Chapter 3: The Unforgettable Years
I became a reed under the burden of life, soft, strong, and trying my best to live a better life.
——Zhuang Qiyue
01
Many students started buying tickets to go back home one after another. It was almost the New Year and it was hard to buy any tickets. Lin Jiaxuan called me for the first time to tell me that his parents went on a tour abroad, so he found a part-time job during the holidays and would not go back for the New Year. He asked me if I needed his help to grab a ticket to the Flower City online.
I declined and simply told her that my mother and Shen Huai were coming. Lin Jiaxuan was deeply envious of this.
But I never expected that when I returned, Chunyu Noodle House and Aunt Pang were gone.
The sun came out that day, and I dragged my suitcase home. When I got downstairs, I saw a pile of bricks in front of the noodle shop. Several workers were mixing cement and knocking down wall tiles.
"Excuse me, has this store been sublet?" I asked them loudly while standing downstairs.
Aunt Pang has been running this store for many years. Why would she suddenly decide to stop operating it?
"Girl, we don't know either." An old man who was working answered me kindly.
"Weiwei, come here." Aunt Wang from the small supermarket next door saw that it was me and called me over.
This is an old district, and I am quite familiar with the people who live nearby or do business nearby.
I agreed.
"Aunt Pang asked me to give you this coarse grain powder. Drink it in the morning." Aunt Wang took out a jar of brown powder and handed it to me. I held it, feeling sad.
Sometimes a flour-grinding tricycle would pass by here, with baskets of coarse grains such as wheat and sorghum placed on it. Customers could freely choose their combinations, and the vendor would grind them into powder for customers and sell them by the pound.
Coarse grain powder is very convenient to brew and is nutritious and healthy, so it is very popular here. The vendors don't come often, so everyone grinds a large jar each time, which can last for half a month.
"Auntie Wang, has Auntie Pang gone home?" I felt bad.
"Her daughter got married to a good husband. She and Old Xu don't need to work so hard anymore. Last week, the couple went back to their hometown in Northeast China. I'm afraid they won't come back." Aunt Wang adjusted her reading glasses while knitting a sweater.
Someone came into the store to buy something, and I quickly made way.
"Oh, I don't know when I can enjoy the blessing of children!" Aunt Wang said with emotion.
At this time, the customer who was picking things was calling her.
Aunt Wang put down the wool, pounded her waist and walked over step by step, muttering, "My old waist."
I walked out of the store and the sun outside was a little dazzling.
Aunt Pang and her husband have been wandering outside for many years. They always said that they would return to their hometown after working for two years. Now they are finally reunited with their family. I am really happy for them, but besides being happy, I also feel a little lonely.
I stopped and stared at the hurried pedestrians. The old street was still dusty and full of people coming and going.
The changing world has created this mottled old city. The land under my feet tells its own story every day and also witnesses my growth .
Aunt Pang may not know how important a position she occupies in my memories, but I will always be grateful to her, grateful that she warmed the sensitive heart of a little girl during those bitter times.
As a friend, with the care of an elder.
A house tends to get dusty when no one lives in it. After I got home, I cleaned every corner of the old house.
This is a two-bedroom, one-living room house. My mother and I used to sleep separately, but since she moved to Huacheng, I have been living in the master bedroom. The second bedroom is used as a study and has a foldable single bed.
It's been a rare day of sunshine these days, so I washed all the spare sheets and bedspreads in the closet, took all my belongings to the study and arranged them, freeing up the master bedroom for my mother and Shen Huai to live in.
In the evening, I went downstairs to take out the trash and unexpectedly saw Lin Jiaxuan.
He had his hands in his coat pockets, the scarf I gave him casually tied around his neck. He was sitting on the stone steps opposite, his back against the wall, taking a nap.
The soft light of the street lamp reflected on his body, and his face was buried in his knees, blurry.
"Lin Jiaxuan?" I walked closer to him and nudged him uncertainly, "Is it you?"
He raised his head, looked at me confusedly, and smiled foolishly.
"You're back!" As soon as he opened his mouth, a pungent smell of alcohol rushed into my nose. Lin Jiaxuan tried to stand up by holding the wall, staggered a few steps and almost fell.
I put down the trash can and quickly supported him.
"Drinking so much in the middle of winter." I looked at him reproachfully.
His face and nose were red, his eye sockets were sunken, and he looked very haggard.
"It's okay, I'm not drunk. You know how much I can drink." He pushed me away softly, with a bit of distance.
I let go of his hand and let him stand up straight.
"I found out I failed too many subjects after the exam, and my boss fired me for not working hard at my part-time job. Are you drowning your sorrows in alcohol?" I told such a dry joke that even I couldn't laugh.
"Hehe..." Lin Jiaxuan lowered his head and smiled.
"Are you unhappy?" I asked him with a smile.
His smile gradually turned bitter, and a strange look appeared on his face.
He looked at me quietly, his words carrying an emotion I couldn't understand: "I know about you and July..."
My body froze, fireworks exploded above my head, and panic enveloped my entire body like rapidly falling sparks. At this moment, I felt as if I had been stripped naked, and I was so embarrassed that I just wanted to find a corner to hide in.
"Really? What did she say?" I forced a smile.
He sniffed, stared at the back of me in a daze, and said slowly: "He said you saved her, that you two were friends, and told me not to look for her anymore."
For a moment, I couldn't find anything to say.
"The matter in July was rather complicated, and it was wrong of me to hide it from you." He explained to me calmly.
He didn't know that I didn't need to explain at all, I just needed to be honest.
"I don't blame you." I figured it out. Everyone has his own secrets, and I also have things I haven't told him. I care so much about it, it's just jealousy.
"That's good." He breathed.
I looked at his shadow elongated by the light and asked in a low voice: "Do you like her?"
I couldn't hear the answer.
It was very quiet around, with a few dogs barking in the distance.
I looked at his evasive eyes and repeated, "You like July, right?"
His extremely unnatural expression already gave me the answer.
"I--" He hesitated.
"Lin Jiaxuan, you don't know, actually, I like you." I told him easily.
His ink-colored eyes were wrapped in the darkness of the night. He looked at me steadily and suddenly became speechless.
A bitter smile escaped from the corner of my mouth. Secret love is a thief that dies when exposed to the light. Secret love spoken out loud will never blossom and bear fruit again. In order to kill my fruitless love, I can only pour deadly poison to make it wither quickly.
I lowered my chin and said softly, "So, if I didn't know about you and July before, don't tell me about it in the future."
He asked me why.
Why? If you can find a reason to like someone, why are there so many sad stories in the world? I like you, but you don't like me, so I have to let you go.
So, why ask me why.
I was silent for too long, and he called me softly: "Wei Yang..."
I spoke hesitantly, my body aching as if it had been run over by a train: "Because I will be sad..."
Knowing that you are deeply in love with a girl and seeing you being ruthlessly hurt by others is such a painful feeling.
I don't want to face it.
I will be sad too...
The people around me were confused. I didn't want to hear anything, so I sent them away in a cold tone: "I'm going upstairs, you go back."
I didn't give him a chance to speak. I threw away the trash with a wry smile, waved my hand, and walked into the house.
"I understand," he said.
I heard the footsteps of the person behind me gradually fade away, and my eyes slowly became wet. I couldn't see his expression, but I felt that the silent farewell made me feel sad for no reason.
I stood in the dark corridor, my heart trembling. I squatted down and hugged myself, but the tears I had been holding back finally flowed down.
Maybe, I just have to be cruel to myself so that I can learn to let go.
Being able to make the one you love not feel burdened is a reward.
This result is already very good.
Fang Weiyang, you did a great job.
I said in my heart.
