Chapter 146
Chapter 146: Little Sweet Dou, the brother of the control group,
looked at Pei Ming's stunned face. Pei Xinglin smiled, a vindictive and uncomfortable smile.
He really didn't know what Pei Ming and Xu Bingzhen thought. Could it be that after becoming parents, they naturally stood in the perspective of other characters, so they felt that no matter how they raised their children, they would be good.
Or, people are inherently selfish, and even the greatest fatherly and maternal love in legend cannot compare to such human nature.
No, that's not the case. It should be divided into different parts. Otherwise, why would there be so many stories praising the love of parents that have been circulated from ancient times to the present?
"You don't need to be shocked. Is it really hard to think about it? Don't you really know what you are like to me and Xiaotu? Don't you know how much effort you put into us? Or, you will still You have also deceived yourself." After Pei Xinglin finished speaking, he seemed to have exhausted all his strength.
In the end, he broke up with his parents and said it out. He finally said it out. He had wanted to say these words for a long time. He had been holding these words in his heart for a long time. He thought about it again and again. He really wanted to convince himself. He seemed to have convinced himself that if Xu Bingzhen didn't come to him, if they didn't contact him again.
These words are hard to hear. Arguing with your parents about how much you love and how little you love, and arguing with your parents about why they don’t love you is actually a kind of failure. However, why his parents don't love him, why he doesn't have a happy family, should he do this as a son, shouldn't love be mutual, he really wants to know.
If you don't love it, you don't love it. If you don't love it, you don't love it from beginning to end. Now, how can you find any sense of existence here? Why are they so good at knowing such a proper 'love'? Pei Xinglin would really rather not have it. In that way, he can hate more confidently, and he won't be like now, unable to leave and unable to love.
It's really sad to wield a spear called 'Cruelty' against your parents, but why do they still come to provoke you?
Pei Xinglin doesn't want this. He just wants to be familiar strangers with him. If he is too close, he won't feel comfortable. When his parents get old, he will support his parents.
But now, he couldn't bear it anymore.
Nowadays, no matter what career you have, you have to take exams, and even if you become a star, you have to be judged and supervised by everyone. But becoming a parent does not require any supervision, so why not study. Being a parent should require a sense of responsibility more than any other profession. After all, a living life is brought into this world by these two people.
Pei Xinglin didn't know what he was thinking now. On the one hand, he felt that he was very sad and not a good thing. Why would he say such things to his parents? After all, they were the ones who brought him into this world. He should love his parents. However, on the one hand, he felt that he needed to vent. Why, it was not what he wanted to come to this world, not to mention that he was not happy, and the source of his unhappiness was the person sitting in front of him.
He was really disgusted. Pei Xinglin covered his chest with his hands to prevent himself from vomiting out the next second. He really hated himself at this time.
...
Pei Ming looked at Pei Xinglin. He didn't know that his son had so many complaints to tell them. Since he was in a high position, it has been a long time since anyone spoke to him like this, pointed at his nose and scolded him like this.
He should be angry, but seeing Pei Xinglin's current appearance, he unexpectedly suppressed all the anger in his heart, because he found that what Pei Xinglin said was correct. He did not pay much for the two children, no matter what. Time is still a thing.
Needless to say, Pei Xinglin has been raised by his father since he was a child. As for Xiao Duoyue, Xiao Duoyue is his beloved son. However, he does not devote much time to his children. In his position, time is indeed the most precious Yes, but he really didn't spend much of the most precious time on his son.
"If you have anything else to say, just say it all. Today I also want to get to know you, your disappointment in us, and how uncomfortable you are." Pei Ming sat on the boss's chair with his hands crossed. Putting it in front of his lower abdomen was an action he often performed when listening. Now, he wanted to know what his son was thinking.
After Pei Xinglin came home, Pei Xinglin said very little. As far as he knew, he was very polite, few words but indifferent. He didn't think much about it, because this was the tradition in his family, he had that kind of character, and his father was also like that. Therefore, he thought that Pei Xinglin was like this, but he did not expect that Pei Xinglin's personality was actually disappointment and anger towards their parents.
"What else should I say? In fact, I don't want to tell you anything at all. What were you thinking when you gave birth to me? Am I the fruit of your love, the continuation of your life, or just a bargaining chip for you to be together."
"Uncomfortable? I have already I have been sad and disappointed countless times. When I was a kid, my classmates would have their parents come to school for parent-teacher conferences. Even the students who had the most difficult lives at home would have their parents come back to school to support them. There is a parent-teacher meeting, but as for my parents, I am a wild child in the eyes of everyone. "
Don't say that you gave me to grandpa to raise. Even if you gave me to grandpa to raise, it was for your own sake at the beginning. And. , even if you give me to grandpa, can't you come and see me? Grandpa doesn't allow you to come and see me! Okay, considering that you don't have time, can't you call me once a week? Isn't it too much? You don't even have five minutes a week? Can you make this call even during meal time? "This is what Pei Xinglin doesn't understand the most.
Why don't you come and see me? Has grandpa built a wall around him? In fact, the most fundamental reason is that his task has been completed. Because of himself, grandpa allowed the two of them to be together, so he doesn't need it anymore.
"When I was a child, I really looked forward to your arrival, every Monday from the beginning, because I heard that every weekend, my parents would take a break and take their children out to play together. I have been waiting for you, waiting for me My parents brought me to play, just once. I could prove to those who gossiped behind my back that I have parents, but not even once. You never came. "Pei Xinglin. Having said this, he took a deep breath, as if he wanted to let out all the sadness and confusion he had felt.
"When I get older, I just look forward to the holidays every year. I think, since I don't have time on weekends, I will always come back to see my grandpa during the holidays. But I ignored your cruelty. Even if you are grandpa, you won't come back to see me... Later, when I grew up, I understood that our parents had a shallow relationship. In fact, it was not me, but you. In your eyes, there was no child like me, nor an elder like grandpa. You only had yourself. "You only have your love."
"Because of you, I am really disgusted by the word 'love'." Pei Xinglin said the last few words very clearly, because he is really disgusting. He feels that responsible love is particularly ugly.
"I'm actually very curious. How can people like you, who don't care for the elderly and don't raise children, persist with each other for so long? Love also requires a sense of responsibility. Where is your sense of responsibility? You If you are not responsible for your own relatives, is it really okay for you to treat your lover?"
Pei Xinglin also knew that his words were touching people's hearts and attacking his parents' character, but he just wanted to say that he didn't want to endure it anymore. He was also really curious, could such two people really last long?
He is their son. In this society, parents are reasonable and they can't do anything to him. But as for grandpa, he should visit the old man once a month, but his father doesn't come at all.
"And grandpa, grandpa, are you sorry? Why don't you come and see him? Are you really grandpa's son?!" Pei Xinglin looked at Pei Ming and spoke urgently and quickly. He didn't understand. He was I really don’t understand.
...
Pei Ming didn't know what he was going to say, he was suddenly speechless. He is not a person who can speak well because of his family environment since childhood, which made him dislike talking. However, after he joined the work, he started from the grassroots level, endured a lot of hardships, had to do everything, and also trained his tongue. He can disguise himself as a likable character, but after he reaches a high position, there are fewer places where he needs to speak.
However, at this moment, no matter what, he could not say a word to his son.
Pei Xinglin asked him why he saw the old man so rarely, but he couldn't tell.
People in the Pei family seem to be born with cold feelings. Their passion in life can only be given to one person, and his passion has been given to Xu Bingzhao. He knew that he was an unsympathetic person, a truly indifferent person.
Even his own father couldn't arouse enthusiasm, and his own father, Pei Xinglin's grandfather, was also such a person.
Seeing Pei Xinglin's excited but uncomfortable look, he began to wonder what he was like when he was young. Would he be as obviously excited as his son? Or maybe, what he was like when he was a child, he is trying to remember now, but he really can't remember clearly. All I can recall is the dark study in the deep courtyard, where the setting sun shines through a deep silhouette and spits out stern and distant admonitions, as well as the blurred faces of countless personal trainers.
However, I may not be as brave as my son, because he has never spoken so loudly in the study, he has no chance, and he is unwilling.
"You don't understand how your grandfather and I get along," Pei Ming said.
"What don't I understand? I'm already in my twenties. What don't I understand? You just don't care. Just like my mother, you kiss and hug Xiao Duoyue every day and seem to like Xiao Duoyue very much. But has she really taught Xiaoduoyue seriously? But what did you pay to Xiaotu? Money is the most important thing in other people's families, but in our family, money is the least valuable, right
? I know what you're talking about." Pei Ming was a little angry. He didn't care how Pei Xinglin treated him, but he couldn't tolerate Pei Xinglin's disrespect for Xu Bingzhen.
"I don't understand anything? How can I understand if you don't tell me anything? How can I understand if you haven't taught me a day since I was a child? I don't have a father or a mother! You don't know what I know." Pei Xinglin is now The angrier he gets, the clearer his mind seems to be.
"You don't even know how your grandfather and I get along, and you don't need to defend your grandfather." Pei Ming said.
"I'm not vindicating Grandpa, I'm just questioning your character. How could I not know how you get along with Grandpa? That's how I grew up." When Pei Xinglin said this, his eyes darkened, "With Grandpa How could I not know how to get along with each other? After all, I also grew up beside my grandfather. There was no freedom, never-ending study, a cold dining table, and a study room filled with reprimands..."
"No. Is that it? Is there anything different?" Pei Xinglin raised his eyelids and looked at Pei Ming.
What's the difference? He and Pei Ming grew up in the same environment. They were educated by the same person.
"Since you are living like this, you should know that your grandfather does not need me to visit. We are all the same people. What does a person like him need? Family affection? For him, that is the most useless thing. And you should also know that Mr. Pei has responsibilities that we have to bear. "
"Father, in fact, I still yearned for family affection at first, and I also yearned for you. After all, you are my father. After all, if you follow the current situation. According to social standards, you are a very successful person, you have such a successful career, you support Pei's stall alone, and countless people still need you to pay their wages, but now, I have no yearning for you at all. "
Pei Ming frowned when he heard Pei Xinglin's words.
"The implication of your words is actually very obvious, that is, you feel that your childhood was unhappy. You also know that grandpa is very cold and has a cold temperament, so you feel that grandpa does not need you to see him." Pei Xinglin frowned, his face What was rare was a look that was about to cry and laugh at the same time, "You already know grandpa very well, but you still sent me there, and you never took the initiative to look at me once."
"It seems, grandpa, The person who educated you is very successful, father. In fact, you have become a person like grandpa." Pei Xinglin looked at Pei Ming, and he seemed to see another person's face in his father.
"You grew up with your grandpa, and you didn't like his education. However, between your love for your mother and me, you still sent me there... I once found a job for you. There are many reasons, but after talking to father today, I discovered that you really don't have any love or sense of responsibility for me."
Pei Ming also frowned.
"Also, you also said that there are responsibilities that we have to bear, what kind of responsibilities? What kind of responsibilities we have to bear! Have you taken on the responsibilities that grandpa asked you to bear? Didn't you pass your responsibilities on to me? , Responsibility and love, father, you didn't choose love! When grandpa told you to take responsibility, what did you do? You gave me to grandpa."
"I'm really curious, father, what did you do just now . You said those words like that, what qualifications do you have to say such things to me!"
Pei Xinglin is really disappointed now. The father he imagined is really not like this. His father should be a responsible person. A capable person, but who is this person in front of me and how could he say such a thing.
Pei Xinglin once heard his grandfather say that when a person has been in a high position for a long time, his mind will become 'simple' and he can only see himself. It turns out that his father is such a person. His grandfather was also such a person, and the father who was educated by his grandfather might become such a person in the future, but Pei Xinglin didn't want to become such a person, and he didn't want to become someone who would be disgusted by his younger self.
There was silence in the study.
"Father, I didn't expect that we would have such a conversation." After a moment, Pei Xinglin looked at the moonlight outside and said sadly, "You don't have any love for me. From childhood to adulthood, you haven't paid anything for me. , I can justifiably hate you."
"I have thought a lot and had many questions, but these will not matter when I grow up... But maybe, as I grow older, I will become different again, but that’s not important. I just want to say that your love shouldn’t be so precise, so appropriate, and so finicky.”
“Little Rabbit is really well-behaved, and he likes his father. I like mom. He loves you a lot. He likes to read picture books about a family of four. You are his god."
"Xiaotu loves you so much, so why don't you love him more, Xiaotu and me? No, he needs a lot of love. Father, you brought Little Rabbit into this world. The first thing he sees when he opens his eyes is you and your mother. He has natural trust in you, and everything in this world All the stories, all the books, all the teachers are telling them to love their parents, so can you tell yourselves to love your children more?"
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The next day, Xiao Duoyue woke up just after dawn, because Xiao Duoyue woke up. Duo Yue was thinking about things. He wanted to go out to play with his brother or go to the zoo! Little Rabbit has never been to the zoo, so I’m looking forward to it!
Because the curtains were drawn, Xiao Duoyue didn't know what time it was. Because the room was large and quiet, the wall lamp far away from the bed was emitting a dim warm light, making the room seem even quieter. .
I'm very happy, but Xiaoduoyue really didn't like the environment when she first woke up. It was so big that Xiaotu was a little scared.
Xiao Duoyue's little head shrank into the sheets. The little guy was thinking whether he should go find his brother. As a result, Xiao Duoyue felt a little hot on the top of his head, and his hair seemed to be moving!
Xiao Duoyue felt that this feeling was somewhat familiar, so Xiao Duoyue raised her head with expectation.
elder brother!
Xiao Duoyue is happy, her brother is here!
Xiao Duoyue is like a cat when she sleeps. She can maintain one movement for a long time. Her cute little fisted hands will be placed next to her cheeks in a comfortable posture, but it won't work when the child wakes up. , sometimes moving his little hands, sometimes shrinking his body, sometimes looking at his brother's face curiously, to see what's different between his brother and himself.
'Hmm! 'Suddenly, Xiao Duoyue's little hand touched her brother's chin.
What a difference.
Xiao Duoyue touched her chin again. Xiaotu's chin was bare, but her brother's chin was prickly.
But my brother is not there during the day either.
The little hand curiously touched his brother's chin. Even, because he was so curious, the little guy even carefully picked out a black thorn that came out.
With this movement, even hibernating animals are awakened.
"Xiaotu, what are you doing?" Pei Xinglin squeezed his brother's little hand without opening his eyes.
Last night, he was very tired. He was already very tired from chatting (arguing) with Pei Ming. Later, Xu Bingzhen came, and he was even more tired. However, twenty years of resentment was vented last night. He thought he would be happy, but his heart seemed empty. He subconsciously walked to his brother's bedroom.
There is a warm yellow light in the child's bedroom, which was left when he left. Originally he was worried that his brother would be scared, but now, it only makes him feel warm in his heart.
When he came back and sat by the bed, the little guy was already fast asleep. Looking at his little brother's little face, the discomfort in his heart was reduced a lot. At least, he still had a relative and a younger brother.
Pei Xinglin was in a good mood after being pinched awake by his younger brother. He hated getting up in the morning and being alone at home. After getting together with his brother, he discovered that he didn't like a quiet environment.
"Why are you so naughty? You're already awake." Pei Xinglin hugged his brother. Xiao Duoyue was pressed by his brother's arm and instantly became as immobile as a kitten.
"Xiao Tu is not a naughty kid." Xiao Duoyue refused to admit defeat and continued to pull with her little hands.
"Yes, our little rabbit is a good baby." Pei Xinglin now really has a better understanding of his brother's desire to maintain a good image. This little guy really likes praise from others.
"Brother—" Xiao Duoyue began to act coquettishly again, "Brother, when can we go to the zoo." Xiao Duoyue was really looking forward to this.
"When does Xiaotu want to go?" Pei Xinglin opened his eyes. He was a little more awake. It was good to talk to Xiao Duoyue now.
"Can we go right after breakfast?" Xiao Duoyue thought for a while. In fact, Xiaotu could go if he wanted to get up. He could go now, but he still let his brother eat.
"Aren't you going now?" Pei Xinglin looked at the little guy's furrowed eyebrows and asked deliberately.
"Is it okay now?" Xiao Duoyue was surprised.
"Of course not now, hahahahaha." Pei Xinglin smiled very happily in the morning.