Perhaps we will eventually have to grow up, face the reality bravely, and learn to carefully and properly collect those seemingly plausible little thoughts, bit by bit.
Perhaps when that day comes, no matter what kind of sadness I experience, as long as I think of you, Xiao Yusen, I will not feel despair.

From that day on, Xiao Yusen never came to see me again. And I continued to lock myself in the room, reminiscing about the past memories. Only in such a dark room would Brother Yi Mo appear, right? He will definitely come back to see me, right?
That night, when I was about to go to the bathroom, I overheard my father talking on the phone.
"Doctor, what's wrong with Chinatsu's current condition?"
"She...she locked herself in her room every day and told me that the dead boy had come to see her."
"What? A mild case of paranoia? No way, doctor, this...how is this possible?"
I leaned against the wall in the corner, looked at my father's trembling back, listened to his worried voice, and slowly fell down with weakness all over my body.
Dad said I was suffering from paranoia?
Why don't they believe me? Brother Yi Mo really showed up...
I thought about it and wanted to go up and talk to my dad, but I saw something I didn't expect:
Dad hung up the phone and lay on the table. In the dark room, the bright moonlight wrapped Dad tightly with its bleak silver light. Such a dad made people feel so sad. Dad's back suddenly trembled violently, and then he let out a dull cry.
Dad is crying?
Such a strong father was actually crying.
Even when my mother left, I had never seen my father like this.
My heart suddenly ached so much. Seeing my father worrying so much about me and crying for me, I felt so guilty, so guilty.
This shouldn't be the case...
How could I impose the sadness that I should bear on my father...
This is not fair, not fair...
My father raised me alone and worked so hard, but now, I am so disappointing.
“Pah—Pah—”
Tears kept falling, guilt and heartache were like a huge net, tightly trapping me and making me breathless. I covered my mouth tightly, afraid that crying would alarm my father.
I can't let my father see me sad anymore...
What can I do to make my dad happier?
Maybe... I should be more obedient and stop trying to make everyone believe that Brother Yi Mo is still alive.
Only in this way, Dad, Xiao Yusen, and those who care about me will no longer be sad for me.
Maybe... I should go back to being the cheerful, innocent and somewhat silly Yin Qianxia.
I should learn to face the reality, the reality that brother Yi Mo is gone.
Those seemingly true and false thoughts should be buried in my heart as my last treasure.
Dad's crying gradually subsided, and I returned to my room carefully, not wanting to be discovered by him. But my heart, which had been so impulsive all along, suddenly calmed down at this moment.
Even if it's Brother Yi Mo, he definitely wouldn't want to see me like this.
I looked at the girl in the dressing mirror, wearing white pajamas, with a haggard face and obvious dark circles under her eyes...
“Pah—Pah—”
Bitter tears cause my heart to ache.
I’m sorry, Dad…
I'm sorry, Xiao Yusen...
I'm sorry, Brother Yimo...
It's because I'm not strong enough that everyone is sad with me...
Brother Yimo, goodbye. I will let you live forever in my heart...
This is the only way to better protect you, and the people I love deeply...
Tomorrow will be a new day, right?
The next day, warm sunlight poured into the bedroom. I opened my eyes drowsily and found that I had fallen asleep last night without realizing it.
"Dad, what's for breakfast today?" Before leaving the bedroom, I practiced in front of the mirror how to put on the brightest smile, then immediately maintained that smile and skipped to the kitchen.
"Chixia?" Dad looked at me in surprise, then smiled and said softly, "Come on, sit down, my dear daughter, and try the barley porridge and egg pancakes that Dad made for you."
Perhaps my father felt a little surprised at my sudden change, but he didn't ask any more questions. He just put the delicious breakfast in front of me as usual.
"Thank you, Dad!" Looking at my father's face, he looks more haggard than me these days.
"Chinatsu, Dad wants to discuss something with you." Dad sat in front of me with a serious look on his face.
"What is it?"
"Dad has decided... to let you transfer to another school and go to another city with me. My job has changed and I have to move to another city, and Dad wants to take you with me." Dad hesitated, but finally finished what he said in one breath.
Go to another city?
I looked at my father with some confusion. Am I going to leave this city where I have lived for more than ten years?
But……
But……
Xiao Yusen...
My first reaction was, what should Xiao Yusen do...
It can be seen that it must have been very difficult for my father to make this decision. His eyes are still a little red and swollen, and there are more white hairs on his temples...
Having a father like this makes me want to blame myself.
Because of this guilt, no matter how reluctant I am, I have to agree with my father's decision.
Maybe leaving this city is the best option for me?
Here, there are too many places with memories of Brother Yi Mo, which easily remind me of those sweet and heavy pasts. If I leave, will I be able to forget those things?
Although I know that there will always be a corner in my heart reserved for my departed brother Yi Mo, but I can only live a relaxed life in a new place.
"Dad, okay." I agreed.
"Hmm? Chinatsu, you agree? That's great, I'll book the ticket right away!" Dad couldn't help but smile and hold my hand tightly. The rough big hand conveyed warm strength.
"Um."
I nodded gently. Although I was reluctant in my heart, looking at my father's happy expression, I couldn't bear to say anything more.
After hurriedly eating breakfast, I walked out of the house alone, planning to go to school to say goodbye to my classmates.
Walking on that familiar tree-lined path, the fresh breeze blows towards me, the slightly swaying leaves seem to be greeting passers-by, and the air is filled with the fragrance of leaves.
Looking at this familiar path, many things from the past emerged in my mind, and in these memories, there was a familiar face - Xiao Yusen.
That year, on the first day of school, Xiao Yusen and I walked out of the house in a quarrel because he pulled my hair again in the morning, which made me very angry. On the way to school, I met Su Mengmeng. We happily talked about idol stars, but Xiao Yusen left angrily.
That year, on this path, Xiao Yusen punched Brother Yi Mo hard because he misunderstood him. I scolded him angrily, and his expression was so lonely.
In those years, we often went to school together and went home together. We could talk and laugh, play and fight along the way.
It seems like the years are peaceful, everything is worry-free, the days pass slowly, and there is no end in sight.
I don’t know when everything started to change.
I walked slowly, and with every step, some memories of Xiao Yusen would unconsciously appear in my mind: his smiling face, his slender fingers, his indifference, and his sadness.
It's all so clear, as if it happened just yesterday. It's as if I was walking and he would suddenly pat me on the shoulder and call me "idiot Chinatsu".
Why……
Those sad and intense memories are all about Brother Yi Mo, but those ordinary little things are all about Xiao Yusen?
I recalled everything I had experienced bit by bit, and whenever I thought of Xiao Yusen, my heart seemed to be inexplicably throbbing.
What do these memories and heartbeats represent?
This tree-lined path, which was not long at all, took me a very long time to walk. Perhaps it was because the memories held me back, and each step did not seem easy.
The school gate finally appeared in front of me. I took a deep breath and slowly walked towards the classroom.
As soon as I walked into the classroom, everyone's eyes were on me.
I looked towards Xiao Yusen's seat, but didn't see him.
Did you skip class again?
"Why is Chinatsu here? I thought she dropped out of school."
"That's right, I heard that she had a serious illness. How strange!"
A lot of discussions rang out as I arrived.
I didn't pay too much attention to it and didn't want to explain anything.
Ai Anan saw me and was the first to rush up.
"Chinatown! Chinatown!" Ai Anan excitedly pulled my hand, jumping and dancing, with the bright smile on her face unchanged.
"An An, I have something to tell you." I said softly.
"What's up? Are you coming back to class? Great!"
"No... I, I'm going to transfer to another school, so maybe we won't be able to meet again in the future." My voice was a little low. I was suddenly filled with reluctance to leave this familiar class .
"What? You want to transfer schools?" Ai Anan screamed in surprise. Her originally round cheeks suddenly became sunken, and soon crystal tears wet her eyes.
I didn't expect that someone would care about my leaving.
I felt warm in my heart and wanted to comfort Ai Anan, but I didn't know where to start.
"An An, don't be sad, I will come back to see you later."
"Qianxia, ​​I finally made a good friend like you, how could you transfer to another school? No! No!" Ai Anan became more and more sad as she spoke, and her tears kept falling like beads from a broken string.
"I will really come back to see you. Besides, Xiao Yusen is still here, so I won't stay away forever." Ai Anan's crying attracted many people's attention, so I had to comfort her patiently.
Having a friend like this who cries for me when I leave seems to be something worth being happy about.
"By the way, where is Xiao Yusen?" Looking at the empty seat, I asked in a nonchalant tone.
"He hasn't come to class for a few days. Maybe he's at home..." After Ai Anan glanced at Xiao Yusen's seat, a hint of sadness flashed in her eyes.
After saying goodbye to Ai An'an, I returned home. Looking at the busy movers at home, I realized that my father had already contacted the moving company early in the morning...
He probably doesn't want me to stay in this place with so many sad memories for even a second...
I walked to the window and opened the curtains. The dark room had not seen sunlight for several days.
Does that guy Xiao Yusen know that I’m leaving?
Why didn't he go to school? Is he still lying in bed at this hour?
On the desk, the crystal mirror that Xiao Yusen gave me was emitting colorful light. I picked up the mirror and reflected the sunlight. The shining spots of light shone on the balcony of his house.
One second, two seconds...
Time passed second by second until my arms felt a little sore, and there was still no response from the other side of the balcony...
Where on earth did that guy go?
"Chinatsu, it's time to get ready to go!" Dad's voice rang out downstairs.
I put the mirror down and found that tears had blurred my vision.
I picked up my phone and dialed the familiar number, but the response I got was:
"The user you dialed has been powered off. Please call again later..."
How could it be turned off at this critical moment? I held the phone and desperately dialed the familiar number, but the response was still the same cold voice.
Xiao Yusen, turn on your phone and answer the call...
I kept repeating it in my heart, but every time I looked forward to it, I got nothing...
Xiao Yusen, I'm leaving...
Maybe we won't meet again for a long, long time.
No one will call me stupid Chinatsu anymore.
No one will pull my hair anymore.
No one will ever make me a delicious fried egg sandwich again.
No one will get mad when hearing the three words “Brother Xiao” anymore.
No one will ever again...
Xiao Yusen, if you don’t come to see me, you may never see me again!
Tears flow into my mouth, salty and bitter...
I still remember when we were very young, we often played with sand together. I always liked to build a castle and told him like an idiot that when we grew up, we would live in a house like that. At that time, I really believed that we would play and fight together like this and accompany each other for the rest of our lives...
At that time, I firmly believed that being with him for the rest of my life was a matter of course...
But now, I have to leave...
Xiao Yusen, forgive me. I can no longer torture the people around me. I really don’t want to see my father crying anymore. Seeing his hair getting whiter and his face getting more and more wrinkles, I know I should grow up...
Tears blurred my vision. This room held too many memories of Xiao Yusen and me...
Here, we played games together, watched horror movies together, and ate snacks together. When I was sad, he made faces at me...
I remember everything...
Crystal clear tears gently overflowed from my eyes and shattered like crystal.
Thinking back to those long-forgotten memories, those little things from my carefree youth, I felt a sudden pain in my heart, and the tears that had just stopped burst out again.
So many memories devour my thoughts bit by bit, and there are always some words that I cannot say in the end.
I put my hand over my mouth and couldn't hold back my tears any longer.
If young Yin Qianxia and young Xiao Yusen had anticipated what would happen in the future, they would have cherished those years of youth and the happiness of their childhood together.
However, time slowly passes by, taking away too many things.
If I had the chance to choose again, I would still like to meet Xiao Yusen...
After cleaning the room, my father had already packed his luggage and was waiting for me.
"Dad, will we come back?" I looked at this house with some reluctance. I had so much happiness here and so many memories about Xiao Yusen.
I am leaving now. I can take the happiness and memories with me, but the person who created those happiness and memories with me has to stay.
"Well, Chinatsu, we'll be back." Dad pulled the luggage, and with a "bang", the door closed tightly. It seemed that the memories of his youth were also locked behind this door.
The pale sunlight pierced directly into my eyes, and it hurt so much that I almost shed tears.
I quietly followed my father into the taxi, quietly followed my father to the airport, and waited for the flight that would take me away.
There are some things that I still haven't said when I left.
Because we all keep our secrets buried in our hearts, some things haven't changed even after so much time has passed.
Brother Xiao is always Brother Xiao.
Stupid Chinatsu, will always be Stupid Chinatsu.
Even though I threatened him countless times, I still couldn't bear to cut that long hair.
That name he hates, even though he gets mad every time he hears it, I still like to call me that.
The fried egg sandwich he was best at seemed to get better every time you added a little more black pepper, but I never said that.
Only if we don’t change these things, we will always be “Brother Xiao” and “Stupid Chinatsu”.
I boarded the plane with my dad. With the roar of the plane, all I could see was the blue sky and white clouds. It was the first time for me to sit on that big thing flying in the sky, but it was at such a time and with such a feeling.
If Xiao Yusen hadn't said he wanted to study at University A, I might never have known that there was such a place in the northernmost part of the earth. In winter, this city is tightly covered with snow, and its silvery appearance looks like the purest city of angels. After looking up information about this city on the Internet, I resolutely filled in University A on the college entrance examination application form...
Of course, there is another reason for this decision, that is the little hope in my heart...
I hope to go to the city that Xiao Yusen wants to go to, study at the university that he wants to go to, and then meet him again.
After parting with Xiao Yusen, I realized that separating from someone you love is such a painful thing.
These feelings were completely different from when I parted ways with Brother Yi Mo. I have accepted 's departure, but I still feel guilty for my willfulness back then. However, after such a long time, I finally understand what kind of emotion my attachment to Brother Yi Mo comes from.
Now, I have sorted out my feelings and am ready to find the people I really care about...
I have thought about it thousands of times in my mind: how would I greet Xiao Yusen when I meet him again after a year?
Or you can punch him without saying hello, or just smile at him...
But the reunion scenes that were played out in my mind came to a halt after I arrived at University A and spent a month investigating Xiao Yusen to no avail...
I searched for every club in the school, sneaked into the teacher's office, and looked through the roster of more than 10,000 students, but I couldn't find that familiar name...
Where is Xiao Yusen?
I remember when we were kids, we were at an amusement park. I was attracted by a bunny doll in a bikini, and then I got separated from him. When he finally found me, he told me that if one day we got separated, one of us would have to stand there and wait for the other to find us...
After thinking of this sentence again, I immediately asked for leave from my teacher and returned to the city where we grew up.
A year later, I set foot on the path that was familiar yet somewhat unfamiliar in my memory.
In front of this flower bed, Xiao Yusen and I once hid from a thunderstorm together. In that small park, he and I once had a quarrel over a lollipop.
Those familiar scenes brought back every memory in my mind. My eyes became wet several times during this short journey. In front of me was the familiar home, with white walls and red roofs...
“Boom—boom—”
As I got closer and closer to the place where the memories were strongest, my heartbeat changed its original rhythm.
Will Xiao Yusen be waiting for me in that house?
As I approached, the house had not changed in the past year. The small red mailbox still stood in the small yard outside. My father told me that as long as I had the courage to face the memories, I could come back to see it. He kept the house and was reluctant to sell it or rent it out. The key was still in the old place, under the carpet at the door.
I walked to the small red mailbox. Its color was not as bright as before and it was covered with dust.
I wonder if anyone would still think of sending me a letter?
With such doubts, I gently opened the mailbox, and unexpectedly, there was a pile of white envelopes in the mailbox.
How come there are so many letters?
I gently took out the letters and held them carefully in my hands. They were all blank envelopes without any addresses filled in.
Where on earth did such a letter come from?
I opened the top envelope, and a line of familiar handwriting appeared before my eyes on the white letter paper.

Stupid Yin Qianxia:
You also know that a cool and handsome boy like me is very incompetent to do such a little girl. Strangely, after you leave, I find that I can pile up 98 letters in my drawer. You will appear your face, you look shy, look upset, anger, and want to look like me. I really want to tell you that every one you like, I like it. I like them deeply in my mind ...

Seeing this, a layer of white mist slowly crept up my eye sockets and I burst out laughing. The scene of me announcing to him that year that I would write 99 love letters replayed in my mind.
I raised my determined expression and said, "I just made a decision!"
"What decision?" Xiao Yusen held the love letter with a questioning look.
"I want to write 99 love letters! I want to write 99 love letters to Brother Yi Mo, so that he will definitely fall in love with me!" My eyes were fixed ahead, and all that flashed through my mind were scenes of living happily with Brother Yi Mo.
"whispering sound--"
Just as I was indulging in the fantasy of happiness, a faint voice filled with disbelief and contempt came into my ears.
"Yin Qianxia, ​​don't be silly. How can a girl like you who only gets excited after a short period of time possibly persist? Besides, if others don't like you, they just don't like you. It's useless even if you write ten thousand love letters." Xiao Yusen raised his eyebrows. The contempt in his eyes was the biggest insult to me!
"Hmph! I tell you, Xiao Yusen! I will definitely do it! I will definitely show you!" I waved my fists, my voice filled with unquestionable firmness.
"Okay, I'll watch!" Xiao Yusen put away his expression that asked for a beating.
As far as I can remember, Xiao Yusen had a look of disdain and contempt at that time...
“Pah—”
My tears wet the letter paper. I quickly wiped them with my hands and continued reading.
Maybe I was inspired by you at that time. In fact, I also believed it silently. Maybe when I write the 99th letter, I will have the courage to stand in front of you...
But when I mustered up the courage, you left without saying goodbye. I just went back to my hometown to take care of some things, and when I came back, you were gone...
Chinatsu, you know what? I'm really angry, really, really angry...
Do you remember? You once told me that we would be good friends for life, so now tell me, where is the life you promised me? I have endured the pain in my heart and promised you to be good friends for life, so where is the life you owe me?
"Idiot, what do you want to say?" Seeing that I hadn't said anything, Xiao Yusen tilted his head slightly and asked softly.
Looking at Xiao Yusen's handsome and charming profile, my heartbeat slowly accelerated and my cheeks turned slightly red.
"Xiao Yusen!"
"Um?"
Taking a deep breath and mustering my courage, I expressed my inner wish: "No matter how angry we are in the future, can we please never ignore each other? Let's be good friends for life! Can we accompany each other for the rest of our lives? We can't count on family affection, and love... love is only temporary, just like my father and mother... So I want to be good friends with you for life, and we will never be apart..."
"OK?"
In the face of my long speech, Xiao Yusen just quietly carried me on his back and continued walking home.
At that time, because I was so afraid of losing Xiao Yusen, I forced him to promise to be my good friend for life.
Forgive me for being slow at that time...
I didn't know that such a request would actually make him feel heartbroken...
Do you know that you are really stupid sometimes...you asked me to be your good friend for life...but I never thought of being your good friend.
I want to be the one in your life who can protect you and make you smile. Even if you yell at me, it doesn't matter. I will accompany you from your innocent childhood to your ignorant adolescence, and until you are old and gray. This little wish has always been my biggest dream. Although, my dream and your dream are like the universities we want to enter, one is in the south and the other is in the north...
Yin Qianxia, ​​do you know? I am never afraid that you will be angry with me or hate me, I am only afraid that you will be sad...
As long as you are sad, I feel like the sky is falling... Am I a little too useless? But even if I am surrounded by many girls, I will feel like I am nothing when facing you.
By the way, I have to tell you a secret, I really hate watching Korean dramas, but you said you like the male protagonists in Korean dramas, so I still watched them anyway. But why do the male and female protagonists in Korean dramas always separate in the end?
"What exactly do you want to do? Don't I even have the right to cry? I want to be alone, you can go away." I rolled my eyes at Xiao Yusen and said unhappily.
"Your eyes are swollen like fish eyes. I'm afraid that if you keep crying, you will really turn into a fish." Xiao Yusen raised his head slightly, looking like he deserved a beating.
Humph! You actually said I look like a fish?
"You are the fish! The ugliest octopus!" I said angrily, and then covered my eyes with my hands, not wanting him to see my ugly swollen eyes again.
But through the gaps between my fingers, I saw...
Xiao Yusen shaped his hands into fists and twisted them beside his cheeks, and said coquettishly: "Okay, I'm the ugliest octopus, Sister Qianxia, ​​don't cry anymore, or you'll become an ugly monster!" His flushed face and nervous and awkward smile made him look even more weird and funny at this moment.
“Puff——”
Looking at Xiao Yusen's funny look, I couldn't help but burst into laughter: "Xiao Yusen, you are so stupid!"
"Yin Qianxia, ​​you'd better keep smiling! Isn't that how the male protagonists in Korean dramas make others happy? Don't you like those brainless dramas the most? Although it's a bit disgusting, it seems to be quite useful!" Seeing me smile, Xiao Yusen stopped his weird behavior.
The memory of Xiao Yusen imitating the male lead in Korean dramas to act cute and adorable came to my mind. While I smiled, I also tasted the bitterness of tears.
Idiot Xiao Yusen, big idiot Xiao Yusen...
I want to be the leading man in your life, but I don't want to be separated from you, not even for a moment...
But now we are still separated... Sometimes I ask myself, I have been with you for such a long time, how can I be just a minor supporting role...
Because I didn't believe we would be separated like this, I mustered up the courage to finish writing the last letter. Seeing how you believed it at that time, I believed it too for once. If there really is a miracle in this world, I want to wait for that familiar code in the old place where we have the most memories. That code that only the two of us in the world know...
If I can wait, I will believe that I, Xiao Yusen, am the destined male protagonist for you, Yin Qianxia. From now on, wherever you go, I will follow you. I swear in the name of these 99 love letters that from now on, wherever you go, I will follow you...
Seeing this, my tears had already gathered into a sea on my face. I frantically took out the key from under the carpet, opened the door, and ran to the balcony of the room.
Like a miracle...
In the golden sunlight, a figure with his back to me was standing on the windowsill opposite.
"If I can wait until then, I will believe that I, Xiao Yusen, am the destined male protagonist for you, Yin Qianxia. I swear in the name of these 99 love letters that from now on, wherever you go, I will follow you..."
I covered my mouth and tried to laugh, but tears fell instead.
I pulled out the tiny mirror and held it up to the sunlight, the bright little spots of light doing a familiar dance in the shadows.
Did you get my signal? Xiao Yusen...
After so long, I finally found you!
As if receiving my signal, the figure opposite slowly turned around. His chestnut hair shone in the sun, and his outline carved by light and shadow was as elegant as an oil painting. Small spots of light danced tirelessly on his body, like a carnival of elves.
But...but why are his narrow eyes full of doubts, and his high nose bridge and tightly pursed lips exude a strange and distant atmosphere.
who is he?
"Bang--"
The crystal mirror slipped from my hands, and my tears fell with it. I hugged the 99 love letters Xiao Yusen wrote to me even tighter, as if I would never be able to sense Xiao Yusen's familiar breath again if I didn't do so.
It's not Xiao Yusen...
He is not Xiao Yusen...
Tears blurred my vision. I covered my mouth and squatted down, trying to pick up the small mirror, but found that it had cracked. Through the crack, I saw a photo of two people secretly hidden inside - it was the little me and the little Xiao Yusen...
The sky was as blue as the sea, the breeze gently brushed across the tip of my nose, and the withered yellow leaves swayed gently in the wind.
Does this desolation mean that the autumn of separation is approaching?
Tears slowly slid down my cheeks, dripping onto my fingertips, bringing a chill, and then gently fell on the love letter in my hand, staining the last sentence on the paper with endless sadness.
If I can't wait, then I am willing to be the supporting actor in your life who has the most scenes but has no fate. Let these 99 letters be our farewell letters to each other in a hurry.