You will never know that you were standing outside the classroom borrowing books from a familiar boy that year, and I was sitting in the classroom, not looking at you, but casually turning the pen in my hand. No one knows that my eyes were always fixed on you reflected in the window from beginning to end.
——Jianghuai

The bus gradually drove out of this ancient street covered with plane trees amid the noisy chirping of summer cicadas.
I leaned on the car window and looked at the scenery outside. Dujuan sat next to me. She was dancing with excitement, attracting the attention of people in the car.
Xu Chenxi is very reliable. She arranged the route and tickets by herself. Jiang Huai also agreed to go with us, but he did not take the same car with us. He left yesterday and said he would go to prepare and wait for us.
Our city is not far from the silver sand beach in Q City. You can take a bus to the bus station in the city center and then take a one-hour bus ride to reach the beach.
After getting off the car, Du Juan ran down first, Xu Chenxi walked in front of me, and I was the last one to get off.
"Sea, I love you!" Du Juan exaggeratedly put his hands to his mouth and shouted at the endless sea, "It's great to be able to come to the beach in the summer!"
"Huh..." I stood behind Du Juan, panting while carrying my luggage. Xu Chenxi put his wide-brimmed straw hat on my head, pointed at the big box in my hand, and asked, "How about I help carry the box?"
"No, I can still hold on."
Because it was summer, we had fewer clothes to bring, so the three of us put our clothes in one box. Xu Chenxi was thin and fair, and Du Juan was petite, so I consciously took on the task of carrying the box.
"Then let's go to where we live and put our things down, then change into our swimsuits and go swimming in the sea." Xu Chenxi said, and shouted to the completely intoxicated Du Juan, "Du Juan, let's go!"
If you keep walking along the coastline, you will see a row of small beach shops - ice cream shops, milk tea shops, beach barbecues, small hotels, which are dazzling.
There are big parasols standing on the beach, and beauties in bikinis are lazily lying on the lounge chairs under the umbrellas. Just looking at them makes people feel very comfortable.
We had to go to Aunt Xu Chenxi's villa first. Although Du Juan and I were mentally prepared, we were still shocked with our mouths wide open and eyes wide open when we saw such a beautiful villa.
"We're here." Jiang Huai's voice rang out, and I looked over in the direction of the voice. I saw Jiang Huai standing by the window on the first floor wearing a baseball cap. The curtains beside him were blown up by the sea breeze, swaying back and forth, like a youth illustration.
"We're here!" Dujuan ran over first.
Jiang Huai put one hand on the windowsill, jumped up, and jumped directly out of the villa.
He walked towards me with a smile on his face, then took the box from my hand and said softly, "Thank you for your hard work."
"It's okay, it's not very serious." I said, looking at my empty hands, a little dazed for a moment .
"Shan'er, come in and take a shower. Let's rest for a while, and then go for a walk on the beach." Xu Chenxi stood by the door, slightly sideways, looking at me, "It will be dark if we stay any later."
I looked back at Jiang Huai, he nodded at me and said, "You guys go quickly, there will be someone coming later."
"There's another person?" I asked in surprise. "Who else?"
The smile in Jiang Huai's eyes seemed to deepen. He looked at me and said, "You'll know when the time comes."
I suddenly felt curious, and the image of a person appeared in my mind, but... it was unlikely.
However, since that person will come, we can see him later and there is no need to guess who he will be.
The bathroom in the villa is very large, more than enough to accommodate the three of us girls.
After sitting in the car all the way, we smelled a strange smell, so we decided to take a shower, change clothes and go out to play.
I lay in the big bathtub, resting my head on my arms , Du Juan splashed water everywhere, it seemed like he had endless energy. Xu Chenxi was much quieter, she slowly showered herself with the shower head, her long wet hair draped over her shoulders, she looked like an angel fallen to earth.
For no reason, I recalled the day when I went to find Xu Chenxi with the poster and unexpectedly saw Jiang Huai. A sour taste seemed to well up in my heart. It was the taste of eating unripe grapes and feeling so sour that tears were about to fall.
I slid out of the tub, letting the warm water flow over my head, and suddenly felt like a terrible person.
I had clearly planned to use this trip to the seaside to take us back to the past, but I wasn't as indifferent as I thought.
"Little Apple!" Dujuan called out suddenly, "I suddenly remembered, Shan'er, do you have a nickname like this?"
"Crack...crack..." I was choked and quickly floated out of the water and wiped the water off my face.
Du Juan suddenly leaned forward and stretched out her hand to pinch my face, her eyes shining: "Sure enough, Shan'er's face is still so comfortable to pinch, red like an apple."
I was in a trance for a moment. The nickname "Little Apple" is so nostalgic, yet so worth forgetting.
These two emotions appeared at the same time, adding a bit of pain to my already sour heart.
"Dujuan, do you have a nickname, too?" Xu Chenxi moved the shower and looked at us. "I remember it now. I think it's 'Little Bird', right?"
Du Juan and I were nicknamed by the boys in our elementary school class. They gave me the nickname "Little Apple" because I have a chubby face and I blush easily, like a ripe apple. So every time I blush, the boys would make a noise: "Look, the little apple is ripe again!"
Every time this happened, Dujuan would run to teach those boys a lesson. As they ran, those boys would shout to Dujuan, "Look, look, the little bird is flying again!"
Dujuan became more and more angry. Thinking about it now, those times seemed so far away.
"Come to think of it, it seems that Chenxi has never been given a nickname!" Looking back, it seems that Xu Chenxi has always been quietly following Du Juan and me. She can sit there for a long time without saying a word. No wonder she is so good at studying.
"Yeah." Xu Chenxi responded softly, turned off the shower, put on her clothes, and wrapped her hair with a towel. "I'm done. I'll go out and wait for you."
"Yeah!" Dujuan nodded, finally let go of my face, and went to take a shower obediently.
When the three of us finally packed up, it was already six o'clock, the sun had already set in the west, and would set in half an hour. But the evening at the beach was also fun. Jiang Huai, who arrived a day earlier, said that there were bonfire parties at the beach these days.
When I opened the door of the villa, the wind mixed with the smell of the sea blew in my face.
Xu Chenxi grabbed my arm, smiled at me, and said, "Let's go."
Looking at the cuckoo again, it was already running towards the sea not far away like a wild horse.
I turned around and looked at Jiang Huai who was following us. I don’t know if it was an illusion, but I felt that he was also looking at me, with a faint smile in his eyes.
At night, the sea is as beautiful as a painting, and the stars densely cover the entire sky.
"It's so nice." I lay on my back on the beach, the stars seemed to fall into my eyes, "It's so beautiful."
"Yes, Shan'er, have you ever thought about what you want to do in the future?" Xu Chenxi asked me softly while lying beside me. "I always thought that we had a lot of time before. We were still very young and had a lot of time to think about this issue. But in the blink of an eye, the entrance examinations are over."
“I haven’t thought about it.”
When this question comes up, I want to escape, thinking that I can think about it at any time during the more than two-month vacation, but I also know that I don’t want to think about it at all.
The future always feels like the starry sky, very far away, yet seemingly very close.
"Jiang Huai, what about you?" Xu Chenxi turned her head and looked at Jiang Huai who was sitting next to us. Like me, he spoke very little, even less than the quiet Xu Chenxi.
"I will probably inherit my family's skill in making fireworks." Jiang Huai looked up at the stars in the sky.
Du Juan was stunned for a moment, sat up, and looked at Jiang Huai in disbelief.
"Inheritance? What about you, Jiang Huai? Apart from family matters, is there anything you really want to do?"
I was a little curious about how Jiang Huai would answer. To some extent, Jiang Huai and I are somewhat similar.
Jiang Huai's family's fireworks craftsmanship has been passed down for hundreds of years. It is said that since the Qing Dynasty, his family has made very good fireworks. Many ancestral skills are passed down from generation to generation. Most of our generation are only children, which means that Jiang Huai must inherit the family's fireworks shop.
My family makes fans. My father escaped from the fate of making fans like my grandfather and went abroad, so my grandfather has always been the one supporting the fan shop. The fates of me, Du Juan, and Jiang Huai are very similar. Only Xu Chenxi has nothing to inherit. Anyone can run a flower shop, but not everyone can inherit something from generation to generation.
The embroidery of the Dujuan family is very famous. It is said that a painting of "Phoenix Wearing Peony" embroidered by Dujuan's great-grandmother is still collected in the Mingsu Museum.
There seems to be only one path waiting for Dujuan, so she cares very much about Jiang Huai's answer, as if knowing his answer will tell her what choice to make.
"I like fireworks." Jiang Huai said softly, "Don't you think it's amazing? The seemingly inconspicuous firework tube leaves a dazzling shape in the sky the moment it is lit."
Dujuan stared at the sea in a daze, as if thinking about something.
"Okay, I'll treat everyone to ice cream! It's rare for everyone to come out and have fun, so let's not talk about such heavy topics." I felt a little uncomfortable with the depressing atmosphere, so I stood up and pointed to the ice cream shop not far away and said, "Wait here for a while, I'll be back soon."
"Jiang Huai, please go with Shan'er." Xu Chenxi said behind me, "It's not convenient for one person to carry it."
"Huh?" I looked back at Xu Chenxi in surprise. She hugged her knees with her hands and her back was facing me. I couldn't see the expression on her face when she said "Let Jiang Huai go with me".
Jiang Huai didn't say anything, he had already stood up, and when he walked to my side, he reached out and grabbed my wrist: "Let's go."
I was dragged forward by him, my mind was blank, and after walking a few steps I remembered that Jiang Huai was still holding my hand. I instinctively wanted to shake his hand off, but in the end I didn't move, and let him pull me to the door of an ice cream shop.
Jiang Huai finally let go, so naturally and casually.
I walked into the ice cream shop and looked down at the list on the counter.
"Little Apple." When I was struggling to decide what flavor of ice cream to order, a laughing voice came into my ears. I suddenly raised my head and looked in the direction of the voice.
I saw a tall boy standing at the door of the ice cream shop. Unlike Jiang Huai's fair skin, his skin was a healthy wheat color, and his big eyes were full of surprise and smiles.
He rushed towards me with open arms and hugged me tightly while I was dazed.
"Haha, after three years, little apple, your face is still so cute!"
“Hey!” I was almost out of breath in his hug, so I pushed him away and glared at him, “Ming Qinghe, even if we haven’t seen each other for three years, you don’t have to be so excited!”
That’s right, this big boy is the young man Ming Qinghe who always appears on Qingtang Street during holidays in the group photo.
"Jiang Huai." Ming Qinghe waved at Jiang Huai who was standing at the door of the ice cream shop as a greeting.
Jiang Huai walked into the store and asked with a smile, "When did you arrive?"
"I just arrived and met Du Juan and the others there. Chenxi told me you were here, so I came to see you." Ming Qinghe smiled brightly. He put his arm around my shoulders and said, "I haven't seen you for three years. You haven't changed much."
During the winter and summer vacations in high school, Ming Qinghe was unable to come to Qingtang Street because the vacations were already filled with various tutoring classes.
"Could the other person you are talking about be Ming Qinghe?" I was a little curious . Jiang Huai said that there was another person who would arrive later. I thought it might be Ming Qinghe, but I didn't expect it to be true.
"Yeah." Jiang Huai nodded and confirmed my question, "I met this guy online the day before yesterday. When he mentioned that we would go to the beach, Qinghe said he must come."
"Little Apple, you are so mean." Ming Qinghe couldn't help but protest, "You didn't even think of calling me. I was still thinking about you guys."
"You are so slow!" Du Juan's voice came from the door. She probably couldn't wait any longer, so she came over directly. She took away Ming Qinghe's hand on my shoulder and glared at Ming Qinghe, "Hey, you came here and took advantage of our Shan'er, Jiang Huai, and you just stood there and watched!"
I glanced at Jiang Huai quickly, and he seemed not to have heard what Du Juan said.
I said, "No, Qinghe and I are brothers."
"Did you hear that?" Ming Qinghe looked at , "Little bird, I haven't seen you for three years. How come you are still the same height as you were three years ago? You haven't grown at all?"
"What?" Du Juan was immediately furious, "Ming Qinghe, you are looking for death!"
As a girl who is 1.5 meters tall, Du Juan hates it most when people say she is not tall.
Ming Qinghe continued teasing Dujuan with an expression that said "Hit me, hit me now!"
He said, "It's better to be small. Concentration is the essence, right, little stupid bird?"
"I've clearly grown half a centimeter taller! If you don't believe me, ask Shan'er." Du Juan was mad. She grabbed me and pushed me forward. "Shan'er, tell me, have I grown taller?"
"Pfft." Ming Qinghe was amused by Du Juan, "How dare you say half a centimeter?"
Du Juan was immediately furious. She jumped up and punched Ming Qinghe in the face: "Ming Qinghe, you big idiot!"
We walked back with our ice creams. I was in front and Jiang Huai walked beside me without saying a word. Ming Qinghe and Du Juan, two noisy guys, had been quarreling from the ice cream shop until now, and they looked like they would not stop until one side died.
Looking at these two people always makes people feel better.
From a distance, I saw Xu Chenxi sitting on the beach, with the endless sea in front of her. Under the night sky, she looked mysterious and a little sad. I don't know why, but a sense of guilt rose in my heart.
This familiar feeling of guilt has persisted from ancient times to the present day.
In my memory, Xu Chenxi was also staying there quietly, looking a little overwhelmed and lonely.
Why didn't I remember it? When we were chatting and laughing in the ice cream shop, why didn't I remember it? At this time, Xu Chenxi was alone there!
I quickened my pace, walked over, sat down next to her, and handed her the ice cream in my hand.
I said, "Chenxi, here you go. I'm sorry to have kept you waiting for so long."
Xu Chenxi smiled, shook his head and said, "No, not for long. In fact, it doesn't feel bad to stay here alone."
"Is that so?" I looked into her eyes, trying to see something in them that would let me know that she was lying and pretending to be strong.
But no, I couldn't see anything.
She nodded and said, "Yeah, that's it."
She took the ice cream, took a bite, and her expression seemed to soften a little: "It's vanilla flavor, Shan'er, do you remember?"
"Um."
I remember when we were playing together and eating fresh milk cake, no one thought of asking Xu Chenxi what flavor he wanted. I like blueberry flavor the most, and the strange thing is that everyone seems to like this flavor.
In the end, Xu Chenxi always ate the slowest, but she would always finish it. I secretly observed her expression and found that she didn't like the taste. The next day, I bought many flavors of small cakes for everyone to eat. Only then did I realize that I was the only one who liked the blueberry flavor.
Xu Chenxi likes vanilla flavor, Du Juan likes strawberry flavor, Jiang Huai likes lemon flavor, and Ming Qinghe doesn't like desserts.
I didn't say anything about it, but I kept it in my mind that no one should compromise with another person.
"Fan'er!" Du Juan ran to my side and said excitedly, "Look over there, there are so many people over there. Jiang Huai said there is a bonfire party over there, and there is a band playing. Let's go and have a look!"
"Okay!" I stuffed all the ice cream into my mouth. Du Juan pulled me up, and I turned around and shouted, "Chenxi, come with me."
There was a flash of surprise in Xu Chenxi's eyes, but it disappeared so quickly that I doubted it ever appeared.
"Slow down!" Ming Qinghe complained, "Little bird, why are you acting like a man? Be careful or you won't be able to find a boyfriend in the future."
"What do you care!" Du Juan turned around and glared at Ming Qinghe fiercely, then grabbed me with one hand, and I grabbed Xu Chenxi with the other hand. The three of us completely ignored Ming Qinghe and Jiang Huai and ran towards the crowd.
Many people gathered at the seaside in midsummer, and the jumping flames of the bonfire illuminated everyone's face, as if everyone was very happy and had no worries at all.
Dujuan pulled us into the crowd, from the outermost layer to the innermost layer.
Closest to the bonfire was a five-member band. The one playing the drums was a girl with long hair, and she played very powerfully.
Behind the girl was a handsome uncle with unshaven beard. He was holding a horse-head fiddle in his hand, plucking the strings with his fingers. His vicissitudes and sexy singing made the summer night even more beautiful.
Next to the uncle was a woman in a red bikini. She had heavy makeup on, and the flaming lip gloss made her look like a queen.
She played the electric guitar with great passion.
The other two boys were about the same age as the girl, one played the flute and the other played the guxun.
It was a really strange combination, I had never seen such a combination of instruments before, but the tune they played was very nice.
"Let's dance!" The girl playing the drum suddenly shouted, then hit the drum hard, and cheers suddenly broke out in the crowd.
I looked back and saw that all the people who were watching were dancing around the campfire.
This made it seem like the three of us didn't fit in.
Du Juan let go of my hand and started dancing with the group of people. Xu Chenxi and I looked at each other. I was struggling whether to get through the crowd and leave, because I didn't know how to dance.
"Come and dance." The boy who was playing the guxiao waved at us and joined the crowd.
Seeing that Xu Chenxi and I were somewhat at a loss, he walked towards us with a smile, grabbed Xu Chenxi's hand and said, "Come, I'll teach you."
Xu Chenxi looked at me helplessly, and I smiled and let go of her hand. The boy then took Xu Chenxi and patiently taught her to dance.
Du Juan was completely immersed in it, and Xu Chenxi didn't look like she had anything to worry about. I exhaled and walked out of the dancing crowd. Ming Qinghe and Jiang Huai just walked out of the crowd, and they were a little surprised to see me come out alone.
"Where are those two guys?" Ming Qinghe asked me.
I turned around and pointed over there, shrugged and said, "They are all playing."
"I'm going too!" Ming Qinghe was definitely as noisy as Du Juan. How could he remain calm at this time? He quickly walked through the crowd of onlookers outside and went in.
Jiang Huai was the only one left standing in front of me, and he didn't seem to have any intention of going over.
So I asked, “Aren’t you going?”
He shook his head, walked back a few steps, and sat down on the beach. I thought about it, walked over and sat one meter away from him.
The waves came over again and again, and then retreated ten centimeters away from my toes.
"Why don't you go?" Jiang Huai suddenly turned around and asked.
"I don't know." I always feel that my mood is very subtle. I have never felt like this before. I feel a little confused, a little scared, and a little sad.
Jiang Huai was a little surprised.
He looked toward the sea and said, "Look, the stars are falling into the sea."
"Yeah, I fell in." I hugged my legs with my hands and rested my chin on my knees, "Jiang Huai."
"Hmm?" he responded.
I opened my mouth and wanted to ask him what Su Shaner was like in his mind now.
"Nothing." I finally couldn't ask.
That’s right, when facing Jiang Huai alone, I, Su Shaner, am just a coward.