The military training ended in infinite exhaustion. The sweat evaporated under the scorching sun, the cool breeze at night felt like a blessing, and the high-pitched and passionate military songs that we disliked as a bit tacky, all became vague but long-lasting memories in our minds. When the instructor left, I thought that my dislike for him would make me not sad, but when I saw him saluting us with a serious face and wishing us a bright future, I still felt a sore nose. Amid the sobbing of my classmates, we sent off the instructor, ended the military training, and officially started our university life.
It was already autumn, and the weather was getting colder. Some students in the class couldn't adapt to the great temperature difference between day and night, and they started sneezing. Whenever I met such students, Sheng Yinuo would frown and pull me behind him. I laughed at him for being too nervous, and he said I was too careless.
On the first weekend after classes officially began, all kinds of banners were hung and stalls were set up on the school's boulevards. At first glance, it looked like a comic exhibition or a food festival.
Lin Momo excitedly pulled Xu Shihan and me to join in the fun. Before we had walked far, she had a stack of flyers in her hands. The contents on them were varied, some of which I had never heard of before.
After Sheng Yinuo pretended to be sick, Lin Momo and I shook hands and made peace. After spending some time together, I felt that she was not as arrogant as she was when we first met. Her straightforward personality was in tune with me. After taking off the ugly military training uniform, she liked the particularly pink color, like a little princess. Of course, the premise is that she can't speak, once she opens her mouth, she will chirp like a sparrow.
Xu Shihan has a completely opposite personality to Lin Momo. She usually dresses very simply, speaks softly and slowly, and is an absolute female academic master.
They are three people with very different personalities, but now they are choosing a club together.
"Su Bei, is there any club you want to join?" Xu Shihan asked me.
I flipped through the various flyers in my hands, and after filtering out those whose names I had no idea what they were about, there were still a lot of options to choose from. This was a complete disaster for someone like me who was in the advanced stage of "decisiveness disorder."
"Do you want to go somewhere?" I couldn't make up my mind for a moment, so I asked Xu Shihan.
Xu Shihan pondered for a moment, looked at me and said, "I want to try the school radio station."
"Radio?" To be honest, I was a little surprised. She is a student with a specialty in dance, and I thought her first choice would be the folk dance club, but I didn't expect that she would go to the school radio station.
She was a thoughtful person, and perhaps she saw my surprise from my face, so she explained without me asking, "Although I also want to join the dance club, I'm not very good at socializing with others, so the radio station might be more suitable for me."
If you think about it carefully, it is true. She has been bullied by others because she is not good at socializing. Perhaps the simpler environment of the radio station, where she does not need to socialize and cooperate with too many people, is more suitable for her.
I tilted my head and asked Lin Momo: " What about you? Have you decided which club to choose?"
"Me?" Lin Momo said without hesitation, "I'm not going anywhere. I'll just watch you two busying around with club activities every day, and then I'll just eat, drink, and sleep."
"Tsk, a woman with no ambition."
She lowered her head to look at herself, then glanced at my chest and smiled meaningfully. Even Xu Shihan beside her couldn't help but smile.
I felt like crying but I had no tears. I had accidentally dug a hole for myself and jumped into it.
"It seems that someone realized that he said something wrong!" Lin Momo said to me mockingly.
Just as Lin Momo and I were starting to quarrel, I saw Xu Shihan pointing forward.
Looking over there, several girls with red faces walked past Yu Xia and Sheng Yinuo. Yu Xia didn't even look at them, while Sheng Yinuo smiled at everyone, and it was hard to tell whether they were sincere or not.
"Why are you here?" I asked.
"Before asking us why we came, shouldn't we ask you, why are you still walking around in a short-sleeved shirt in this kind of weather? Don't you notice it's cloudy today?" Sheng Yinuo said and handed his coat to me.
Although I was a little touched, I didn't want to appear ambiguous, so I could only make a slightly disgusted expression: "Come on, I don't want to wear your clothes."
Sheng Yinuo glared at me with a little annoyance, and the disappointment in his eyes could not be hidden. I reacted and found that I had said too much. I felt anxious, but I didn't know what to do.
Lin Momo and Xu Shihan on the side showed somewhat ambiguous smiles, especially Lin Momo. Her elf-like cunning eyes revealed a desire to watch the fun.
I began to have a bad feeling in my heart, and sure enough, the girl immediately responded, "Hey, Sheng Yinuo, why don't you ask me if I'm cold? It's freezing cold, I need a coat too."
I couldn't help but reach out and punch her back: "Are you cold? If you are, put it on quickly."
After saying that, I stuffed Sheng Yinuo's clothes into Lin Momo's arms.
Lin Momo pushed the clothes to me again: "No, Sheng Yinuo didn't say it was for me."
Seeing Lin Momo's smirk as she watched the fun, I glared at her, took the clothes she pushed over, put them on myself and said, "Forget it, I'm just cold!"
When Sheng Yinuo saw me put on my clothes, he finally stopped looking sullen and grinned at me. Feeling the warmth in Sheng Yinuo's eyes, I felt a little embarrassed. I turned my head away and couldn't help but look at Yu Xia beside me. He was still as calm as usual, with no signs of emotion. He just urged us, "Didn't we agree to go to the cafeteria for lunch together? Do you want to go?"
Then I remembered that when I was half asleep in the morning, Sheng Yinuo called me to talk about lunch. I agreed at that time, but after waking up, I couldn’t tell whether it was a dream or reality, so I forgot about it.
It turns out it wasn’t a dream!
"Okay, okay, your left and right bodyguards are here to see you for dinner. Shihan and I will go back first. You should eat more!" Lin Momo pushed me towards Yu Xia, turned around and pulled Xu Shihan towards the dormitory.
The weather was like an unpredictable child. It was just gloomy and a little windy at first, but after walking a few steps, dark clouds suddenly pressed down. The wind blew from all directions, as if in a disaster movie.
As soon as I ran into the cafeteria, it started to rain heavily. In the rain, I could only vaguely see the running figures. Along with the blurry running figures were the screams of people who were startled by the sudden heavy rain.
I hate this kind of weather. I can't forget that the saddest day in my life was a rainy day like this. The sadness swept over me uncontrollably, and I subconsciously covered my chest as if I couldn't breathe.
"Su Bei, Su Bei!" Yu Xia patted my shoulder gently, awakening me from the painful memories.
I looked at him straight in the eyes, almost crying. I smiled at them and said weakly, "I'm fine!"
I don’t know when it started, but I have become able to change my mood and expression very well. I may have a sad face one second and a smile the next.
I didn't look up at Yu Xia and Sheng Yinuo. I knew they must be heartbroken, but their faces always had their usual expressions and they would never show their heartache on their faces.
"Let's go in first!" Sheng Yinuo suggested.
"Wipe your sweat, otherwise it will be very cold when you go out later." Yu Xia handed me a tissue after sitting down. Only then did I notice that I was sweating profusely because of the nervousness and anxiety just now.
There were thunder and lightning outside, and someone in the restaurant was jokingly shouting, "Which immortal is going through a tribulation?"
The dim light shone on Yu Xia's face. He looked at me and smiled faintly. Warmth emanated from his body. I felt like I was standing in the spring sunshine, warm with a hint of coolness.
The sadness in my heart was pulled out from every part of my body, and then shrunk into a hard-shelled corner deep in my heart. I raised my hand to wipe the tears from the corners of my eyes, and gave Yu Xia a big smile.
He smiled too, more brightly than before.
"Let's go buy some food. You just sit here and don't think too much. Just eat more meat later." Sheng Yinuo and Yu Xia walked towards the window. I looked at their backs as they left. The warmth from my chest dispelled the coldness in my body.
I lazily lay on the table and watched them walking back and forth in front of the window, with a smile on my face.
"Su Bei."
I looked in the direction of the voice and saw Yan Anyan walking towards me. After the military training, the two classes would not meet as frequently as before, but she was still the same, not missing any opportunity to confess her love to Yu Xia, and talked loudly about her love for her.
In the noisy cafeteria, she stood less than half a meter away from us, looking down at me with a look of fearlessness on her face: "It's you."
"Huh?" I looked up at her, not understanding how I was dragged into the center of the "war".
I thought Yan Anyan’s target this time was Yu Xia, but ever since she appeared in my sight, her eyes have been fixed on me.
Her eyes were full of jealousy and madness.
Being looked at like this by Yan Anyan, I felt my blood boiling. Originally, I was also unhappy when I saw her always showing her love to Yu Xia so ostentatiously. Now that she came to provoke me, I had no reason to do nothing.
In my heart, Yu Xia is a special existence. He was the first boy who reached out to me when I was squatting under a tree crying sadly. He was also the first boy who stood in front of me and blocked the blackboard eraser when I was ostracized by my classmates.
Just like the clichéd plot in a girl's comic, I like this boy, the one who always looks at me with a faint smile, who likes to preach to Sheng Yinuo, and whose handsome face always reveals a maturity that does not match his age.
"Su Bei, what is your relationship with Yu Xia? Why do you stay together every day? Are you a couple? Or are you just being ambiguous under the guise of friends ?" Yan Anyan questioned me.
"What is the relationship between me and Yu Xia? Does it have anything to do with you?" The principle I have always believed in is that if someone offends me, I will offend him.
"Of course it does matter! If you tell me now that you and Yu Xia are together, I will turn around and leave without saying a word and will never bother you again. If not, please stay away from Yu Xia, because he must be mine!" Yan Anyan arrogantly slammed the table, attracting a crowd of onlookers.
"So? In what capacity are you saying this? Girlfriend? It seems not. Pursuer? It seems that a pursuer is not qualified." Many times I am not willing to show my thorns in occasions where Yu Xia will appear, but every time I encounter something about him, I can't help but show it, and I will regret it afterwards.
This quarrel could have been easily ended with a simple sentence like "If Yu Xia tells me to leave, I'll leave immediately" or "Have you asked Yu Xia for his opinion?" But I didn't want to. I didn't want him to make any such decision, even though I knew Yu Xia would definitely stand on my side.
People are sometimes such contradictions, aren't they? On the one hand, they desperately want to get the other person's affirmation, but on the other hand, they feel sorry for the other person's inner torment when making this affirmation, even if it is only a little bit.
Others may not know it, but I do, Yu Xia is a gentle person, a very gentle one.
"Su Bei! Don't be so arrogant!" Yan Anyan was so angry that his face turned blue. Apart from raising his voice, he couldn't find any point to refute me.
"I have the capital to be arrogant, don't I?" I said with a smile.
My smile now was like a knife stabbing Yan Anyan's chest. She pointed at me, her hands trembling, and after a long pause she finally said, "Fight fairly if you can!"
"It has been impossible for us to be fair from the beginning to the end," I replied mercilessly.
This seemed like a confrontation in which I had the upper hand, but in reality I felt very guilty.
Childhood sweethearts? Innocent childhood friends? These words might be used in romance novels to create beautiful stories, but when used in my case, it is just a series of cautious guesses.
I like Yu Xia, and it started a long time ago. But he is always the same, being nice to me but knowing his limits. I don't know whether he treats me as a friend or has a little bit of love for me.
Confess to him once like Yan Anyan did? I thought about it, but I was afraid that if I confessed, he would reject me and I would not even have the chance to stay with him and be friends.
I envy Yan Anyan so much for being able to express himself without restraint.
But I can't say.
For a moment, I fell into a sad mood of self-doubt, as if all the pores in my body were blocked, and I felt stuffy and painful.
Even so, I still had to look up and look at Yan Anyan like a victorious heroine, without showing any fear.
"Heh." Yan Anyan suddenly stopped being angry and laughed instead, "If you are so sure that you and Yu Xia will be together, then why haven't you been together yet?"
Seeing that I didn't say anything, she continued, "Is it because we can't fall in love too early? Aren't we too old to fall in love too early now? Su Bei, don't think I can't see that you are guilty."
"Because the person Su Bei likes is me!" Sheng Yinuo appeared behind Yan Anyan with a plate in hand, "So Miss Yan, can you please stop blocking us from eating?"
"You..." Yan Anyan turned around and saw Yu Xia. Even though I couldn't see her expression, I could probably imagine her choking voice as she shouted, "Yu Xia..."
"I thought my actions had made it clear to you, but now it seems I have to say it again. I don't like you, and I won't like you no matter what you do." Yu Xia's tone was flat, and no emotion could be heard in it, but every word was like a knife stabbing into Yan Anyan's chest.
"I like you so much, why don't you like me?" she shouted at the top of her lungs.
Everyone in the cafeteria was attracted by the shout and turned around, as if they were watching a grand performance, but the protagonist of the performance made a mistake on the stage because of nervousness.
What is more interesting than the excitement is the people who create the excitement.
The eyes of the people present were like the sharpest knives, attacking Yan Anyan fiercely. Those cold, malicious whispers finally made her usually impetuous and fearless face show a trace of grievance and hurt.
She didn't shout anything else. She stood there, staring at Yu Xia, like a prisoner in a dungeon, waiting for the final judgment.
Yu Xia's expression was cruel and cold. He didn't even look at Yan Anyan. He just sat down and asked casually, "You like me, so do I have to like you?"
Hearing Yu Xia's answer, not only Yan Anyan, but even I, who was standing next to him, couldn't help but shudder.
Yes, just because you like someone doesn’t mean that person will definitely like you…
Love is always a matter of one person. I like you, but you have no responsibility to like me.
So Yu Xia, I like you, do you like me?
The gossip that Yan Anyan was rejected by Yu Xia circulated on campus for a few days before being drowned out by other gossip and disappeared into thin air. The grudge between Yan Anyan and I was thus formed.
After choosing the club, Xu Shihan went to the radio station as she wished, and was busy writing radio scripts and practicing Mandarin every day. Lin Momo was happy every day calling friends, either researching which mall had new discounts or which delicious restaurants were outside the school. I was the only one who became the most idle person among them because of my lazy personality and my unwillingness to socialize.
Originally, I was enjoying this carefree time, but Sheng Yinuo, who joined the basketball club, perhaps felt bored, or perhaps couldn't stand the fact that I was doing nothing all day, so he blocked the door of my dormitory early in the morning and tried to persuade me to go and choose the position of basketball club manager.
"I'm not interested in basketball and don't want to go." Looking at Sheng Yinuo who was so persistent, I felt a headache.
"No, no, you have to go! This way I can see you every day. Seeing you will make me happy, and when I am happy, I will be in good shape. When I am in good shape, I will definitely win the game and bring honor to the school in the future." Sheng Yinuo didn't care about my refusal at all. He pulled me to the basketball club, muttering to me as we walked, "Su Bei, do n't you have any sense of collective honor? Don't you want to leave your mark on the various awards in the school?"
I shook my head: "No."
"Su Bei..." Sheng Yinuo lowered his head and looked at me pitifully.
This pitiful look like a little deer made me soften my heart. Sheng Yinuo always knows how to accurately grasp my weakness.
If you ask which club in school has the most handsome guys, 80 percent of people will vote for the basketball club. This is also why there are so many people participating in the selection of a basketball club manager, and they are all pretty girls.
When I arrived at the basketball club manager selection site, I saw a group of girls dressed up carefully, which made me suddenly want to learn the so-called Qimen earth-escaping technique. Smelling the powder and perfume on them, I felt that I was somewhat out of place.
What I didn’t expect was that among these girls, I saw a very familiar figure.
That is——Yan Anyan.
Today she was dressed much fresher than usual, a white T-shirt with an exaggerated logo and a pair of slim-fitting jeans that made her long legs stand out. Her hair was tied up in a ponytail, and she had removed her usual heavy makeup. Her long brown eyebrows, eyes decorated with simple earth-toned eyeshadow, and pink lips made her face look gentle and pure, and her whole person looked energetic.
If it weren't for her exaggerated and high-profile style in her daily life, her appearance and figure would make her the object of pursuit for many people.
Looking at Yan Anyan like this, I actually felt a slight bitterness in my heart.
Before I could digest my emotions, the first round of selection began. The content of the selection was actually very simple, which was to introduce myself. The girls in front of me basically spoke very exaggeratedly. I didn't have any hope in my heart, so I introduced myself simply and clearly.
"The ones who passed the first round are: Yan Anyan, Qin Yun, Hu Mingli, and Su Bei. These four people will come for the second round of selection tomorrow to decide on our basketball team manager."
I was stunned after hearing the result announced, until Lin Momo and Xu Shihan appeared out of nowhere and ran to me with congratulatory expressions on their faces, I was still a little dazed.
"Su Bei, stop pretending. You must be very happy, right? You must be super happy to stand out among a bunch of beautiful girls!" Lin Momo said excitedly, patting my shoulder.
"How did you know I was here?" I asked.
"Of course it was Sheng Yinuo who told us. What else do you think?" Lin Momo glanced at Sheng Yinuo and asked in an ambiguous tone in my ear, "Sheng handsome guy confesses his love to you every day. Are you really not tempted? Or are you just keeping him on the edge of his seat, waiting for him to give you a grand courtship?"
"Momo, stop joking with Su Bei. Su Bei wouldn't act like this if he liked someone." Xu Shihan saw that I was a little embarrassed and whispered to help me out.
I looked at Xu Shihan with a bit of gratitude. Although she was usually taciturn, she was extremely delicate inside. She was always there to help everyone out or show concern when everyone felt embarrassed or sad.
Such a girl in life is like a cup of ordinary boiled water. You don’t think there is anything special about her, but she is the most beautiful and safest existence.
"Huh? If not like this, then what could it be? Would it be like Yan Anyan? Wouldn't it be embarrassing to be rejected?" Lin Momo said after thinking for a while.
"No..." Xu Shihan probably didn't know how to explain it to her, so she finally said, "I'm not sure either."
Later I thought, maybe Xu Shihan already knew my feelings for Yu Xia at that time, but just didn't say it. She has always been a careful girl, from the beginning to the end.
"If I have someone I like, I will definitely tell you, okay? Didn't we agree to go to KTV to sing together today? Let's go!" I pulled the two of them out the door. I heard Sheng Yinuo's angry shouting from behind, and he was disgusted with me for having new friends and forgetting my old ones.
I waved with my back to him, pulled Lin Momo and Xu Shihan over, then held one in each of my arms and walked out with a swagger.
We sang the whole afternoon that day, so much so that my throat was still a little uncomfortable during the second round of selection the next day.
Of course, I would not blame my failure on my sore throat. When I saw Yan Anyan singing and dancing in front of people and the sparkle in the eyes of the judges, I knew I had lost.
Come to think of it, for a position that does not have any requirements, whoever has more skills will have a greater chance of being selected, not to mention that Yan Anyan is so beautiful.
Are you sad and disappointed? Of course! No one likes to lose, especially to a rival in love.
When I walked out of the selection room, I unexpectedly saw Yu Xia at the door.
He stood leaning against the window, the warm light shining on his white shirt, like a thin layer of golden sand surrounding him, casting a faint halo on his figure. The tenderness between his eyebrows, like the light on his body, made people unable to look away. His slender white fingers were placed on both sides of his trousers, and the corners of his mouth were slightly raised, making people want to get closer little by little. Many years later, when I recalled that scene, my heart always couldn't help but ache.
When his eyes met mine, I was startled and immediately looked away. He walked towards me and said softly, "Come on, I'll treat you to dinner."
When I saw him, the sadness in my heart suddenly surged up. I pouted with red eyes: "Do you know that I will definitely not be selected?"
"Su Bei, are you acting like a spoiled child to me?" he asked me with a smile.
"Yeah, so do you want to comfort me?" I grabbed his sleeve and shook him back and forth, "Yu Xia, I'm so sad, please comfort me quickly."
"Pfft..." Yu Xia raised her hand and ruffled my medium-length hair, sighing, "I really should take a picture of you like this and send it to Sheng Yinuo."
“Don’t!” I immediately returned to normal. “If I send it to him, I’ll probably be laughed at for half a year. I have to maintain my noble and cool attitude in front of him.”
"Noble and cold?"
"Well...how about being quiet and elegant?"
"Quiet and elegant?"
"Forget it, let's go eat something!" I never expected to appear like this in front of him, so I might as well go back to being Su Bei.
When I shook his arm just now, I felt a little secretly happy inside. Only at this time did I dare to approach him with an extra intimate attitude.
"Yu Xia..."
I was only thinking about Yu Xia and forgot that there was Yan Anyan who was left behind to take charge of the basketball team manager's duties.
When she turned around, her eyes were misty. The hand that pushed the door open was still on the door handle, stiff and not moving. She was standing between the door and the room, blocking the person behind her.
Someone patted her on the shoulder, and she came to her senses and moved forward.
"Su Bei, let's go!" Seeing that I was in a daze, Yu Xia turned around and pulled me away. His eyes never lingered on Yan Anyan.
Such cruelty is actually a kind of tenderness.
After we left the stadium, Yu Xia asked me, "Do you want to try out for the school radio station? You write a lot on weekdays, and your voice is pretty good. And isn't Xu Shihan there too? It might be better for the two of you to be together."
"But I..." This time I was really hit hard, and I didn't want to hit a wall again.
I have been like this since I was a child. After being hit once, I dare not try a second time, for fear of getting hurt again.
"Don't worry, you will definitely pass." Yu Xia comforted me.
At first I thought Yu Xia's words were just a consolation. It was not until I was tricked by him into going to the interview that I found out that the person in charge of the radio station selection was his relative, whom I had met once before when his parents hosted a dinner for us.
No wonder he said so confidently that I would pass, so this is how you pass!
Of course, I wouldn't be hypocritical and think that my self-esteem was hurt because I got in through the back door, and then I would learn from some people to say how important self-esteem is and how noble I am, and then walk away. On the contrary, I was a little happy in my heart. As proud as Yu Xia is, he would actually ask for help for such a small matter as my club selection, which is enough to show that I have some weight in his heart.
Even if it's just a little bit, it's enough to make me cheer for a long time.
This is what it feels like to like someone , no matter whether he does it intentionally or unintentionally, as long as you feel the warmth, the whole world will be bright.