Perhaps in the short life, the only time we can do whatever we want and say whatever we want is during the short time of youth. Because we are young, we are not afraid of what is yet to come, and we all think that it will eventually pass. But we were too young at that time, and I am afraid that we can't find anything more powerful except the courage to do whatever it takes.

Many years later, I can still clearly remember Jiang Xing's expression at that time - as if she had made up her mind and was indifferent to giving up everything, but she also had a faint attachment that was hard to give up.
I thought this kind of complex expression would never appear on the cheerful and optimistic Jiang Xing's face.
However, there are too many unexpected things, and only the God who is high above can open his palms and control everything.
We are all just puppets in his game.
When talking about Xu Zejun, Jiang Xing's tone was tinged with reminiscence, but her beautiful brows were still slightly wrinkled in distress.
"He is one year older than me, so I often follow him and call him brother. His love for me is also very obvious. He always gives me candy first and gives me fun toys to play with."
She laughed softly, "I have a bad temper and always quarrel with the kids in the neighborhood. He always rushes to the front to stand up for me, and often gets beaten up by a group of kids until his head is bleeding."
I gently held her hand: "You are really a good brother."
"Yeah... He's just a brother. I've always thought so." Jiang Xing also squeezed my palm. "I originally thought we would always be good friends, but that year, he suddenly asked me to be his girlfriend and said he would protect me for the rest of my life. I almost subconsciously refused, and at the same time I realized that I really didn't have that kind of feeling for him."
"Actually, it would be nice to have someone who would always protect you, right?" I asked tentatively.
But Jiang Xing shook her head more firmly, and her tone became colder: "You can't force feelings. Being with someone you don't like is just torture."
Looking at her unfriendly expression, and knowing very well how stubborn this girl was, I swallowed the words in my throat and gave her a supportive look instead.
Jiang Xing sighed, then suddenly smiled and said, "You don't need to worry. Xu Zejun is just a little bit clingy. He won't do anything harmful to me. But you, Wen Yu, always make me feel uncomfortable."
The topic suddenly turned to me, and I was stunned for a moment: "What's wrong with me?"
"Your health is not good, why are you so unhappy every day?" She stretched out her fingers and pinched my cheek. "Emotional fluctuations have a great impact on physical health. You are meticulous and think too much. This leaves too heavy a burden on yourself."
I could tell she was concerned about me, and my heart warmed up. I subconsciously said, "It's nothing."
"Are you hiding anything from me? Skipping breakfast is a serious bad habit. You need to change it as soon as possible." She deliberately put on a stern face, "I will supervise you."
"Okay, I got it." Knowing her good intentions, I felt even warmer in my heart and nodded to agree.
"Okay, now that I've gotten over my worries, I feel a lot more relaxed. I'm going to the bathroom." She winked at me, yawned, and walked out of the classroom lazily. She walked so fast that it gave people the illusion that she was escaping from something.
I didn't even have the time to say "Let's go together".
Her slender figure quickly disappeared at the classroom door. I clenched my fists and suddenly had a bad feeling in my heart.
By then, I had already vaguely realized that Jiang Xing's life was not as happy and comfortable as it seemed.
Worries and pains are like mud in the bottom of my heart, unable to see the light and touch the sunshine. The lonely figure is also imprisoned in that black mud. The more he struggles, the deeper he sinks.
People standing on the edge can't even reach out and pull.
The worst outcome is that both of them fall and suffocate to death.
When the class bell rang and Jiang Xing was nowhere to be seen, I knew that my bad premonition had become reality.
The long-prepared test paper filled with densely packed questions was handed out.
I tightly grasped the thin test paper, one corner of which was soaked with sweat, and looked out the classroom door without giving up.
Did something happen to her?
Could it be Xu Junze?
"Where is Jiang Xing? The exam is about to begin." The teacher looked around with a stern gaze, finally falling on the empty seat.
The whole class was silent. No one answered, and no one was willing to answer for her.
I quickly extended my hand and said in a trembling voice, "She... has something important to do and will be back soon!"
Xiang Nanfeng's eyes moved slightly, and he raised his head and glanced at me as if he wanted to say something, but in the end he said nothing.
"Do we have to wait for her? Doesn't she understand the importance of this exam? No need to wait, let the exam begin! Students who have no sense of time are really annoying!" The teacher slammed the test paper on Jiang Xing's desk, turned around and walked back to the podium.
I stared at the teacher's angry figure in silence, biting my lower lip so hard that it hurt.
I turned the ballpoint pen in my hand anxiously, and had no intention of looking at the questions on the test paper. I just felt that they were like disturbing, crawling black ants, penetrating into my irritable heart.
I was absent-minded throughout the entire test, looking up at the clock on the wall almost every two minutes, waiting for the test to end. When the bell rang in my ears, I almost jumped out of my seat, handed in the paper directly, and wanted to look for Jiang Xing.
But the steps I took stopped there. I looked at the noisy playground outside, feeling extremely confused.
Where to find her?
"Big news! Fresh news! There was a fight in our class!" Just as I was racking my brains to figure out where Jiang Xing had gone, a male classmate rushed into the classroom, panting and shouting, "It's Jiang Xing! Jiang Xing had a fight with students from other classes! The school has issued a disciplinary notice! It's what just happened!"
My mind was confused and I ran towards the playground subconsciously.
I have never been so anxious and uneasy.
There are strangers everywhere, with different expressions on their faces, happy, sad, angry, confused...
No matter who it is, it will not attract any of my attention. Our relationship is the same. We are just insignificant passers-by in each other's lives.
In one's life, it is enough to have only a few companions who can understand and appreciate each other.
I ran around like a headless fly, hoping to see the smiling girl. Seeing her waving at me in a cool way, I asked in surprise, "Who said I got into a fight? I'm fine!"
But among so many people, I couldn't even catch a glimpse of her back.
There were occasional wisps of clouds floating in the wind in the azure sky above my head. I leaned weakly against a green willow tree , my brain working fast.
Oh, right! The rooftop!
Is it possible that she is on the rooftop right now? The place where the three of us used to chat and laugh carefreely?
Thinking of this, I didn’t want to waste even a second, and regardless of my physical fatigue, I ran towards the rooftop.
From a distance, I could see that the locked rooftop door was open. My heart began to beat violently and I couldn't help but shout out her name.
"Jiang Xing? Jiang Xing! Are you there?"
Although the answer has been determined in my heart, I just want to hear that response.
After a while, I bent down, holding onto the wall of the rooftop. It felt as if there was a cluster of hot fire burning and jumping in my throat. My hair, wet with sweat, was cool and stuck to the sides of my face.
Following the cool breeze from high above, Jiang Xing, who had her back to me, did not turn back, but the answer, which was so soft that it was almost inaudible, came clearly into my ears.
"I am here."
Her voice was calm and even contained a hint of smile.
The school uniform that was always neat and clean now had black marks all over it, and even the cuffs were torn, and the snow-white sneakers were stained with mud.
I gritted my teeth, rushed forward and grabbed Jiang Xing's shoulders. I saw that the corners of her lips were bruised and there was dried blood on her cheeks. It was shocking.
"You, you really..." I was angry and distressed, and even began to stutter, "You really had a fight with others?"
She just raised her hand and rubbed her cheek nonchalantly, grinning: "It doesn't hurt at all, don't worry. You see, school is so boring every day, I'm looking for fun, and it's also quite happy to fight with others..."
"Nonsense! Stop rubbing!" I slapped her hand away from her cheek. "You can tell me if you're in a bad mood. Why do you want to hurt yourself?"
Jiang Xing's hand froze on her face, then slowly slid down.
She raised her chin slightly and looked towards the sky not far away. On the quiet rooftop, the only sounds that could be heard were the sound of strong wind blowing and her chuckle that was filled with complex meanings.
Then, under my complaining gaze, she actually took out a box of cigarettes with only two or three cigarettes left from her pocket, lit them up casually, and started puffing away.
The choking smell of tobacco almost burned my eyes. Without thinking, I stepped forward to snatch the cigarette away, threw it hard on the ground, and shouted angrily: "Jiang Xing! Stop wasting yourself!"
The milky white smoke drifted away, and Jiang Xing's face became increasingly blurred behind the mist.
She held my wrist with her cold hand and her voice was low and sad .
She said: "Wen Yu, look at this world. It remains the same day after day, as if it will never change. If I die one day, will it change?"
I think, no matter how strong a person is, they will not easily accept the irreversible fact of "death".
Even if this horrible word is just spoken, it is unforgivable.
Jiang Xing was so beautiful and flamboyant, she was like a gorgeous rose that bloomed until it seemed as if it would wither at the next moment. She seemed strong, but so fragile, so fragile that I thought I would really lose her... Looking at her shaky figure standing on the rooftop, boundless fear ran and roared towards me, and the whole world became dark.
I couldn't control myself any longer. I held Jiang Xing tightly in my arms, sobbing and murmuring, "Impossible! No way! Don't talk nonsense. You've always been fine..."
My voice was hoarse because of extreme nervousness.
Jiang Xing's body froze unnaturally at first, but soon, she raised her hand and gently patted my back, whispering in my ear: "I just said it casually, don't be like this, I'm fine now, right?"
"Don't say that!" I continued to hold her tightly.
"Okay, I won't say anything. I was wrong." She whispered to comfort me, as if she was comforting a grumpy child.
"No smoking either!" I sobbed.
"Okay, okay, I won't smoke..."
"Jiang Xing, don't say that again!" I controlled my trembling voice, raised my head and stared into her eyes, "If you really... left this world, I would be sad, I would be really sad."
Jiang Xing's eyes were filled with moisture, but the corners of his mouth were raised in an arc.
"I understand." She kept wiping the tears from her face with her sleeves, "Wen Yu, don't worry."
Her voice was bewitching, and I listened to the words "don't worry" and tried not to think too much. Looking back many years later, I finally understood what Jiang Xing meant by that sentence and her mood at the time, but it was too late.
We were all too young at that time, and I'm afraid we couldn't find anything more powerful than reckless courage.
After the conversation on the rooftop, Jiang Xing threw the cigarette box and lighter into the trash can in front of me. She pulled at her dirty and worn school uniform with a distressed look on her face and pleaded, "I'm already covered in wounds, can you let me go home and rest?"
I opened my mouth in displeasure, but looking at her tired face, I knew she was not lying.
For the sake of her health, I had to agree reluctantly.
Before leaving, Jiang Xing squeezed my hand comfortingly, as if telling me that I didn't need to worry anymore.
How can I feel at ease with Jiang Xing like that?
I got through the rest of the classes in a daze. Without Jiang Xing's company, no one held my arm and went to the store to buy green tea .
I was distractedly writing the lyrics of Eason Chan's song on a piece of white paper, quietly waiting for all the classmates around me to leave, then I picked up my schoolbag and planned to go find Ni Nuo to chat.
Just as I raised my head, a determined figure standing in front of the classroom door made me put my feet back.
Xiang Nanfeng leaned straight against the door, his schoolbag slanted over one shoulder, his upright gaze fixed on me without reservation.
He seemed to still be worried about Ni Nuo's affairs, with a hint of grievance in his expression.
I quickly understood why he didn't leave the classroom at the end of the school day - he wanted to talk to me.
But when I remembered the quarrel between him and Nino in the early morning, and how the sunny and generous boy who usually spoke such words, even if I was stupid, I understood a little bit in my heart.
How come I can't tell whether the radio advertisement that broke the peace of lunch break was true or false?
Thinking of this, when I saw Xiang Nanfeng again, emotions of resistance and avoidance made me look away, pretending that I saw nothing. With my head lowered, I walked out of the classroom anxiously, hoping that he would not say a word.
But a helpless "Wen Yu" was heard behind him.
I thought about it and stopped, but didn't look back.
"Before... I was too impulsive. I admit my mistake." Xiang Nanfeng said sadly, "Can we talk?"
"I don't have time, sorry." This answer that I had prepared long ago came out quickly, but the burden on my heart did not go away with it.
Xiang Nanfeng quickly explained: "I don't mean anything else, I just want to apologize to you."
"I'm not angry. It was my fault before. Go home quickly. It's getting dark." I simply said a few words, grabbed the strap of my schoolbag, and ran towards the gate of the teaching building as if I was escaping.
There was a voice in my heart that kept asking: Wen Yu, can you really solve the problem by avoiding it like this?
Of course not. If you choose to escape from anything, it will only develop in the worst direction.
But besides escaping, do I have any other options?
In order to quickly get rid of Xiang Nanfeng, I gave up the idea of ​​chatting with Ni Nuo and just walked desperately towards my uncle's house. But Xiang Nanfeng followed me like a shadow. When I was fast, he was also fast; when I was slow, he was also slow.
Even when I opened the door to my uncle's house, I could still see his lingering figure, with a look of deep loneliness.
In order to distract myself from my uneasy thoughts, I simply locked the door, started to help my aunt tidy up the room, prepared dinner, put on headphones, and finished two English papers while listening to Eason Chan's songs.
It was completely dark outside. I turned on the dim desk lamp, took a deep breath, and looked towards the window.
There is an invisible force calling me, asking me to walk to the window, draw aside the curtain, and look for the figure outside who may have left...
After a fierce psychological struggle, I hesitated and moved to the window, carefully opened the curtains, and observed the outside world through the narrow gap.
Under the street lights, the streets were empty and there was no one else in sight, except Xiang Nanfeng, who was still sitting by the flower bed, fiddling with his cell phone with his head down.
His shadow was stretched long by the light, making him look lonely and sad. His dark, bright eyes were blocked by his hair, revealing a strong sense of fatigue.
I couldn't help but increase the strength of my fingers that were pinching the curtains, causing many messy wrinkles to appear on the smooth fabric.
Have you waited until now just to give me an explanation?
The determination in my heart began to waver. I walked away from the window and returned several times, but finally I gritted my teeth and closed the gap again.
If I walked over to Xiang Nanfeng and listened to his explanation quietly, how would things change?
I have realized that the three of us can never go back.
Many people say that time is the best medicine that can heal everything. All I can do now is to pray silently that the time that passes by invisibly can really smooth out these uneven scars.