I'm treating you to a glass of milk, why do you have to be so polite? Aren't we classmates?"
I took the money back awkwardly and looked at her gratefully.
Actually, I'm not being polite, I just think it's not nice to eat other people's things for no reason. Even if those things were bought for me by Lin Jiarui, I would find a chance to return them to him.
Tang Yu sat at my table for a long time and didn't leave. He kept watching me eat, seeming to want to say something but stopping himself.
I thought she must have something to tell me. Sure enough, not long after, Tang Yu finally couldn't help it. He asked me with a desperate look, "Jian Lening, is there really nothing going on between you and Lin Jiarui? Don't you think he's too good to you?"
Lin Jiarui is very good to me. I can feel that since that incident happened, he has been taking special care of me.
In the past, he only had An Xiaoduo in his eyes. He knew what color An Xiaoduo liked, what her zodiac sign was, when her birthday was, what An Xiaoduo liked to eat, and what An Xiaoduo hated...
The only thing he didn't know was that An Xiaoduo didn't choose him in the end.
In the past, he never paid any attention to me. He would only think of me when he was bored and wanted to play a prank on me, or wanted to copy my homework.
Unlike now, when he came out of the juvenile detention center to see me, he knew he wanted to buy something for me. When he heard that I broke my foot, he came to see me, endured the strange looks from the girls, carried me upstairs, and the next day he specially bought so many nourishing things for me.
Lin Jiarui is very good to me, at least he is very good to me now.
He would get upset because I ignored him, ask me the reason, humble himself, and beg me pitifully: "Jian Lening, let's make peace!"
In the past, he had never been so compromising. He only threw away all his self-esteem in front of An Xiaoduo, but in front of other people, he still held his head high and was extremely arrogant.
What made him treat me so well? Was it guilt? Was it because he left me that day?
"Tang Yu, do you really like Lin Jiarui?" I didn't answer Tang Yu's question, but asked her instead.
Tang Yu nodded and said "hmm" heavily as a reply.
"Whether Lin Jiarui likes you or not, will you like him?"
Tang Yu's face turned ugly as I asked him this question, and he asked with a tense expression: "Do you mean that Lin Jiarui really likes you?"
"He doesn't like me," I replied bluntly.
I have always been very clear about this issue. He didn't like me before and he doesn't like me now. Even if he treats me well now, I know that he only feels guilty towards me and there is only An Xiaoduo in his heart.
"No matter what, liking him is my business. If he really likes you, I will compete with you. If he still chooses you, I will lose at most. But I am unwilling to give up like this." Tang Yu said seriously.
Looking at Tang Yu's stubborn and unyielding look, I suddenly felt that she was actually very similar to Lin Jiarui. They were both the same. They knew that their loved one's heart was not with them, but they were always unwilling to give up.
"Tang Yu, if you really like Lin Jiarui, just be nice to him. He's actually very easy to please and very childish. He really doesn't like me, you don't have to worry about that, but he has someone he likes. He has liked that girl since he was a child, and has liked her for almost ten years. But she went abroad, and she has a boyfriend."
I spoke to Tang Yu slowly. I didn’t tell Tang Yu that the girl’s boyfriend was someone I once liked very much, but no matter how much I liked him, he never believed me and finally abandoned me. He was also my beloved boy in childhood - Xuanxuan.
"Jian Lening, can you tell me who that girl is? I'm curious about what kind of girl Lin Jiarui will like." Tang Yu grabbed my arm and begged.
I turned my head and stared closely into her dark, clear eyes. A trace of sadness passed through my heart, and I said lightly, "Her name is An Xiaoduo."
No matter how much Tang Yu asked me, I would no longer answer, because the three words "An Xiaoduo" could sum up everything.
Lin Jiarui's foolishness, Lin Jiarui's stupidity, Lin Jiarui's waiting, Lin Jiarui's persistence, are all just because of the three words "An Xiaoduo".
An Xiaoduo is the poison in Lin Jiarui, just like Qixuan was the poison in me.
Lin Jiarui and I can give up our self-esteem and the reservedness we should have for them, just to make them smile. We don’t care even if we are ignored or neglected.
But I am different from Lin Jiarui after all. Lin Jiarui knew it was a drug, but he would continue to indulge in it. But I would not. Because I was afraid of being hurt again and again, I forced myself to leave early.
When I was hurt, I felt heartbroken, but when I left, it didn’t hurt that much because I was numb from the hurt.