I feel a little anxious because the distance between you and me is sometimes far and sometimes close.
Shu Haining, what do you think of me in your heart?
To this day, this question concerns me greatly.

Our quarrel finally ended in that accidental incident.
I sat in the last row of the bus, with Shu Haining and Hua Yuemian sitting on my left. It wasn't that I sat so close on purpose, but there was only one empty row left in the bus.
My heart was still beating fast and it hadn't slowed down since the beginning.
What kept flashing in my mind were his blue eyes filled with fear.
Was he afraid at that moment?
Did he feel frightened by the fact that I might die?
But why are you afraid?
Don't you think I'm just a stranger? If I were just a stranger, why would you show that expression?
Why did you grab me so hard?
Why is the voice shaking so much?
Is it true that he no longer has any memories of his childhood in his heart?
I looked back at him. He tilted his head to look out the window. His handsome profile was beautifully outlined by light and shadow.
I couldn't help but grab his sleeve and tug at it. He turned his head and looked at me. I don't know if it was my illusion, but when his eyes met mine, his eyes seemed to flash.
"Thank you." I said in a low voice.
He was stunned for a moment, and then he lowered his voice like me and said, "It's nothing. No one would stand by and watch someone die without helping. Anyone would help you in that situation."
"Is that so? I thought at that moment you treated me as a friend." I sighed.
His eyes trembled , and the corners of his mouth slightly raised: "Just say what's on your mind, is that really a good idea? You're really frank."
"By the way..." I waved at him, and he followed my movement and turned his head towards me. I raised my head and suddenly realized that he and I were very close. His face was only ten centimeters away from mine. I felt my heartbeat start to get out of control again.
"Hmm?" He looked at me with a smile, "By the way, what?"
"By the way, why are we talking so quietly?" I calmed myself and asked in a low voice.
"Because you whispered it first." Shu Haining raised an eyebrow, looking like he was trying hard to hold back a laugh, "Shouldn't I be the one asking you this kind of question?"
"Never mind, it's okay." I pushed his face away with my hand, "Anyway, thank you for what happened just now."
"Yeah." He sat up straight and responded.
"Haining, what major are you going to choose?" At this time, Hua Yuemian, who was sitting on the other side of Shu Haining, spoke up, "I want to choose the same school as you, so that we can see each other every day."
I subconsciously pricked up my ears. Where would Shu Haining go to college?
"Don't you know?" Shu Haining said calmly, "It's the school we agreed on last time."
Somehow, my heart tightened, as if someone suddenly pulled it hard. Are Hua Yuemian and Shu Haining so close? When I was struggling to figure out how to start, Shu Haining and Hua Yuemian had already agreed on the school they would go to in the future.
But it's true, ten years of friendship is indeed something that no one else can compare to.
I realized this clearly for the first time. Even if Shu Haining and I were friends when we were young, it was only for three years from the age of five to eight. We were both children at that time. No matter how good our relationship was, how good could it be?
The person who grew up with Shu Haining and went to and from school with her every day was Hua Yuemian!
It's only natural that they are so close.
I know all this, but I still feel very uncomfortable, as if my favorite book was taken away by someone else, and something that originally belonged to me was written with someone else's name.
My heart trembled. Why did I think so?
Unlike books, Shu Haining is not my private property.
How could I have such an idea?
I was shocked by my own thoughts.
Hua Yuemian was still talking to Shu Haining. I didn't pay attention to what they were saying. My mind was a little confused. Tang Ruize's evaluation of me was indeed not wrong at all.
He said I have low emotional intelligence , and it seems to be true. My brain is completely unable to handle anything that is slightly complicated.
I remember Tang Ruize once mocked me, saying that I must have two brains, one I use when reading and studying, and the other one I use when thinking about things and getting along with people.
After getting off the bus, everyone went to the school auditorium to gather. Because we arrived relatively late, there were already quite a few people sitting inside when we entered. In the end, Shu Haining, Hua Yuemian and I all sat in different places.
I was holding the application form and filling it out while wondering which school Shu Haining would choose?
I still care a little.
Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore and stood up. I walked to Shu Haining and asked directly, "Where do you fill in?"
He raised his hand to cover the filled part, then looked up at me with a half-smile: "Do you want to know?"
"Yes!" I said directly, "Don't you want me to give up and become friends with you again? If your school is too far away, won't it be very troublesome for me to find you?"
"If it's far away, what will you do?" he asked. "Since you have already decided where you want to go, isn't it meaningless to ask me where I'm going now?"
"Huh?" I thought about it carefully, "You make a lot of sense."
I took the completed application form to the podium and handed it to the teacher in charge. When I turned back, Shu Haining handed in the application form behind me.
I really want to go and take a look!
But he was right, I had already decided where I was going, and there was no point in knowing which city he was going to attend college.
Looks like I'll have to become good friends with him again during the summer vacation.
I had just decided what to do during the summer vacation, and for some reason I felt relieved.
When I walked out of the auditorium, I suddenly remembered that when I invited Shu Haining to watch the fireworks together, he had not yet responded to me.
Thinking of this, I turned back and walked forward three or four steps. I stopped because I saw Hua Yuemian leaning intimately against Shu Haining.
She was saying something and he listened quietly.
The scene was so shocking that I walked up to him, grabbed his collar and lifted him up from his seat.
Such a commotion attracted a lot of people to watch, and even the teacher sitting on the podium looked over here.
"Come with me." I grabbed Shu Haining's tie and pulled him out of the auditorium. Hua Yuemian was stunned by my action and stood there for a long time without moving.
I didn't go to see Hua Yuemian. Anyway, I had nothing to talk about with her.
"Let's go to the fireworks display together tomorrow." I pulled his tie and made him look at me at eye level.
There is no other way. He is a head taller than me. If I don't do this, I can't look him in the eye. At this time, I was actually a little envious of Hua Yuemian, who is half a head taller than me. With that height, she looks very coordinated when walking with Shu Haining . I am not too short like her.
"Although I really want to say yes, I'm sorry, I have already promised to go with someone else." Shu Haining said.
I let go of his hand and nodded. "Oh, that's fine. Whether it's good or bad, I just want an answer. You know, without an answer, I'll feel uncomfortable."
After returning from school, I sat in the yard for a long time in a daze.
Shu Haining said that he had promised others, and there was nothing he could do about it, there was always a first come first served system.
I had just finished my shower and went upstairs when my cell phone rang. I picked it up and saw that it was my mother calling. I flipped through the phone and found that there were more than 20 missed calls.
I picked up the phone and heard my mother's frantic roar: "Skylark, why did I buy you a phone? I called all day and no one answered."
"Today is the day to fill in the application form! I didn't bring my phone." I sat down on the sofa, wiping my wet hair while saying to her, "I went out early in the morning, and I didn't go upstairs after I came back, so I just received the call now."
"Your dad is worried that you didn't fill out the application form correctly, so he asked me to call you and ask you. Which school did you choose? What major?" my mother asked me.
I said, "I went to the same school as my brother, and I majored in finance like him."
"Finance, I get it. I told you not to worry, but your dad didn't believe me. Really." Mom said this and was about to hang up the phone.
"Won't you say something about my major?" I quickly asked.
My mother said in a very nonchalant tone, "What are you talking about? Haven't you already filled it out? Besides, this is your own business. No matter what major you choose, just be happy."
"Well, I'm very happy." See, this is my family, and they think happiness is the most important thing.
After hanging up the phone, I walked to the window, opened it, and the sea breeze blew in. I had just taken a shower, and my body was wet. The wind blew, and I felt cool and comfortable.
Tang Ruize came back at this time. He raised his head and looked at me. I waved at him, then closed the window and went into my room.
On the second day after filling out the application form, the summer fireworks display unique to coastal cities officially kicked off.
It seems that this day every year is very lively, which can be seen from the fact that I saw tourists walking around outside the gate when I woke up early in the morning. Many people took pictures of my small building with cameras, and some people stood in front of the iron gate and took pictures with my small building.
"Let's go play with Yun Que too." Grandma changed her clothes and seemed to be planning to go to the scenic area. "Would you like to go with me?"
"Okay." I didn't want to go alone, but it would be different if I went with my grandma.
When my grandma and I locked the door and walked along the beach to the place where the fireworks display was held, I realized that grandma was not alone. She had invited several friends to come with her.
"Skylark is so big now. I remember that she just learned to walk." A grandmother said with a smile, "I heard that Skylark is the top scorer in this year's college entrance examination! You gave birth to a genius son, have a very capable daughter-in-law, and now your granddaughter is so capable too. You are so blessed."
"Isn't it?" Grandma patted my shoulder proudly, "I also think I am very blessed."
"Hello, grandmas." I smiled and greeted my grandma's friends.
Of course, it wasn’t particularly fun to follow old people around the fair, but I had nowhere else to go, so I just followed my grandmother.
"This mask is so pretty." Grandma picked up a cute fox mask from a mask stand, "How much is this?"
"Twenty-five yuan," said the mask vendor.
"It's too expensive, can you make it a little cheaper?" Grandma bargained with a smile. The buyer of the mask didn't want to haggle too much with the old lady, so in the end grandma bought the mask for twenty yuan.
I was curious about what my grandma bought the mask for, but she turned around and put the mask directly on my forehead.
"Well, I think this mask is very suitable for our Skylark. It really looks very cute when worn." Grandma looked at me happily .
"This is something children like, right? Grandma, I'm not a child anymore." I reached out to take off the mask that was diagonally fastened on my forehead, but my grandma stopped me.
"Isn't it nice to go back to childhood sometimes? Our Skylark didn't wear a mask like this when he was a child!" Grandma said, "Before turning eighteen, isn't it nice to be a child for the last time?"
That makes sense, and my grandma likes me wearing it very much. This is the mask she bought for me. Thinking of this, I let the mask be put on my head.
After walking and stopping for a while, the grandmas were a little tired, so they found a nearby drink shop and went in. There were a lot of people inside, but fortunately there was an empty table for four.
"You guys take a break, I'll go out for a walk." I said, asked the four grandmas to sit down and rest, asked for a pot of tea for them, and then went back to the bustling market under the scorching sun.
I have visited seaside markets when I was a child, but this is the first time I have seen one on this scale.
I was walking aimlessly in the crowd, when suddenly a familiar figure came into my sight.
It was Shu Haining. I stepped forward and wanted to call him, but at this time, Hua Yuemian appeared beside Shu Haining. She handed Shu Haining a string of candied haws, and then walked towards the group of boys and girls in front with Shu Haining.
I couldn't call out "Shu Haining" because I was standing there. People were coming and going beside me, and everyone's face was filled with joy and happiness.
I could vaguely recognize that the group of people were the ones who hurt me together with Hua Yuemian when I was a child. At that time, they were just a group of six or seven-year-old children, and now they have become teenagers of sixteen or seventeen years old.
Why can they easily forget their past sins and smile so frankly and naturally?
Maybe they have all forgotten that when they were young, they once hurt someone who just wanted a friend.
I turned around, took off my mask, and walked in the opposite direction of them. After walking for a while, the scenery in front of me changed. The vendors disappeared, and a group of people were playing beach volleyball on the beach.
It was hard to tell whether it was sea water or sweat, hanging on the face, and when the sun shone on it, the whole person seemed to glow, and each face was filled with happiness.
Walking alone is actually not bad. It is extremely rare to find peace in the hustle and bustle.
I really want Tang Ruize to come here and take a look. Unlike me, Tang Ruize likes the hustle and bustle. It’s a pity that they haven’t had their summer vacation yet.
But it should be soon!
I have the impression that he seemed to have said that summer vacation would start in a few days. How many days was it?
I stood there thinking for a while, but before I could figure out what was going on, someone patted me gently on the shoulder.
I looked up in surprise. The person in front of me had a sunny face. His skin was a healthy wheat color because he was baptized by the sun and sea breeze all year round.
"Skylark!" He laughed when he saw me looking at him. "Do you remember me?"
"Who are you?" I looked at his face and searched for a similar face in my mind, but I failed. I didn't remember anyone who looked like him.
"I'm Tian Su. I'm so sad that you don't even remember me." He said with some regret, "I recognized you at first sight just now."
"Tian Su..."
The name seemed familiar, and along with it came to my mind was a fair face.
"It's you!" I remembered that not far from my home, there lived a family with the surname Tian. Tian Su was the child of that family. However, because he was five or six years older than me, I was not very familiar with him.
But when I see him occasionally, he will talk to me and make me laugh.
Unexpectedly, ten years passed in the blink of an eye, and the once fair and thin boy grew into a sunny man with sword-like eyebrows and bright eyes.
He is five or six years older than me, so he should have graduated. However, I remember that he didn't seem to be good at studying, and I don't know whether he continued to study after the college entrance examination.
"Let's go to my shop and have a seat." Tian Su said, and took me to a barbecue restaurant on the beach. "How is it? Not bad, right?"
I looked around and found the decoration inside was very special. The air-conditioning was turned on high and it felt very cool as soon as I entered the door.
It was not a good time to eat, so the store was a little empty.
"I'll treat you to some ice cream." He walked to the counter and asked the clerk to make me a cup of ice cream. "I remember that we haven't seen each other for ten years! I heard that you got first place in the exam. That's amazing."
"Don't praise me." I felt embarrassed when he praised me, because this result was not the result of my hard work, because it was easy to do, so I felt guilty when I was praised. This kind of praise should be given to those who work hard , but it's a pity that I, who didn't work hard, got the first place.
When I thought about it this way, I actually felt a little guilty.
Tian Su sat opposite me and talked to me a lot, such as how he didn't do well in the college entrance examination and left Qinglu with a backpack. He worked part-time and traveled between cities. He came back to open this barbecue restaurant two years ago. Because the tourism industry here is very popular and many people come to the beach to play, the business in the restaurant is quite good.
"A lot has happened." Tian Su sighed, "I remember you were just a little girl when you left."
"Many people have lamented this." Every time I hear someone say this, I feel that time is a cruel thing.
"Haha, isn't it." He said with a smile, "Not only you, but the little ghosts on the beach have changed a lot. Oh, by the way, you may not know that the little boy you picked up wanted to look for you after you left."
"Ah?" I was stunned. Did Shu Haining ever think of looking for me at that time?
"But he was stopped by his family. How could a seven or eight-year-old kid be allowed to go find you?" Tian Su said, "Speaking of Shu Haining, it seems that something happened about three years ago."
"What's the matter?" I asked subconsciously.
I have a hunch that the reason Shu Haining became what he is now has a lot to do with what Tian Su is about to say.
"That's it..." Tian Su was about to say, but his cell phone rang, and he made a "wait a moment" gesture to me. Although I was a little anxious, I still nodded.
He picked up the phone, and it seemed that something went wrong with the delivery truck. Tian Su finished the call and looked at me apologetically: "Skylark, sorry, I have to go out now, and I'll talk to you next time."
"It's okay, just go ahead." I said quickly.
Tian Su took the car keys and ran out in a hurry.
I sat there and slowly finished a cup of ice cream, then pushed open the door of the barbecue restaurant and walked out.
I was a little confused. What happened to Shu Haining three years ago? However, he is fine now, and he was the first before I came back. So it seems that nothing serious happened to him!
With this in mind, I temporarily put this question behind me.
The sun was still glaring outside, and it would be lunchtime soon, so I didn't know where Grandma was. I went back the same way, but when I got back to the drink shop, Grandma and her friends were no longer there.
I took out my cell phone from my pocket and called my grandma. She told me that they were having a great time and told me to go around by myself and not to worry about her.
I put my phone back into my pocket. I seldom carry my phone with me, but luckily I brought it with me today. Otherwise, it would have been difficult to find my grandma among so many people in such a large scenic area.
My grandma asked me to go shopping by myself. Where should I go?
I just want to find a place to sleep now, because I got up too early in the morning. But it takes about half an hour to walk home from here, because I have walked quite far.
I went around to the back of the store and found that the area behind the first row of stores had been converted into a rest area. Because it was facing away from the sun, it was much cooler here than at the market.
There were quite a few people in the rest area. I walked forward slowly and patiently, and finally found a place where no one was there and it was very suitable for taking a nap.
There is a big tung tree there, its dense leaves block the sunlight. There is a bamboo bench under the tree with some tung flowers fallen on the bench.
I wiped the dust off the bench with my hand, then lay down on it, closed my eyes comfortably, and slowly fell asleep in this quiet place in the midst of noise.
I had a dream about Shu Haining and I when we were little.
At that time, Shu Haining didn't like to talk. I squatted in front of him and asked him non-stop: "Hey, why don't you talk?"
He just looked at me quietly. He had a face that was so white that it was almost transparent, and his blue eyes showed a look that seemed like he wanted to cry.
Behind him was the blue sea, the water surged up and down. He looked at me motionlessly, and my face was reflected in his eyes.
"The teacher scolded me again today. I just told everyone that fairy tales are fake. Not only the teacher, but everyone thought I was wrong . I must be weird, but I don't understand this kind of thing!" The little me said a lot to the little Shu Haining, and I didn't stop even though he didn't respond to me at all.
Finally, after a long time, he suddenly asked me a question: "You really want friends, right?"
Boundless darkness suddenly enveloped Shu Haining. I reached out to grab him, but it was pitch black all around and I couldn't catch anything.
Just when I was depressed, a beam of light appeared in the darkness, and the grown-up Shu Haining appeared there - with short hair, some natural curls, and blue eyes as unfathomable as the deep sea.
At that moment my chest was filled with joy and I wanted to walk towards him, but I didn't know when another person was already beside him.
I was the only one standing in the darkness, the only one who had not grown up, still the eight-year-old me, small and short, always regarded as a monster, called a genius, but it was not like that. I was just a little girl with a weak heart, who hoped to have many friends around her like other children, to talk, laugh and play together.
My face felt a little itchy, and something brushed across my cheek. I slowly opened my eyes, and the evening sunset and that person's face fell into my eyes.
For a moment, I thought I was still in the dream and hadn't woken up, but his hand was still resting on the corner of my eye, and the warmth was so real.
But sometimes, I have this very real feeling in my dreams!
I subconsciously reached out and tried to touch his face. If I didn't touch anything, then I must be dreaming! How could Shu Haining be here? How could he squat in front of me and look at me with such gentle eyes?
I must be dreaming.
My hand finally touched his face, it was warm. I tried to pinch it, and then I was completely stunned. If this was a dream, then this touch was too real.
"Shu Haining?" I took my hand back immediately and looked at him with wide eyes. "Why are you here?"
"I was just about to ask you." He calmly took back his hand, "You came all the way here to sleep, are you stupid?"
"What were you doing just now?" I reached out and touched my face. I don't know if it was because of the dream that made me feel very sad, but I actually shed tears while sleeping soundly.
"Well, a leaf fell on your face and there was a caterpillar on the leaf. I just took it away." He turned his face away and said in a very calm tone.
"Just that?" I felt like he was lying. If that was really the case, why didn't he dare look me in the eye and say it?
I really don't understand. Sometimes I feel I am very close to him, but when I turn around I find he is standing very far away from me.
"Shu Haining." I stretched out a hand and placed it on his face, forcing him to face me. "What do you mean? I wanted to give up, but you held me back. I wanted to approach you, but you walked away coldly. I don't know what to do at all."
"I can neither advance nor retreat. What do you want me to do?" I was a little annoyed. Doesn't he know that because of his affairs, I am always happy and sad at the same time, like riding a roller coaster?
He stared at me blankly, with some emotions in his eyes that I couldn't understand.
The sky gradually darkened, and the small colored lights hanging on the tung tree behind me lit up . The light reflected in his eyes was as beautiful as the stars in the night sky.
"I'm sorry..." He lowered his eyelids, his long eyelashes blocking his eyes. I couldn't see what was in his eyes, "I'm sorry to have troubled you so much."
"Haining, why?" I wanted to ask clearly, to get to the bottom of it, "You said the past doesn't count. You said you already have so many friends that you can't leave any more friends for me. If that's the case, why can't you just ignore me from the beginning to the end?"
"Whether you stopped me when I was about to turn around and walk away, or grabbed me when I was almost hit by a car, or appeared here for no reason and wiped my tears, if you were really as determined as you said, you would never do these things."
"What about you?" He raised his head and looked me straight in the eyes. "Yu Que, you are the one. Why are you so obsessed with me? Don't you already have Tang Ruize by your side? You two are so close and intimate."
"He is..." I wanted to explain, but Shu Haining interrupted me.
"If you just want to have friends, then it doesn't matter who they are! Why do you want to be friends with me again? Even if we were friends ten years ago, ten years is such a long time. We were just children back then. Perhaps most people don't even remember their elementary school friends. Why are you so obsessed with a friend from ten years ago?"
"Because it won't work if it's not Shu Haining!" I was so anxious, but I didn't know what to do, so the words came out almost like a roar.
Shu Haining and I were both stunned. I quickly covered my mouth with my hand. I felt like there was a fire burning on my face.
"Don't say that. How can it not matter who it is?" I whispered, "Because we were each other's only friends!"
"Really..." He covered his eyes with the back of his hand, with a hint of forbearance in his voice, "Didn't I say that I have no intention of recalling the past?"
"Sorry, I forgot." I said, "Haining, what kind of distance should we keep between us? It's up to you to decide, okay? Become friends or become strangers, I'll leave it to you to decide. You know, I'm not good at things that don't have answers. I was troubled for a long time, and after I came back, I was troubled by things related to you. Yesterday at school, I thought I only had one summer vacation for us to return to being good friends. But today I found that I am indeed a cowardly guy, always wanting to give up before taking a step forward. But there is no way, I am this kind of bad guy. I want to start it without authorization, and decide to end it without authorization. I know this will bother you! But Haining, do you know? When I think about the fact that we used to be good friends, my heart is very uncomfortable. Have you ever eaten unripe green plums? It feels like there are a lot of such green plums in my heart, which will be sour and astringent, and a little swollen."
I looked up at the deep blue sky. The night sky by the sea was not pure black , but a very deep blue. Stars dotted the night sky, twinkling like lights on the wings of an airplane flying in the night sky.
"You're really cunning, Skylark." Shu Haining's voice was very soft. He leaned forward and gently rested his forehead on my shoulder. His voice came so close that it resonated in my chest. "You can't solve it, so you throw it to me? Little Skylark, do you really want to be friends with me?"
"Yeah." I didn't dare move, afraid that he would notice that I was nervous.
"The year you left, I often wondered if it was because being friends with me couldn't make you happy, so you wanted more friends and even left in the end," he said softly.
"It's not your fault," I explained.
Is this why he doesn't want to be friends with me?
"Yes, I know." He said, "but when I realized this, I couldn't contact you anymore."
He slowly raised his head, his eyes hiding some emotions that I couldn't understand, and he said, "Let's go watch the fireworks together."
My gaze shifted from his back to the hand that was holding my wrist, and I had a subtle feeling in my heart that all this was unreal.
"Didn't you promise someone else first?" I asked gloomily.
His back stiffened, then relaxed again, with a hint of helplessness in his voice: "So I can only watch with you for a while."
Are you going to go to Hua Yuemian's side?
This question was stuck in my chest. I wanted to ask it several times, but in the end I couldn't.
It’s not that I don’t dare to ask, but I don’t dare to hear his answer. If he answers me “yes”, what should I say next?
I know that in the ten years when I was not involved, there were already many people around him. The person closest to him was obviously me, but during that time, I was replaced by Hua Yuemian.
My chest felt tight and I had a subtle pain. What was wrong with me? I was no longer myself. These feelings were strange and I didn't understand what it meant to have them.
But when I thought about him going to Hua Yuemian, I was so sad that I didn’t know what to do.
I wanted to block his way and force him to stay here.
Why on earth am I so obsessed with him?
Not only Shu Haining didn't understand, but even I didn't understand.
With a loud bang, a huge firework bloomed from the sky above our heads, and the whole world was illuminated at that moment. Shu Haining and I stopped, as it seemed that we would not be able to see the fireworks in time.
But it’s also nice to watch it here, because there’s no one around. It’s such a big and open place, with only Shu Haining and I.
I have never had much interest in fireworks, but this is the first time I think it is really great to be able to come here to watch this fireworks display.
Later, many years later, when I thought of this scene again, I realized that what was beautiful was not the fireworks, but the moment when the fireworks bloomed, that person was by my side.
"Bang--" the sound of explosions continued to ring out. Before one firework faded away, another firework exploded in the night sky. The entire sky was filled with fireworks. Although the light was fleeting, it was indeed breathtakingly beautiful.
"The fireworks are beautiful." I said softly, "Haining, you haven't told me your answer yet."
He didn't give me an answer as to whether we should become friends or continue to be strangers.
He turned to face me, smiled, and said, "What a nice mask."
Before I could say anything, he suddenly reached out and pulled down the mask that was on my forehead to cover my face. I felt him suddenly approach me, and through the mask, his forehead touched mine.
It was as if I could hear his breathing and heartbeat.
If we were once only ten centimeters away from each other, now we are only one millimeter away.
It was so close, so close that I thought we had traveled through the long ten years and returned to our childhood, snuggling on the beach, looking at the starry sky side by side.
He and I will definitely be able to go back, right?
All I could see was his shadow. It was pitch black and I couldn't see anything clearly.
"I'm sorry." After a while, I heard him say this to me, "I really can't get you to stay by my side as a friend."
"Huh?" My heart suddenly skipped a beat and I opened my eyes wide, trying to see his face clearly.
But he held my shoulders and wouldn't let me take off the mask.
He said, "The time is up. I have to go to the person I made an appointment with before."
"Is there still no way you can be friends with me?" I heard my voice trembling, and something slid down my cheek and flowed into my mouth. It was bitter.
I am so glad for the mask, at least he can't see my expression at that moment.
I can't cry in front of him, because that would make me feel like I've lost. We just failed to be friends, which is no big deal.
"Yeah." He loosened his grip and took a step back.
I looked at him through the mask. He lowered his head, his fine hair covering his eyebrows, and his lips were slightly pursed.
"I'm leaving." He said, turned around and walked forward a few steps. Like many times before, his steps seemed to hesitate for a moment, and then when I thought he was going to turn around and look at me, he walked forward at a faster pace.
I moved the mask away and wiped the tears from my face with the back of my hand.
There is clearly nothing worth crying about, but the tears just can't stop.
Sea breeze, where are you taking him?
Are you going to Hua Yuemian?
I followed Shu Haining forward, followed him into the noisy crowd, followed him past stalls. Fireworks were blooming overhead, and after a brief burst of light came darkness. In the flickering fireworks, I saw Shu Haining finally approach a person.
It was indeed Hua Yuemian. She stood there and smiled at Shu Haining. I pulled down the mask to cover my face.
Shu Haining stopped beside Hua Yuemian, and then they stood shoulder to shoulder, looking up at the fireworks above their heads. I saw Hua Yuemian put his arm around Shu Haining, and I saw Hua Yuemian leaning her head on his shoulder.
I resisted the urge to run over and push Hua Yuemian away. I wasn't even his friend. I was just a stranger. How could I be qualified to do such a thing?
When the biggest firework exploded in the sky, I saw Hua Yuemian grabbing Shu Haining by the collar. When Shu Haining lowered his head, she reached out and held his face. At the moment when the firelight flashed, she stood on tiptoe and kissed him.
"boom--"
My mind went blank, and at that moment, I heard the sound of something important disappearing.
Is that so?
So this is ah!
In this case, there is really no place for me by his side. After all, if I continue to be friends with me, Hua Yuemian will misunderstand!
Shu Haining, is that so?
Because of Hua Yuemian's existence and because you two are in this kind of relationship, can't we even be friends?
Then why did you say that to me? Why do you keep getting closer and farther away? At that time, I clearly felt that you were approaching me. If you still have to give me such an answer in the end, why did you acquiesce to my approach?
That would make me look like a fool!
Why do you hold my hand?
Why do you wipe my tears?
Why did you take me to see this fireworks display?
Why give me hope and then destroy it with your own hands?
Why do I keep having expectations of him again and again even though I know that if I have any expectations of someone, I will definitely get hurt?
What am I expecting?
How stupid can I be?
I squatted on the ground and hugged my knees with my hands.
The loneliness I felt when I was eight years old traveled through ten years and once again completely engulfed me when I was eighteen years old.
"Found you." A voice suddenly sounded beside my ear, and then I fell into a warm embrace. Tang Ruize's familiar voice was close at hand, "Sorry, I'm back late. Little Skylark, let's watch the fireworks together."