"She has a girlfriend." Li Yingze replied. Shen Nianci couldn't tell whether his tone was speechless or helpless.
That day, Shen Nianci sent him to the fork in the road outside his home before leaving reluctantly. They talked a lot that day, like friends who had not seen each other for a long time. Li Yingze also told her a lot , about his mother's expectations of him and about himself, but not about Shen Nianci.
Shen Nianci once thought that was the beginning, but unexpectedly it was the end. It seemed that every relationship that was lost and regained was like this, after a fierce quarrel, they would reconcile and then lose again.
Their way of getting along was also very strange. Shen Nianci sometimes showed her friends their chat records, and her friends just said strangely: "Why can't I understand what you are talking about?" Yes, many people couldn't understand it. It belonged to the two of them. They talked about ideals, poetry and distant places, and helplessness.
When Shen Nianci got home that day, he sent a message to Li Yingze saying, "You have to think it over. I have a bad temper. It would be very unfair to be friends with someone like me."
Li Yingze replied: "In the end, I am still the one who suffers."
In less than a week, Li Yingze deleted Shen Nianci as a friend, and his last words were: "Well, we are not even suitable as friends."
Maybe Shen Nianci was too pretentious, or maybe Shen Nianci put him in the wrong position . After deleting the friend, the messages Shen Nianci left to Li Yingze were still there, and he never deleted them.
There were so many things that happened later that Shen Nianci could hardly remember them clearly. He only remembered that period of time was the same as before. He looked at him, looked at him, and looked at him again.
The craziest thing that happened to Shen Nianci was that she escaped the final exam just to see him, but was caught by the teacher. However, she did not regret it, because she wanted her youth to be crazy and passionate, sincere and open, brave and fearless.
Shen Nianci still remembers that he created a small account to chat with him and become his online friend. The funny thing is that Li Yingze always knew it was Shen Nianci, and Shen Nianci had already guessed it.
During that time, they would still talk about poetry and distant places, about ideals, and even accompanied Shen Nianci in acting as if they didn't know each other, but Shen Nianci crushed all the beautiful things.
Later, they had many entanglements. Perhaps it was these that made Shen Nianci unable to forget for a long time and could not get out of it. It was a vague response. He only said: "I am not worthy of your love."
He would still look out the window at the classroom where Shen Nianci was, and he still had the habit of occasionally looking at the fourth floor from the playground. Shen Nianci would still take advantage of his sneaky breaks to run into his classroom and sit in his seat for a while to see what the teaching building opposite looked like from his perspective and what kind of scenery he could see.
Every time Shen Nianci left, he would leave some marks, such as writing on his notebook, putting a leaf in his book, taking his 50-cent pack of tissues, helping him tidy up his messy drawer, and leaving little notes on his books. He never got angry.
Shen Nianci stole a prize-winning notebook from him, wrote all over it and returned it to him. After Li Yingze found out, he even spent an entire night reading it and comforted Shen Nianci: "You are very lucky to have someone grow up with you." And that sentence, I don't deserve your love.
At that time, Shen Nianci didn't understand that this was just Li Yingze's way of politely rejecting her.
Why did Li Yingze say "It's a blessing to have someone grow up with you"? Because he went to school in Shenyang from kindergarten to third grade. Later, when he was in fourth grade, he ran back and went to first grade again. This was the real reason why he failed a grade.
From that time on, he was alone at home and went to school alone. Perhaps it was because he was alone that loneliness made him grow up at the fastest speed, resulting in him having a maturity that was not supposed to be there at that age.
Shen Nianci once asked him why he was always alone, and even found someone in his class who lived close to his home and asked them to come to school together. However, Li Yingze did not respond much at that time, but just said: "No, I'm used to it."
Later, he changed his signature to: "Wild beasts always walk alone, while cattle and sheep travel in herds."
At that time, Shen Nianci didn't understand his world, so she fiercely pursued the world in his eyes and tried to empathize with him. But when Shen Nianci arrived, Li Yingze was no longer standing still.
Perhaps this is the most regrettable thing in youth. When I was young, there was someone who taught me a lot of things. His shadow is always in my memory. I tried hard to follow in his footsteps, grew up in the process of constantly hitting the wall, and learned to observe. But when I learned to behave in a calm and composed manner, we were already getting farther and farther away on our respective growth paths.
I once tried to keep him, but the estrangement and distance between people cannot be erased with a few words.
Even now, Shen Nianci still feels uncomfortable and regretful when he thinks of this person. The long river of time has allowed us to meet a close friend, and after a short but wonderful encounter, we each got on our own bus and returned to the original track.
Until now, Shen Nianci still can't get over it. She often thinks that it would be better if she were a little more beautiful. This is not groundless, because not long after Shen Nianci met Li Yingze, he had a relationship with one of Shen Nianci's classmates.
Shen Nianci didn't care whether the girl was pretty or not, but other people said she was pretty. Shen Nianci hated her, not only because she had dated Li Yingze and hurt Li Yingze, but also because she had bullied Shen Nianci before.
During that time, Shen Nianci never spoke to Li Yingze, and his eyes were full of disgust towards him.
She knew that it must be the girl who took the initiative.
At the age of first falling in love, meeting a beautiful and interesting girl, coupled with the so-called promise of lifelong love, anyone would be fooled.
They had such a memory before. After Shen Nianci confessed his love, a mutual friend asked him, "How do you feel about her?"
He said, “How can I not feel it?”
Yes, she must have liked him before. Later, Shen Nianci no longer had the habit of disturbing Li Yingze because they were no longer friends. She would just send a sentence in the verification message: Happy New Year.
I originally wanted to say I missed you very much, but it turned out to be a terrible Happy New Year.
Occasionally Li Yingze would reply to him, but most of the time they were not friends. The last time Shen Nianci chatted with him was in June 2021. At that time, he had just finished the college entrance examination. Shen Nianci shamelessly added him again, and he agreed . After a few greetings, they never contacted each other again, but Shen Nianci occasionally posted some updates to attract his attention. Finally, one night, at about three o'clock, the insomniac Shen Nianci expressed her unwillingness.
She posted a long article, ending with a sentence: "If you don't have any other ideas, just delete me and stop giving me illusions."
The next day at noon, she was on the bus to school. At twelve o'clock, she received his reply: "OK."
Shen Nianci immediately replied: "get out of class is over, let's go over..." The result showed that they were no longer friends, but that day Shen Nianci was sitting on the bus, listening to the theme song of "Love by Chance", and felt relieved in her heart. She got the answer she wanted, and it was no longer vague.
But she has long been unable to get out of it. The relief is short-lived, and this feeling will exist all the time.