Heavy snow fell all night like goose feathers. The accumulated snow bent the branches. The ground was covered with snow and the roofs were covered with snow, thick and soft.
When I went out, I wrapped myself tightly, leaving only my eyes exposed, and walked on the icy road like a clumsy brown bear.
The No. 907 bus was packed with people. I got on the bus with those who were waiting for the bus and was soon squeezed to the back of the car. The mask blocked out the unpleasant smell inside. What I can't stand most is buses in winter. The windows can't be opened, and it's stuffy and hot inside, which makes me prone to motion sickness.
Not wanting to disturb others, I carried my backpack in front of my chest.
I was breathing uncomfortably, the driver kept braking, I held onto the bracelet, swaying back and forth, suddenly a warm chest leaned against my back, he grabbed the horizontal bar above my head with both hands, holding me in a protective posture to prevent me from being knocked down by the crowd getting on the bus.
"It will be more comfortable if you hold it in your mouth." The fresh and elegant scent of cedar wood hit my nose. I was so nervous that my back straightened. Shen Xingmo stood behind me and handed me an opened can of turmeric.
I felt like I had found a life-saving straw. I put a piece in my mouth and said "thank you" softly.
Then, he picked up my schoolbag and put it on his back. When we reached a stop, someone got off the bus next to him. Shen Xingmo held my shoulders and pushed me down on the chair: "Sit down."
I don't know what expression he has on his face at this moment. The scene of pushing him to the ground last time replays in my mind. I secretly look at his hands that are supporting himself on the seat. I can't see the palm, but the wound on his wrist is scabbed.
A feeling of self-blame crept into my heart. Why did I hit him so hard at that time?
We arrived at the school, and Shen Xingmo strode up the stairs. A group of his friends happened to come down from upstairs, and when they saw him, they punched him on the shoulder. Lu Zi, who had teased us last time, deliberately glanced at me from behind.
"Handsome Mr. Shen, tsk, are you guys coming to school together?"
Lu Zi's voice was very loud. Shen Xingmo pulled him over, grabbed his clothes and told him to be quiet. Shen Xingmo's nervousness made them all laugh. I turned sideways, ran past them in a hurry and hid in the classroom.
About three minutes later, Shen Xingmo didn't come in. His schoolbag was taken back to his seat by a classmate, and the group seemed to be dragging him away.
Sometimes, I can't help but envy the friendship between Shen Xingmo and others. There is no dividing line between them based on academic performance. They just have similar interests and play together freely.
I sat down and looked towards Yu Xinna's seat. She hadn't come yet. There were a few books placed messily on the table, and on top of the books were a mirror, a comb, and some cosmetics.
I have to admit that at our age, ordinary girls always lose to girls like Yu Xinna. They seem to be not serious about their studies and behave rebelliously, but they have learned to dress themselves up early to attract the attention of the opposite sex. They are the "bad students" in the eyes of teachers and the "school beauties" in the eyes of boys.
The wind outside was very strong, making the leaves rustle. When I opened the book, my deskmate Wu Li took the initiative to mention Yu Xinna to me. She spoke casually, but I listened carefully, with my mouth slightly open to show my surprise.
"She hasn't been here for a few days. She's playing on Ximen Street with her friends." Wu Li flipped through the book, circling a few knowledge points from time to time. "The teacher doesn't care about her. I heard that Yu Xinna's father is a leader. With her professional performance, it won't be a problem for her to get into a key school with the help of connections. I'm so angry. We're all so poor, but we can't compare to these people."
Yes, this world is so unfair.
Those who are better than you may work harder than you, and those who are worse than you often have better backgrounds than you. Instead of spending time fighting for justice, it is better to keep your feet on the ground and do your own thing.
Pro-Yuan Xian fish, as retreat webs.
The days slowly pass by, and as the snow melts, our study tasks become heavier and heavier.
Shen Xingmo kept his promise and never disturbed me. However, there were often books of wrong answers and test papers with detailed solution steps on my desk. He cared about me in his own way.
Chen Jinmo came to our cafeteria once without telling me. I saw his profile and thought he came to cheer me up. I was holding my lunch box at the time, but I didn't expect Yu Xinna to come towards me from the other direction.
The expressions on their faces told me that he had come to see her on purpose. Yu Xinna clung to Chen Jinmo like a dog-skin plaster, holding his hand affectionately, laughing and talking to him, and Chen Jinmo was happy to listen, occasionally leaning close to her ear, behaving in an ambiguous manner.
I stood aside, watching them expressionlessly as they walked out of my sight, arm in arm, like a couple in love.
The heart rolled into the abyss and no sound was heard.
Almost at the same time, Shen Xingmo appeared behind me. He followed my gaze and watched Chen Jinmo and the others go out, then glanced at me lightly without saying much.
How could he, who is as meticulous as dust, not understand that the person in my heart is Chen Jinmo.
That noon, I ate all the rice in my lunch box in anger. There is a saying that when you feel heartbroken, don't mistreat your stomach. During the afternoon class, I lay on the table with a severe stomachache.
It's all my fault.
To my surprise, Shen Xingmo noticed that I was trying hard to suppress my pain. While the math teacher was writing a question on the blackboard, he suddenly raised his hand, and in his capacity as class monitor, he briefly explained my situation to the teacher, then carried me horizontally to the infirmary.
Behind me, the classmates' cheers were heard.
Shen Xingmo seemed not to hear. He held me in his arms, walked downstairs and walked towards the playground with an expressionless face. I could hear the strong heartbeat in his chest, and every beat pounded into my heart.
It is still chilly in spring, and the trees all around are turning green, here and there, like green waves. The tender green spring grass is growing out of the soil, swaying in the breeze.
The whole world seemed to have just awakened from a dream.
When we arrived at the infirmary, the school doctor prescribed some medicine for me. After I took it, I lay down and rested for a while, and I felt much better. Shen Xingmo stayed with me the whole time. Except for saying a few words to the school doctor, he hardly said a word and just stood there in silence.
I saw a little weariness in his eyes.
Shen Xingmo, am I very tormenting? If so, I reminded you to stay away from me, why didn't you take it to heart?
For a long time afterwards, he stayed with me like this, like a cup of warm coffee, like medicine to cure heart disease, but I was so stupid that I never looked back at him. I just rushed forward and backward recklessly for my own obsession, and rushed into the abyss.
From then on, there was darkness.
The day after my graduation exam, I felt like everything about me was shattered.
I estimated my scores and I definitely won’t be able to get into University A.
Lin Jingxiang received the admission letter from University A very early on. Lin Dongming was very happy and set up ten tables of dinner in the hotel and invited Qin Fangrui and me.
If Qin Fangrui hadn't dragged me here, I wouldn't have come.
I met Lin Dongming’s “second” wife, the legendary Yan Li.
Yan Li had her hair tied up in a bun, and was wearing a bright red cheongsam, a white waistcoat, and a pearl necklace around her snow-white neck. Her skin was well maintained, and her face, with light makeup, showed her youthful beauty. She stood with Lin Dongming like a little bird, welcoming the guests, full of charm.
I understood at that time that even if Yan Li’s temper was worse than Qin Fangrui’s, it was understandable that Lin Dongming chose her.
Lin Dongming was wearing a neat suit and looked very energetic. When he saw a customer coming, he bent down and handed him a cigarette. Before he opened his mouth to speak, he burst into laughter.
To be honest, Qin Fangrui is quite generous. Yan Li and Lin Dongming stood side by side. It didn't look like a celebration party for Lin Jingxiang, but more like a newlywed couple. Qin Fangrui was willing to come to such an embarrassing occasion and even lose face for the sake of her precious daughter. I have to admire her.
In comparison, Qin Fangrui and I were dressed more casually. When Qin Fangrui arrived at the hotel, he asked Lin Jingxiang directly where she was, left me behind, and went to look for her with bags of supplements.
I found a quiet corner, sat there playing with my phone, listening to music, and was so bored that I felt like going moldy.
Not long after, a pair of white high-heeled shoes appeared on the ground in front of him, and a voice came: "You are Yuanyuan, right? I heard Lao Lin mention you."
I looked up and saw Yan Li. She blinked and looked at me with a smile. Yan Li put the cup of tea in her hand on the table next to me and sat down beside me.
"How's everything at home?" she asked casually. "Are you and Mom all right?"
"Everything is fine." I answered in a low voice, not quite sure how to get along with her.
"Are you confident about your score? Don't be too stressed. It's all the same no matter what you study or what you work for in the future." Yan Li chatted with me casually, looking elegant and well-educated.
Somehow, the bad impression that I had of her stealing Lin Dongming away suddenly dissipated a lot.
I am not a grudge-bearing person, and I am soft-hearted. When someone whispers a few warm words to me, I will have a good impression of her. People who are easily moved, in the final analysis, lack a sense of security since childhood.
It's the same for Chen Jinmo and Shen Xingmo.
"I didn't do well in the exam." I said with a heavy heart. I knew that my foundation was poor. Although I worked very hard in the sprint stage in the last few months, my ranking did not improve much.
"It's good that you have tried your best." Yan Li looked at me and said earnestly, "The adults won't blame you. Grades cannot determine everything about a person."
"Thank you." I hummed softly. Someone was calling her over there. Yan Li smiled at me, got up and left.
I wish Qin Fangrui thought the same way.
Facts have proved that if Qin Fangrui was like Yan Li, Lin Dongming would not have divorced. After Yan Li left, Qin Fangrui came out of the room, followed by Lin Jingxiang.
She saw Yan Li whispering to me for a while, and came over to me in displeasure, glaring at me fiercely: "Did that vixen come to seduce you? I tell you, she is just good at pretending, you are so stubborn, don't be confused and believe whatever she says."
"No." I was a little embarrassed. Qin Fangrui was a loud speaker and never paid attention to the occasion when speaking. "Aunt Yan just asked about my score."
"Your score? Just don't give me a negative score, you stupid ass." Qin Fangrui sighed, "Xiangxiang can get a scholarship, so I don't have to worry about it. I warn you, the tuition is too expensive, and I don't have the money."
"I got it." I felt inexplicably irritated. Qin Fangrui had this ability. No matter what time, she could always mess up my mood.
"Look at you, you have a bad temper. When I say a few words to you, you have a dead face. Today is a great day, don't embarrass me." Qin Fangrui was relentless and scolded harshly and unpleasantly.
It's so embarrassing, so embarrassing. I don't know who is embarrassing myself. The onlookers' eyes make my face turn red.
"Mom, people are laughing at me, stop talking." Lin Jingxiang pulled Qin Fangrui away from me. Thank God , my ears were finally quiet.
I moved my position and sat where Qin Fangrui couldn't see me. Fortunately, Qin Fangrui was talking to Lin Jingxiang and was no longer focusing on me.
During the banquet, relatives kept asking questions, ranging from the reason for Qin Fangrui and his wife's divorce to my future with Lin Jingxiang. I felt uncomfortable staying there, with my head hung, I quickly finished the rice in my bowl, and hid in a pavilion outside to wait for Qin Fangrui to come home.
That day, Qin Fangrui got drunk, and I couldn't tell whether she was happy or sad. She kept saying "happy" but tears were streaming down her face. Lin Jingxiang and I carried her, stuffed her into a taxi, and sent home.
After putting Qin Fangrui to bed, Lin Jingxiang suggested that they go out for a walk together.
There was a long line of stalls at the night market. Lin Jingxiang bought two skewers of squid and gave one to me. She took a bite of chili powder. I quickly went to the supermarket to buy a bottle of water and paper towels and gave them to her.
"I'm not afraid of spicy food." Lin Jingxiang looked at the mineral water in my hand with some amusement and just took a tissue. I said "Oh" and remembered the "abnormally spicy" crayfish that Chen Jinmo treated me to.
Yes, how could Lin Jingxiang, who is fearless, be afraid of spicy food?
"Can you get into a third-rate school?" It was indeed Lin Jingxiang, and her question was very to the point.
"It's a bit risky, if you're lucky." I wiped off the thick layer of chili with a tissue. Lin Jingxiang looked at my movements and snorted, "Pretentious."
"Why did you break up with Chen Jinmo?" I asked with a smile. She frowned when she heard what I said. I added, "I knew it a long time ago."
"I don't like it anymore and don't want to talk about it, so let's break up." She chewed the squid with big mouthfuls and threw the bamboo sticks on the ground. I watched her littering and thought to myself that in this respect, Lin Jingxiang really inherited Qin Fangrui's true teachings.
I bent down to pick up the bamboo sticks she had thrown away and threw them into the trash can next to me. Lin Jingxiang stopped and rolled her eyes at me. I couldn't tell whether it was sarcasm or praise: "Lin Jingyuan, you are just too honest. No wonder Chen Jinmo doesn't like you."
When I heard the first sentence, I wanted to ask, but when I heard the second sentence, my anger suddenly burned.
"Don't quibble yet. I accidentally read your diary." Lin Jingxiang's weird look was really annoying. She put her hands behind her back, took a big step forward, then turned around and laughed at me. "Hey, you, maybe you're not even his backup."
I was wrong. Lin Jingxiang was extremely harsh in her words, even worse than Qin Fangrui.
"He likes you very much."
I can see that Chen Jinmo's attitude towards Xinna is just playful, and Yu Xinna also likes Shen Xingmo. Wu Li commented on her mentality, saying that girls like Yu Xinna will get involved with any good-looking boy.
In Wu Li's words, Yu Xinna is just vain. Chen Jinmo is the "school hunk" from another school, and she hooked up with the "school hunk" and it would be a source of pride for her to tell others about it.
I don't know if Wu Li's words are right, nor do I know if the scene I saw in the cafeteria was Chen Jinmo acting. I just intuitively felt that Chen Jinmo was waiting for Lin Jingxiang.
But is it really so?
Several times when I returned home, I saw Chen Jinmo wandering downstairs of my house. When I asked him about it, he smiled and said that he was on his way and came to see me.
My home and Chen Jinmo's home are located in the south and north of the community, so it would be impossible for them to be on the same route. If he wanted to find me, he would call me first and come directly to my house. The only possibility is that he came to try his luck and see if he could meet Lin Jingxiang.
"He can't give me what I want." Lin Jingxiang grinned and said something fairly serious, "After Lin Dongming and Qin Fangrui divorced, I became more certain that I don't want a guy like Chen Jinmo. Chen Jinmo is only suitable for dating, and I'm looking for a man who can give me a future."
At this moment, Lin Jingxiang was so serious that it didn't seem like herself.
"Should I thank you for letting him go?" I responded with a smile.
"Yes, I don't want it, so I leave it to you." Lin Jingxiang said such mean things. I clenched my fists, but I couldn't do anything to her.
What none of us could have expected was that Chen Jinmo would show up, wearing a baseball cap, a blue denim jacket and ripped jeans, and a pair of white sneakers, and hanging out with two boys with dyed hair.
Seeing Lin Jingxiang and I, he was obviously startled, leaving his two friends behind and walking in front of us. He smiled in a sly way, "What a coincidence, two beauties."
"Let's go for a walk," I said.
Lin Jingxiang bit her lip and turned her head to the side, not wanting to pay attention to him.
"Jing Yuanyuan, congratulations on your graduation."
He looked at Lin Jingxiang unwillingly. After a long while, he gave in and chose to talk to me. While I was in a daze, he grabbed me and hugged me intimately: "Do you want to celebrate?"
I was stuck between them. Nothing I said felt right. The atmosphere was very weird. I moved my elbow and he pressed me very hard.
"You hurt me." I pinched his arm hard. Chen Jinmo pretended not to know and hooked my shoulder to stimulate Lin Jingxiang.
"Congratulations to you too." He looked at Lin Jingxiang steadily.
"Tsk, childish." Lin Jingxiang looked at us with disdain and made a disdainful sound, then she flicked her ponytail and strode away.
The force on his shoulders loosened, and Chen Jinmo looked at her back in a daze.
He asked me, Lin Jingyuan, why this trick doesn't work on your sister.
I stepped on his sneakers, didn't answer his question, and ran away. It's okay for Chen Jinmo to be angry with Lin Jingxiang, but I hate him for taking advantage of me.
Yes, Chen Jinmo's behavior towards Lin Jingxiang not only made her feel childish, but also pushed her further away. Chen Jinmo didn't understand what Lin Jingxiang wanted, but Lin Jingxiang had already found the way to go.
Regarding the future, Lin Jingxiang decided to abandon Chen Jinmo.
In other words, Lin Jingxiang won the game between them .
Two days later, I checked my scores. I was thousands of miles away from University A. Chen Jinmo called me and said with a smile that we were in the same boat, but he still planned to apply to the affiliated college of University A.
That night, Shen Xingmo sent me a text message, A Yuan, the graduation ceremony will be in three days.
I didn't reply to him, holding my phone, feeling disappointed. Qin Fangrui didn't have much hope for me in the first place, and after knowing my grades, she just told me not to apply to a school with a high tuition fee, and didn't say anything else.
On the day of the graduation ceremony, the school promotional video was playing on the slides. As usual, we listened to the leaders’ speeches and the speeches of student representatives. It was a boring process and there was nothing new to find. However, this kind of process would only happen once in our lives.
The school is a sickle, and we are a crop of leeks that have just been harvested. After a few months, the next crop will start to grow again. The school will continue to water and fertilize, waiting for next year's harvest.
This irreversible law seems a bit cruel.
After the meeting, "Farewell" was playing on the speakers on a loop. Everyone shouted "Happy Graduation" and threw their hats and gowns into the sky. Some were laughing, some were crying. Wu Li, my only deskmate, said "Goodbye" to me with red eyes, and I smiled back.
Yes, I graduated.
Wearing a top hat, with sweaty hair, and a loose dress like an airtight sack, the back and chest are all sweaty, but in the auditorium, not a single student took it off.
A large group of students poured out of the door. I waited until most of them had left, then walked to a ventilated window in the corridor and fanned myself with my top hat. Outside, magnolias bloomed all over the campus, and camphor trees gave off a rich fragrance.
The bustling students, holding textbooks and carrying books on their backs, merged into the crowd in groups of three or five. The library cards and campus cards were all collected before the graduation exams, and the memories of this school came to an end.
We returned all the items distributed by the school, but can the school return our three years of youth to us?
Shen Xingmo appeared out of nowhere and stood at the other end of the corridor. I turned around in surprise and saw him smiling at me.
"Ayuan, happy graduation."
"Shen Xingmo, happy graduation."
We exchanged pleasantries and then laughed at the same time.
"Can I have a hug?" he asked.
"Okay." I opened my arms, thinking that I would never see this boy again, the sadness of parting made me cherish this moment all the more.
I heard that Shen Xingmo was admitted to a school abroad and has a bright future.
He walked in front of me and hugged me gently. My heart was as light as a soft cloud that would disperse with the wind.
"Oh, sorry to bother you."
A sharp female voice sounded nearby. Yu Xinna, wearing a pair of high heels, looked at us hugging each other with an "I am the only one" look on her face.
"Hey, don't look at me like that. I mean no harm, I just want to keep it as a souvenir." Yu Xinna said, taking out a lipstick from her small bag. I've seen that brand on TV.
"Handsome guy, I've been thinking about you for so long, but you've never given me a good face. I'm giving you a graduation gift. You don't mind, right?" Yu Xinna put on her lipstick and looked at Shen Xingmo coquettishly. Shen Xingmo let go of my arm, stood aside, and nodded calmly.
"That's great." Yu Xinna walked towards us gracefully. When she came in front of Shen Xingmo, she smiled mysteriously, drew a peach heart on Shen Xingmo's chest, and wrote the word "Nana" on it.
The white shirt and the big red letters make people fantasize.
"You are the fifteenth. Okay, let's find the next target." Without giving Shen Xingmo a chance to refuse, Yu Xinna gave him a passionate kiss on the cheek and left before he had time to get angry.
Shen Xingmo's face was full of black lines, and he was desperately wiping the lipstick mark. Maybe he was too nervous and didn't even notice that he was wiping the wrong side. I took out a wet tissue, stood on tiptoe, and helped him wipe it clean with a smile.
There was a depth of the ocean hidden in his eyes, he looked at me seriously, emotions brewing in his eyes, alarm bells went off in my head, and I instinctively wanted to run away.
Thinking of this, before I could even move, the handsome face in front of me suddenly approached me, the blushing and heart-pounding scent of a boy rushed into my nose, and my lips were wet.
Shen Xingmo kissed me.
He said, A Yuan, I like you so much.
What a pity, what is he talking about? I looked at him stupidly, his eyes were full of mischief, gentle enough to squeeze water out of them, and he smiled at me.
Is this a joke?
I stared at him blankly, forgetting how to react for a moment.
Did I hear it wrong?
Why is the smile in his eyes so bright?
No, I heard him right, for God's sake, he was serious.
Countless fireworks exploded in my head. I couldn't think normally. I didn't know where I got the courage from, but I looked him straight in the eye. I expected him to explain that he was just teasing me.
But no, nothing.
About two minutes later, in my shocked and stunned eyes, Shen Xingmo rubbed my hair lovingly and then smiled.
The laughter was low and deep, very pleasant to hear.
When I graduated at the age of 18, I received a surprise, a graduation gift for Lin Jingyuan, a girl with low self-esteem - a confession from a boy.
The only thing is his confession.
Can anyone tell me if I am dreaming?