There is a kind of feeling in this world called obsession. I am so unaware of it that I have forced myself into a dilemma, and you are the eternal god who easily takes away everything from me.

After the winter vacation, Li Ziye stayed at home almost every day, either doing homework or reading. In the past six months, Song's father's condition has stabilized, and he often went home to rest.
In fact, he is not a hateful man. On the contrary, he is gentle, wise, mature, and really a model father. He and Song's mother have a very good relationship. When Song's father first met Song's mother, he was still a poor boy with nothing, while Song's mother was a girl from the city. The two of them got married despite the pressure from their families. When they first got married, they had nothing, but Song's father worked very hard. In order to make up for the material debt, he took care of Song's mother meticulously.
It was hard for Li Ziye to imagine that before Song's father fell ill and was hospitalized, he was the one who got up every morning to prepare breakfast and even helped Song's mother prepare the water for washing her face and squeeze out the toothpaste. These things were not surprising for a newlywed couple, but they had been married for more than 20 years.
Father Song rarely talked about the past with Li Ziye, but he liked to call her over to play chess with her and teach her how to lay out the chessboard. Or he liked to bring a fishing rod and teach her how to fish. Or he liked to start talking about any piece of news, economy, politics, or history.
Sometimes Li Ziye really feels that there is nothing in this world that he doesn’t know.
She thought over and over again, if they had not sent her away, and she had grown up with Father Song, would she be so knowledgeable now, and would she have skipped a grade and been admitted to university?
But there is no if. She is so humble and insignificant now, and no matter how hard she tries, she can never catch up with them.
She resents Song's father's excellence, and she is jealous of her brother Song Chuling's excellence.
She really didn't want to become such a person, but unknowingly she found herself falling into an endless black circle. She could even smell the scent of her soul decaying.
When Song Chuling returned home, Li Ziye was playing chess with Song's father. Song's mother had been busy in the kitchen since early morning , planning to cook a sumptuous dinner for Song Chuling herself.
Li Ziye instinctively felt a dislike for this brother who was about to return. Call her narrow-minded or heartless, she simply had no good feelings towards the three words "Song Chuling".
After all, these three words robbed her of her life, making it brilliant and splendid alone. Even during the time when he was not at home, she was brainwashed by these three words countless times.
Song Chuling has been the top student in her class since elementary school.
Song Chuling’s award certificates could fill up his entire room.
Song Chuling has passed the eighth level piano exam.
The three words "Song Chuling" are like a tight hoop. The more outstanding he is, the more he highlights Li Ziye's failure.
As soon as the door was opened, a clear male voice rang out: "Mom and Dad, I'm back."
Before Song's father dropped his chess piece, he looked up and saw Song Chuling at a glance, and then he couldn't help but smile: "Come, come here and let me see if you have gained weight."
Song Chuling ran over and gave Father Song a hug, then looked at him carefully: "I'm fine, but you've lost so much weight. Have you listened to the doctor and mom?"
Father Song shook his head helplessly: "Say hello to Ziye first."
When Song Chuling turned around, she saw Li Ziye, who had been staring at the chessboard without saying a word, and after a moment of daze, a warm smile spread across the corners of her mouth: "Aye, welcome home."
Li Ziye paused for a moment, his hand holding the chess piece trembled, and when he raised his head, he bumped into Song Chuling's smiling eyes.
She never expected that the first words Song Chuling said to her would be "Welcome home". She always felt that she was an outsider in this family, but Song Chuling said "Welcome home" so frankly, without any trace of disguise.
It seemed that in Song Chuling's eyes, Li Ziye was just a family member who had been reunited after a long separation, rather than a sister who had been sent away and never seen for many years. There was no guilt at all, just the intimacy of a brother treating a sister.
Song Chuling looked at Li Ziye, with a warm and gentle smile on her face: "In fact, I have always been looking forward to having a younger sister, and suddenly I have a younger sister this big... It's great."
Mother Song brought the dishes to the table. Upon hearing this, she couldn't help but come over and hit him on the back of the head: "Take good care of Ziye and don't bully her."
Song Chuling immediately saluted Mother Song and said with a smile, "As you wish! She is my dearest sister and I love her so much , how could I possibly bully her?"
Mother Song rolled her eyes at him and said, "You are the only one who can talk. Come and help me!"
"Okay, okay, I'll be right there."
Song Chuling nodded, then turned around and blinked at Li Ziye: "Hey, Ah Ye, wait, I have something good for you."
Li Ziye did not respond. He just watched Song Chuling go to the kitchen to help Song's mother serve the dishes and set the table. He made a few jokes from time to time. He felt a strange emotion in his heart... This is how they look like a real family.
When Song Chuling didn't come back, the whole house was dead silent. Half of it was because Song's father's illness made it impossible to relax, and the other half was because of her... Her resistance all along made the whole house feel like a cage, so cold that people felt suffocated.
Only when Song Chuling came back did this house feel like home again.
She really didn't know whether they messed up her life or she messed up their lives.
During the meal, Song Chuling kept chatting with Li Ziye, talking about school, hobbies, and ambitions. He described his college life to her and told her to have dreams. Li Ziye rarely answered, but just nodded continuously. She knew that what Song Chuling said was right and should be very beneficial to people, but she only felt the words "feeling ashamed of oneself".
The gap... is really too far.
She didn't have outstanding grades, special skills, or great dreams. Before being taken back by the Song family, her dream might have been to get into college and find a good job in the future so that her parents in the mountains could live a better life.
But now, this dream has become ridiculous and ironic.
She felt very uncomfortable sitting at the table because she was not good at all and often disappointed people. She was too ashamed to talk about the fact that she failed so many subjects in the final exams... Although Song's father encouraged her that as long as she worked hard, there would be rewards and she should not care too much about the results, she could not raise her head facing the wall of awards that covered Song Chuling.
"Zi Ye, eat more fish. Fish is rich in nutrients. Look at you, how long have you been home? You haven't gained weight, but you've become thinner." Mother Song frowned and picked up some food for Li Zi Ye.
Li Ziye always felt that she should be an outsider in this dinner, but in fact, all of them were revolving around her.
Father Song also asked her with concern: "Are you under too much pressure from studying? I also think your complexion is getting worse and worse. How about your brother and I take you out for a walk tomorrow?"
Li Ziye could only shake his head, took a piece of meat on his own initiative, and then showed a somewhat forced smile: "It's okay, I have to do my homework."
Song Chuling couldn't help but ruffle Li Ziye's hair and laughed: "I didn't realize our Ah Ye likes studying so much. Okay, come and ask me if you have any questions later."
Song's father rolled his eyes at Song Chuling: "When Ziye has any questions, of course he will ask me first. When will it be your turn?"
"Dad, there is a generation gap between you and Aye, it would be quicker and more effective if someone of the same age teaches you."
"Are you disgusted by my age, you little brat?"
"How dare you? Dad, you are always handsome and elegant, and you still charm everyone when you look back. Otherwise, how could you have given birth to such an outstanding son like me, don't you think?"
"Hahaha...you kid..." Father Song smiled helplessly, but it was obvious that he was genuinely happy.
Having a son like Song Chuling might be a blessing from the previous life. Even Li Ziye thought the same thing.
But she added in her heart that having a son like Song Chuling and a daughter like her might mean that he didn't have enough blessings in his previous life.
The happier they were, the more redundant she felt; the more they cared about her, the more uncomfortable she felt.
After dinner, Song Chuling took her to her room. It was a very clean and tidy room. Li Ziye had never been here before, but he had only heard about the award certificates that covered the wall. Now he saw that the wall was really covered with them.
As if noticing that Li Ziye was looking at the certificates, Song Chuling turned around and smiled a little embarrassedly: "My father insisted that I post them. They are not that impressive. Many of them are small awards, but he said that I can't let any of them go."
Li Ziye nodded but didn't respond.
Song Chuling opened a drawer at the bottom of the wardrobe, rummaged around in it for a while, then found a shoe box. She snapped her fingers in a good mood, then walked up to Li Ziye holding the box.
"Actually, my parents once told me that I had a little sister, but they accidentally lost her. So I've been thinking since I was a kid, how nice it would be if I had a sister, so that there would be someone to accompany me to cram school and to get scolded with me..." At this point, Song Chuling couldn't help but smile, "Just kidding. But I really hope to have a sister..."
He handed the box to Li Ziye: "Here are some small gifts I prepared for you over the years. I don't know when your birthday is, but I made some small gifts when I remembered it. I think I can give these to my sister when she finds her in the future. I'm really happy to see you today."
A small piece of the ice in Li Ziye's heart collapsed... Song Chuling was not like Song's father and mother, who were full of guilt and always wanted to make amends and get her forgiveness, and were eager to turn her back into his daughter. Song Chuling gave people the feeling that she was originally his sister, and he sincerely looked forward to her returning to this family and treating her well.
Just when Li Ziye was lost in thought, Song Chuling suddenly patted her on the shoulder, and her cheerful tone suddenly became a little serious: "Aye, actually I know everything about you, and grandma has explained it to me very clearly. I know you must be very uncomfortable. If it were me, I would never want to return to this family, let alone talk to anyone in this family.
"But... Ah Ye, you should know that Dad is sick. I understand that he is just a blood-related stranger to you now, and it is unlikely that you will be affectionate to him. But, Ah Ye, can you just consider it as a favor to me? Don't be so cold to Dad, his illness is really hard to say..."
For the first time since Song Chuling returned home, he showed a solemn look. In fact, he knew very well that Song's father was seriously ill. He was just pretending to be relaxed to make Song's father and mother feel better.
Li Ziye could see the anxiety in Song Chuling's eyes. During this long period of time, Song Chuling's advice was the only thing she could listen to. After a long while, she nodded and replied in a very light voice: "Okay."
"Aye, you are really an angel." Song Chuling seemed relieved.
Li Ziye could only give him a very forced smile... An angel? Why did she feel like she was a disaster?
Although Li Ziye promised Song Chuling to reconcile with Song's father and mother, she also knew that many things could not be done just because she promised. It was impossible to erase the knot of more than ten years in half a year and a few words.
But it is undeniable that they are all very good to her. Father Song, Mother Song, and Song Chuling all take good care of her. During the time she was at home, Father Song would take her around whenever he had time, Mother Song would cook her favorite dishes every day, and Song Chuling would be responsible for tutoring her studies...
It's like a normal and warm family.
But why did she often feel like she couldn't breathe, as if someone was strangling her throat and she was suffocating?
Perhaps it was because of this feeling that when her birthday was approaching and Song's father and mother proposed to hold a birthday party for her, and even after the location and format were decided, she still firmly refused.
She just wanted to be quiet, she didn't want so much attention, she didn't want so many looks... those looks were constantly reminding her that she was out of place.
After finishing her breakfast in silence again, she found an excuse to go out and play with her classmates.
What made her feel a little uncomfortable was that Song's father and mother were very happy - she always looked exhausted when she came back from school before, and that time she was covered in garbage. Although Li Ziye explained that he accidentally fell when he was taking out the garbage, Song's father and mother were still a little worried. In addition, she had hardly gone out with her classmates since the winter vacation, which seemed a little abnormal for a child of her age. So, they were very relieved to hear that Li Ziye had a date with a classmate.
In fact, Li Ziye hadn't made an appointment with anyone, she just wanted to go out for some fresh air. Bai Yuwang had called her once or twice, and she only replied briefly . Maybe Bai Yuwang also felt that he was asking for trouble, so he changed to texting, and she also replied simply.
After all, he and she are not from the same world, and she doesn't know what to talk about with him. It seems that she would feel awkward to say more than one word.
Walking alone on the street, the cold wind blew against her cheeks, freezing her to the bone. She pulled at her collar and rubbed her hands, trying to warm herself up.
She really couldn't think of any place she could go... In fact, Daddy Song and Mommy Song gave her a lot of pocket money, so she could just find a restaurant to eat something and sit for an afternoon, or go to the library to read, but now she didn't want to go anywhere, she just wanted to walk around and be quiet... But what she didn't expect was that when she passed the corner of a street, she saw Ye Xiang washing his car.
Yes, he was cleaning a car in a car wash . He was wearing dirty work clothes, and his hands and face were stained with oil. He didn't look like a handsome boy in school at all.
The man who seemed to be the owner of the store came over and yelled at him angrily: "How many times have I told you to be nicer to customers? Who do you think you are? I don't care how well you study. Now you are just a car washer in my store. Customers are king, do you know that? Try talking like that again? I will fire you in a minute!"
Ye Xiang said nothing, his eyes were dim, as if all the hostility was swallowed up by the darkness, leaving only an endless blackness with no bottom in sight.
Li Ziye stood by and watched, the blood in his body froze, and for a moment he was unable to move.
She really couldn't imagine that such a proud person like Ye Xiang was actually doing such a humble job at the moment, and was being ordered around.
In fact, Li Ziye had heard that Ye Xiang's family conditions were not good, and his mother chose to leave his father in order to marry a richer man. She also heard some people say harshly that even if he had all the skills, he couldn't get rid of such a humble background.
Because she had heard these things, she felt more and more that she and Ye Xiang were from the same world. Because they had both been abandoned and lived in the same gray world - it was just that Ye Xiang himself might not be willing to admit it.
However, this was the first time she felt how difficult it was for Ye Xiang to survive. She had always thought that he should live more freely and with more dignity than her. In her impression, he was so powerful.
The reality is, behind his arrogant appearance lies a heart full of scars.
As she watched, she walked towards him as if possessed, picked up the rag on the ground and started to help him wipe the car.
Ye Xiang turned around and saw her wiping the car lights with a rag in her hand. In an instant, something seemed to explode in his eyes, and the sky full of flames rushed towards Li Ziye. Almost subconsciously, he stretched out his hand and pushed her away: "Who told you to meddle in other people's business? Get out of here!"
Li Ziye gritted his teeth, clenched the rag tightly, and did not give in: "I just want to help you..."
"Who needs your help? Get as far away as you can!"
At this time, the shop owner heard the noise and came out of the shop, full of anger: "Do you still want to work here? This is not a place for you to talk about love!"
Ye Xiang glared at Li Ziye fiercely.
Li Ziye bit his lip, knowing that he had done more harm than good and feeling a little guilty. He threw away the rag in his hand, bowed to the owner, said sorry, then turned and left.
In fact, she didn't walk far. She just bought a drink at a nearby beverage store and then looked at Ye Xiang from a distance.
After she left, Ye Xiang's face became even more sullen. His cold and hard mask was taken off, and his unbearable nature was seen through. Perhaps this was the most uncomfortable thing for him.
However, the more he saw Ye Xiang like this, the more Li Ziye felt that he couldn't leave cleanly.