When the time approached eight o'clock, Xiang Nanfeng's lonely figure finally disappeared in the dark night, and my heart, which had been hanging in the air, slowly fell.
The anxiety and restlessness finally ended with Xiang Nanfeng's departure.
I packed my schoolbag and clothes and was about to get into the warm quilt to fall asleep, but the voice of Cheng Panpan, who hadn't spoken to me for several days, was heard outside the door.
She never knocked on the door, but today she knocked politely and asked in a low voice: "Sister Wen Yu, are you asleep?"
I got up reluctantly and opened the door.
Cheng Panpan, who was standing in front of the door, was dressed neatly, but her eyes were red and swollen like two walnuts. She suddenly threw herself into my arms, tears streaming down her face, and she cried loudly: "Sister Wen Yu, I'm heartbroken. I, I broke up with Lu Tianyi!"
I ruffled her hair in surprise, unable to understand the news she brought.
Hadn't she and Lu Tianyi just been together for a short time? How could it be so fast... "He said I was willful and that I was too much for him to handle!" Cheng Panpan frowned resentfully, tears streaming down her face, "I really like him! Sister Wen Yu, I'm so sad..."
She kept telling me about her troubles, as if she had completely forgotten the unpleasant things that had happened between us before.
I didn’t take what happened before to heart. In my heart, Cheng Panpan was like a simple-minded sister and the only person in my uncle’s family who was close to me.
Seeing her heartbroken look, I couldn't bear it, so I quickly turned to her and said, "Come in and sit down."
"I don't want it!" Cheng Panpan suddenly increased her strength and pulled me outside. "Sister Wen Yu, I'm in such a bad mood today, can you accompany me out to play?"
"Now?" I glanced at the clock on the wall. "It's already so late..."
"It's okay! I'll be back soon! I just went out to get some fresh air!" As she spoke, Cheng Panpan 's tears fell again, "I'm really sad."
"Can't I make you something delicious?" I had a headache.
But Cheng Panpan seemed determined to go out. No matter how tempting the conditions I offered, she refused them outright. In the end, she persuaded me to a bar not far away.
Although it was late at night, the place was still bustling with people and very noisy. I mustered up my courage but didn't dare to go near. Instead, Cheng Panpan pulled my arm with ease and walked towards the crowded bar.
"A bottle of vodka, a dozen beers, and a bucket of ice!" She smiled at the handsome bartender behind the bar.
"Do you come here often?" I looked around uneasily.
"It's OK. Sometimes I hang out with friends. It's quite lively here." She took the wine and opened several bottles without hesitation, despite my objection. She said gloomily, "Today I can only drink to relieve my sorrow. Come on, Sister Wen Yu, let's drink together!"
As he spoke, beer and ice were pushed in front of me.
Unable to resist her enthusiasm, I picked out a bottle with reluctance. As soon as I put it to my lips, an unbearable pungent smell hit me in the face. I forced myself to take a sip, and I was choked to tears.
Cheng Panpan kept drinking bottle after bottle as if she was possessed, which frightened me. No matter how I tried to dissuade her, she wouldn't respond.
I raised my hand and looked at the time on my watch. It was getting later and later. Would my uncle and aunt be worried?
"Lu Tianyi, this bad guy..." Cheng Panpan, whose eyes were already a little blurry, was still muttering the name.
I opened my mouth several times to remind her, but seeing Cheng Panpan's heartbroken look, I could only suppress all the worries in my heart.
I believe she also really needs a way to vent.
Seeing that all the wine bottles around were empty, and it was already very late, but more and more people were coming to the bar. Cheng Panpan finally felt tired, and she held my arm with unsteady steps, swaying from side to side.
"Sister Wen Yu, what's wrong with me? Am I not worthy of Lu Tianyi? Huh?" Her drunken question rang in my ears.
"You're good, it's just that he doesn't deserve you. Don't be sad, okay?" I held her hot wrist with difficulty and comforted her softly.
"Huh..." She buried her whole face in my collar and said nothing more.
We supported each other as we walked home, and from a distance we could see the house was brightly lit. I was shocked, thinking to myself, maybe my uncle and aunt had noticed that we were both missing and were so worried that they couldn't sleep?
While steadying Cheng Panpan who was still complaining beside me, I carefully opened the door. Looking up, I saw my uncle and aunt sitting side by side with gloomy faces. They looked at me as if they wanted to eat me alive.
"We're back." In order not to anger them, I spoke as loudly as possible.
My aunt didn't answer. She just stood up, shaking her weak body, and slowly walked to us. Her angry eyes fell on Cheng Panpan, whose face was flushed and reeked of alcohol.
"Mom." Perhaps frightened by such a look, Cheng Panpan called out unwillingly.
But just as she finished her words, my aunt raised her hands high, and accompanied by a sharp sound of wind, I felt an indescribable pain on my cheek.
After a snap, the whole room became quiet.
I was bent over by the slap, and I felt stars jumping in front of my eyes. It was as if countless bombs in my mind had exploded out of control. The unbearable pain made me groan softly.
"Wen Yu, I knew you were not a good person!" My aunt gritted her teeth and said, "It's so late, and you actually took Pan Pan out to drink?"
"Oh! No matter how angry you are, you shouldn't hit someone!" My uncle stood up quickly, his face changed drastically, "Although it was Wen Yu's fault, but you..."
"What do you mean 'me'? Look at how drunk Panpan is. If it weren't for this jinx who only knows how to cause trouble every day, would I become like this?" my aunt roared.
I covered my cheeks tightly and cast a cold gaze on my aunt.
Am I supposed to continue to endure her indiscriminate accusations?
"Mom! Stop talking! What right did you have to hit Sister Wen Yu!" Cheng Panpan, who was shocked by the slap, came to her senses and stepped forward, "I took her out!"
"You're still trying to make excuses? Don't protect her. I'm going to teach this ignorant little girl a lesson today!"
"You're noisy all day long, and when you're in a bad mood you find others to vent your anger. Aren't you annoying? I'm going out to play because you give me a headache, do you know that?" Cheng Panpan's face was full of disgust.
My aunt had never expected that the criticism would be directed at her. She was stunned at first, and then she wailed miserably: "They say that girls cannot be kept when they grow up. You are already blaming me at this age ? Fine! I am sick, I might as well just die..."
"Xiu Lian, don't talk nonsense..." My uncle was so anxious that he was sweating profusely.
Looking at the three people who were already in a , I had no room to relax. My heart was twitching with pain, and I looked around, trying to find something to divert their attention.
At least make Cheng Panpan more rational!
The mobile phone thrown on the table by Panpan attracted my attention - if it was Lu Tianyi, it should be okay, right?
Without time to think about anything else, I grabbed Cheng Panpan's phone, found Lu Tianyi's name and dialed it. After the beeping sounded for a long time, a cold and impatient bass voice came from the other end.
"Cheng Panpan, what else do you want to do?"
I ignored his emotions and simply explained the situation: "I'm Wen Yu, Pan Pan's cousin. She's in a bad mood right now and is arguing with her family. Can you try to persuade her?"
After making this request, I was already prepared in my heart that he would hesitate, refuse outright, or agree to it readily.
But neither outcome happened.
There was a brief silence at first, and then Lu Tianyi let out an even colder laugh, filled with deep sarcasm.
He said, "Wen Yu, it seems that what Cheng Panpan said is right. You are really sick and very annoying. Why would you think of looking for me for such a thing?"
My heart sank, as if I had fallen into an endless abyss.
At the critical moment, I believe that my ears will not make mistakes, and my brain will not make mistakes, but why is it that what Lu Tianyi said makes me unable to understand?
I held the phone tightly, and after a long while I asked in disbelief: "You said Cheng Panpan..."
"She mentioned you to me." Lu Tianyi interrupted me, "Don't you know how much she hates you? This is ridiculous... I can't help you with what you said. I have nothing to do with her anymore."
After saying that, Lu Tianyi hung up the phone in a hurry, as if he was disdainful of talking to me anymore.
I stood there like a fool, looking back stiffly at the three people who were still arguing. My aunt's face was full of resentment, my uncle was very helpless, and Cheng Panpan... Cheng Panpan, who always broke into my room late at night with a teddy bear and snuggled in my arms to tell my secrets, actually slandered me in front of Lu Tianyi?
Is it possible that the girl who always smiles carefreely and calls me "Sister Wen Yu" sweetly is just pretending to be ridiculous?
I actually treated her as the only close family member in this house, and accompanied and comforted her every night despite my physical fatigue.
It turns out that I am the most pathetic person!
Thinking of this, I could no longer control the sadness that was surging wildly in my heart, and I let out a long, sharp laugh.
Such laughter was so abrupt that the three people who were still fighting in the middle of the room all looked in that direction in unison.
I didn't look at my uncle and aunt whose faces turned dark, but just stared at the puzzled Cheng Panpan with an expressionless face.
I threw her phone back onto the table and asked word by word, "Cheng Panpan, you said I'm sick? You said I'm annoying?"
Cheng Panpan was stunned, her face turned red and white, but she quickly calmed down: "Did I say something wrong?"
Her fearless look made me even more angry: "You are a two-faced person who talks behind others' backs. Are you not ashamed of yourself?" I raised my eyebrows coldly, "Now when I see you, I just feel disgusted."
Cheng Panpan's face turned completely red, like a ripe tomato.
She stretched out a finger and pointed at the tip of my nose with trembling hands: "I still feel disgusted when I see you! You usually pretend to be so nice to me, but what are you really like? Haha! Wen Yu, do you think you are a good person? I was with you before because I respected you, don't take yourself too seriously! You stay in my house like a parasite all day long, who do you think is disgusting between us?"
At this moment, Cheng Panpan completely tore apart the beautiful appearance, exposing the dark darkness hidden deep in her soul.
The uncle and aunt who were still arguing a second ago keenly noticed the change in the situation. Although they had not fully understood the situation, when they saw their beloved daughter suddenly turned into a hedgehog covered with poisonous spines, they naturally chose which camp to join.
The situation in the room can be seen clearly at a glance.
I stood alone opposite them, feeling so frail and powerless.
"Wen Yu, don't stay in our house any longer." My aunt crossed her arms and stared at me with disdain, "We can't keep people like you in our house."
Knowing that she would be the winner of this war, Cheng Panpan looked at me proudly, and that expression seemed to say - who do you think you are?
My head was buzzing, and countless churning emotions were blocking my heart, but I couldn't find a gap to vent, which made me almost collapse.
When I raised my head again, the faces in front of me were covered with a layer of gray-black mist, which was sticky and smelly, making me nauseous. They seemed like demons from the depths of hell, silently devouring my fragile soul.
Where is there an exit leading to the light that can let me escape from this place... I pressed my aching temple and searched on the spot. The shiny and clean water cups on the table not far away caught my attention. Their colors were so pure and flawless, so beautiful.
I want to smash all of this...
I stumbled to the table, burst into laughter , and impatiently stretched out my arms to sweep all the neatly arranged cups to the ground.
This simple action almost exhausted all my strength. The crystal glass fragments flew high, drawing beautiful lines in the air, and Cheng Panpan's screams that could pierce the eardrums rang in my ears. I watched helplessly as several sharp glass fragments bounced high and cut her exposed arm, and the bright red blood flowed out of the wound little by little.
The buzzing in my head gradually weakened. I smiled with satisfaction, then my eyes went dark and I fell straight backwards.
The strange and pungent smell of disinfectant woke me up from my dark dream, but my eyelids seemed to be weighed down by heavy stones and I couldn't open them.
"Try not to stimulate her when she wakes up, just chat normally."
It was Nino's voice.
I struggled hard for a few times, but still couldn't open my eyes.
"We understand. Don't worry. Are there any other medicines that you need to take on time?" Jiang Xing's voice also sounded.
"Basically, it's nothing. The most important thing is to pay attention to your emotions. If you... have any opinions about me, just say it in private. Don't let what happened last time happen again." Ni Nuo said lightly.
"I understand." This time it was Xiang Nanfeng.
Ni Nuo gave instructions for some minor matters, and it was obvious that he was worried, but he had important matters to attend to. After everything was arranged, he simply said hello and left.
I don't know how much effort I put in. My forehead was covered in cold sweat and my nails dug deep into my flesh. The deep pain finally woke me up.
The snow-white ceiling came into view. I moved my fingers and felt a slight tingling sensation. Then I discovered the IV drip hanging next to me, which had little medicine left.
"Wen Yu, are you awake? How do you feel?" Jiang Xing was the first to notice my change. He quickly came forward and looked at me carefully.
I pursed my dry lips and shook my head slowly: "It's okay."
"I'm glad you're okay. Talk less and rest more. There's going to be a bottle of medicine later." Jiang Xing smiled and rubbed my hair.
I nodded in agreement, but couldn't help but look in the direction of Nanfeng.
He was sitting on a chair not far away, his face full of anxiety. He stretched his neck and stared at me, clearly wanting to get closer but not daring to.
Thinking of his lonely figure wandering under the street lamp at night, my heart softened, all my grudges disappeared, and I whispered, "Xiang Nanfeng, you are here too?"
When he heard me calling his name, Xiang Nanfeng's smile suddenly appeared on his face, as if he had been waiting for me to speak.
"Um... I was wrong about what happened to Ni Nuo before." He restrained the upward arc of his mouth appropriately, "I have a bad temper and shouldn't say hurtful words."
"Now you know how to apologize!" Jiang Xing patted his head.
"Anyway, Wen Yu, don't be angry with me anymore. You've made us worry to death this time. You should take care of yourself. After all, the doctor said that your recent condition is not very good. You should pay more attention to all aspects..."
Before he could finish his words, Jiang Xing pinched him and gave him an angry look.
Xiang Nanfeng was startled and quickly shut up, but found it was too late.
I looked at Xiang Nanfeng and Jiang Xing, who were both looking embarrassed, and almost blurted out, "Do you know about my illness?"
My unspeakable secret, that tragic mental disorder... Xiang Nanfeng and Jiang Xing, no matter where they stand, whether intentionally or not, every movement they make carries an attractive glow, they are so outstanding that I am far behind them.
Standing silently among them, I carefully hid the stains in my life and tried hard to integrate into this rare happiness.
But now...
I stared at the ceiling blankly, wanting to cry and laugh at the same time.
I know that they don't care about my grades, my family background, or even what disease I have.
But I care.
I can’t imagine how they will look at me with pity in the days ahead, taking care of me, a patient who could have problems at any time, in their youthful spirits, and whispering, “Are you okay?”
"Wen Yu, we don't have..." Jiang Xing's extremely cautious voice sounded weakly in my ears.
I suddenly closed my eyes and began to subconsciously reject everything.
I said, "You guys go ahead, I'm very tired and want to rest."
I began to reject anyone who wanted to get close to me, including my mother.
Xiang Nanfeng and Jiang Xing would show up at the hospital on time every day. In the face of my silence, they would always pretend that they saw nothing and kept chattering about the interesting things that happened at school.
Many times, I wonder if I will drown in this endless, bleak vortex of time.
More than once, I heard my mother sobbing and pleading to Xiang Nanfeng and Jiang Xing when she thought I was asleep: "Please help Wen Yu. I really... I really have no choice. I don't know what the consequences will be if she continues like this. I beg you, and only you can..."
Her voice was trembling and helpless, and then she began to sob softly.
I clenched the corners of the quilt with both hands and buried my head in the quilt that was filled with the smell of disinfectant.
Sometimes I really don't want to wake up again.
How nice it would be to sleep forever.
It was another sunny afternoon. Xiang Nanfeng and Jiang Xing arrived at the ward on time. This time, they did not say something interesting like they did in the past. Instead, they directly put their coats on me and pulled me out of the ward without saying anything.
Jiang Xing held my struggling arm and advised me earnestly: "It's too painful to stay in this boring place every day. Look, the weather is so good, it's not bad to go out for a walk."
"No." I refused almost subconsciously.
"No matter what you say this time, it will be useless." Jiang Xing smiled mischievously.
Xiang Nanfeng was like a determined soldier. He grabbed my shoulders, and the two of them dragged me to a nearby beautiful park.
Under the dense tung trees, Xiang Nanfeng and I sat side by side , while Jiang Xing had already run away on the pretext of going to buy drinks.
The gentle breeze, carrying the unique fragrance of plants, slapped my cheeks. I squinted my eyes and looked at everything outside that was strange yet warm. Although the thick wall in my heart had cracks, there was still something preventing it from completely collapsing.
Xiang Nanfeng has lost weight these days, and his angular face looks a little bony when viewed from the side. I opened my mouth several times to ask about his health, but still said nothing.
Instead, Xiang Nanfeng's gentle voice rang in my ears: "Wen Yu, what are you afraid of? We are by your side, don't be afraid."
I didn't say anything, watching the tung flowers falling from the tall treetops.
I moved my eyelids, covered my face and pretended to be sleepy and wanted to rest, refusing to answer his questions.
What am I afraid of?
I asked myself in my heart.
I'm afraid that you will leave me one day.
I am afraid that after I have finally touched the warmth, one day I will be pushed into endless darkness by this warmth.