After all, the impact injury is an external injury. After a few days of rest, I can get out of bed and move around for longer and longer periods of time without the need for help from others.
These days, my mother only gave me the phone so I could return two calls when there was a call from Beijing. Most of the time, the phone was confiscated, and I only had an iPad to watch TV series and kill time.
In order not to make her sad, I stayed in the ward every day without crying or making a fuss, like a normal person. The pain of losing my child was buried deep in my heart, and I only dared to cry secretly when she was asleep.
After I was able to move, I wanted to see Yu Xia more than once, but my mother stopped me every time. I endured it again and again, day after day, and finally I exploded.
"Mom, why do you always stop me from visiting Yu Xia? Even if we broke up, he is still my childhood playmate. How could I not visit him when he got hurt?" I really didn't understand why she kept stopping me. "Mom, tell me, is Yu Xia seriously injured?"
"I guess so!" Mom said reluctantly.
"It's okay, I'll just look at him from a distance, knowing that he's still alive is enough." I grabbed my mother's hand and pleaded, "I've been worried these days, I'm really worried. Mom, I've loved Yu Xia for so many years, I can't just remain indifferent."
“Su Bei, just consider it as a request from your mother. Don’t go to see him. Yu Xia…Yu Xia…”
"Is he really badly injured? How badly? Will he never be able to walk again?" I was anxious to get out of bed, but my mother stopped me. "Mom, don't stop me. Let me go see Yu Xia. I want to tell him that no matter what he becomes in the future, I will never leave him again. The moment I knew he had a car accident, I decided that I would never leave him again. I never want to leave the person I love again."
"Su Bei! Don't go!" Mom yelled.
"Why? Are you afraid that I will have to spend ?" I grabbed her arm and explained excitedly, "I don't care. As long as I can be with him, I don't care about anything else. Mom, please let me go and take a look, okay?"
"Su Bei..."
Taking advantage of the moment when my mother was distracted, I struggled to break free from her restraints and ran out wearing only one slipper.
I just want to make sure that Yu Xia is okay, then I'll feel relieved. As long as he is okay, I'm willing to go through the ups and downs of the rest of my life with him.
"Su Bei, Yu Xia is dead!"
My mother shouted behind me, and I stopped and stood straight at the door of the ward.
I turned around like a robot, looked at my sad mother and asked, "Mom, what did you say?"
"Yu Xia is dead. She died on the day of the car accident. I was afraid that you would be sad, so I kept it a secret from you."
"You're lying! You're lying! I don't believe it!" I ran to the surgical ward like crazy, and asked every doctor I caught along the way, "Do you know which ward a patient named Yu Xia is in? He's very handsome, and he had a car accident some time ago."
Everyone looked at me like I was mentally ill and shook their heads.
"Do you know which ward a patient named Yu Xia lives in? He is very handsome and had a car accident some time ago."
"have no idea."
"Do you know which ward a patient named Yu Xia lives in? He is very handsome and had a car accident some time ago."
"have no idea."
"Do you know which ward a patient named Yu Xia lives in? He is very handsome and had a car accident some time ago."
…
Every doctor shook his head at me. They looked at me with confusion, sadness, and more of sympathy...
"Su Bei, can you come back with me? Don't be like this anymore, come back with me!" Mom caught up with me breathlessly, hugged me from behind, and refused to let go. "Let's go back, Yu Xia is really dead, really dead."
"Mom, you lied to me! How could he die? He was clearly arguing with me the day before, how could he die, how could he die..." I squatted on the ground crying, still unable to believe the fact that Yu Xia was dead, "Yu Xia, you bastard! Bastard! You can't die like this without my permission! You still owe me a lot of explanations, I won't let you die! Not allowed!"
How could God be so cruel to me, how could he take away the people I love again and again, how could he...
My heart died with Yu Xia’s death. I knew that no matter how much I cried or made a fuss, he would never come back. I also knew that he never forgave me until his death.
"Su Bei..." Mom called me worriedly.
I squatted on the ground for a long time before I stood up and said to my mother with a numb face: "Mom, let's go back!"
Yu Xia’s death has taken away all my thoughts and feelings. Now, it seems that I am just a living shell.
My mother told me that Yu Xia died shortly after being sent to the hospital that day due to serious injuries, and Mo Zhun is still in the observation period and has not woken up yet.
My senior came to the ward when I was unconscious, and she told my mother all this. I finally understood why my mother had been telling me to rest and not let me touch my phone during this period. She was afraid that I would know about Yu Xia before I recovered, and that I would collapse again.
After learning the news of Yu Xia's death, my mother finally stopped restricting me from touching my phone. The first thing I saw when I got the phone was the countless unread messages on it. After opening them, they were all from all kinds of people sending their condolences. There were some of them I couldn't even remember when I had met them.
The news from the senior schoolmate was sandwiched in a pile of real or fake consolations. She only had one simple sentence: "Su Bei, I want to see you."
I replied to her: "I want to see you, too."
So I met my senior sister in the afternoon of that day. She appeared in front of me wearing sunglasses. After taking off her sunglasses, her eyes were badly swollen and she had completely lost her former spirit.
"I thought you would burst into tears." She looked at me and smiled bitterly, "I didn't expect you to be much calmer than me."
"It's not that I haven't cried or made a scene, but I also know that no matter how much I cry or make a scene, Yu Xia won't come back." I cried when my father died, and I made a scene when Sheng Yinuo left. Now that I'm with Yu Xia, my heart aches so much that I can't feel it. I know this pain better than anyone else, and I know better than anyone else that no amount of crying or making a scene can bring it back. "Senior, do you know what happened that day?"
She nodded and told me everything that happened that day.
That day, the senior student suddenly had the urge to send Mo Zhun to the company. After sending him to the parking lot, she felt reluctant and insisted on sending him to the elevator.
This was just a scene between a young couple in love, and it wasn't a big deal. However, this scene happened to be seen by Yu Xia, who misunderstood that Mo Zhun and I were dating.
His car stopped in front of Mo Zhun, he rolled down the window and said only, "Get in."
Mo Zhun knew that Yu Xia had misunderstood, so he said a few words to the senior student and got in the car. Yu Xia drove out of the office area.
Seeing Yu Xia taking Mo Zhun away, the senior sister felt a little worried and called Mo Zhun. When the call was connected, she heard Yu Xia questioning, "You are already with Su Bei, why are you still having an affair with her friend?"
"Yu Xia, don't be unreasonable. I've explained to you that Su Bei and I are not what you think. I'll take a call first. Can you calm down and then we can talk slowly?" Mo Zhun said helplessly.
"It's not like that? Did you change your tone because she called you? Do you dare to say that you don't love Su Bei?"
"I...what do you want me to say, Yu Xia, things are really not what you think. You are too excited now, and we can't communicate normally. Stop the car, I want to get off, and we can talk after you calm down. Stop the car! Yu Xia, did you hear me when I asked you to stop the car?"
"Mo Zhun, we have been good friends for so many years. I just want to hear the truth from you. If you can break up with this woman and treat Su Bei well, I will believe you and hand Su Bei over to you."
"I..." After a sharp brake sound and a loud bang, the two people's voices could no longer be heard. All that could be heard on the other end of the phone was Yu Xia shouting weakly: "Su Bei...Su Bei..."
After hearing this, the senior student rushed out. When she arrived, Yu Xia and Mo Zhun had already been carried into the ambulance. She called .
While waiting for the doctor's news, she called me over and over again, because the doctor said that Yu Xia's injuries were too serious and there was a high possibility that she could not be saved. She wanted to let me and Yu Xia see each other for the last time no matter what, but the call never went through.
When Yu Xia's parents arrived, the doctor had already declared Yu Xia dead. Later, Mo Zhun's parents also came and beat Yu Xia's parents like crazy, blaming all the mistakes on Yu Xia.
Because the doctor said that there is a high possibility that Mo Zhun will never wake up again.
After saying all this, the senior student said, "Su Bei, I have been thinking these days, what should I do? My parents advised me to give up Mo Zhun and start a new life. I found that I couldn't do it. I have lived for more than 20 years, and this is the first time I like someone so much, even if the one he loves the most is not me."
"How could it not be you? I clearly remember when he came to pick me up after I came back from Beijing, he mentioned you with a smile in his eyes. If this isn't love, what is it?"
"I know he loves me, but he has always kept a piece of pure land for you in his heart, where no one can touch." The senior student laughed at herself, "I have always thought that as long as I work hard, as long as I stay by his side, one day his heart will be full of me, but he doesn't seem to want to give me this opportunity? Otherwise, why would he refuse to wake up?"
“Senior…”
"I don't blame you, really. I came here today just to tell you everything that happened, and to see if you were doing well. Seeing that you are still healthy, I feel relieved."
"Senior, don't say that. Your words make me a little scared." Her words sounded like a farewell, which made me feel a little uneasy.
"Don't worry, I'm fine. I won't do anything stupid. I will stay with him until the day he wakes up."
People often told me before that my senior was cynical and heartless. Seeing her current appearance, I finally understood that only when you meet the person you truly love can you grow up completely.
I don't know how to comfort her, and I can't comfort myself now. We are like two injured little animals, leaning on each other, licking each other's wounds, and I don't know when this wound will heal or when it may fester again.
"Su Bei, let me tell you, if you continue like this, your body will collapse. I suggest you see a psychologist. It will be good for both your body and mind."
After my senior left, I became even more silent. Sometimes I would even sit and look out the window for a whole day. No one could call me. My mother sighed every day, and my attending doctor gave me ultimatums more than once, until I met Lan Yu.
Lan Yu was a friend of the attending doctor. She had come to see the extremely uncooperative patient out of friendship. When she saw that the patient was me, she said, "Su Bei, I've always wanted to see you again."
She is still so beautiful and elegant, and her every move exudes femininity. Even though I haven't seen her for such a long time, I am still jealous of her.
"I don't know what we can talk about." I really couldn't be friendly to her.
"Maybe we can talk about Yu Xia." She said gently.
Yu Xia, during this period of time, everyone avoided mentioning this name in front of me. They were afraid that I would be sad and upset, and that I would do something stupid.
Everyone around me was very cautious, afraid of touching my wounds.
However, this woman brought it up without any hesitation as soon as she appeared, and even seemed to want to continue the conversation with me in depth.
"Do you know? Yu Xia is my patient." she said again.
After I looked up at her when she came in, I kept my head down and never looked at her again. After hearing this, I looked up in surprise and looked at her in confusion: "What's going on?"
"Because of Sheng Yinuo's death, Yu Xia put a lot of psychological pressure on himself. You could have been his salvation, but you left resolutely without leaving any room for him. After you left, he began to suffer from insomnia and anxiety for a long time. At first, he could rely on drugs to force himself to sleep, but later his condition became more serious. Even after taking medicine, he could not sleep all night. His whole body became tense, like a tight rubber band. After a long time, he could never change back. It was also at that time that someone introduced him to me." Lan Yu recalled, "I still remember the first time I met Yu Xia, he was wearing a clean white T-shirt, like a frail boy who walked out of a comic book, with a pale face and a pair of unfocused eyes."
"And then?" I never thought that my departure would cause such great harm to Yu Xia, and I didn't even know that he had endured such pain during those years.
What on earth have I done? What on earth have I done to him!
"After a period of dual treatment with medication and psychology, he finally slowly returned to normal. But having had such an experience, he would still fall into a kind of pathological state when encountering problems that made him anxious, so he would regularly come to me for psychological counseling so that he could live a normal life." She looked at me with some sadness in her eyes, "You know what? I have known Yu Xia for so many years, and he rarely smiles, let alone a smile from the heart. But one day, he suddenly came to me happily and said that he was going to be a father. He was really happy. But while he was happy, he also felt that he was under a lot of pressure. You have worked hard for so many years to be together. He is happy and excited, but he is also a little confused. He is not ready to be a father yet. He is still a person who needs to see a psychologist regularly. He doesn't know if he can make you and the child completely happy."
So, is this the truth of the video? Like a fool, I believed that video out of context, firmly believing that Yu Xia had been unfaithful to me, and I resolutely left him... just because of a misunderstanding?
I really couldn't believe this was true, but Lan Yu's eyes told me that she was not lying.
"Later, he came to me again. Every time he asked me painfully why I left him. He really didn't know what he had done wrong. I encouraged him to find you and explain everything to you, but the end result was even deeper pain wrong in this relationship. It doesn't matter anymore. I know that no matter whether Yu Xia is alive or dead, he is the one who wants you to be happy the most. Don't let him down, okay?"
After listening to it, I was in tears.
Lan Yu stood up and said goodbye to me: "Yu Xia once told me that he prepared a gift for you and the child, and placed it in your home, by your bed. He hoped that you would see it when you returned home, but unfortunately, you never went back. Go and take a look, maybe it will help you get over it better. I'm leaving, bye."
After saying everything, she left gracefully, and my jealousy had been dissolved in every word she said.
The next morning, I stood beside Yu Xia's tombstone holding a picture album. In the black and white photo, the man I loved deeply was smiling, just like when I lay on his lap and asked him what name to give the child.
He said that the child would be named Yu Su because it was the fruit of their love.
I thought the name was ugly and disagreed, but he smiled and said, why not call her Su Yu, which is the fruit of our love.
I continued to complain about the name, and he said with some distress that no matter what he was called, he was the fruit of their love, so why not just call him Yu Mubei, which means "Yu Xia loves Su Bei".
Yu Xia, do you know? Our Yu Mubei is gone. I accidentally lost him and I can never find him again.
There was a letter inside the album. When I opened it, I saw Yu Xia's handwriting.

To my dear Su Bei:
I thought about giving you and our little Mubei a mysterious gift for a long time, but I had no idea. Then one day I saw this booklet on the street, and I decided to write a commemorative book about us.
It will record your sleeping face, Mu Bei's crying face, and my helpless face. Or it may record the various flustered moments when we were parents for the first time, and the various embarrassing moments of our little baby.
We kept records like this until he grew up and we grew older.
When we are too old to go anywhere, we can still flip through these books and tell each other embarrassing stories in the rocking chair.
Su Bei, you are the girl I love most in my life. I want to give you the best things in the world. Will you marry me?

Placed together with the booklet and the letter was a light blue box. When it was opened, a diamond ring lay quietly inside, like the most crystal tear in the world.
Yu Xia, I received the gift you gave me, but you can no longer put the ring on my finger. It doesn't matter, I'll put it on myself.
I squatted down and kissed the person in the photo. From today on, I am Mrs. Yu, only your Mrs. Yu. Do you hear me?
I talked on and on for a long time until the cemetery manager chased me away and I realized that it was already dark.
I left alone, and on a small path not far from Yu Xia's tombstone, I saw a man squatting there, using a stone in his hand to draw the word "Xia" on the ground over and over again.
Passersby would look at her twice when they passed by, and some would talk about her, thinking that she was a fool who couldn't find her way home.
I walked up to her and was about to ask her something. She looked up and saw a familiar face. I exclaimed, "Shihan? Why are you here?"
"Hey, young lady, do you know her?" A vendor who was packing up his stall came over. "If you know her, take her home right away. Take her to see a doctor. She's not in her right mind!"
"What's the meaning?"
"You don't know what it means if you're not in a clear mind?" The vendor looked at me with disdain, "You're just stupid!"
"Brother, I'm her friend. Can you tell me what happened?" I haven't seen Xu Shihan in these days, and I haven't heard any news about her from anyone. I thought she was so sad that she couldn't go out, but I never expected to see her here.
"She comes here early every morning, walking back and forth here saying sorry every day. When she's tired, she squats on the ground and writes. Look for yourself, all these words on the ground are written by your friend." The vendor pointed to the white "Xia" characters on the ground. "The administrator has come to ask her many times, but she won't say anything except sorry. It's hard for them to chase away such a fool, so they can only let her walk back and forth here every day. Today, I finally saw her acquaintance. Take her back quickly and don't let her come again. Such a fool is here, affecting my business."
"She's not stupid!" I shouted.
I don’t know whether this is a good or bad outcome for her. She put so much thought and thought into it for so long, but in the end, she got this result.
"Okay, okay, you're not a fool, okay? Just take her back!" The peddler was rejected and went back to his stall with a pout.
I squatted down and whispered her name: "Shihan, do you still know who I am?"
"Yu Xia, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She looked as if she didn't know me at all, and just said, "Yu Xia, I'm sorry."
"Yu Xia didn't blame you. He has left and it's time for us to let go." I helped her up and supported her as she walked down step by step.
"Tell me, he really doesn't blame me?" She looked up at me with clear eyes.
"He's such a good man, he wouldn't have the heart to blame anyone. Let me take you home!"
"Home? Where is home?"
Yes, where is home? Without Yu Xia, where is my home?
After thinking for a long time, I finally answered her question.
I said, "As long as you have him in your heart, anywhere can be home."
After bringing Xu Shihan back to her parents' home, I packed my luggage and went to Beijing to start my new life.
When I walk alone on the busy streets of Beijing, I always imagine what it would be like if Sheng Yinuo and Yu Xia were still by my side.
The times we spent together, the streets we rode our bicycles through in the cool summer breeze, are always vivid in my heart.
There is such a summer in everyone's heart. On the road of youth, we walk together, through every morning and evening.
The summer that belongs to me is Yu Xia’s tenderness and Sheng Yinuo’s smiling face.
We stumbled, got lost and grew up in our youth, got hurt and lost again and again. They will never grow up again, and my heart will forever stop on the day they left.
In the north of my dreams, the summer cicadas can’t stop singing those boyhood dreams. Even if time passes, we will never be separated.