Chapter 30 I'm leaving first. Just don't forget it

. Don't think about Xu Shen.

Take a hot bath. Get into the soft quilt.

Try to find your landing point in Qi Ying's territory.

The curtains were drawn early.

The airtight room was as dark as a tomb.

"Huh——" Li Su woke up in a cold sweat.

She was stunned in the darkness for a while before she calmed down .

A night of nightmares became like a world away when she woke up. She let it go. She

touched the phone that was charging on the bedside table, pulled out the wire, and looked at it blankly with her eyes down, and restarted it.

When she entered the interface, she saw the time displayed on the screen: 16:55. She still had a trace of disbelief. She rubbed her eyes and looked at it again, and then she had a definite sense of reality.

She actually slept until the afternoon. How could it be...

Li Su rubbed her head, feeling sour and blocked in her heart, and she couldn't explain it.

Slowly, the phone ran for a while. Li Su waited for a while and confirmed that there were no repeated messages coming to her. She felt relieved for no reason.

She got up from the bed and sat for a while before getting up from the bed in the dark. She walked a few steps barefoot and opened the curtains in the dim outline.

The setting sun outside the window shone in, dazzling for a moment.

Then the soft, warm light shone on people, as if they had walked through the rapeseed fields again and again, and were washed clean by spring.

11 hours of sleep still cured Li Su.

Li Su took a deep breath and had the courage to face it again. She supported her waist with both hands and lightly hammered it. She turned around and went to get her phone.

"Buzz buzz buzz--" The phone happened to ring in. Li Su took a look and pressed the answer button.

"Hello," the sound of a flock of pigeons flapping their wings came from the other end of the phone. Zhang Youqing half-held the receiver, and the voice was nestled in her palm, which was very dull. "Where are you?"

"Home. I just woke up." Li Su pushed her hair and turned around.

She found the large tortoise-shell frame glasses on the bedside table, put them on, and pressed the legs of the glasses against her ears. She said, "I just turned on the phone. Is there anything I can help you with? Just tell me."

"Just woke up?" Zhang Youqing's voice was suddenly sharp, with a heavy tone, and an angry look of hatred for her not fighting. "Are you kidding me!"

"What's wrong? Don't scare me." Li Su pinched her collar subconsciously and became scared. "Is it Zheng Ting's wife..."

"Lu Jiayi has been going in and out with Xu Shen for half a month!" Zhang Youqing's voice rushed over and interrupted Li Su.

She half questioned and half reminded, and said in a strange voice: "Tianxian, Li Tianxian, how can you sleep? If you keep dawdling like this, the other person's children will be gone!"

Zhang Youqing was very angry, and the volume of the voice obviously soared, scaring away a group of pigeons that were rubbing bread crumbs.

The other end of the phone was filled with fluttering sounds.

"Can you not let your emotions get the better of you? Even if you don't like Xu Shen, you shouldn't ignore his status! In this world, men and women, as long as they trust you and use you, are the best ladders. You have to learn to use their power to climb up! Why do you want to waste his power?"

"..."

After so long, Li Su still didn't understand why Zhang Youqing was so sure that she could be with Xu Shen?

Zhang Youqing seemed to be unable to see the gap between her and Xu Shen. Many times, she always made up all kinds of excuses and sent her to find Xu Shen. But...

"Speak." Zhang Youqing's tone turned cold.

"Xu Shen is still in Yangcheng, right?" Li Su's tone was surprisingly calm. She thought about it and agreed, "I'll pack up and go to Baiyun Airport."

There was a long, long silence on the other end of the phone.

After a long time, just when Li Su thought the other party was offline, Zhang Youqing suddenly spoke again.

"Have you figured it out? Go for me, or go for you."

As if someone pinched the tip of her heart, she woke up from the escape.

Li Su added, as if she was trying to survive, "I'll go right away."

"Oh." Zhang Youqing's voice was extremely cold and realistic, like an order, a warning, she said, "Li Su, don't mess it up."

"Beep, beep..." The phone was hung up. Li Su suddenly broke out in a cold sweat.

——Li

Su was originally going to take the subway.

It was Zhang Youqing's tone that made her sober up in an instant. She

was no longer dependent and willful because of being too familiar with Xu Shen, and she realized what Zhang Youqing said later.

It was Li Su who was confused.

She couldn't help but attribute Xu Shen to her personal feelings, but in fact, actively and correctly handling the relationship with Xu Shen was part of Li Su's career development.

She shouldn't only see the romance behind Xu Shen, she shouldn't forget that Xu Shen was also the most important noble person she met in the workplace.

On the way to the airport, Li Su bought a new plane ticket. She went to Beijing North with Xu Shen, and she returned to Yangcheng alone.

What to say and what to do, Li Su tried to sort out the clues.

Reason and emotion were tugging at each other. She was not ready yet, but the car had already arrived.

Li Su walked in, stood next to the nearest service counter, holding the bag strap, and looked blankly at the crowds of people coming and going.

Where to find? The airport is so big.

Li Su suddenly remembered that when she went to the school entrance examination with Xu Shen that year, Xu Shen had told her countless times: Just stay where you are, I will find you.

Lest you miss each other in the search for each other. That was their initial consensus.

At that time, she also joked:

If she and Xu Shen were destined to be together, then even in the vast sea of ​​people, they should meet everywhere.

If she and Xu Shen were not destined to be together, then even if they passed each other face to face, they would never meet again.

At that time, Xu Shen only replied to her with one sentence: Whether there is fate or not depends on whether you are attentive,

attentive, attentive.

Attentiveness is probably what happened later. Li Su gradually got used to being found at the first time, even if she was not tall and inconspicuous.

So... where to find!

Li Su bit her lip, a little frustrated.

Xu Shen, who was tall and strong, stood out like a crane among chickens.

It should be easier to find!

Li Su encouraged herself and moved her feet, but then she fell back to where she was, still undecided about which direction to go.

After struggling for a long time, she finally remembered another thing she had forgotten: she had a cell phone.

Alas!

Li Su decided to call Xu Shen.

"Sorry, the number you dialed is turned off..."

"..."

Li Su felt a little choked up.

She looked through WeChat and the contacts, and the last message was still about Xu Shen's questioning and her rejection.

Looking at the dazzling red words, she laughed strangely.

It's even.

"Face life with a smile. It's good." A familiar voice sounded above her head, low.

Li Su looked up suddenly and saw Xu Shen standing in front of her accurately, just like countless times before.

After not seeing each other for a night, Xu Shen's fatigue became more and more obvious. After more than ten hours of settling down, he regained his composure, calm and indifferent posture, and the quality of carved pine and cypress, which became more luxuriant after frost.

The person who was still in front of her seemed to be looking at the ends of the earth.

He...

Li Su's heart seemed to be poisoned, and she felt very uncomfortable.

She tried to ease the conflict, glanced at him, and slowly smiled, "Are you hungry? I'll go to dinner with you, okay?"

Xu Shen shook his head slowly, his voice was slightly hoarse, muffled, and soft, he asked: "Are you here to go with me?"

No... No.

The day after tomorrow, Monday, I will report to Qiying Company.

Be a screenwriter, start from scratch. It has nothing to do with you.

Li Su lowered her eyes apologetically, she looked at their feet, and she took a few steps towards Xu Shen.

It was closer, but this distance was not too far, not too close, more like politeness and courtesy.

Li Su said with a relieved tone: "Just walk here, just right."

"Heh--" a light laugh.

Li Su saw the pair of feet in front of her, raised and lowered, but stepped back a few steps.

Her heart was hit, and she missed the direction.

Li Su was a little surprised, and hurriedly suppressed her surprise. She calmed down and slowly raised her head.

Xu Shen's eyes were very cold, and there was a hint of sarcasm at the corner of his mouth, which was intriguing. He looked at her without blinking, with sadness in his eyes, and it seemed that he was just tired.

"Don't you want to see this scene? As you wish, Miss Li, I will step back. But are you really happy? Is this what you want? Do you dare to admit why you dare not let me get close?"

A few questions made Li Su speechless.

It was as if the vocal cords had been beaten countless times and were completely broken. She felt as if she had become dumb, unable to speak from birth.

Really? Is this what she wanted?

She didn't dare to answer. Because she didn't want to lie.

The sun set quickly, and the sky gradually turned gray-blue. Li Su suddenly realized that the worst moment had just begun.

She seemed to have really messed up.

"Li Su, I thought you succeeded in escaping and staying alive. Walking towards happiness step by step. But you don't seem to have done it."

Xu Shen's voice was calm and cruel, and it revealed his determination.

He couldn't wait any longer. He tried to listen to Li Su and hand the wound to the doctor named time, but five years had passed. Nothing was healed.

Now, he would rather turn out those wounds with his own hands and sprinkle the most effective medicine on them. Even if it was painful, he would force Li Su to come out. He wanted her to really let go.

Let go.

"So it's still like that now, right?"

"You're still punishing yourself, always thinking that you did something wrong, that you deserved it, you've made a prison of your own, telling yourself that you can't just turn the page so easily, and you can't accept me getting close to you."

"Because that's your sister, that's a human life, right?"

That was the past that Li Su never dared to face, never dared to admit. She was always escaping, escaping.

But everyone remembers it.

"But, are you really the only one who's wrong? You might as well blame us. Blame everyone."

"You should blame me. Curse me. If I hadn't gone to find you that day, and hadn't asked you to come downstairs, your sister wouldn't have climbed up the window to call you."

"You should blame your mother, she's your sister's guardian. If she hadn't gone out shopping and hadn't left your sister to you, the disaster wouldn't have happened at all."

"You should blame your father. He knew your sister was less than 3 years old, so why did he live on the 12th floor and didn't install guardrails outside the windows? - It's better to live in an old apartment, on a low floor, with layers of iron windows."

"No one is responsible, everyone is! You should hate us too..."

Xu Shen's voice was cold and clear, as if raindrops fell on the forehead and eyebrows, as if tears in the corners of people's eyes.

The deep knot of concern. Those scars that were covered up by deception were finally exposed thoroughly.

But even Li Su herself could not see the emotions that were covered up with bubbles in her heart.

She only remembered: it was she who took care of her sister that day...

She only remembered: her sister was covered in blood, and her bones were all soft...

She only remembered: her sister was taken away by her mother and turned into a bag of earth...

and she was still alive. Her limbs were healthy, she could eat and run.

How could she selfishly deny the responsibility she shouldered? She is the elder sister...

Everything in front of her was blurred, and the rain of a night, the rain in the dream, fell again.

Li Su was crying, lowering her head, crying silently.

Xu Shen looked at Li Su, he felt distressed, he couldn't bear it, but he still insisted.

He stuffed his fists clenched to paleness into his pocket, suppressing every impulse in his body.

He said, "Li Su, don't forget that you were only 17 years old at that time. Even you were a minor who needed guardianship. Why did you take all the responsibilities on yourself?"

"You have a new sister. Your mother has a new daughter. Li Su, you should let it go. A new life has begun."

"Come with me and look forward."

Those words were polished by him countless nights. Now that he finally said it, for some reason, his heart seemed to be weighed down by a heavier stone.

Xu Shen was afraid, very afraid. He was afraid to face Li Su's answer because he understood what kind of person he loved.

But even if the answer was obvious. He would not give up. He clenched his teeth, stretched himself into a string, and resolutely stretched out his hand.

The broad palm was right in front of Li Su. Waiting for her willingness.

Li Su raised her hand to wipe away her tears. She choked, sobbed, pulled the corners of her mouth, and smiled very lonely.

Night after night, her eyes were already a little painful from crying.

She tried to speak, her voice was hoarse as if it were made of sand. She said, "All night long, the street lights went out, the sun was rising... I didn't expect that I didn't come to see you, nor did I expect that you didn't leave. Xu Shen, I have my own new life. A life without you. This is my choice."

She seemed to answer him.

But they all knew that the red herring fallacy was her trick.

Xu Shen had no intention of exposing her, but he couldn't help it.

He took a step towards Li Su. Li Su responded by taking a step back.

The distance was still there.

Li Su's heart slowly calmed down. She gently patted the Chanel bag in front of her, revealing a sincere smile, "You know? When I carry it, others will only think that it is fake. You are like this bag. Even if I own it, I will..."

Li Su didn't finish her words, but they all knew.

She blinked her dry and tight eyes and looked at Xu Shen, her eyes were clear and gentle, but there was a real coldness.

"During this period, I have made a lot of efforts, some failed, some successful, I have been insulted, talked about, recognized... I know how everyone discusses me. My reputation is very bad, I have compromised, and I have a clear conscience."

"If you hear gossip, don't complain for me. I am not in pain."

"Going to Jingbei with you must be the most favorable choice. You will help me, teach me, support me, and give me a lot, but... I have received a new offer." "

The day after tomorrow morning, I will join the team I like and start over as a screenwriter. Xu Shen, I really want to see and try, just relying on myself, where I can go."

Xu Shen understood slowly, he looked at Li Su, and had to take back his stagnant hand and put it in his pocket.

Respect. Respect. He must respect Li Su's choice. Trust her.

And when fulfillment is loss, what is more difficult than making a choice is to control one's own desires.

"Xu Shen, actually, I feel pretty good. I'm not so useless and without self. I even have a little bit of strength to get rid of some burdens, to stick to my ideals and perfect my life."

"I should believe in myself, right? Rely on myself, climb up step by step, down to earth, I..."

Li Su didn't know what she was saying.

She wanted to reassure Xu Shen, wanted Xu Shen to see her cheered-up side.

But what the truth was, only she knew.

During this period, she actually lived a somewhat chaotic life.

Because of her mother's stimulation, she went to do business.

And because of Xu Shen's encouragement, she returned to the starting point of her dream.

She actually didn't live so clearly.

"Yeah." Xu Shen murmured, as if he was a walking corpse, but also as if he was sincere.

He said gently with a cold tone: "Li Su, I don't know either. But if what you said is true. I wish you all the best."

"I..."

There are still many things to say, thousands of words, and many things to say, but I don't know where to start.

Li Su slowly let out a long sigh.

She looked at the distance between their feet, toes facing each other, the direction of the collision.

Forget it.

We'll talk about it later when we have a chance.

When she looked up again, Li Su looked at Xu Shen with a lively expression, and she smiled at him, a bright and dazzling smile.

Li Su: "Let's go, Xu Shen, I bought a plane ticket to Jingbei, and I'll go with you. I'll take you."

Xu Shen looked at her quietly, a glance that lasted for a long, long time.

He shook his head, his voice was very faint, revealing weakness, he said: "Don't go, Li Su. I can't guarantee myself, I think - if you go, you can't come back."

Li Su's smile was stiff and cold on her face.

She saw Xu Shen's hand out of his pocket, he took her hand and opened her palm.

She felt his sweat, like the wet hot tears of that summer.

A familiar orange-flavored lollipop fell into her palm.

The palm wrapped around her palm left her.

The footsteps in front of her retreated step by step, retreated.

He merged into the crowd of people from in front of a person.

The sound in the wind is like a letter from a bird in spring, writing about the cold autumn in another hemisphere.

He said: "It doesn't matter if I go back alone. I walked many roads alone. Just don't forget, don't forget - I'm still waiting for you."