I don't know if it's because I didn't sleep well, or because I went to the movies directly after class, but I was so sleepy that I just wanted to take a good bath and take a nap. But I didn't expect that Su Yuan would come back very early today. Before five o'clock, he sat upright in the middle of the sofa, staring at me with resentment. I was stunned for a moment, changed into slippers expressionlessly, and walked over as if I hadn't seen anything.
When he came to pull me, I was not without surprise, but this situation was not uncommon for me, and the calmness and composure in my bones quickly came out to resist my panic.
I shook off his hand with force, took a step back, looked at him warily, and was about to ask him what was wrong with him, but a loud slap in the face interrupted my words harshly.
The living room was so large that the slap in the face actually echoed in my ears.
The half of my face that was hit quickly became hot, and pain spread across my skin. I raised my eyelids and glared back at Su Yuan fiercely.
At this moment, I realized how much I resembled this relative who was the most familiar and yet the most unfamiliar to me. Because he was looking at me with the same eyes. The kind of eyes that chilled you to the bone marrow and made your heart, liver, spleen, lungs, and kidneys tremble.
"What a good you, Su Jing'an, do you think everyone in the world is stupid?!" He was so angry that he kept pacing on the spot, wishing he could crush me under his feet. "It's ok for you to be clever at home, but you dare to act like a smart guy in front of Qiao Nuo?"
I admit that when I heard the name Qiao Nuo, my anger, which had reached its extreme, subsided in an instant.
In an instant, I understood why Su Yuan was so furious and why Qiao Nuo was hesitant to speak.
"Qiao Nuo came to your house to look for you that day, but where were you? Where did you go? Did you go back to the shantytown to hang out with those brats again? That would be fine, but you actually said you were at home? Don't you use your brain before you lie?"
"Su Jing'an, you know why I took you back and fed you well! Don't you know what kind of life you and your useless mother led before? Do you think I don't know that you secretly took the money I gave you to spend on her? I turned a blind eye, but you still went further!"
He kept on babbling and cursing.
I didn't refute anything he said, nor did I allow him to trample on my dignity.
The moment he kicked me and my mom out of the house, I no longer felt that this man would play a father role in my life.
If I do well, he gives me rewards. If I do not do well, he beats me and scolds me. I accept it all.
When I think about it this way, I feel like I’m a bit of a pervert.
When facing my loved ones, I am so desperate that I can't even complain. It's so pitiful and ridiculous.
Perhaps he was tired of scolding me, so he returned to the sofa, panting. At this moment, I really, really wanted to ask him if he felt the slightest bit of heartache when he saw my red face. However, I didn't ask him in the end, because just thinking about it made me feel sick at my own hypocrisy.
He looked up and glanced at me with disgust.
"There won't be a next time." I heard myself say with a trembling voice.
"Good to know. Let's go." He waved his hands impatiently, as if he was chasing away trash.
I turned around and walked towards my room. My tears were like a rain that wouldn't stop, slowly gathering into a torrent that hit my heart again and again.
This is my life.
A life full of disgust and nausea, yet one has to succumb to it.
I don't remember when I fell asleep.
Before that, I closed the bathroom door and turned on the faucet as loud as it could go.
For the first time in my life, I couldn't stop myself from crying.
In fact, Dong Mingyang, and even myself before, didn't know that I could cry like a spoiled child. It's not that Su Yuan had never hit me before, but this sudden and merciless blow shattered my self-esteem that I had reassembled into pieces again. People who haven't experienced it will never know the fragile feeling of falling from the sky to the ground and then trying hard to climb back to the sky.
I am afraid that everything is fake, and I am even more afraid that everything can be taken back easily.
The panic, powerlessness and never-ending feeling of uneasiness haunt me all the time.
Just then, the nanny knocked on the bathroom door.
I couldn't hear what she said because I was crying so hard that I was retching. But I knew she cared about me. She was the only one in this cold house who cared about me. But she knew that her influence was insignificant, so many times, she could only come and comfort me afterwards.
I forced myself to stop crying, took a shower, and then pretended nothing had happened and opened the door.
The hot soup was placed on the desk, still emitting warm steam. I drank the soup, crawled into bed, closed my eyes, and the whole night passed like this.
When I got up and looked in the mirror, I was shocked by myself.
My double eyelids were swollen into triple eyelids, and the half of my face that was hit was also red and swollen, and it hurt when I touched it. It's funny to say that I have a bad memory and didn't feel sad or wronged at all yesterday. I just sat on the bed and thought blankly, how can I go to school with this pig head on my head?
After all, I'm that cool.
As it turned out, my worries were completely correct. The first time Guan Yue saw me, she laughed wildly and clapped her hands on the table, causing other customers in the fried chicken shop to look at us strangely.
Just look at her, she sits there like a rich flower, so noble that even if her manners are a little poor, people will still think, wow, such a pretty girl, how come she is a little silly.
But it’s different when they see me. Others may think I am a young wife who has been abused.
I refused to be compared to her, so I ruthlessly covered her mouth and gave her a look that said "I'll kill you if you laugh again." Perhaps because of our friendship, she closed her mouth wisely, pinched my chin, looked left and right, and after a while her expression became indignant, and she said, "Your father is so cruel, he must be sick!"
This sentence is particularly magical. It immediately summoned two people that I wanted to avoid when I saw them.
Guan Yue, this ancestor, knew nothing yet. He kept chattering and helping me curse my father, but when he turned around, Guan Xia held his head and forced him to sit back down.
"I can hear you chattering from far away!" Guan Xia rolled her eyes at her and glanced at me with displeasure. I knew I was no match for him and wanted to hide. So I stood up and pretended to be in a hurry. But I forgot that there was a wolf in front and a tiger behind. Qiao Nuo, who followed Guan Xia in, pulled me back with one hand.
I lost my balance and almost fell into his arms.
Oddly enough, the other half of my face also turned red.
"What's wrong with your face?" Qiao Nuo sat down next to me, holding my face with his hands and looking closely. Guan Yue immediately let out a very annoying "ah".
I quickly pushed Qiao Nuo away and shrank back: "Don't look at me, I haven't washed my face and there's eye mucus."
Qiao Nuo's eyebrows were furrowed as if they were about to fight, and his face, which was usually smiling, was completely devoid of smile. He was so cold that I was a little scared.
The atmosphere suddenly became very tense. He kept silent with a gloomy face, and no one dared to speak. Guan Yue sucked on the straw, making a snoring sound.
Guan Xia raised his chin like an arrogant rooster. It was hard for him. It must be very difficult for him to see my miserable state but not be able to confront me.
Qiao Nuo took out his cell phone and started calling.
God knows who he called, I only know that I was completely confused, but after a while my little scheming came back to the fore. Isn't this the time to act pitiful?
However, just as I was thinking about how to act pitiful and tell Su Yuan all the evil things he did to me, I heard Qiao Nuo say into the phone: "Uncle Su."
Su...Uncle.
Su Yuan?
Guan Yue, Guan Xia and I all widened our eyes at the same time. Under our gazes, Qiao Nuo loosened his collar and said in a particularly calm and powerful tone, "I called you just to tell you one thing."
"If you use violence against Su Jingan again, Qiao Group will immediately terminate all business cooperation with your company."
After saying that, he hung up the phone without any hesitation.
Before I could react to what was happening, he stood up and asked Guan Yue, "Do you have any cold compresses at home?"
"Yes, yes, yes." Guan Yuekuang nodded.
Qiao Nuo said "hmm" and pulled me up from my seat. I followed these three people to Guan Yue's apartment.
Guan Yue's apartment was rented by Guan Xia. It was located in the most expensive area of ​​the city and on the most suitable floor for night view. It had two bedrooms and a living room, and was decorated in a high-quality way. When he had nothing to do, Guan Xia would come and stay for a few days, but more often, I would stay here and not leave.
Of course I couldn't let Guan Xia know that I was often here, so I naturally pretended that I didn't come here often, and even made a pretentious exclamation: "Wow, Guan Yue, have you renovated your house again? Why does it feel different from before!"
Guan Yue, who was drinking water, ignored me, but Guan Xia rolled her eyes at me and said, "Stop pretending!" I coughed twice in embarrassment, and Qiao Nuo beside me smiled faintly, lifted my arm, and said, "Come with me."
It turned out that he had taken out ice cubes from the refrigerator a long time ago, and found a new towel in the cabinet of Guan Yue's bathroom, wrapped the ice cubes in it, crushed it, and then gently put it on my red and swollen face.
He was like a focused and gentle doctor, and I was like a five-year-old primary school student, sitting there and watching him obediently. At this time, he and I were face to face, only about ten centimeters away. The other half of my face quickly burned up, but I couldn't let him see it, so I took a deep breath and used talking to relieve my tension.
"Don't you blame me?"
He suddenly raised his eyes from his lowered eyes and looked at me. To be honest, I was afraid of him looking at people like this, especially at me. The tension crept up again, and I swore that if he continued to look at me like this, I would push him away and run away.
Fortunately, he stopped before I could take action and talked to me one meter away from me.
"Everyone has their own secrets, and I only want to hear the part you are willing to tell me." He said it lightly, as if he didn't care at all.
He really doesn't care, and he doesn't like me.
Thinking of this, I suddenly felt an indescribable tightness in my chest. I lowered my head and looked at the marble floor listlessly.
"Jing'an, I never like to force others, including love." He put the towel and ice cubes away, straightened his sleeves, and said to me. His eyes were like running water, flowing quietly into my heart.
He is so smart, so smart that no matter how devious my thoughts are, I cannot deceive him.
When they came out of the bathroom, the brother and sister of the Guan family both looked like they had no place to put their gossips but had to pretend to be calm. Guan Yue was smart and didn't ask anything. Guan Xia wanted to say something, but Qiao Nuo spoke first.
"Let's go first. Jing'an will stay here today." He turned to Guan Yue and said. Guan Yue nodded and stood up to see them off. I stood there awkwardly like an outsider, at a loss.
Even a fool could tell that Qiao Nuo was a little unhappy.
But I dare not think whether he is so unhappy because of me.
"Nonsense, of course it's because of you! Can't you see that he's unhappy all day because of you?" After sending them away, Guan Yue lay on the sofa, reading a fashion magazine and eating durian, and started to scold me.
"Look at you, why did you lie to him when he was at your house and you lied that you were resting at home? I really admire you!" She shook her head angrily, "Over the years, you are the only one who has cheated Qiao Nuo and still got what he deserved!"
I was frightened by her exaggerated facial expression: "What should I do?"
"What should I do?" She glanced at me and said, "Be his girlfriend!"
"Ah?" I was so scared that I almost slipped off the sofa.
"What? Isn't this exactly what you want?" She snorted twice, "Oh, I'm jealous. You can actually get my cousin who is so outstanding in no time!"
I really want to throw the pillow on her head. What do you mean by "it's really true"? Am I so unworthy of him?
Guan Yue saw that I was dissatisfied, so she put the durian on the table, rolled up her sleeves and tried to reason with me: "Hey, don't be dissatisfied. There have been so many rich girls who have pursued my cousin since childhood, but none of them is as lazy as you. You don't even put on any powder on your face when you see him, and yet he still cares about you so much. You have a nice face, but you are not a fairy. But my cousin does, he is a god!" She spread her hands, looking proud.
Rolling my eyes at her, I sighed and laid down on the sofa: "Don't say that, don't give me hope!"
"Don't worry. I didn't give you hope. Qiao Nuo has been as pure as a living Buddha for so many years and has never cared so much about anyone. Now at least I know he is not gay. As his cousin, I am relieved." She smacked her lips contentedly and wanted to say something when the doorbell rang.
She and I both thought that Qiao Nuo and the others had left something behind, but when we opened the door, we were shocked.
Ai Qing, this lingering guy, actually came here without anyone noticing.
Guan Yue, who opened the door and faced her, froze. Ai Qing, who was wearing a sleeveless vest and ripped jeans, bypassed the thin Guan Yue and came directly in front of me, smiling at me with a smug look on her face.
"How did you find this place?" Guan Yue and I asked in unison.
"My mother told me!" She looked innocent and sat on the sofa in a very familiar manner. I was so angry that I jumped up from the sofa and wanted to roll up my sleeves and slap her. I didn't care what she did to my mother, but she dared to come to Guan Yue. Will she go to Su Yuan to complain about me next time?
"Hey, hey, hey, don't be so impatient. I'm not going to cause trouble in your territory!"
This shrewd fellow saw that I was about to lose my temper, so he quickly rummaged through my bag with a playful smile, then took out a card and placed it on the table: "Here."
I turned my cold gaze towards her: "I don't give a shit about your birthday."
As if she had anticipated my reaction, she suddenly smiled happily: "Sister, don't be like this! Anyway, it's good to come back and get together on Sunday. Mom misses you too!"
"Oh, that's right!" She turned around to look at Guan Yue who was still in shock, "Sister, come along too, bring your friends, it will be so much fun!"
The word "sister" woke Guan Yue up like a slap in the face. She raised her eyebrows and rushed over to throw the card on the table into the trash can. "Who is your sister? You should call everyone sister! This is my home. I don't welcome you. Please get out!"
Guan Yue is a paper tiger, and her best skill is bullying at home.
He seems to be energetic and resolute, but when faced with problems he is more cowardly than anyone else.
Over the years, I have been the one to deal with most of the things that happened outside. But this time, she started to ask me to leave before I even opened my mouth. This series of actions made Ai Qing look a little unhappy. I don't know if she was pretending or she really didn't expect to be slapped in the face like this.
"Go away, and don't come to other people's houses to look for me casually in the future. It's very rude." I approached her and looked down at her. "Remember, I am not your sister. I was not in the past, I am not now, and I will never be in the future."
"Su Jing'an, do you have to be so cruel?" she asked through gritted teeth.
"It's not that I'm cruel or not, but - if this world isn't meant for you, then don't force your way in."
"Su Jing'an, you are amazing, you can do it, I want to see how long you can be so arrogant!" She gave me a last look as if she were an enemy, then picked up her bag, and walked out the door a cloud of dust, not forgetting to slam the door hard before leaving.
Guan Yue was startled by her action, but soon her temper flared up, and she ran to close the door, cursing. I sat back on the sofa weakly.
All these years, I thought I could forget the influence Ai Qing had on me, but now I realize that nothing has changed.
Many years ago, when I first saw Ai Qing, I felt that she was a dark cloud covering my life, representing disaster. On the first day she and her father came to my house, Lin Fang cooked many dishes that she would not normally cook. She seemed particularly happy and even sang songs, looking like a little woman in love. That night, I let them stay in. Ai Qing and I squeezed into the same bed. I was very unhappy, but I knew I couldn't show it. When I came back from school the next day, I found that she had broken my piggy bank and spent all the coins inside.
I cried all night. I saved that money with great difficulty, and I used it to buy a collection of essays that I had liked for a long time.
She bit the lollipop she bought with the money, pinched some snacks in her hand, and sat on the bed watching me cry. Lin Fang tried to comfort me at first, but when she saw me crying, she ignored me and went to be intimate with Ai He. What made me most heartbroken was that she actually told Ai He that this child was just stubborn and that he should not take it to heart.
Since then, the conflict between Ai Qing and I has never ceased. Most of the time, I silently endured it, while she intensified her efforts to destroy my life. For example, she brought her classmates home to play and knocked over the only set of valuable high-heeled glasses in the house, but she secretly hid the fragments under my bed. After Lin Fang found it, regardless of the cause and effect, she determined that I did it. Ai Qing pretended to be a good person and pleaded for me like a white lotus.
For example, I borrowed a notebook from a good student and copied it. While I was taking a shower, Ai Qing wrote a lot of insulting swear words and drew some extremely ugly graffiti on the cover of the notebook, and I was completely unaware of it. After I returned the notebook, the student saw it and got furious. She never talked to me again.
For example, she had to attend a classmate party, but she didn't have any nice clothes, and Ai He didn't have the money to buy her one, so she set her sights on me. She begged Lin Fang, hoping that she could lend her my white dress, which was still quite valuable. I refused, because the dress was a birthday gift from Guan Yue, and I would not allow Ai Qing to taint it. But what was the use of my disapproval? These two people worked together and secretly took it away when I was away. When it returned to my closet, the dress was already stained with all kinds of dirty stains. I cried and washed it all night, but it was not clean.
Such things are like the endless dust in the air, countless. I also began to understand that since I am no longer a small flower in the greenhouse, I will become a carnivorous plant in the desert.
So, from then on, I never tolerated Ai Qing again. Whatever she did to me, I would return it one for one.
When things were at their worst, Ai Qing and I would even fight.
It was not until later that I met Dong Mingyang. Under Dong Mingyang's care, Ai Qing restrained her behavior and did not dare to make trouble with me openly. I think many of my scheming in dealing with people and things came from Ai Qing's "careful teaching". Ai Qing knew that I would no longer be cowardly and tolerant, so she started to act good and please Lin Fang, using Lin Fang's care for her to stimulate me.
I always thought that no matter what, I was Lin Fang's biological daughter, so I didn't care if she tried to win his favor.
But until now, I realized that I was the only one who was redundant. After all, Lin Fang never thought of my birthday in the past few years. But she held a birthday party for Ai Qing. I don't care about many things, not because I really don't care, but because there is no comparison. Once there is a comparison, those self-righteousness that I once swore will collapse in an instant.
"Jing'an, are you crying? Why are you crying? That annoying guy has been driven away!" Guan Yue was so anxious that she pulled out paper and stuffed it on my face. Only then did I realize that I was crying again.
"It's okay, it's okay, don't worry, I'm fine!" I waved my hands quickly, not wanting her to see me so vulnerable.
I hate myself for being like this, crying all the time. What a mess I am. I have been through a lot in the dark. Guan Yue knows me too well. She sighed, threw the tissue away, and put her arm around my shoulders: "You don't have to care about these things. Your mother doesn't care about you, but there are people who care about you! And to be honest, your mother hasn't cared about you for a long time!"
"I just think that maybe she is better off without me." I smiled bitterly, "Maybe I am just a burden. Because of me, my mother was kicked out, and without me, she has love and a new home."
"From the beginning, I was the most redundant person. I knew Su Yuan always wanted a son, so he never liked me. If he doesn't like me, then he doesn't like me. But I still have my mother. But now, I understand that my mother doesn't care about me either."
"Many times I feel that life is so hard. Why should I work so hard to live when someone doesn't care about me?"
"Su Jing'an, stop talking!" Guan Yue came over and hugged me tightly. I couldn't stop my tears, like a sudden rain. We were like two little mushrooms, tightly together, just like the countless spring, summer, autumn and winter when we were young. When she was punished by her father, I would hug her and cry with her. When I was beaten by Su Yuan, she would comfort me and accompany me to release my emotions.
"Since those messed up things have already happened, it's useless for you to be sad. I'm not a liberal arts student, so I won't say those flowery words to comfort you. I just want to tell you that no matter what the world becomes, I, Guan Yue, will stand by you, accompany you, care about you, and protect you!"
"You have nothing to cry about when you have a friend like me!"
I couldn't help laughing when I heard her words of great righteousness and heroism. Guan Yue always has this magical power to pull me back from the edge of collapse. I'm very lucky to have her along the way. Because of her, I didn't fall so badly in my stumbling life.
I have thought more than once that maybe she was my lover in the previous life. She didn't want to be separated from me, so she chose to be my sister in this life.
How wonderful it would be for her to be willing to be a sister to someone like me.
After all, she didn't know that the girl she was holding had already had her appearance changed by the years.
"Okay, I won't cry anymore. I'll be happy no matter what as long as you're with me." I rubbed her head, letting all the bad emotions disappear as we smiled at each other.
No matter what, life must go on, right?