In June, the bright red poinciana flowers became the most beautiful scenery on campus.
The number on the lower right corner of the blackboard became smaller day by day, until there was only a big red "3" in the countdown. The school announced that all senior high school students would go on vacation .
Some people cheered, while others were sad and uneasy.
Lin Qianliu slowly put the books into her schoolbag. Her movements were very slow, as if she was reluctant to leave Luo Qubai beside her.
After a long while, when Luo Qubai, who was standing next to her, was about to leave with an expressionless face after packing up his things, Lin Qianliu called him. The closer it got to graduation, the more nervous she became, fearing that she would not be able to get into the university of Luo Qubai's dreams, especially since they would be separated for three days before the college entrance examination. She could not see him every day, and could not see him when she was nervous.
"What's wrong?" Seeing that she asked to keep him but didn't say anything, Luo Qubai looked at her with a puzzled look and asked.
"I..." Lin Qianliu pursed his lips and shook his head, "No, I want to say that I will definitely be admitted to the same university as you."
She looked at Luo Qubai firmly. Originally, she wanted to give him a little comfort, but in the end, she only dared to make a promise.
Luo Qubai looked at her and smiled: "Based on your usual grades, you may be transferred to a less popular major."
As if he understood the uneasiness in her confidence, he took the initiative to say words of comfort, and clearly stated with certainty that he believed Lin Qianliu would definitely be admitted to the university of his choice.
Lin Qianliu didn't expect that he would smile and give her affirmation, and was stunned.
Fireworks were setting off in her heart, and by the time she came to her senses, Luo Qubai had already walked to the classroom door.
"Luo Qubai!" She hurriedly called out to Luo Qubai, who had already stepped out of the door, and asked, "You mean, are you ready to accept me?"
"I mean..." Luo Qubai didn't turn around. Lin Qianliu couldn't see his smiling face. He only heard him say, "Study hard and do well in the exam."
Lin Qianliu didn't care what he meant, she only believed in the meaning she determined.
So, for the next three days of vacation, she recalled Luo Qubai's smile and the words he said before they separated. She would suddenly think of it when doing homework, unconsciously recall it when eating, dream about it when sleeping, and even when looking in the mirror, she would imitate Luo Qubai's expression, repeat his lines to herself in the mirror, and then laugh to herself.
Occasionally, she would daydream, imagining a romantic date with Luo Qubai, a time when she could finally express herself in the name of love.
She thought, she must hold his hand, fingers clasped together as they walked through every busy street intersection, and then tell everyone loudly - this is my boyfriend.
Her confidence was given to her by Luo Qubai.
She also thought that she would definitely become Luo Qubai's girlfriend.
However, what Lin Qianliu could never have expected was that he, who was originally full of confidence, would become nervous and uneasy because of a dream.
Perhaps it is a common saying that one dreams about something at night. On the night before the college entrance examination, Lin Qianliu dreamed of Luo Qubai. It was not a good dream, but a nightmare. She dreamed that she failed the college entrance examination, and Luo Qubai said to her coldly: "You are so bad that you are not even qualified to be my friend."
After waking up in shock, Lin Qianliu felt resentful and all his confidence suddenly collapsed.
She was afraid that the nightmare would come true, but she didn't expect that because of fear, she was too nervous and her stomach ached for no reason, so she couldn't even finish half of the questions in Chinese, which was her best subject. If she performed normally, her score would be enough to get into the school that Luo Qubai wanted to apply for, but she lost nearly 100 points in Chinese, which directly took away her chance.
After leaving the examination room and seeing his father, Lin Qianliu could not help but throw himself into his father's arms and cried uncontrollably .
Father Lin could only hug her and comfort her softly: "Xiao Qian, don't be sad, let's go to the hospital first, okay?"
When Lin Qianliu got up in the morning, her face was pale, she held her stomach and cried in pain. Lin's father was very worried and wanted to take her to the hospital, but Lin Qianliu was afraid of delaying the exam and refused to go. In the end, he could only obey his stubborn daughter, accompany her to the exam room, and wait outside.
He was afraid that Lin Qianliu would not be able to bear the stomachache, but she only thought about Luo Qubai and asked again and again: "Dad, I can't pass the exam, what should I do?"
Father Lin didn't know what to do. He was only worried about Lin Qianliu's health, so he asked, "Does your stomach still hurt? Shall we go to the hospital?"
Lin Qianliu kept saying "no", probably because he was too sad. He fainted while crying.
Lin's father was very frightened and rushed her to the hospital. Fortunately, after the doctor examined her, he said that she had stomach cramps due to excessive tension.
After the drip, Lin Qianliu's complexion improved slightly, and Lin's father felt relieved.
The college entrance examination is finally over.
After leaving the examination room, Lin Qianliu called Luo Qubai as soon as possible. She had been forcing herself not to disturb Luo Qubai these days. On the one hand, she was afraid that he would fail the exam, and on the other hand, she didn't dare to talk to him, didn't dare to tell him that she failed the exam, for fear that he would abandon her.
When the phone was pressed against his ear, Lin Qianliu felt as if his heart was lifted into the air.
Soon, a voice came from the other side——
"Sorry, the number you dialed is powered off..."
Lin Qianliu frowned, hung up the phone, and pressed the "redial" button. After a moment, he heard another reply: "Sorry, the number you dialed is powered off..."
Still the same voice, same mechanical answer.
She hesitated, logged into QQ and WeChat, and sent a message to Luo Qubai: "Why is your phone turned off?"
One minute, two minutes, three minutes... until half an hour passed, Luo Qubai still didn't reply, Lin Qianliu's mood went from nervousness to frustration and despair. Half an hour was enough time for her to think of ten thousand possibilities, one of which did not need any evidence to defeat her: Luo Qubai didn't want her anymore because she failed the exam.
In a moment of panic, the wind blew through my heart, bringing not hope, but giving rise to wildly growing despair.
Lin Qianliu began to send messages to Luo Qubai's QQ and WeChat non-stop——
"Luo Qubai, where are you?"
"Are you ignoring me? Why are you ignoring me?"
"Speak up, reply to my message, don't you want me anymore?"
"Is it because I failed the test that you don't want me anymore?"
"You think I'm terrible, don't you?"
Message after message was sent, but Luo Qubai never responded. Unwilling to give up, Lin Qianliu kept dialing his number, but the same mechanical reply always rang in his ears.
It was getting dark, the lights were coming on, and Lin Qianliu was walking alone on the busy street.
She passed by many bustling places and saw smiles on many people's faces, but loneliness surrounded her and made her feel even sadder and more upset.
After walking aimlessly for a long time, she stood in front of a food stall. Looking at the beer on other people's tables, she seemed to suddenly think of how to soothe her aching heart.
I remember there was a phrase called "drinking to drown one's sorrows".
Lin Qianliu found an empty table and sat down, shouting to the waiter, "Give me a dozen beers!"
As I drank cup after cup of beer, the coldness and bitterness kissed the tip of my tongue, spread throughout my entire mouth, and then seemed to carry a spark of fire, burning from my throat all the way to my stomach.
Ke Xin was still feeling a dull pain and was crying at the top of her lungs.
The so-called sorrow is getting heavier and heavier, like layers of dark clouds that cannot be dispelled, lingering in my heart.
Lin Qianliu, lying on the table, still insisted on calling Luo Qubai, mechanically dialing, hanging up, and redialing. The cold female voice kept saying sorry, but there was no apology at all.
After a long time , half of the dozen beers on the table had been drunk, and then Luo Qubai's voice came from the other end of the phone.
"Hello? Hello?"
A gentle sound easily broke down Lin Qianliu's inner defenses.
Tears welled up in Lin Qianliu's eyes, and he couldn't hold back any more. He cried and yelled, "Luo Qubai, you bastard!"
Her aggrieved voice instantly softened Luo Qubai's heart. Hearing that her tone was not right, Luo Qubai frowned and called her softly: "Lin Qianliu?"
"Are you finally willing to answer my call?" Lin Qianliu burst into tears, "Or, or am I hallucinating?"
"It's me, Luo Qubai." Feeling that she seemed drunk and unconscious, Luo Qubai asked nervously, "Where are you? I'm coming to find you."
"It's you?" Lin Qianliu raised his head and drank another glass of beer. Then he shook his head vigorously and said, "No, you are not, you are not Luo Qubai!"
"It's me, Lin Qianliu. Where are you? How much alcohol have you drunk?"
"You are not Luo Qubai! Luo Qubai doesn't want me anymore! Wuuu! He doesn't want me anymore! Wuuu!"
"Lin Qianliu, tell me first, where are you?"
"Luo Qubai is a bastard! He doesn't want me anymore, he doesn't want to care about me anymore. Even if I die today, he won't shed a single tear!"
"He can."
"He won't, he won't!"
"Lin Qianliu..."
"Okay, you said you are him, then come here, come find me! I'll wait for you, I'll wait for you here! Come here, come find me! Come here!"
"Bang—" Before she finished her voice, the harsh sound of the wine bottle hitting the ground attracted the long-endured curses from others.
The next day, Lin Qianliu woke up from a hangover.
Her head hurt so much that she couldn't help but frown. She opened her eyes with difficulty and looked around, and then she was sure that she was in a hospital ward. Her consciousness was still a little fuzzy, and she wanted to remember what happened after she got drunk, but her head hurt more and more. She cried out in pain, waking up her father beside her.
"Xiao Qian!" Father Lin frowned, his face filled with anxiety and distress. "Are you awake? How are you? Do you feel uncomfortable?"
"Dad, where is Luo Qubai?" Lin Qianliu shook his head to show that he was fine, then looked left and right.
"You...he..." Father Lin hesitated, looked at Lin Qianliu carefully, and then asked cautiously, "What do you want to do with him?"
"I called him many times last night, asking him to come find me. Later..." Lin Qianliu rubbed his temple and said, "I don't remember what happened afterwards, but Luo Qubai seemed to come find me. Dad, did you see him? Did he say anything? By the way, why am I in the hospital?"
Questions were thrown out one after another.
Father Lin looked at Lin Qianliu, sighed, and did not respond.
"Dad?" Lin Qianliu looked at him in confusion, then as if he had thought of something, he turned his face away, gritted his teeth, and said, "Did Luo Qubai tell you something? Did he say that he doesn't want me anymore?"
"He..." Father Lin hesitated, then said, "He didn't say anything, and I didn't see him."
"You didn't run into him? He should have sent me to the hospital, right?" Lin Qianliu still didn't give up. "I can't remember anything about what happened last night. But, Dad, I seem to have seen Luo Qubai. He should have come to see me. I was drinking and he came over. Oh, I remember I called him later..."
"Xiao Qian, you did see him." Seeing his daughter's brows furrowed, as if she was trying to regain the lost memory, Father Lin spoke, "But, you saw him in a dream."
"In a dream?" Lin Qianliu was skeptical.
"Yes, in my dream." Father Lin said with great certainty, "You drank a lot of alcohol and acted crazy in someone's food stall. The boss called the police, and the police notified me to come here. I don't know how much alcohol you drank, but you were so drunk that you kept talking in your sleep, calling Luo Qubai and calling him a bastard."
"Really?"
"You can't trust Dad's words anymore, right?"
"No." Lin Qianliu said no, but he was doubtful in his heart, "Where's my phone? If I talked to him on the phone, it must be in the call records. The length of the call can explain the problem."
Father Lin did not refute. He walked silently to the cabinet opposite the bed and took out Lin Qianliu's mobile phone from the drawer.
After receiving the phone, Lin Qianliu took a deep breath and opened the call log. However, it clearly showed that she had called Luo Qubai dozens of times, but each call lasted only a few seconds, which was not enough time to finish the call even when the phone was turned off.
Lin Qianliu's heart sank.
Seeing this, Father Lin breathed a sigh of relief, stroked her head gently, and advised: "Xiao Qian, sometimes, some people and some things, we should learn to let go."
"Why?" Lin Qianliu gritted his teeth, looking aggrieved, "Why do you want me to let go? You didn't object or ask me to let go before. Is it... is it because I failed the exam, and even you think I'm not worthy of my father's love?"
"No." Father Lin hugged Lin Qianliu distressedly, "You are my best daughter, there is no one you are not worthy of."
"Why is that?"
"If he really likes you, he will definitely accept you even if you don't get into that school."
"But……"
"No buts, if he likes you, why hasn't he even called you yet?"
"Maybe he's busy..."
"Xiao Qian, Dad doesn't want you to deceive yourself. Just admit it, he doesn't like you, and his promise to be together if we get into the same university is just talk."
"I don't believe it, and I don't admit it!"
When Lin Qianliu becomes stubborn, even ten oxen can't pull him back.
Father Lin was naturally well aware of his daughter's personality. In desperation, he had to say, "Luo Qubai went abroad. He had already decided to go abroad."
Hearing this, Lin Qianliu was stunned.
After a long while, she finally came to her senses from her shock and sadness, and shouted, "Impossible! He made an appointment with me, how could... how could he have decided to go abroad long ago!"
Father Lin sighed: "If you don't believe me, ask your classmates."
Lin Qianliu didn't believe it. She didn't dare to confirm it. She didn't dare to face the truth that Luo Qubai had just been joking to fool her.
Father Lin seemed determined to make his daughter give up. When she refused to call him, he snatched the phone and dialed a number.
The person on the other end of the phone was a classmate of Lin Qianliu who had a fairly good relationship with.
When Lin's father asked about Luo Qubai, he confessed: "Luo Qubai has already gone abroad. He went to the airport with Jian Sile right after the college entrance examination. I heard that he was going to study abroad. It seemed that it was arranged long ago. After all, both of them have good family backgrounds and they are childhood sweethearts. It is normal for them to go abroad together."
In an instant, my heart seemed to break.
Lin Qianliu felt as if she was thrown into a bottomless ocean. She felt like she was almost suffocating. She struggled desperately, but her body was slowly falling.
She hung up the phone in a panic, but refused to give up and dialed a number at random.
He is the class teacher.
She asked: "Teacher, did Luo Qubai really go abroad?"
The head teacher replied calmly: "Yes, with Jian Sile, it was arranged before the college entrance examination."
Everyone knew that Luo Qubai had gone abroad, and she was the only one who was kept in the dark. As if she had no more excuses to question, Lin Qianliu gritted her teeth, tears streaming down her cheeks. Only then did she believe that the memory of her conversation with him last night was just a hallucination after she was drunk.
He doesn't like her, no matter whether she does well or badly in the exam.
He didn't like her, so he left without even saying goodbye.
He had chosen Jian Sile a long time ago, and his statement that they would be together if they were admitted to the same university was just a mockery of her sincerity over the past two years.
At this moment, Lin Qianliu decided to forget Luo Qubai.
From that day on, she tried her best to force herself to give up. However, no matter how hard she tried, Luo Qubai was like a brand in her heart that could not be erased.
It turns out that loving someone deeply is so unforgettable.
Julian Cheung has a song that goes like this – “I’d rather not have you, but grow old with you”, but she only now realized that even if she didn’t have you, she and Luo Qubai couldn’t grow old together, couldn’t be lovers, and couldn’t be friends.